Mike turned the car into the driveway. "Uh oh."

Bobby looked up. Alex was sitting rigidly on the porch. That was a bad sign. His anger flared. She had no reason to be so angry with him. He hadn't done anything wrong. He got out of the car.

Mike could feel the tension and anger rolling off his friend, and that made him very nervous. Bobby rarely got furious with his wife, and even more rarely did he confront her. This was not going to turn out well.

Sure enough, Alex stepped off the porch to meet him in the yard. "Why do you do this?" she demanded.

"Do what? I didn't do anything wrong."

"The hell you didn't! My father is laying in a hospital bed and you go off gallivanting for the entire night! I thought I could count on you!"

"Count on me? You never even acknowledged I was there!"

"You can't always be the center of attention!"

"What? When am I ever the center of attention? When did I ever want to be? You didn't need me."

"So you had someplace better to be? With Denise maybe?"

"With...? No! What the hell is going on with you? I thought...you told me..." He trailed off and backed away from her. "You said you were okay with it."

"Bobby, I was never okay with it. I tried to be. I tried hard. But...I will not share my husband with another woman!"

"Share...?" His anger slipped from his control. "I share you with half of New York! The children, your family, your partner...I need to take a goddam number! And you resent me spending a little time with my dying friend? What do you think I'm doing? She doesn't have the energy to eat a bowl of oatmeal and Mike is with me most of the time when I stop by! Don't you get it? She's dying! In a few months, it's gonna be over, and then you'll never have to worry about her again...unless you resent me stopping to put flowers on her grave!"

He turned on his heel, yanked out his keys and returned to the car. He made a motion with his left hand, and Mike stayed put. He wasn't welcome, not this time. Fuck. He had never seen Bobby turn his rage on his wife before. He cringed at the squeal of the tires as Bobby drove off. With deep reluctance, he turned toward Alex, who watched the car turn the corner at the end of the block. Her hands were shaking with anger. "He can stay away," she growled. Then she seemed to notice Mike. Stabbing the air with an index finger, she put as much vehemence as she could pack into her next words. "You can stay until Carolyn picks up Sean."

She stormed up the steps into the house and slammed the door. Mike remained in the front yard, looking from the house to the corner at the end of the block and back. He knew that Alex saw him as an extension of her husband at the moment, and he was wary about going into the house, but he couldn't stay out in the yard, as much as he wanted to. Bracing himself for an unpleasant morning, he walked slowly toward the porch.

Maggie pushed her spoon around through her cereal, but she wasn't really eating. Mike sat down beside her and ruffled her hair. "What's up, kiddo?"

She looked at him with moist eyes. "Where's Daddy?"

Mike didn't know how to answer that one. He still cringed when Alex walked past him, almost expecting her to lash out at him in Bobby's stead. But she had not spoken to him since they'd come into the house. He'd stayed clear of her, keeping to the family room or the yard, playing with the kids and the puppy while she busied herself with weekend cleaning.

"Uncle Mike?"

Maggie wouldn't let him get away with not answering. "I don't know where he is, baby."

"Is he coming home?"

"I don't know."

Her eyes grew bright with tears. "Why is Mommy so mad?"

"That's a good question, and I don't have an answer for you."

"Are you gonna leave, too?"

He nodded. "Yes. Once Aunt Carolyn picks up Sean."

"Are you goin' home with Aun' Car'lyn?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Where will you go?"

"I don't know yet, honey."

She fell quiet again and finally set down her spoon. "Can you do something for me, Uncle Mike?"

"I'll do anything for you, sweetheart."

"Find Daddy for me. Make sure he's okay and keep him safe until Mommy's not mad at him any more."

She didn't ask for much, not to her mind anyway. Just keep her daddy safe. He tried to give her a reassuring smile. "I will do my best, okay?"

She nodded and climbed down from her chair, leaving her cereal mostly untouched. God, that kid could break a heart. With a sigh, he got up and went to find Alex.

She was vacuuming Harry's room. There were no children in sight. The boys were in the yard, Sean and Molly were napping and Maggie was sitting with her puppy in the family room. He took a chance and pulled the plug out of the wall. She spun toward him. "What is wrong with you?"

He watched her gather the cord with the intention of plugging the machine back into the wall. "I could ask the same question," he replied.

"Logan..."

"Just hear me out, will ya?"

He was trying her patience as he often did. Tightening her grip on the cord, she answered tightly, "Go on."

At least she was willing to listen. "Bear with me. Let's examine the vows you took, just for a minute. 'For rich or for poor.' No problem there. Money's never been an issue between you. As long as his family is well provided for, then he doesn't care about the rest of it. That's why he changed his life insurance."

Her impatience at him slipped away. "He did what?"

Oops. "He didn't change the beneficiary, just the amount. You've been his beneficiary for a long time."

"I don't care about that. When did he change it?"

He got the feeling he was making things worse for Goren, but he plowed ahead. "After the first time he was shot and nearly killed, back when Maggie was little."

She settled a little. "That's why he never told me."

"He wanted to make absolutely certain that you and Maggie were provided for if anything happened to him."

When she didn't say anything more, he moved on. "'In sickness and in health.' Again, no problem there. Neither of you has ever had a problem caring for the other during sickness or injury. When you love someone, you're always there for them."

"Like he was last night?"

Logan stood his ground. "Did you ask him why he left last night?"

"I shouldn't have to; he shouldn't have left."

Mike didn't agree. He made the effort to understand his friend, and he wondered why Alex did not. "Do you have any idea how important your father is to him? That man always treated Bobby with respect, always showed him a father's love. Maybe that's just the way your father is. I haven't known him that long and I don't know him well. But Bobby always saw him as the father he never had, and he gives him a son's love. When he saw John laying in that bed, hooked up to monitors and IVs, pumped full of sedatives and drugs...it was more than he was prepared to handle. He's smart, and he knows hospitals, but somewhere along the way, your father grew invincible to him. Seeing him vulnerable to the failure of his own body...well, it was just too much for him. He had to get out of there. He thought you understood."

Alex sat down on Harry's bed. She'd had no idea. She was so wrapped up in fussing over her sleeping father that she never saw the panic in her husband. "I didn't know. He should have told me."

"Sometimes, he forgets that you can't read him like he can read you. Which brings me to the final vow: 'for better or worse.' That's where you guys run into trouble. When things go wrong, he turns in to himself. He never learned how to turn to someone else, and that upsets you. That was never an option for him before."

"He turns to you," she said bitterly.

Mike shrugged. "I'm different. He knows I'm not going anywhere, no matter what dumbass thing he does. But you? He's not so secure when it comes to you. He tries, trust me, but he's terrified that if he seeks to lean on you, you're going to see it as a weakness and think less of him. He's afraid to show you what's really inside him, because he's certain you'll run the other way as fast as you can and never let him see his children."

"I would never do that to him."

"He doesn't believe that. Now before you get all pissed off again, listen to me. Alex, his experiences in life are very different from yours. His life has always lacked security and he has never known unconditional love. He doesn't know what to do with it and he can't simply accept it. Give it? Yes. But he can't take it. In his experience, virtually everyone important to him has left. Not counting the children, there are three people in his life who have stayed, so far. I'm one, you're another and Denise is the third. I have proven to him that I'm in it for the long haul, that he can count on me for anything. He knows I'll always back him, even though that irritates the hell out of you. For whatever reason, and I never try to get into his head, he never questions my loyalty."

"Haven't I proven myself to him?"

"His relationship with you has always been complicated. He felt betrayed when you got married, even though it wasn't rational. He tried to explain it to me the night of the wedding, but he didn't make much sense to me. Of course, he wasn't making much sense about anything that night. Now that I know him better, I understand. Over the course of your marriage, he didn't do very well. Maggie made his life better, but he still struggled. You have no idea what went on when you weren't around. He drank a lot, and he went through a lot of one night stands. Sometimes, when he was particularly troubled, he sought other ways to find some semblance of peace. It wasn't easy being his friend back then. I tried every way I knew to help him, but I don't know how effective I really was. The important thing was that I was there. I never judged him and I never let him down."

"Other ways? What other ways?"

Mike suddenly found the vacuum cleaner very interesting. He had hoped she wouldn't ask for details; he should have known better. "Unhealthy ways," he finally answered. "That's all I'm gonna say about it."

