Section 1: For the Boys
First I'd like to talk to the fellas. Are all the girls out of the room? Good. Now we can have guy talk without those nosy little bitches up in our kool aid. Do you know what I am saying? Now let us begin. First of all some of you might have noticed your wiener getting hard for no apparent reason. You might have even noticed it pushing out against your pants; we call that pitching a tent. Now this is perfectly normal for your wiener to get like that. Now when a man's penis gets hard he sticks it in a woman's vagina. This isn't always as easy as it seems. Sometimes the girls are too pure and innocent to let you put your wiener in. Other times they just want to make you work for it. Thanks to my good friend Eric Cartman I have a few tips to help you finding a vagina to stick your penis in. Sometimes they want money, or you to take them to a fancy dinner or a movie. You'll also have to listen to all the stupid shit they have to say; most of the time just wait until their mouth stops moving nod your head and say "I agree." or "That is interesting, I never thought of it that way." You might also have to convince her that all her friends aren't prettier than her. Sometimes, if not most of the time this simply isn't true. Don't worry fellas, eventually with enough practice you'll get very good at lying. Now you might get lucky and find a girl that doesn't care about food, attention or how you feel about them or really anything for that matter and they just want a penis in their vagina, any penis will do. We call those girls sluts and while other girls might talk back about sluts we know that those are the best girls to find. If you want to put your wiener in a vagina fast you should look first for a slut before wasting your time messing around with harder to get girls. Remember when dealing with regular girls you should always talk bad about sluts so it makes you seem like a better person to increase your chances of putting your penis in their vagina. Sometimes a girl isn't willing to let you put your penis in their vagina but will let you put it in their mouth or their butthole. If your penis gets hard and for some reason you can't find a vagina to put it into then there's this little trick called masturbation where you grab your wiener with your hand and rub it up and down until all the creamy goo comes out. Stan's dad told me this goo was called cum and you shouldn't eat it even if it makes you a better sarcastaball player. It doesn't taste too bad if you do decide to eat it, especially if you've been eating sweets like chocolate or pineapples. Now that we've gone over what you're supposed to do when your penis gets hard and how to get a girl to help you with that problem we will discuss the basics of what you do when your penis is inside a vagina, mouth or asshole. All you have to do is move your wiener back and forth, in and out until the hard penis sneezes milk out of its pee hole. Then the penis becomes soft and the man loses interest in the woman. The End.