Will woke to the sound of the apartment door clicking shut. For a few seconds, Will didn't remember what happened. It took him several moments to recall why he was lying on the couch in the apartment above the pub.
Sitting up, Will rubbed at his face. His eyes hurt and his head throbbed. Then he remembered.
'Oh, right. How could I forget my entire life is over?' Will mused. He stood up and headed into the restroom.
Will did his business before looking in a mirror.
'I look awful,' Will thought. He glanced at the bags under his eyes. 'No wonder Sonny cheated on me.'
Will splashed some water on his face before moving back into the main area. He slumped on the couch, wondering where Paul went.
'Probably had enough of poor, pathetic Will Horton,' Will leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling. 'He's too nice for putting up with me.'
If it was any other time Will would feel embarrassed for sobbing all over Paul Narita. But Will didn't have anything left. He was already humiliated enough. Will couldn't think of anything worse than this.
Paul opened the door carefully, balancing two plates in his hands.
"Hey," Paul nervously greeted. He didn't think Will would be up yet. "I got you something to eat. I figured you'd be hungry after your nap."
"Thanks," Will responded, voice dry and shaky.
"You said burgers were your favorite," Paul placed the plate near Will. "Thought you might like something comforting."
Will nodded, picking at his French fries.
'Take care of him, send him back to Sonny' Paul chanted. 'Let them start fixing things. Will's never going to want me near him again when he finds out. Just make the most of this.'
"My mom asked me a few months ago what I would do if Sonny cheated on me," Will told Paul. "I couldn't even picture it. I didn't think it was possible."
Paul took a bite of his sandwich. Anything to keep from answering.
"My mom's always said anyone can cheat but I didn't believe her," Will continued. "Either she was right or I turned him into a horrible person."
"You didn't do anything," Paul argued.
"You don't know that," Will said. "You don't know me."
"I haven't known you long," Paul confirmed. "But I know you. And I know this didn't happen because of you."
"Didn't it?" Will picked up his burger only to put it back down. "Sonny's a good person, great even. When we started dating everyone wondered what he was doing wasting his time on me. I'm the," Will closed his eyes, unable to finish his sentence.
"Stop that," Paul ordered. "I don't care what anyone else thought about you. I know what I think."
"I know what I think too," Will muttered.
'It has to be my fault,' Will thought.
"I left," Will reiterated. 'I left him here. I didn't try hard enough. I came back and I've been useless. Why wouldn't he cheat on me?'
"Will," Paul stated, enunciating every word precisely. "This is not your fault."
Will gave him a disbelieving look.
Paul stood at the door, rubbing his hands on his thighs.
'This is it,' Paul thought. 'The last time Will's ever going to look at me.'
"Thanks for everything," Will told Paul. "I-I don't know what I'd have done without you. Probably still be wandering."
"It was no problem," Paul assured Will. "I wanted to take care of you. Are you sure that you have to go?"
Paul didn't want to give up yet, let Will go. He knew this would be it.
"Yeah," Will inhaled deeply. "I can't stay with you tonight. I need to go to a hotel."
"Right," Paul nodded. "You could stay here though. I'd take the couch."
"I know I can," Will gave Paul an awkward half-smile. "I just don't think it's a good idea."
"You're probably right," Paul answered. "After yesterday I wouldn't really trust me either."
"It's not that," Will shook his head. "I'm just afraid that if I stay I might do something I would regret."
"I wouldn't let you," Paul offered. "I wouldn't take advantage of you when you were vulnerable."
"You're a really nice person," Will declared, teary-eyed.
"I'm not," Paul denied.
"Yeah, you are," Will argued. "So, thank you."
Will turned toward the door, ready to leave.
"Wait," Paul realized Will still didn't have a jacket. "You shouldn't go out without one of these."
Paul grabbed a jacket he had tossed over the back of the sofa.
"Here," Paul held out the coat, helping Will into it.
Will looked down at himself. The sleeves were slightly too long and it was a little loose in the shoulders. Other than that it fit.
Will stepped closer, hugging Paul.
Paul closed his eyes, squeezing Will.
"Goodbye, Will," Paul whispered. He was certain he'd never see Will again.
Will was half-way to the Salem Inn when he realized he didn't have his wallet or phone. It would have been easy for Will to go to his father's house or one of his grandmothers'. But Will didn't want anyone to know yet. He didn't think he could stand it if anyone else knew how much of a failure he was.
Will briefly thought he could ask Paul to arrange a room for him.
'No,' Will bit his lip. 'I can't bother Paul anymore. I'm not that pathetic yet.'
Will zipped Paul's jacket up and turned the other direction, towards home.
"You need to eat something," Adrienne fretted. "Just a few bites at least."
Sonny shook his head. He'd been sitting on the couch for hours now, holding a picture of Will and Ari.
"Will wouldn't want you acting like this," Adrienne argued.
"Will didn't want me to cheat on him but I did that," Sonny pointed out loudly.
"You aren't going to make it up to him like this," Adrienne refused to take the bait.
