"Alright, princess," Will set Ari down onto the ground. "Do you see your friends?"
Ari nodded before tottering over to a group of fellow toddlers.
Will lifted his hand to wave at the other parents chitchatting. Besides Sonny, Ari missed her playdate at the local gym the most.
With a wide smile, Will watched Ari climb around the soft gym equipment. Normally, Will would stand around with the other parents but today he needed some time to think.
For a while now, Will knew he was getting in too deep with Paul. It was only supposed to be a work project. Will had no idea how things had gotten so far so fast.
'Mom's right,' Will thought. 'I have to think about what this really means. What I would be giving up.'
Will rolled his wedding ring around his finger. Now that it was back in its place Will didn't know how he lived without it.
'Would I have gotten so close to Paul if I had this?' Will wondered.
Will could admit that he hadn't felt as close to Sonny lately. Almost as soon as Sonny took Will's ring things between them changed. Will didn't know if that was necessarily true or not but it seemed that way.
'Sonny started to change which made it easier to be around Paul,' Will realized. 'Well, no more. I'm with Sonny. I love Sonny. That isn't going to change.'
Will waved to Ari when she walked by on a tiny balance beam.
'Nothing is going to break my relationship with Sonny, especially not Paul.'
Will pulled out his phone and sent a single message.
-I love you, Sonny.
Sonny sat across from Chad, barely focusing. How could Sonny think about business when things with Will were spiraling out of control?
Will loved the addition to his ring but they still didn't get a chance to be intimate. Ari monopolized their time which Sonny couldn't complain about. He loved his daughter. He loved playing with her and Will.
'But how can I play with them, with my perfect little family, when I'm keeping so many secrets? How can I be near them?'
It was getting harder and harder for Sonny to keep his secrets. Every time Will smiled at him Sonny would picture Will's face crumbling if he learned the truth. Every time Ari snuggled against him Sonny wondered if she'd love him if she knew what he did.
Sonny didn't even know what to think about Will seeing Paul yesterday.
'Will would have told me if meeting Paul was that big of a deal. Will doesn't keep secrets. He's not like me.'
"Dude, are you even listening to me?" Chad snapped.
"Sorry," Sonny blinked a few times. "I've got a lot on my mind."
"Things still weird with Will?" Chad asked.
"Yeah," Sonny confirmed. "I just, I don't know what to do."
"I can go see him at the pub if you want," Chad offered. "I need to check in on our competition anyway."
"The pub isn't exactly our competition," Sonny pointed out. "Will isn't going to like you saying that."
"Will doesn't need to know," Chad rolled his eyes. "We're so close to making a profit this month. If I have to go shake down the competition, I will."
Chad stood up and put on his coat.
"And I'll spy on your husband too," Chad called over his shoulder.
Sonny felt his phone buzzing and turned to look at. His heart stuttered when he read Will's message.
-I love you too.
'I can't keep doing this,' Sonny closed his eyes. 'It's too hard. I have to tell Will the truth.'
Sonny took a deep breath before getting back to work. He had a long day of paperwork and filling in for missing employees to look forward to.
"Thanks," Paul said over the phone. "I'd appreciate it."
Paul tossed his phone on the bed, slumping forward.
'How can he be married?' Paul thought for the millionth time. 'I knew he was in a relationship but not this. Why wouldn't he tell me? I've met his daughter and he never told me.'
Paul wasn't sure it mattered though.
'I slept with Sonny when I knew he was married,' Paul bowed his head. 'And now I'm apparently going after Sonny's husband.'
Finding out Will was married was a shock. Finding out it was to Sonny was even worse.
Over the past few weeks, Paul grew fond of Will. He enjoyed spending time with Will. Beyond the physical, Paul actually liked Will. Liked talking to him, listening to him even.
Will was interesting and Paul wanted him.
Paul almost felt justified in his decision to pursue Will. After all, Paul knew firsthand that Sonny cheated.
'Sonny forgot all about his husband while he was away,' Paul rationalized. 'He was willing to throw Will away to fuck around with me again.'
A part of Paul wondered if Sonny was just using him that weekend. If Sonny was lonely, horny, and wanted a good time. When Paul made his intentions with Sonny known, he had thought he still loved him. Paul figured out that weekend he had moved on but it still hurt to think Sonny used him. It also hurt to realize Sonny hurt Will over it too.
Paul spent the past few weeks getting to know Will. Hearing all about the troubles Will had with his man. Now that Paul knew Will was talking about Sonny things made sense.
'Will deserves better than someone that cheats on him and treats him like crap,' Paul decided.
Paul wanted to tell Will the truth. He wanted to tell Will his husband cheated on him. That he deserved better. Unfortunately, that would open up a new set of problems.
'I'd have to tell Will how I know that Sonny cheated,' Paul sighed. 'And Will can never know about that. Will would never go near me again if he knew I slept with his husband.'
'I'll just have to keep it a secret.'
Paul grabbed his phone and sent Will a simple message.
-Meet me at the pub. I need you.
'Go in there, keep things professional,' Will encouraged himself. 'This thing with Paul is over before it even starts.'
Will opened the door to the pub and glanced around. Paul wasn't in his usual booth.
'Where is he?' Will thought.
"Hey, little buddy," Chad threw his arm around Will. "We haven't spent any time together lately. So," Chad dragged Will along. "Things are a little different in here. What's with the paint samples?"
Chad gestured towards the stripes of varying colors on the wall.
"Trying to pick a new color," Will shrugged Chad off.
"Uh huh," Chad nodded. "Mind telling me with what money."
Will narrowed his eyes at Chad.
"What are you up to?" Will frowned.
"Nothing," Chad innocently replied. "I'm curious about my best friend's life."
Will chuckled sarcastically. Out of the corner of his eye, Will spotted Paul standing near the back entrance.
'Crap,' Will thought. 'Chad can't know about Paul. He'd want to know how I'm connected to him. How do I get Chad distracted?'
Will looked around the pub.
'Got it,' Will smiled to himself.
"Come here, Chad," Will yanked Chad's arm. "Have you ever met my cousin?"
"You've got a million cousins, Will," Chad rolled his eyes.
"True," Will nodded.
Will stopped in front of a table with a lone occupant.
"Can I help you?" Theresa Donovan dryly asked.
"Hi," Will beamed. "I haven't seen you around lately."
"I've been busy," Theresa remarked.
"Uh huh, uh huh," Will nodded. "Have you met my friend, Chad?"
Will pushed on Chad's shoulders until he sat across from Theresa.
"Theresa, Chad. Chad, Theresa," Will said. "You two mingle. I need to get to work."
Will watched as Theresa lifted one eyebrow in interest.
'This could be exciting,' Will decided. He headed towards the back staircase with a self-satisfied smile on his face.
Will paused in front of the apartment door. It was wide open.
'Who let Paul in?' Will wondered when he heard a light laugh.
Paul sat on the small sofa inside the apartment with Kayla Brady.
"Will," Kayla smiled. "I was just getting to know Paul here."
"Oh," Will walked further inside and closed the door. "How did you even-?"
"I remembered her name," Paul explained easily. "You talk about your family so often after all. I looked her up on the hospital directory and gave her a call."
"He told me he was planning on renting this place," Kayla looked around the apartment. "As well as some of the ideas you have for the pub."
"Oh," Will licked his lips. "Well, they're Paul's ideas too."
"No," Paul denied. "You're the one with all the plans. I'm just the one willing to pay for it."
"Right," Will nodded. He refused to look at Paul for too long.
"Well, I'll admit I was skeptical," Kayla offered. "But now that I've spoken to you, Paul. I feel much more comfortable going forward."
"I wish we could have met before," Paul agreed. "But things have been hectic for us all."
"I do like all the changes you've done so far," Kayla admitted. "So, I'm excited to see what else you have planned."
"Well, it's all thanks to Will," Paul offered Will a soft smile.
"I always knew you were special," Kayla reached over to pinch Will's cheek.
"Sure," Will bit his lip.
"I knew that the minute I read one of his articles," Paul stated. "Meeting him, getting to be his friend," Paul looked Will right in the eyes. "It's made my time in Salem worth it."
Kayla looked between Will and Paul cautiously.
"Right," Kayla said before standing up. "I need to get going but thank you for arranging this meeting."
Will stood up as well, escorting his aunt outside.
Kayla closed the door behind them and crossed her arms.
"He's nice. This is going to be a great opportunity for the pub," Kayla acknowledged.
"But?" Will asked weakly.
"But the way he looks at you," Kayla shook her head. "Will, I don't know."
"We're just friends," Will responded. "I love Sonny."
"I know you do, sweetie," Kayla gave him a soft look. "I just think encouraging Paul isn't going to do you any favors."
"I'm not encouraging him," Will argued. "We're working and that's it. Yes, I might have let things get too far. But I'm going to make sure he knows there's nothing between us."
"I hope you do," Kayla squeezed Will's forearm.
"Besides," Will said. "I don't really know if Paul is gay. Even if he is," Will shrugged. "He could be with anyone. Why would he want me?"