His answer increased her irritation, but she didn't press it. "Confidence was one thing he was never lacking, and I don't understand his insecurity with me."

"Your relationship is very passionate, which is good and bad. In bed, it's great. In an argument, not so much. He's afraid that he's going to push too hard one of these days and you'll be done with him."

She sat there quietly, thinking about what he said. "How can he doubt me when I stayed with Ricky and he was such an ass?"

Mike smiled. "He doesn't think he's so much better than Ricky."

"What? Please tell me you're kidding."

"I wish I was. I've been trying to change his mind for years, but he insists he has as much potential to be an ass as Ricky did."

She made an impatient noise. "Yes, but he's an entirely different kind of ass. I can handle having Bobby around. Besides, his good qualities far outweigh his bad ones."

"Yeah, I've been trying to tell him that, too. He says it's different with me because I'm not a woman."

She shook her head. "What about Denise?"

Here was where it all got touchy. He thought carefully about what he had to say before he began speaking. "Denise is as unique to his life as you are. He fell in love with you, hook, line and sinker. He fathered your children and made you his wife. He's happy with you. Sometimes I think he seeks out fights with you because he sees it as proof that you care. Today, I don't think that was the case, but most of the time, he finds you a challenge, and you know how he is about that. His relationship with Denise has always been very different. I don't think he's ever had a fight with her. She doesn't have your fire, and it's that fire that drew him to you to begin with. Denise is the most amicable person I have ever known, but Bobby would never thrive in a peaceful relationship."

"He proposed to her, Mike."

"He did, because he was tired of being alone and he thought you were lost to him. And if you remember, she turned him down. She wouldn't settle for number two, and with him, she was. She seemed to know that someday you would be free, and that would put him in a terrible spot because he was so crazy for you. She never wanted him to do something he would later regret, and she was afraid that was what would have happened. She is a perceptive woman and she always put him first. That was too bad because she would have been thrilled to have been his wife. Maybe things would have turned out differently for her. But I think she always knew she just wasn't right for him in any capacity beyond their friendship, which was exactly where he has always needed her to be."

"Suppose she had married him? What do you think would have happened after my divorce?"

Slowly, Mike shook his head. "I honestly don't know. As stubborn as he was about not interfering with your marriage, even after Ricky was arrested, until your divorce was final, I can only think that it would have been the same with his own marriage. But it would have torn him apart, especially after he found out that Maggie was his." He was quiet as he considered her question a little more. "Between you and me, I think that Denise would have asked him for a divorce, so he could be free to be with you."

"Why would she do that?"

"Because she loves him and she never sought to possess him. She's a special woman, and they always had a special friendship."

"Would he have given it to her? I don't see him as a man who would jump from marriage to marriage. Once he made a commitment to her, I think he would have honored it."

Mike gave her an odd look. "So why do you think he's any less committed to you? Alex, he wasn't lying to you when he said he hasn't slept with her since your divorce."

"But...I don't understand him! He was with her the night before the final hearing!"

"Because he still couldn't be with you. If he hadn't turned to her, he'd have picked someone up. Believe me, Denise was the better, safer option."

"What do you mean?"

Mike rubbed his hand over his hair. "I mean...he prefers experienced women. He was always careful but not incredibly picky until he took up with Denise again full time and quit sleeping around. He did that for Maggie, and it was good for him, too. It sure did my ulcers a favor."

She fussed with Harry's pillow, fluffing it and flipping it over to focus away from Mike for a minute. "What do I do? It seems the only way I can ever get through to him is by fighting with him. My anger is the only thing he responds to."

"That's not entirely true. I've seen you get him into a state where he would have brought the Statue of Liberty home in his back pocket if you'd asked him."

She laughed. She couldn't help it. "But that's not always a convenient method of persuasion, not with four kids running around."

"I'm here."

"Okay, five kids."

It was his turn to laugh. "What I mean is, I can always distract them so you can, uhm, deal with him."

She smiled. "It would be nice if I didn't have to use sex to get what I want from him."

"There are worse ways to cope. When your arsenal's limited, you don't really have the luxury of choice. Would you rather fight with him or love him?"

"What I mean is it would be nice if we could discuss something before it gets out of hand and leads to a fight."