"How can I ever make it up to him?" Sonny brushed his thumb along Will's face in the picture. "After how he grew up, his mom? He's never going to forget this."
"You don't know that," Adrienne shook her head. "I," Adrienne paused. "You know your father and I have been through this before. Sometimes things work out."
"Yeah and where's Dad now?" Sonny asked bitterly.
Ignoring that, Adrienne sat next to Sonny.
"Sweetie, you have to believe that things will work out," Adrienne insisted. "You have to hang onto that hope."
"What if he never comes back?" Sonny questioned pathetically.
"He'll have to," Adrienne sighed and pointed towards Will's desk. "He left his things."
"I wanna be alone, now," Sonny whispered. "Please."
"Alright, sweetie," Adrienne rubbed Sonny's arm. "I'll call you in the morning."
Adrienne closed the door behind her, saying a silent prayer for her son. Turning the corner, Adrienne paused when she saw Will.
Will, eyes on the ground, stopped. Slowly raising his head, Will winced when he saw Adrienne. His mother-in-law could never make up her mind about him.
'She blames me,' Will thought. 'I blame me.'
Will bunched the too-long sleeves over his fingers nervously.
"Do-did," Will closed his eyes. "Did he tell you?"
"Yes," Adrienne confirmed.
Adrienne hated seeing Sonny in pain. She hated that she held him while he begged and pleaded for her to save his marriage. A part of her would always blame Will Horton for that. She would blame Will Horton for worming his way into Sonny's life time and time again. She wanted to be angry.
Seeing Will in front of her though, she couldn't be.
"Is, is he alright?" Will asked in a soft voice.
"No," Adrienne admitted. "He's a wreck."
Adrienne reached out and grabbed Will's hand.
"I know it hurts now," Adrienne stated. "But he loves you. Don't give up on that."
Will nodded once, biting his lip.
"I told you to go home, Mom," Sonny dully called when the door opened.
Will blinked a few times, eyes watering at the sound of Sonny's voice. He couldn't find it in him to speak.
"Mom," Sonny groaned, turning his head.
Sonny's eyes widened, inhaling sharply.
"Will," Sonny gasped.
Sonny stood up, pulling at his clothes and fixing his hair.
Will shifted from foot to foot. He didn't know how to talk to Sonny, what to say or even do. He didn't even know if Sonny wanted him here, if he was welcome.
It had been a long time since Will felt unwelcome in his own home.
"I, you're here," Sonny whispered, amazed. He took a step towards Will.
Will automatically stepped back. He wasn't ready for that. He didn't want Sonny touching him.
"Right," Sonny hung his head. "I deserve that."
Will and Sonny stood in an awkward silence. Sonny couldn't stop staring at Will while Will could barely look at Sonny.
'I hate this,' Will thought. 'I hate all of this.'
"Will," Sonny swallowed heavily.
Will closed his eyes, stemming any new tears from falling.
"I'm so sorry," Sonny breathed. "You don't know how sorry I am."
"I wish," Will tried to say before stopping.
"What?" Sonny encouraged. He needed Will to talk, had to get him talking.
"I wish you didn't have anything to be sorry about," Will whispered.
"Please," Sonny pleaded. He didn't know what he was begging for but he had to try.
Will stayed perfectly still, pressed against the door.
"T-," Will closed his eyes once more, focusing. "Tell me."
Sonny's eyebrows furrowed together.
"Tell me what you did," Will demanded in a weak voice.
"I-," Sonny attempted to say.
'How can I tell him? He's already hurting,' Sonny briefly thought. 'This will kill him.'
"I need to know," Will stated. "Because all I keep picturing is, is you and-," 'Someone like Brian.' "And, and I need to know."
"He," Sonny started. "I-I went to his hotel room. And I, it was, we. We had sex."
"Once?" Will asked, lips quivering. 'Please be once.'
Sonny shook his head.
Will whimpered, knees shaking.
"It was a whole weekend," Sonny admitted. "I'm sorry, Will. I'm so sorry."
"Oh, god," Will leaned forward, bent in half.
"You don't know how much I regret what I did," Sonny implored. "I-,"
"When?" Will questioned. When Sonny didn't reply Will screeched. "When?!"
Sonny jumped, surprised by the force and the tone in Will's question.
"The weekend before you came home," Sonny explained gently.
Will covered his face with his hands.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Will beseeched. "When I got home? Why didn't you tell me?"
"I couldn't," Sonny replied. "You would have left again. It would have made everything worse."
"And you thought hiding it would make it better?" Will spat out. "You lied to me for weeks! You-you've been so weird since I got back. You'd yell at me and treat me like crap."
"I never meant to," Sonny insisted. "I just, everything's been working against me and it's been so hard."
"Well, I am just so sorry your lying has been hard," Will spat out.
"I didn't do this on purpose," Sonny argued. "I never wanted to hurt you."
"What did you think this was going to do?" Will stood up straight. "You knew this would kill me and you did it anyway."
"I didn't plan on it," Sonny stated firmly. "It just happened."
"Do you know how many times I've heard that?" Will clenched his fists. "From my mom, my dad. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, everyone," Will mumbled. "I just never thought I'd hear it from you."