"I think we both know the answer to that, sweetheart," Kayla stated. "I'll talk to you later, alright?"
Will nodded, turning back for the apartment and Paul.
"I'm thinking about moving in right away," Paul said as soon as Will walked inside. "It's not like I have much to bring from the hotel."
"Right," Will nervously shifted from foot to foot.
"It'll be better than the hotel," Paul moved closer to Will. "A bit more intimate."
"Paul," Will swallowed. "I-,"
Paul grabbed Will's left hand. He noticed the ring.
"What's this?" Paul questioned.
"Um," Will licked his lips.
"I thought you were having trouble with your man," Paul commented. He wanted Will to open up, tell him the truth. "You think this is going to help you?"
"That's not," Will shook his head and tried to pull his hand away. "Everything's fine."
"I don't think so," Paul disagreed. "You've told me so many times. How he forgets you. How he makes you feel so small."
"I don't," Will denied.
"You do and that's fine," Paul let go of Will's hand.
Will exhaled shakily, heart beating out of his chest.
"For the longest time," Paul turned away from Will. "I thought I had to hide who I was. I thought I had to be a certain way, think a certain way. That no one could ever know the truth."
"What truth?" Will already knew. He's known for a long time.
"I thought it was worth it, you know? That pitching was worth it," Paul continued. "I knew and I hid it for so long. Got by with secret meetings and a secret relationship once. I thought that was enough."
"Paul?" Will questioned.
"You remember when you asked me if I ever thought about having kids?" Paul looked at Will. "I did think about it before. I'd think about it and tell myself I could never have it. How could I have a kid with some woman I'd never love?"
"All I ever wanted growing up was to play catch with my dad," Paul smiled sadly. "At the Golden Gate Park actually. That was my dream. And I used to fantasize about doing it with my own son. That was before I realized the truth. I could never have baseball and a real relationship."
"And now…" Will trailed off.
"Now, I don't have baseball," Paul scooted closer to Will. "Not the way I did before. But it's given me a new opportunity. You made me realize my life isn't over, Will."
"I just wanted to help," Will whispered.
"You have helped," Paul nodded. "You've done so much."
"Paul," Will tried.
"I spent so long denying myself," Paul revealed. "I don't want to do that anymore. I want at least one person who understands me. At least one person that gets it. Really gets it, the way no one else ever has."
Will stared at Paul.
"I'm gay," Paul confessed. "And you've known that for a long time."
"Yeah," Will nodded. He denied it and ignored it but he knew. "I have."
"But you get it, don't you?" Paul asked. "You get why I've never come out, why I couldn't."
"If you came out, your baseball career would have been ruined," Will confirmed. "How did you keep it a secret this long?"
"I was careful," Paul replied. "Made sure to hook up with the right people."
"Someone must have suspected," Will pointed out. "Zoe implied as much to me."
"Great," Paul mused. "That's probably why she pushed so hard for the interview. She wants you to out me."
"I would never do that," Will promised. "You know I wouldn't."
"I do," Paul nodded.
"That's, actually that's what happened to me," Will admitted.
"How do you mean?" Paul frowned.
Paul had yet to finish reading all the articles about Will from the Chronicle's website.
"There was a shooting," Will explained. "I was a suspect and I didn't want to give my alibi." At Paul's strange look, Will sighed. "I was at a gay bar and I wasn't out. The guy I was with came forward and it was all over the news."
"That was one of my greatest fears," Paul confirmed. "That I'd wake up one day and the whole world would know. That I wouldn't get to come out on my terms."
"I struggled for so long," Will shook his head. "It seemed to go on for ages. I hid it, denied it to myself and everyone around me. I'd put my toe out of the closet and drag it back in. I didn't," Will pursed his lips. "I wasn't comfortable with myself, couldn't accept it for so long."
"You're out now though," Paul remarked.
"I had a lot of help," Will recalled. "Support from my friends, family."
'Sonny,' Paul thought.
"They helped me come to terms with it," Will continued. "At my own sluggish pace. Didn't push."
'Sonny didn't push?' Paul wanted to laugh.
Will noticed.
"What?" Will questioned. "What's that face?"
"I had one relationship," Paul told Will. "I mean, I've been with a lot of guys, but only one real relationship."
"What about it?" Will narrowed his eyes. He didn't like hearing about this. Hearing about Paul's past relationships.
"I didn't have what you had," Paul looked at his lap. "I didn't get the slow, understanding support. I got someone wanting me to be out for them, not for me. They didn't want to hide but they liked the excitement of hiding. They wanted it all and didn't understand why I couldn't give it to them."
Paul glanced over at Will. There was something about the blonde that made it so easy to open up.
"I thought he was the guy, you know?" Paul continued. "The one that got away. Only I found him again."
"What happened?" Will asked curiously. He pushed aside the sinking feeling in his stomach.
"We reconnected," Paul admitted. "I thought everything was going to be perfect. That we'd pick up right where we left off. That we had a second chance."
A strange look crossed Paul's face.
"But?" Will tilted his head.
"It didn't work out that way," Paul sighed. "We spent the weekend together. At first it was great then it got weird."
Paul shook his head. "We realized outside of the bed we didn't really have anything in common. I remembered all the faults he had that I forgot about."
"If you still loved him though," Will pressed.
"I don't even know if it was love after all that time," Paul confessed. "I think it was just nostalgia. Old feelings coming back, things that were left unresolved."
"Honestly," Paul chuckled. "I forgot how annoying he could be, self-righteous. He could never be wrong. Even when he was wrong I was somehow wrong-er."
"I know someone like that," Will reluctantly said.
"I like to think that we broke up because I wouldn't come out," Paul stated. "But it wasn't just that. I think I romanticized it all after it was done."
"So, that's it?" Will questioned.
"It was," Paul smiled. "Until I met someone new."
Will averted his eyes.
"You know how I feel about you," Paul reached out to touch Will's neck.
"Don't," Will ordered. "I-I'm not that kind of person."
"I know you aren't," Paul licked his lips. "But that doesn't stop the way I feel. And I think you feel it too."
"I-," Will swallowed heavily.
"You spend all your time with me," Paul pointed out. "You talk to me. I know you, Will."
Will stood perfectly still as Paul moved closer and closer.
Gently, giving Will plenty of time to move away, Paul pulled Will into a kiss.
Will froze momentarily. He couldn't do this, shouldn't do this. But Will almost couldn't help himself.
Paul was handsome and interesting. He talked to Will, really talked. Will knew he had been nursing a crush. No matter how wrong it was Will couldn't deny the pull he felt for Paul.
When Paul cupped Will's face, Will woke up. The pressure snapped Will out of his daze. He pulled away from Paul, hand on his mouth.
"Oh my god," Will whispered, standing up. 'What did I just do?'
"I know," Paul nodded with a smile. He reached out to put his hands on Will's hips.
"No," Will shook his head weakly. "This can't happen."
"Will," Paul rubbed Will's sides. "It's fine. This is more than fine."
"It's not," Will argued. His head was still reeling from the kiss. He had goosebumps and his lips tingled.
"I know you want to be with me," Paul insisted.
Paul attempted to pull Will into another kiss.
"No," Will pulled away. "This, this can't happen."
"Why?" Paul demanded. He wanted to know if Will would tell him the truth.
"Because I-" Will shook his head. He didn't want to hurt Paul. He cared about Paul.
'No, that's why you have to do this,' Will reminded himself. 'You can't care about Paul. You're married. You can't do this.'
"Paul," Will bit his lip. "I just can't."
Will turned away from Paul. He gave them some distance. But for some reason he couldn't bring himself to mention his husband.
Paul pressed closer to Will. "I know you feel it, this thing between us. I know you do."
"I-I can't," Will reiterated.
Paul wrapped his arms around Will from behind.
"You keep saying you can't," Paul whispered. "Not that you don't want to. Not that you don't want me."
"I don't," Will said, looking over his shoulder.
"I don't believe you," Paul shot back. "I think there's a reason you look at me the way you do."
"I don't mean to," Will stated, panicked. He pushed out of Paul's embrace.
"Whoever you're with," Paul smiled smugly. "Can't keep you that happy if you're with me every day."
"That isn't, I'm working," Will argued.
"No," Paul shook his head. "Working is what you did the first few days. But it's been weeks, baby. And you're still here."
"Please, don't," Will begged. "I can't do this. I-I can't think."
"Fine," Paul agreed. He lifted his hands to cup Will's jawline again. "I'll give you some time. But, I promise this is worth it. I'll be worth it."
Paul pressed his lips fleetingly against Will's.
When Paul stepped away, Will hurried to leave.
'How did this happen? What is wrong with me?' Will shook his head.
'I'm married,' Will scolded himself. 'I'm married. Sonny would be horrified if he knew. Paul wouldn't want me if he knew.'
'I have to tell Paul,' Will realized. 'He won't want me and all this will be over.'
"Paul," Will said as he moved to the door. "I'm not just seeing someone."
Paul held Will's gaze.
"I'm married," Will confessed. 'And I'm an awful, horrible person.'
Will looked up at the ceiling, fighting back tears.
Paul crossed his arms, hoping he looked surprised.
"Does he make you happy?" Paul wondered.
"He used to," Will admitted. "He's the only guy I've ever been with. The only guy that's ever wanted me. But lately we…"
"Lately, what?" Paul questioned.
Paul stepped forward.
"I was gone for a while," Will said to Paul. "And things have been weird since I got back."
"Weird how?" Paul pressed. He needed Will to remember all the bad things Sonny did.
"He's either hovering or distancing himself," Will continued. He didn't understand why it was so easy to talk to Paul. "Sometimes it's like he isn't even there."
"Sounds like you have more problems than just me," Paul declared. He wanted to shake Will's faith in Sonny.
Paul didn't like the vulnerable look on Will's face. He couldn't imagine being with Will and not treating him properly.
"I wouldn't do that to you," Paul assured Will. "If you were mine I'd give you everything."
Paul reached forward and kissed Will's cheek.
"Just think about it," Paul requested.
Will walked down the stairs and into the pub in a daze. He didn't see any customers. He didn't see Theresa and Chad locked in a heated conversation.
'How did this happen?' Will thought. 'How could I let this happen? I don't want Paul. I don't.'
'I'm married. I'm happy. I can't have feelings for Paul. I can't,' Will insisted.
'Then why did you get jealous hearing him talk about his ex?' Will demanded.
'I can't like Paul,' Will pressed his lips together. He felt tears stinging in his eyes. 'I can't.'
Will took a few deep breaths.
'You don't have feelings for Paul,' Will ordered.
'I can't be here,' Will decided. 'I need to leave.'
Will sat on the floor with Ari. The two were waiting for Sonny to come home.
"Let's try again," Will urged Ari. He grabbed her hand, helping her point. "One, two, three, four, five," they counted out her blocks.
Ari tried to count by herself next. "One, four, two, five," Ari said.
"Good job," Will praised. "That was so good, sweetheart."
Ari smiled before grabbing a block and shaking it.
"Exactly," Will nodded. "Yay!"
'This is what you need,' Will reminded himself. 'Not Paul.'
"You're all that matters, huh?" Will asked Ari.
Ari grinned at Will. She encouraged him to help her with her blocks.
Will gave her a soft smile.
Will turned his head when he heard the door rattling.
"Hey," Will greeted weakly when Sonny came in the door.
"Hi," Sonny sat quickly. He took off his jacket.
"You won't guess what Ari can do," Will began. "We've been working on counting and-,"
"Can you just give me a minute to breathe?" Sonny requested.
Sonny threw himself on the couch, rubbing his temples.
Will closed his mouth. "Sorry," he mumbled.
"I've had an awful day," Sonny announced. "I just want some peace and quiet."
Ari glanced at Sonny curiously.
Will knew she must be confused as to why Sonny didn't acknowledge her.
"Do you want me to warm up your dinner?" Will questioned.
"No," Sonny shook his head. "I'm just gonna take a shower and go to bed."
"Right," Will said, disappointed.
Sonny lifted off the couch. He saw the expression on Will's face.
'Damnit,' Sonny thought. He hated that look.
'I have to tell him the truth. But not yet. I just want one more night before I potentially lose everything. Just one more night.'
Because of that Sonny didn't know how to act around Will. He wanted to whisper apologies into Will's skin and hide away from him at the same time.
Sonny bent down and kissed the top of Will's head.
"I love you," Sonny whispered.
"Me too," Will replied as Sonny walked into their room and closed the door.
After putting Ari down, Will got ready for bed. He washed his face and brushed his teeth.
Quietly, Will pulled back the sheets on the bed. He heard Sonny snoring lightly beside him.
Despite being in the same bed, Will hadn't felt farther away from his husband in a long time.
'If I was with Paul,' Will thought before snapping his eyes closed. 'No, no you can't think about that. You don't want Paul.'
'This is just a rough patch,' Will insisted. 'Sonny and I can work through this.'
But Will could still feel Paul's lips on his, his hands holding him close.
'When was the last time Sonny kissed me like that?' Will shook his head. 'When was the last time Sonny and I even had sex?'
'I'm just horny,' Will sighed. 'Once Sonny and I have sex again I'll forget all about Paul.'
'In the morning,' Will felt relieved. 'In the morning, I'll be with Sonny. And everything will be back to normal.'
Author's note:
Any thoughts?
Thanks for reading!