"Maybe that's not going to happen between you. You seem to communicate through passion."

"He talks to you."

"Yeah, but my relationship with him is very different than yours. He doesn't usually pick fights with me because I'll deck him. You end up in bed with him. I ain't goin' there."

Another laugh. "You'd better not."

"No worries, sweetheart. He's not my type."

She rose from the bed and stepped up to him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. The uncharacteristic gesture caught him by surprise, but he returned the hug. "Thank you, Mike," she whispered.

He kissed the top of her head. "Don't give me more credit than I deserve. I remember what it was like, trying to keep him in one piece back then. I never want to go back there, believe me. I much prefer knowing he's up here in bed with you than God knows where doing God knows what with God knows who."

"Was it that bad?"

"Honey, you have no idea." He stepped away. "Are you done being mad at him now?"

"No, but I'm ready to talk."

"You do know that he might not be ready for that."

"I wasn't either when you came into the room."

He sighed. "You know, Lennie is rolling over in his grave, laughing his ass off right about now. In his wildest dreams, he never imagined me being the peacekeeper or the voice of reason for anyone. Of course, he never had to handle Goren. It might take me awhile to find him. I have no clue where he might have gone. And Carolyn is going to be here soon, I'm sure."

"I'll tell her I sent you to run an errand."

"I appreciate that. You have a bigger task than dealing with Carolyn, though. You have Maggie."

"What's wrong with Maggie?"

"She has her father's sensitive nature. She knows something is wrong. She barely touched her breakfast and she begged me to find him and keep him safe until you aren't mad at him any more."

Alex deflated some. "I always forget how sensitive she is to him."

He watched her wrap the cord around the vacuum. "Have you tried to call him?"

"No."

"Would you?"

She finished with the vacuum before she pulled her phone from her pocket and called her husband. She shook her head. "It goes right to voicemail."

"Naturally. Okay, I'm off then. I'll see you...sometime, I hope. It's a big city and he's at home here, no matter where he goes. But I can guarantee he's not sitting at the Ritz Carlton."

"Thank you, Mike. Honestly, I don't know what we would do without you."

He waved his hand as he walked to the door. "He keeps me out of trouble. I'll call you."

She watched him leave then dragged the machine to its place in the hall closet. It took her some minutes to gear herself up for a talk with Maggie. It always did.

Alex found Maggie in the family room, brushing Zeus with a hairbrush. She made an effort not to correct her immediately, though Maggie knew she was supposed to brush the puppy outside and Zeus had his own brush. She sat down near the little girl. "You didn't eat your breakfast."

"I wasn' hungry."

"Why not?"

She shrugged. "I jus' wasn'."

"Maggie, talk to me."

She continued to brush the puppy as words and questions scrambled around inside her head. She sorted through them as her mother waited. "You don' like D'nise, do you, Mommy?"

"What makes you think that?"

"You was really mad at Daddy this mornin' and I think it was b'cause of D'nise."

"Why?"

"You an' Daddy was fightin' outside when I waked up. I heared it. You was fightin' 'bout D'nise."

Oh, God... "It's not as simple as liking or not liking her."

"Did Daddy do somethin' wrong? Is it his fault D'nise is goin' to Heaven?"

"What? No. Not at all. Why would you even think that?"

Maggie finally looked up at her mother. Tears filled her eyes, threatening to spill over at any minute. "Why else would you be mad? Did Daddy hurt D'nise?"

"Oh, God, baby, of course not. Denise is very special to Daddy. That's why he spends so much time there. I just think he needs to spend a little more time at home."

"Is she the one you don' wanna share him with?"

"Yes, but it has nothing to do with her being sick."

Maggie was confused. "Is Daddy mad b'cause he's gotta share you with us?"

"No, no, not at all. Daddy loves you very much. You know that, Maggie."

"But he said..."

Alex reached out as tears rolled down Maggie's cheeks. She must have seen the whole fight. Maggie scrambled into her mother's arms, crying. Zeus jumped up and stretched toward her to lick the tears from her face. Alex held her and stroked her hair. "Shhh, don't cry. I promise you, he didn't mean anything by what he said, and neither did I. Sometimes, when big people fight, they say things they don't mean."

"Why?"

"Sometimes, when we're angry, we lash out and say things to hurt each other."

"But you love each other, don' you?"

"Yes, of course we do. Nothing will ever change that."

"I don' unnerstand."

"You don't have to. It's a big person thing."

"Will Daddy ever come home?"

"Yes, of course he will."

"Will you let him stay?"

"Of course. Maggie, you've seen us argue before. We'll get past it, I promise."

"And what about D'nise?"

"What about her?"

She sat back to look at her mother, who gently wiped the tears and puppy spit from her round cherubic face. Maggie gathered herself and took a quick, deep breath. "Heaven is waitin' for her, Mommy. Then she won't be here no more for Daddy to spend time with. If he doesn' see her now, then what? He can' visit her in Heaven."

Her words drove home a very important point for Alex, one her anger had not allowed Bobby to make that morning. Soon, all he would have of Denise would be another grave to visit. Was she being the selfish one? After all, she had years left with him. Was he capable of dismissing the intimacy he had shared with Denise for so long, an intimacy that had been the core of their friendship for more than two decades? She knew he still had deep feelings for Denise, but did those feelings truly rival what he felt for her? Just because Denise was no longer capable of the physical act did not diminish the bond of love that existed between them, no matter how often Bobby tried to deny that it was there.

"When Daddy comes home, we'll talk about it, okay?"

"Without bein' mad?"

"I'll try."

Maggie seemed satisfied. "Do you need a coach?"

"A coach?"

"Yeah, to keep you from getting mad."

"A coach...honey, I think you mean a referee."

"Okay, then, a refree."

Alex laughed and hugged the little girl. "No, I don't think we need a referee. And if we do, I think Uncle Mike can handle the job."

She gave that some thought. "I guess he can. But he can call me if he needs he'p."

"I'll let him know. Now go get the downstairs vacuum cleaner and clean up all that puppy hair. You know that you're supposed to brush Zeus outside—" She held up the brush Maggie had been using. "—and he has his own brush, little girl."

Maggie gave her a look she had never seen from her before, but Bobby had a look just like it. It said I know that; I was making a point. This child had always been so very good. Was it possible that there were storm clouds of adolescence gathering on the far horizon that would continue to build for the next seven years? Maybe Maggie wasn't going to remain such an angel once puberty reared its unwelcome head.

The sun had long set when Mike parked his car in the empty parking lot at Canarsie Pier. He'd been there twice, but the third time proved to be a charm. He knew that Bobby heard him approach. He saw it in the subtle stiffening of his shoulders. There was a six pack of beer beside a six pack of empties next to him and a pack of cigarettes was propped among the full bottles. Bobby didn't turn to face him. One leg dangled off the end of the pier while his other foot was flat on the wood. His arm rested on his knee, a cigarette dangling casually between two fingers. His hair was disheveled and matted with blood on one side; there was blood on his shirt. He took a deep drag of his cigarette. "She send you here?" he asked finally.

"Yes and no. I've been looking for you since before lunch. Where have you been?"

"Here and there."

"Come on, man. Don't feed me a bullshit line. I deserve better than that from you."

Bobby still didn't look at him. "Life is hard, Mike. I don't know what I can handle any more. Seeing John in that hospital bed..."

"I know. You told me."

"Denise is in hospice now, did I tell you that?"

"No. When?"

"This past week. They're giving her maybe eight weeks before they have to take the baby and let her...let her go. She doesn't even have good pain control. They can't keep her comfortable. Tomorrow, the night nursing starts. She'll always have a nurse."

"I thought she was still working."

"She collapsed at work Monday. She won't be back."

"So that's why you took off at lunchtime and got back so late. Why the hell didn't you tell us?"

"Us? Alex doesn't want to be bothered with it. Every time I mention Denise's name she gets that...look on her face, so I don't talk about her any more. She doesn't want to hear it."

"And you still thought she was okay with you seeing her?"

"No. I'm not stupid. But I took advantage of what she said so I could see Denise. It was a stupid thing to do, trusting her word when I knew better, but I was desperate. She doesn't have much time left."

Mike sat down on the dock beside him and took a beer. "Why didn't you tell me? I'm your partner and I like Denise."

"You have enough going on, fighting with Carolyn over custody. I can stand on my own two feet."

"Yeah, until the world tips onto its side and knocks you over. Then what?"

Bobby shrugged again. "Then I get bruised and I dust myself off and keep going."

"Uh huh. I've seen how well that works for you. And when it breaks you?"

"What the hell else am I supposed to do? If I try to spend time with Denise, I put my marriage in jeopardy. If I can't handle what life dishes out, I end up in trouble with Alex again. Seems I'm always in trouble with Alex. I only have so many ways to cope, and right now, there's more to cope with than I am capable of handling."

"That's why you went off on her like you did."

"I...I shouldn't have, but...oh, fuck it."

Mike could see the defeat in every line of Bobby's body. He was giving up, and Mike didn't think that was what Alex wanted. She loved his fire as much as he loved hers. To see that fire extinguished would be a tragedy. "You could try talking to her, you know."

"That never works," he said bitterly. "She doesn't listen to me. She just gets mad."

He flipped his cigarette butt into the water and grabbed another beer. Mike touched his hand. "How many of those have you had?"

"Not enough. I still feel everything. I still hurt."

"Did you start with the beer?"

Bobby shook his head, but didn't elaborate. Mike asked, "What else have you had?"

He finally shifted his eyes to meet Mike's. Mike didn't look away but he moved his hand so Bobby could open the beer. Bobby leaned against the post behind him and opened the beer. Then he grabbed his cigarettes, shook one out and lit it. Mike was getting flashbacks to the time he spent trying to save his friend from himself while Alex struggled to salvage a failing marriage that should never have been. The similarities made him very uncomfortable. Life was weighing heavily on Bobby. His beloved father-in-law was ill, one of his closest friends was dying and would leave her newborn child an orphan, and now his marriage to the woman he adored, just three years in and four children strong, was in trouble. Bobby wasn't the kind of man who could just shake things off and move on. He felt his pain very deeply and hung on to it. No wonder the guy was floundering.

Mike reached out and touched his friend's face to turn his head so he could see his injury. "What happened there?"

Goren raised his hand to touch the bloody wound. "I had a disagreement with someone, but I wasn't armed and he was."

"Armed with what?"

"A beer bottle."

"Hold still." He got to his knees and sifted through Goren's hair to examine the wound. "Good one. We'll stop by the ER so they can stitch it up."

"I'll live."

"Uh huh. You need stitches. Don't argue with me."

In silence, his attention now on the waters of Jamaica Bay, Bobby finished his beer. He lit another cigarette and opened another beer.

Mike left him to wander the winding corridors of his mind in peace for a long time. Then he said, "It's late. How 'bout we get you home, where you belong."

"Where I belong..." Bobby mused softly. "I don't really belong anywhere, Mike. I just...I don't fit in. I was never meant to be a family man, and I'm not much of a friend, either." He stretched his arm out over the water. "As big as the world is...there is just no place in it for me."

"You have a home, a family. That's where you belong. That's your place in the world."

"Alex is going to kill me."

"Maybe. Maybe not. You have to face the music sometime."

"Can't I just...fade away?"

"It's not gonna change anything if you do. John will still be in the hospital and Denise will still be dying. Your mom will still be gone and your kids will still be here. What will change is life for those kids. It'll be like living without the sun."

"Work's gonna suck tomorrow."

"I already talked to Ross. Told him you had the flu."

"In August?"

"Stranger things have happened." He patted Bobby's shoulder. "C'mon. Let's get you fixed up and cleaned up. You have a family waiting."

Bobby finished his beer and tried to stand up. Mike grabbed him before he toppled into the water. "This way," he said, giving Bobby's shirt a yank. He grabbed the bottles and the cigarettes and followed him to the car.

As he unlocked the car, Mike warned, "If you throw up in my car, I swear I'll kick your ass."

"I'll try to remember that."

"Don't try. Just do it."

He dropped the empties into a garbage container and put the others in the trunk, stopping to text Alex. Found him, finally. Will be home later. He's still in one piece, so don't worry.

Tossing the cigarettes at Bobby, he slid behind the wheel and started for home by way of the emergency room to get Bobby's head stitched up.