Will sniffled, once, twice, eyes closed. He savored the moment, wrapped in Sonny's arm. His warm, comforting scent washing over Will.
Will knew those arms. He knew the strength they possessed. Will had spent several hours enfolded in those arms, blissful and ignorant.
It took several seconds for Will's brain to catch up with his heart.
'Did Sonny even think of me during those moments? Was I the one he was holding or was he imagining someone else? When he closed his eyes, was he picturing me?'
Will pushed against Sonny's chest, breaking the embrace.
Sonny stumbled away with a pained noise.
Will crossed his arms around his stomach, shoulders rounding.
"D-don't do that," Will requested. "Don't touch me."
Sonny opened his mouth to argue before thinking better of it. He had to listen to Will now. If he wanted to salvage his marriage he needed to do this.
Sonny nodded while sucking his lips into his mouth. He didn't want to risk saying the wrong thing and losing Will forever.
"I'm, um," Will looked at the ground. "I need to work on my article."
"Alright," Sonny stated. "I should go to the club. But, if you want, I can stay. I can, I could make you lunch and we could talk."
Will shook his head.
"I want to be alone," Will mumbled.
"Oh, okay," Sonny responded. "I-, um, yeah. Okay, I'll just be gone for a little while. Then I'll be back. Okay? I'll be back."
Will gave a tiny, jerky nod indicating he heard. Without looking at Sonny, Will got his laptop. He wanted to focus on Paul's article. It would give him something to do besides obsess over his perceived loss of love.
Sonny gathered his coat and everything he needed. After telling Ari goodbye, Sonny stopped near the front door.
"Will," Sonny maintained. "I know I hurt you. But I've always loved you, you. Just, please keep that in mind."
Will's eyes watered. His fingers shook as he typed.
Paul glanced at his phone before answering it instantly.
"Will?!" Paul asked. "Are you okay?"
Every second that went by without Will finding out the truth about him terrified and elated Paul. He knew eventually Will would find out the truth.
'I just hope it's after I secure our future,' Paul thought.
"I don't think okay is the word," Will responded. "But I'm…functioning."
"Did you, um, did you see Sonny?" Paul wondered.
"Yeah," Will huffed a watery laugh.
"It didn't go well?" Paul assumed.
"No," Will choked out.
"Will, I'm so so-," Paul attempted.
"No," Will cut off forcefully. "I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear any of that. In fact," Will sniffed. "I don't want to talk about this at all."
"Okay," Paul agreed. Yet, he still maintained his concern.
"I wanted to talk about your article," Will admitted. "I looked over my first draft and I'm not happy."
"You're not?" Paul frowned. "Your writing is amazing. I'm sure it's perfect."
"It isn't," Will tried to articulate his thoughts. "It isn't enough. It doesn't feel like enough. You're so amazing and what I have doesn't seem genuine. It's missing something."
"Is this about what Zoe's been hinting?" Paul asked, alarmed.
"No, of course not," Will replied. "It's just not right, not yet."
"What are you thinking then?" Paul mused.
"So far, the article encapsulates your career path," Will said. "I've interwoven anecdotes about who you are as a person though. I just, I don't know. It seems off to me."
"It needs an ending," Paul mumbled to himself.
"An ending?" Will repeated.
"Yeah," Paul cleared his throat. "What's missing is you know my career is over. That's what you need to write about."
"Are you sure?" Will sat up straighter. "That's, I thought you hadn't decided yet. You said you were thinking about your options."
"I am," Paul sighed. "And I know that whatever I end up doing it isn't going to be pitching. I think," Paul closed his eyes. "No, I know that I'm going to retire."
"Paul," Will whispered, voice low.
"I've made up my mind," Paul insisted. "You showed me that my life isn't over. There's plenty more that I can do."
Paul wasn't sure why they were talking about this. He didn't feel comfortable talking about this when he knew Will was breaking inside.
"What's going to happen then?" Will asked gently.
"You're going to write the best damn article you've ever written," Paul confidently declared. "And when everyone reads it they'll know my career is over."
"Do you trust me with that?" Will needed to be sure. "I just, shouldn't you contact a sports reporter or someone? I work for a small magazine and you're so much bigger than Sonix."
"It has to be you," Paul decided. "You're the only one I trust with this."
"Thanks," Will's lips twitched, thinking about smiling.
"If you need to pick my brain any," Paul reminded Will. "You know where I am."
"I'll need you to look over the article," Will retorted. "To make sure it's what you want."
"Trust me," Paul professed. "I know I want it."
Will worked on the article for hours, pouring as much into it as he could. It felt vital to him. If he could just get this article to work, everything else would follow suit. Besides, writing felt good. It wasn't freestyle, he couldn't just write anything. But the entire process soothed Will. It helped him focus on something other than the crippling pain inside of him.
Finally though, Will took a break.
Ari, good little girl that she was, napped peacefully in her crib. A toy animal clutched in her tiny arm.
Will watched her from the doorway. After the mess of things Will made before Ari's birth, he finally thought he was doing everything right. He had a beautiful daughter and a beautiful husband. He had his near dream job. On the surface, Will had it all. Underneath that though, was a whole other story.
Will wanted Arianna to have the type of life he never did. He wanted her home to be stable, supportive.
'She's not even two yet,' Will thought wistfully. 'And her mother's in jail for god only knows how long. And now I don't know what's going to happen with me and Sonny.'