Sonny whimpered lowly. He hated that he was one of those people. That he was one of the people Will couldn't rely on.
"How?" Will pressed. "How did it happen?"
"I-I don't know," Sonny shook his head. "I didn't plan on it. It just, he asked me to go and I said no. I said no but then you didn't. You didn't answer when I called and I just wanted-,"
"Someone else," Will finished sadly.
"I didn't say that," Sonny pointed out.
"Who was it?" Will asked blearily.
"Will, I can't," Sonny pressed his lips together.
"Can't?" Will repeated, gritting his teeth.
"Will, I-," Sonny appeased.
Will stared at Sonny in disbelief and scoffed.
"I don't know why I'm here," Will grumbled. "Forget I even came."
Will grabbed his phone, wallet, and keys from his desk and made to leave.
"No, Will," Sonny rushed to block the door. "You can't leave."
"Why?" Will shrugged. "What's the point of being here when your little friend is more important to you?"
"He's not more important than you," Sonny denied.
"Could have fooled me," Will huffed.
"It's just, I don't want to hurt you," Sonny implored.
"Really?" Will smiled bitterly. "You don't want to hurt me? What could possibly hurt me more than what you already did?"
"God," Sonny knew he had to tell Will the truth. Or at least most of it.
"What?" Will wondered. "Do I have to guess, is that it?"
"No," Sonny shook his head. "You're just, there are things I've never told you."
"What does that mean?" Will instantly asked.
"The guy I dated before you," Sonny explained quickly. "He, um, he came to Salem while you were gone."
Will crossed his arms. He pressed the edge of his fingernails into his arms.
"And I ran into him and," Sonny continued. "That's who I was with."
"An ex?" Will repeated.
"Yeah," Sonny confirmed. "Only he wasn't just an ex. Well, he was but-,"
"But, what?" Will replied.
"It was serious," Sonny clarified. "He was still in the closet and-," Sonny balled his fists. "We broke up when I asked him to marry me and he said no."
Will blinked several times, tears burning his eyes.
"So," Will tried to work everything out. "You, I wasn't here and you decided that you wanted him, again."
Sonny silently shook his head.
"And I came home and what?" Will said more to himself than Sonny. "You, you're stuck with me? Is that it?"
"No," Sonny cautiously moved closer to Will. "I only want you."
"You, you only, you," Will started shaking. "Why did you marry me?"
"I love you," Sonny ardently responded. "I've loved you almost since the first moment I saw you."
"Then why?" Will cried, tears falling once more. "Oh, god," Will thought of something. "You, you wanted him back, didn't you?"
Sonny didn't say anything, couldn't say anything.
"You did," Will accused. "You went there and you weren't ever coming back! And you didn't care about me at all."
"That's not true," Sonny responded.
"You forgot about me for an entire weekend," Will argued. "You forgot about our daughter and, and-,"
Will slumped onto the couch. His crying picked up, making it harder to breathe.
Sonny kneeled in front of Will. His hands hovered over Will but didn't make contact. He wanted nothing more than to hold Will close, comfort him. But he lost that right.
After a few moments Will choked out, "Tell me the truth."
"I have been," Sonny insisted.
"No," Will shook his head. "No, you haven't. You're still lying to me. I know you are. You, you're looking right at me and you're still-,"
"I have been honest with you," Sonny loudly stated over Will. "I'm not lying."
Will shook his head, "You're not. You haven't ever been honest with me."
"That's not true," Sonny repudiated.
"You, you had feelings for him the entire time we were together," Will realized. "Every, every moment we had," Will clenched his eyes shut. "Was any of it real?"
"It is," Sonny promised. "I, okay, I might, I might have, I was confused about how I felt. But I'm not anymore. It's only you. I only want you."
Will shook his head. He couldn't deal with this. He couldn't be here anymore.
"I have to go," Will decided, standing up.
"No!" Sonny followed Will, still on his knees. He wrapped his arms around Will's legs, refusing to let go.
"Don't," Will cried. "Don't touch me."
"I love you," Sonny sniffled.
"No, you don't," Will argued. "You love your stupid-," Will cut himself off.
"I love you," Sonny chanted. "I love you. I love you. I love you."
Will muffled a sob. He couldn't hear this. He didn't believe it, not anymore.
"I was a placeholder," Will insisted.
"No," Sonny pressed the side of his cheek against Will's calves. "I love you. I love everything about you. Don't leave."
"I have to," Will pulled one leg away. "I can't stay here. I can't. I can't."
Sonny let Will slip away, face crumpling.
"Are you coming back?" Sonny asked, tone weak.
"I have to, eventually," Will turned his back on Sonny, hand on the doorknob.
"Where are you going?" Sonny questioned, tears running down his face.
"I-I don't know," Will replied. He did his best not to look at Sonny. He could rarely resist Sonny when he was vulnerable. "I just need to go."
"Please," Sonny pleaded, voice high and panicked.
Will shook his head.
"Goodbye, Sonny," Will whispered, walking away.
Author's note:
Any thoughts?
Thanks for reading!