Will couldn't imagine a life without Sonny. Sonny had been an integral part of his existence for so long. Will and Sonny, Sonny and Will. That was how it was supposed to be. Only now Will couldn't stop wondering if that was really true.
'Maybe Sonny wanted someone else all along.'
Will knew those types of thoughts were toxic. He also knew on some level they couldn't be true. At least for a short while Sonny had to of loved him. But everything was different now. Will never owned all of Sonny's heart. There were parts of Sonny that were closed off to Will, reserved for someone else.
Will didn't know how he would get over that. Or even if he wanted to get over it.
Closing Ari's door, Will recalled every moment since his return from LA. How many times had Sonny lied to him? Why didn't he stop to think about what he was doing?
'He was tearing me up inside,' Will noted. 'Because he was guilty and lying over and over again.'
Will slumped onto the sofa, head in his hands.
'How did my mom deal with this?' Will wondered. 'Over and over, time and time again.'
Will felt a new type of pain.
'I always treated her so bad,' Will realized. 'I blamed her and hated her and she didn't…'
Will scrambled around to find his phone. After the conversation with Paul, Will tossed it somewhere. He had to find it. He had to make things right.
Fingers slipping against the touch screen, Will managed to pull up his mother's contact information.
"Hello?" Sami's cheerful voice answered.
"Mommy," Will whimpered. He tried not to cry, didn't want to cry anymore. But he couldn't help it.
For all the problems he had with his mother over the years, all Will wanted was her love.
"What's wrong?" Sami's tone changed. A protective growl echoed in each word.
"I," Will couldn't focus, couldn't think. "I'm so sorry for being an awful son."
"What?!" Sami bristled. "What are you talking about?"
"I always," Will couldn't stop the sob bubbling in his chest. "I wasn't there for you. I always blamed you. I should have supported you and I'm sorry."
"Will," Sami tried to console. "Baby-,"
"And that article," Will continued. His words hiccupping over his cries. "You didn't deserve it. I'm awful. Oh god, no wonder…nothing I do is ever…oh, god."
"Will!" Sami shouted. If she was there in person she would be shaking him by now. "Stop it! What are you talking about?"
"I didn't know this was how you felt," Will curled onto the couch, making himself smaller. "I didn't know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
An ugly picture painted itself in Sami's mind. A picture she never wanted for her eldest son, for any of her children.
"What happened?" Sami demanded.
Will cried while shaking his head.
"Tell me right now," Sami urged. When Will said nothing, Sami threatened. "William Robert you tell me right now or I swear to god-,"
"He cheated on me," Will admitted meekly.
Sami sighed, fears confirmed.
"Sweetie," Sami replied, threats gone.
"I-I you were right about Paul," Will rambled. "He kissed me but I pushed him away. You were right I was getting things all messed up. But I told him no and I wanted to make things right with S-S," Will couldn't say his name. "And I told him about Paul and he said that he…"
"When?" Sami pressed. She needed to know everything before she planned on killing Sonny.
"When I was in LA," Will explained. "And he lied to me. So many times. And there were," Will pressed his lips together painfully. He felt so stupid. "He had marks from it and he told me I did them. He had sex with me when he was wearing someone else's bruises. I don't even know if that was the only time. What if he did it before? Or never stopped?"
"Oh, baby," Sami cooed. Her tone was gentle but inside she was seething. She calculated all the areas in Salem she could hide a body.
"And," Will sniffled. "His club is doing badly and he didn't tell me. He lied to me that it was fine. But he was using our credit card to pay for the club's things and he never told me."
Sami inhaled and exhaled loudly. She held in a few choice words. That wasn't what Will needed now. Now, he needed unconditional support. Later, he would want to rag on Sonny. Sami knew the process better than anyone.
"And now, all I could think about was you," Will revealed. "And how awful I was to you last time and the time before that. Every time. I was horrible."
"You were upset," Sami said. Yes, it hurt her immensely but she loved Will. She knew he tried his best even if it didn't come across that way.
Will wrapped his hands around his knees and pulled them to his chest.
"Is this my punishment?" Will asked. "Because of what I did to you?"
"No," Sami spat out, outraged. "No, none of this is your fault."
"It feels like it," Will closed his eyes. "I should have known better than to think I could live happily ever after."
"Don't you dare say that," Sami hissed. "You have always been the greatest thing I've ever done. You are the best father to your little girl. You are amazing and deserve so many wonderful things. And you are not going to let some stupid, cheating asshole change that for you!"
"Mom-," Will tried to interrupt. He should have known better than to get in the way of Sami Brady and a rant.
"You want a happily ever after?" Sami declared. "Then you and your daughter are getting a happily ever after!"
"How?" Will shrugged uselessly.
"By not giving up," Sami urged. "You want to curl up into the fetal position and cry? Good, get it all out. But you wipe away your tears, stand up with your head held high, and you survive."
Will nodded, wiping his face.
"You are more like me than either of us want," Sami continued. "So, that means you are going to get through this. It's going to hurt and you're going to want to throttle as many people as possible but you will make it through this. For you and your daughter, you are going to be just fine.
"Got it?" Sami finished.
"Yeah," Will acknowledged. "I got it."
After another half hour on the phone, pouring out his heart and soul to his mother, Will hung up. He didn't know what he wanted to do yet. He didn't know if he could stay and he didn't know if he could go. But for the first time since finding out the truth, Will felt like he would eventually, one day, be fine.
Author's note:
Please let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading!