Paul quietly thanked the waiter at the pub for his food. Paul recognized the teenager. He vaguely thought about learning his name but didn't care too much now. Will was the only member of the staff he ever encountered here anyway. Not that it mattered much now.
Paul was just lucky that all the other employees knew he lived in the studio upstairs and never bothered him. No one seemed to care or he'd have the press hounding him. Although he wondered what they thought of him. Wondered if they believed he had an affair with Will like the rest of the world did. They had seen Will and Paul talking together almost every day. They knew Will would go upstairs with him. Most must have had their suspicions.
Whatever they thought of him, Paul felt lucky they were so discreet. After the press conference it took several car changes and some crafty disguises to get Paul back home. He was glad for the anonymity.
Paul was still shaking. The entire world knew he was gay. They all knew, everyone.
'I never have to hide again.'
Paul never thought he could have this. Never thought he would ever come out to the world. He was content to play baseball while living a lie. Now, without baseball, Paul could be whoever he wanted to be. There was no point in hiding.
The only downside to it all was he was alone. His mother and grandfather were on the other side of the country. Paul wasn't sure if he could trust any of his friends to react the way he needed. He wasn't even sure he knew how many would still be his friend now. Former teammates, fellow celebrities, could he trust any of them now? Would they care about Paul at all now?
It didn't seem to matter. There was only one person Paul wanted around him anyway. There was only one person Paul wished he could speak to about all of this.
Paul wanted Will and knew at this point he'd never have him.
Everywhere Paul looked inside the pub reminded him of Will. Paul didn't know how he was going to last being in Salem without Will. Will was the entire reason he planned to stay.
Paul considered going back to San Francisco but he quickly dismissed it. Despite how large the city was, Paul had no privacy even if he stayed at home. The paparazzi would stake the place out, follow his every move. The press knew all of his hideouts, knew all the places he frequented. If Paul went back home, he would end up in a hotel anyway. Paul had enough of hotels.
At least in Salem, for the time being, he had peaceful, small town life. No one seemed to know where he lived. He had been there for months and no one recognized him besides Sonny's mother. It was nice in a way, to blend in so well that no one knew who he was. Paul hoped that wouldn't change.
A part of Paul knew the real reason he couldn't leave. He clung to a small bit of hope that things would work themselves out. That Will would let him back into his life. That's why Paul hadn't left.
Grabbing the Styrofoam container from the waiter, Paul headed for the staircase in the back of the pub. A strong, small hand on his shoulder stopped him.
"Hey," Chad rapt on Will's bedroom door. "You okay in there?"
Chad waited a few seconds before knocking again.
Nothing.
"Will?" Chad asked one more time. "I'm coming inside."
Chad pushed the door open. He frowned when he saw Will hunched over his laptop, fingers flying.
"Why didn't you answer when I knocked?" Chad wondered.
"Working," Will answered. "Can't stop."
"You're working now?" Chad questioned incredulously.
"Need to," Will mumbled. "I have to get it out now. How's Ari?"
"Fine," Chad replied. "She and Theresa are having a tea party."
"That's cute," Will commented. His eyes remained locked on his laptop screen.
"It is," Chad agreed. He slid down to sit next to Will. "Can I ask what you're working on?"
"No," Will replied. He licked his lips and fiercely stabbed against the backspace.
"Right," Chad lifted his eyebrows. "Okay, then."
For a few minutes the only sound was the clacking of the keys against Will's fingertips.
Chad awkwardly fiddled with his fingers. He wasn't sure what to do in this situation. Years ago he might have known how to get through to Will. But now? Now, Chad wasn't so sure.
"So," Chad thought of something to say. "Do you want to talk about things?"
"Not really," Will responded.
"Well, I kind of think we have to," Chad argued. "I mean, I know how big this is, Will. I know how you grew up. Hell, since I've known you Sami's been married and remarried and married and remarried more times than I can count. This is life-altering and I'm still not sure I know everything."
"I already talked to you today," Will said dismissively. "And I don't want to talk about my childhood."
"Well, tough," Chad rolled his eyes. "We're talking about this."
"Why?" Will finally turned to stare at Chad. "Why do you care now? You've barely seen me since I came back from LA. And even then you didn't care about me at all. You only wanted to spy on the pub."
"That's not true," Chad weakly defended.
"It is," Will shook his head. "Besides, you didn't even go to the wedding. I doubt you even care at all."
Now that Will tapped into his anger, he couldn't seem to shake it. Didn't want to shake it. He didn't want to vent to Chad about how sad and pitiful he was.
'I'm done being sad. I'm done being understanding,' Will thought. 'No more.'
'No one is ever going to hurt me again. Not Sonny, not Paul. No one.'
Sonny double-checked the product count behind the bar at TBD. Normally he would breeze through this but his mind was still on his confrontation with Sami and Lucas.
Sonny didn't think he'd ever see that look on Sami Brady's face directed at him. He didn't realize how terrifying it truly was.
"You alright there, boss?" T wondered, walking behind the bar. His shift ended a few minutes before.
"No, not at all," Sonny replied as honestly as he could.
"Yeah," T leaned against the bar. "That's what I figured."
T took a look around the floor and flagged down a waitress.
"Sonny and I are gonna talk in the office," T told her. "Can you keep an eye out here?"
"Yeah, sure," the girl shrugged.
"Come on," T dragged Sonny into his office.
Sonny collapsed in his desk chair. He leaned his elbows on the edge of the desk, head in his hands.
T sat across from him, rubbing his hands on his knees.
"You wanna tell me what's happening with you and Will?" T asked. "Really happening? I mean, I saw the pictures of Will and Paul Narita of all people."
Sonny half-sighed, half-groaned. He hated thinking about those pictures. He did everything he could to not think of them.
'I can't even imagine what Will's going through. I have a few pictures of Paul hugging Will to haunt me. Will has to imagine so much more than that.'
'No wonder he can't talk to me.'
T waited for Sonny to say something, anything.
"I know Will, dude," T stated. "I know how much he loves you. He'd never do anything like that, even with Paul Narita. Which, what the hell, man? Will used to freakin' worship that guy in high school. And he didn't even get his best friend an autograph? I'm kind of pissed."
Sonny choked out a cry.
"Hey, he wasn't that obsessed," T quickly replied. "Well, he might have beat a few ones off to his trading card or something. I don't know. But he'd never cheat on you."
"It's not that," Sonny said, voice muffled through his hands.
"Then what?" T pressed, getting a bad feeling.
"Will didn't sleep with Paul," Sonny pulled his hands away. He needed to be brave about this, had to own up to it. "I did."
Paul paused mid-step and turned around, completely unprepared for what happened next.
Smack
Paul, head smashed to the side, blinked several times, stunned.
"Sami," Lucas jogged into the back hallway and sighed. "Was that necessary?"
"Yes," Sami shook her stinging hand.
It took Paul a few seconds to recover. No one had ever slapped him before. Punched, sure. But never a slap.
Rubbing against his cheek, Paul took in the small blonde before him. Even if he hadn't recognized her from one of Will's articles, Paul would know who she was.
Sami Brady looked remarkably like her son.
'Same eyes,' Paul noted.
Sami looked Paul up and down. She attempted to figure out what was so great about him. What was it about Paul Narita that Sonny thought he was worth more than her son?
Paul swallowed heavily. From what he knew of Sami Brady, a slap was the least of his worries.
"You broke my son's heart," Sami declared, staring Paul dead in the eyes. "Took the one thing he thought he earned and ruined it."
"I know," Paul answered in a low voice.
"Did you know who Will was?" Sami demanded, crossing her arms. "Did you know he was with Sonny?"
"Not at first," Paul glanced at Lucas briefly before turning back to Sami. "I didn't know for a long time."
"How long did you lie to him?" Lucas moved closer to the pair.
"I don't know, a few days," Paul adjusted the box of food in his hands. "I just, Sonny's mom told me and then Will was looking at me. And I wanted to tell him, I wanted to tell him so many times. But he told me all about his problems with Sonny. Well, I didn't know it was Sonny and I just, I already wanted him and I thought…"
"You thought you'd take him for yourself," Sami cut off his rambling.
"Yes," Paul nodded. He knew he didn't have anything to lose. Will's parents already hated him. It didn't matter if he told them everything now. Maybe it would make him seem like less of a monster that way.
Paul took a few seconds to clear his head, figure out his thoughts.
"Zoe Browning approached me about an article. I looked on Sonix's website and read some of Will's work," Paul explained. "I fell in love with his writing and I told Zoe I would only do it if he wrote it. So, he started interviewing me."
"Interviewing? That what they call it?" Sami quipped.
"I met Will," Paul ignored Sami. "And I wanted him, wanted to hook up with him. At first, I didn't know he was with anyone. When I found out he was taken I thought it was a boyfriend. I never thought he was married, didn't even consider it. He didn't wear a ring and he never told me."
Lucas crossed his arm and sneered. He didn't want to hear about anyone wanting his son.
"Beyond that though, once I got to really know him," Paul continued. "It just made me want him more. When he started telling me about all his problems at home, I just, I thought whoever he was with had to be a loser. How could anyone treat him that way?"
Paul pressed his lips together and shook his head.
"Will tries so hard and I hated seeing him so down," Paul confessed. "When I found out he was married to Sonny," Paul paused. "I knew what Sonny did. I knew Sonny cheated. I knew what Will told me about his partner. I didn't think Sonny deserved him."
"So, you didn't think to tell Will at all?" Sami wondered.
"Of course, I did," Paul argued. "I knew I should. I knew that it was the right thing to do. I didn't tell him because I would have had to admit what I did. I knew Will would never want to see me again."
"I found Will, you know?" Paul added. "After Sonny told him the truth, some of the truth. Seeing Will that broken up, I saw how much he loved Sonny. I convinced Will to go back to Sonny. I thought he'd tell Will the truth. I owed Will that much. Hearing the truth from his husband instead of me. But Sonny wouldn't do it."
"I was going to tell Will," Paul maintained, indignant. "But I couldn't. He was already devastated. I couldn't add to that pain. And the longer I kept it a secret, the more it would hurt him. I just," Paul gritted his teeth. "I wanted him to be with me. I thought, I thought if I gave him everything he deserved, if I took care of him eventually Will would give into his feelings for me. I wanted to get him away from this place and make him mine. Now, he can't even look at me."
Sami and Lucas glanced at each other once Paul finished. Realistically, they could understand why Paul did what he did. The two of them had done worse in their lifetime. But this was about Will, their firstborn. It didn't matter if it wasn't all Paul's fault. He hurt Will and that was unforgiveable.
"You know what the worst part for you is?" Sami looked at Paul cruelly. "Will did want you. He was tempted. If you got him away from Salem, away from Sonny, you would have had everything you wanted. If you had told him as soon as you found out, Will would have forgiven you. He probably would have fallen for you. You were so close to having everything you wanted. And you get to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life," Sami declared.
Sami turned on her heel, Lucas following after. Neither noticed as Paul stumbled, falling to the steps behind him. They didn't care at about the tears slowly leaking down his face. All they cared about was Will.
Sami dug through her purse, pulse racing. Triumphantly, she pulled out her cell phone.
"Who could you possibly be calling at a time like this?" Lucas stared at Sami in exasperation.
"The only one I can trust to help me destroy those lying, cheating-," Sami's voice cut off. "Kate, it's Sami."
T looked at Sonny like he was crazy.
"Dude, come on," T rolled his eyes. "That shit's not funny."
"I wish I was joking," Sonny said, lips rolling into his mouth. "But I'm not."
T's smile slowly slipped off his face. He stared at Sonny for a long time, mouth pulling down at the corners.
Sonny shifted uncomfortably. It had been a long time since T looked at Sonny like this. Like Sonny was something disgusting he found underneath his shoe.
"What the hell are you talking about?" T spat out.
"It was a mistake," Sonny weakly explained. "A horrible, awful mistake and I would do anything I could to take it back."
T opened and closed his mouth several times, head shaking back and forth. None of it made sense.
"But you love Will," T finally said. "You love him and-," T's forehead wrinkled in concentration. "When would you even have time to cheat on him? You've been working nearly every day for months!"
Sonny crossed his arms around his waist, scooting his chair closer to the desk.
"It was before Will came back from LA," Sonny admitted.
Sonny didn't realize how painful it would be explaining all this to his friends or family.
'What must they think of me?' Sonny wondered.
"What?" T frowned, trying to work it all out. "You've had like one weekend off, dude."
"Yeah," Sonny replied, glancing away from T.
"So, you slept with him once?" T asked hopefully. When Sonny didn't answer, T added. "Twice? Three times? What the hell, Sonny?"
Sonny mumbled something T just barely caught.
"Oh my god," T couldn't help shouting. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I know," Sonny rubbed his forehead. "I know!"
"I thought you loved Will," T stated, disappointment evident. "I thought, after everything, you two would be the ones to last."
"We will," Sonny guaranteed, horrified by T's statement. "How could you, why would you say that?"
T ignored Sonny, mind still reeling at the news.
"How did you even meet Paul Narita of all people?" T couldn't wrap his mind around it. He couldn't see Sonny with anyone but Will.
"Before I lived in Salem we used to date," Sonny revealed. Figuring he owed it to his friend, Sonny continued. "We'd meet in hotel rooms whenever he could get away. We were together about a year before-," Sonny paused.
This was the part he hated most.
"Before what?" T gently asked. He could see the haggard expression on Sonny's face, the obvious strain.
"I asked him to marry me. He said no," Sonny looked at T's face. "I left, traveled for a while, and met Will."
T covered his face with his hand.
"I do care about you, you know?" Chad told Will.
Will tried his hardest to ignore Chad. He continued typing, face blank.
"A lot of people do," Chad insisted.
"Pictures of me hugging a man came out and everyone in this town assumed I fucked him," Will rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure they really care about me."
"What's going to make you feel better, Will?" Chad asked flat out. "Taking your angry at Sonny out on me?"
"Yes," Will turned to look at Chad. "That would make me feel better. It would make me feel better if everyone in this stupid town felt the same way I did. If they felt useless and stupid and ugly," Will harshly spat out. "If they felt like nothing they do is ever going to be good enough. If they spent their entire life being used and fought over and treated like a toy only to be tossed aside when everyone got bored of them. If they tried their hardest to be the best they can for everyone they know and it doesn't matter. Because nothing ever works out and when they have the slightest bit of hope that they might get to be happy the person they trust most destroys them.
"That would make me feel better," Will finished, chest heaving.
Chad stayed silent. There wasn't anything he could say after that.
"I just don't understand how you could do this to Will," T confessed. "I've seen the two of you together, man. I was there from the beginning. I saw the way you looked at him. I hated it then but now," T thought back to the beginning. "It doesn't make any sense. How could you be in love with someone else the whole time you were with Will?"
"I wasn't," Sonny defended. "I just, I was confused, but I loved Will, wholeheartedly."
"Come on," T shot Sonny a hard look. "It couldn't have been wholeheartedly if some homewrecking baseball player was enough for you to throw Will and the baby away."
Sonny winced.
"I didn't throw them away," Sonny denied. "Yes, I wasn't completely over Paul but I always loved Will. I've loved Will almost as long as I've known him."
"That makes it even worse," T explained. "Everyone in this town knows how dedicated you were to Will. How much you love him, love Ari. And you still cheated on him. When that Brian creep was hanging all over you, everyone in the world knew you still wanted Will. But this, this past no one knew existed. It's like rewriting history. This makes it so much worse, Sonny."
"You think I don't know that?" Sonny questioned, exasperated, voice brittle. "You think I don't know I ruined everything? I took my everything and I left it behind for a past I don't even want anymore."
"You don't want to be with Narita?" T nodded firmly. "Not at all?"
"No," Sonny guaranteed. "I don't want Paul and he doesn't want me either."
"Judging by the pictures," T mused. "He wants Will."
"Yes," Sonny bared his teeth. "But I'm never letting that happen. He's not going anywhere near my husband or my family again."
"Good," T agreed. "If you want things to work out you need to get rid of all distractions."
"You want me to work things out with Will?" Sonny looked surprised.
"I'm pissed at you," T rolled his eyes. "But you love Will. If you can find a way to get him to trust you again, I won't stand in your way."
Sonny sighed in relief, feeling less of a burden on his shoulders.
"Thank you," Sonny praised. "After talking with Sami and Lucas, I needed to hear that."
"Oh, dude," T frowned and sat up straighter. He examined Sonny's face. "No visible marks so Sami must not have done too much damage."
"She didn't hit me," Sonny said. "Not physically."
"Sami didn't slap you?" T asked eyes wide.
"She did a lot worse," Sonny mumbled. "She said she'll do whatever it takes to keep me away from them. That if I ever hurt them again she'll kill me."
T knew as well as anyone that with Sami that wasn't an idle threat.
"You better be careful then," T told Sonny. "One wrong move and you'll end up in the Salem River."
"If I hurt them again," Sonny said. "I'd deserve it."
"Don't get so melodramatic on me now," T ordered. "So, how's Will doing?"
"He won't talk to me now," Sonny revealed. "Not that I blame him. It's all Paul's fault."
Noticing the look T was giving him made Sonny elaborate.
"Paul knew who Will was and didn't say anything. I already told Will what I did and he ran straight to Paul," Sonny explained. "I didn't know Will and Paul knew each other. I assumed if I told Will about Paul it would just make everything worse. I thought it would crush his already lowered self-esteem to know I was with some big, famous celebrity."
"But instead you had Paul putting the moves on Will," T realized. "After he slept with Will's husband. What a creep."
"I need to know how close they are," Sonny decided. "Will won't tell me. I can't talk to Paul. Sami and Lucas froze me out. But I have to know if Will thinks of Paul the way Paul thinks about him. I have to know if Paul is going to get a chance instead of me."
"I can do that," T volunteered.
"Really?" Sonny smiled gratefully.
"You two are my best friends," T pointed out. "I just want you two to be happy. I stood up there listening to your vows on your wedding day. I'm not letting you screw this up even worse than you already have."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Sonny rambled. "T, you don't know how much I appreciate this."
"I'll go check on Will," T stood up. "And keep you updated. I'm doing this for you both though, dude. So don't screw this up, again."
"Thank you," Sonny gushed one more time.
Sonny hurried around the desk to pull T into a hug.
"Just check on him, make sure he's okay," Sonny requested. "I just need to know he's okay."
T knocked on the front door to Will and Sonny's apartment. T still couldn't wrap his head around this situation. Never in his life would he suspect Sonny to cheat.
'It doesn't make any sense. No one even knew this Paul guy. Sonny's never talked about him. He's never mentioned an ex other than to say he was selfish. Sonny's only ever been in love with Will. Everything was always about Will.'
T didn't know what he would say to Will, how he would comfort him. T knew Will had to be a mess.
T was there for Will through so much crap during his childhood.
'Hell, just high school alone was a mess,' T recalled. 'His family has been torn apart so many times. For Sonny to do this has got to be killing Will.'
"Oh, it's you," Sami greeted when she pulled the door open.
"Yeah, I missed you too, Mrs. DiMera," T fondly rolled his eyes.
Sami, lips quirking at the name, gestured for T to come inside.
T stepped over the threshold and frowned. He'd never seen a stranger scene inside this apartment before. And he visited when Gabi lived here.
Arianna sat on the floor in a too-long princess dress sipping pretend tea with a matching Theresa. Chad sat beside them with a crown and a long feather boa.
"Nice outfit," T quipped. "The feathers go with your eyes."
"Thank you," Chad smiled mockingly. Arianna was lucky she was cute.
"So," T put his hands in his pockets. "Where is he?"
"Talking in his room with Lucas," Sami explained. She turned to look at the closed door, eyebrows drawn together.
"Right," T nodded before marching over towards the door and wrenching it open.
T imagined he'd find Will sobbing hysterically, thrown across the bed. Or maybe clutching a photo of Sonny and bemoaning his existence.
He didn't.
Will, on his hands and knees, dug through a box near the bottom of the closet. T recognized the handwriting on the box as Sonny's.
Lucas noticed T first. He patted a spot on the bed next to him.
T sat down and watched Will dig through everything.
"Should you be doing this?" Lucas asked.
From his tone, T gathered it wasn't the first time Lucas questioned Will.
"Yes," Will hissed. He tossed a few items out of the box. He grabbed a stack of postcards and flipped them over.
"Shouldn't you be throwing out Sonny's stuff?" T wondered. "I mean, that's what happens in these situations, right?"
Will glanced over his shoulder when he noticed T. Pausing for a scant few seconds, Will continued rummaging through Sonny's private things.
"No," Will explained as he threw the postcards over his shoulder. "I'm looking."
"Looking for what?" T wasn't sure he wanted to know.
"Proof," Will huffed.
T turned to Lucas who shook his head sadly.
"He thinks he's going to find more things about Paul or maybe some other guys from Sonny's past," Lucas clarified.
"That," T paused. "Can't be healthy."
"Nope," Lucas sighed.
The two sat poised on the edge of the bed while Will dug through everything.
Will didn't know what he was hoping to find. A cherished note Sonny kept all these years declaring his love. A New Year's resolution expressing Sonny's desire for Paul to love Sonny instead of Will. He didn't know.
Will had to find something though. Some kind of clue that Sonny either loved Will or loved Paul. There had to be something, somewhere.
Will slumped onto his butt when he emptied the box.
"Nothing," Will complained.
"I told you," Lucas shook his head. "You weren't going to find anything."
Will haphazardly slammed Sonny's things back into the box. He didn't care if he broke them or trampled them. As far as Will was concerned Sonny deserved it. Sonny deserved to have his cherished memories broken and creased just like Will's were.
Standing up again, Will frowned. He was certain there would be something.
Turning quickly, Will rammed his hip into a dresser, hard. Hard enough to knock over a baseball Will recently put in a plastic collector's container. A baseball he got from Sonny. A baseball with Paul's signature on it.
'Sonny took this out of that box,' Will recalled. 'Sonny's box with all his memories.'
Slowly, almost in a daze, Will reached out for the ball. He carefully opened the container, cradling the ball in his hand. Will read the date, the name, thinking.
It all came boiling out of him, the realization, the humiliation. This was no gift to Will. This ball had nothing to do with Will. It was just another moment where Sonny belittled Will, shamed him with Will's own past mistakes while covering up his own.
Will curled his fingers around the ball, eyes closed.
When he opened them, Will caught sight of a picture of himself and Sonny on the dresser. It was the only one yet to be hidden since Will discovered the truth. They had it taken sometime after their engagement. The two were brandishing their left hands, hips touching, faces beaming.
'Lies,' Will thought. 'All of it.'
Without thinking, Will pulled back his arm and tossed the ball as hard as he could at the picture.
T and Lucas jumped to their feet the instant the glass shattered in the picture frame.
"Will!" Lucas exclaimed.
Will was beyond reasoning. He was certain he would find proof Sonny carried Paul around with him and he found it.
'Sonny never loved me,' Will decided. 'The entire time we were together he would rather have Paul. The second he saw Paul again he threw me away.'
Will dived towards the floor where the baseball rolled. He threw it at the already smashed picture again, over and over. All the while T and Lucas did their best to pull Will back and away from the rapidly spreading glass shards.
"Will, stop it," Lucas ordered.
"I hate him!" Will screamed through his teeth. "I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!"
Eventually T wrestled the ball away from Will. Together, Lucas and T were able to pull Will safely away and towards the floor.
Will continued his chant through mangled sobs. Towards the end Will didn't know if he meant Sonny, Paul, or himself.
The instant the yelling began in the bedroom, Chad had his hands over Ari's ears, loudly drowning out the noise.
"La la la la la," Chad screamed.
Sami rolled her eyes at Chad before lifting Ari up into her arms.
"Hey, sweetie," Sami bounced a concerned looking Ari up and down. "How would you feel about spending the night with Grammy and Grandpa at Grandpa's place? Hmm, would that be fun?"
Ari shook her head no.
"Daddy," Ari looked over her should towards Will and Sonny's bedroom.
"Daddy's upset right now," Sami said. "But he'll be okay."
Chad, after making sure Ari was in good hands, moved into the bedroom. He took in Will and the mess before moving into the kitchen. He searched around before he could find a bag to place all the glass.
Theresa, meanwhile, handed Chad the vacuum from the hall closet. She didn't think Will was comfortable enough around her to appreciate her presence right now.
Will, head against his knees, ignored everyone, including the sound of the vacuum.
T sat next to Will on the floor. He kept his eyes diverted, feeling strange staring at his friend breakdown so thoroughly.
Lucas, though, kept his hand against Will's back, eyes locked onto him.
Once Chad left the room, Will finally turned to his father.
"C-can you take Ari with you?" Will begged. "I don't, I don't want, I can't-."
"Of course," Lucas cut Will off. "I know, son. I know."
"Just for tonight," Will explained. "I don't want her to see this."
Will hated that he did this when Ari was home. Hated that he was becoming this but he couldn't help it. The anger covered up the pain. As long as he held onto his rage, he wouldn't feel so much hurt.
"Anything," Lucas kissed the top of Will's head. "You know that."
Lucas quickly packed Ari's favorite toys. He already had a supply of clothes, diapers, and anything else she would need at his apartment.
"Sami," Lucas addressed. "Let's get Ari out of here."
Sami, going into Will's room to grab her own bag, kneeled down in front of him, handing over Ari.
"I love you, baby," Sami promised. "It's okay to be angry and it's okay to be sad."
Sami squeezed Will's arm before getting up and nodding at T.
"Daddy'll miss you," Will swiped against Ari's cheek. "But you need to go have fun with Grammy and Grandpa. Daddy isn't going to be much fun tonight."
"Miss," Ari replied, snuggling in close to Will's neck.
"I'll miss you more than anything," Will promised. He kissed her cheek, her nose, and her little lips before Sami took her hand and walked out of sight.
Chad and Theresa quietly followed behind Sami, Lucas, and Ari. Chad wanted to stay behind with T. He just didn't think Will would want that. Not after the way he accused Chad of not caring. Chad was afraid his presence would only anger Will even more.
T handed Will a glass of water and awkwardly rocked on his heels while crouching down.
"Thanks," Will mumbled before gulping down the entire glass.
"No problem," T responded, eyebrows-raised.
"When did you find out?" Will finally looked at T's face.
"A little while ago," T explained. "I talked to Sonny."
Will sneered.
"This really sucks, dude," T lamely said.
"You mean finding out my husband never loved me? Or realizing he only supported me so he could pretend I was someone else? Or is it finding out the only person that's been there for me lately fucked my husband?" Will spat out. "Exactly what part of my life do you think sucks?"
"I get that you're hurting," T replied. "But you don't have to take it out on me."
"I'm not hurting," Will stated. "I'm infuriated. I am so past being hurt I've reached an uncharted, Sami Brady-level of hatred."
"Will," T frowned. "You're not your mother."
"Aren't I though?" Will smiled sardonically. "I had a kid when I was a teen. My parents cheated on each other left and right. My first love would rather be with someone else. Everyone in this damn town thinks I'm a walking whore. So, yeah, I do think I am my mother."
T didn't know what to do with this Will. He hadn't seen Will like this in a long time, if ever.
"In fact," Will stood up, eyes clearing. "I think it's time I show everyone exactly how much like my mother I can be."
"Will, I don't know about this," T shouted as they walked into The Spot.
It's not that T had a problem with gay clubs. It was the whole taking his heartbroken best friend to one known for its seedy reputation that bothered T.
"I am," Will replied confidently, shoving his fake ID into his skin-tight jeans.
T watched as Will breezed through the club and headed straight for the bar. T groaned in frustration. Tonight was going to be a long night.
Will threw back a shot and slammed the glass on the bar top, shuddering. It had been so long since he'd done something like this, so long since he'd been in this place.
Sonny never took Will here. On the rare nights they got to go out, Sonny preferred quieter clubs. He enjoyed romantic slow dances and intimate conversation. Nothing like this place.
The few times Will went to The Spot were with his old friend Neil. He held Will's hand and navigated him through the masses. He held Will's hips as they danced to the overpowering music. He daringly licked the sweat along Will's neck, making Will jump about two feet in the air. He held Will tightly whenever a stranger would get too close. He laughed loudly when Will walked into the backroom instead of the bathroom, turning bright red.
No, Will didn't want to go anywhere that reminded him of Sonny tonight. Will wanted to be in a place he associated with a strange sense of freedom with a hint of trouble.
By the time T made it to the bar, Will moved out onto the dance floor. T thought it looked more like a mosh of gyrating, sweat-slick bodies than anything else. He was fairly certain no one was doing any real dancing.
T didn't know what Will had planned for the night. T worried about Will drinking though. It wasn't that long ago Will had a problem controlling that when he was in high school.
T knew he needed to keep a watchful eye on Will. Will would regret whatever he did tonight, T was certain.
'Eventually he'll remember who he is,' T thought. He winced as a beefy arm wrapped around Will's waist. 'And it won't be pretty when he does.'
Will purred, nestled between two hard bodies. The few extra shots bought for him went right to his head leaving him warm and lightheaded. He lost his shirt some time ago.
Will rocked his hips to the beat of the music, hips swishing left and right and around in a circle. For the first time in a long time Will didn't think. He didn't feel anything other than the steady grip on his hips and the long arms wrapped around his neck.
Will ignored his wedding ring digging into his left finger.
As the man behind him pressed a kiss to the back of his shoulder, Will slipped away teasingly. He was aware enough to know he didn't want that.
Will, wide smile on his face, turned around to smack right into another person.
"Oopsie," Will slurred. He used the bare chest in front of him to steady himself.
"S'alright," a voice shouted in Will's ear, stepping closer to Will.
Will looked at the guy's face, surprised to find him even younger than Will himself.
Will smiled when the man, a boy really, shyly pulled Will closer. It was clear the kid had no experience with this type of thing. Will remembered those days.
Will put his arms around the boy's neck and laid his head on his shoulders. His lips twitched when he felt the boy shuddering beneath him.
Will danced with the boy for a few songs. Will pressed against him, wondering if it was the boy's first time there. He wondered if the neon lights and the half-naked bodies intimidated the boy like they did Will once upon a time.
The boy was braver than Will though. Will never ventured away from Neil that first night they came to The Spot. He never would have danced with a stranger then.
Seeing a camera flash, Will turned his head to see more boys about the same age as Will's dance partner. They all had rounded faces and wide-eyes. One of them held a phone in his hands facing his friend's direction. The others flashed dorky thumbs-up at the boy, clearly embarrassing him.
"Sorry," the boy yelled in Will's ear.
"That's okay," Will responded. His head was fuzzy but he knew only his back would be seen in the pictures, nothing incriminating.
Will stumbled away as the boy's friends descended on him, grilling for details. Will, eyes-lidded, glanced in the direction he last saw T. He almost laughed when he saw T being aggressively hit on by a much older man.
Snickering to himself, Will slowly made his way towards the bathroom.
After successfully finding and using the restroom, Will paused in front of the mirror. Sometime during the night someone used body paint on him. Will could see the sweaty streaks drizzling down his chest, towards his abs.
"You're so hot," a deep voice hummed in Will's ear, coming up behind him.
Looking in the mirrors reflection, Will took in the wide yet muscular body behind him. Will found himself transfixed on the man's biceps. He wondered if it would be rude to ask if the guy was a bodybuilder or not.
While he was thinking, the man pressed himself against Will's back. He was a few inches shorter than Will, able to easily rest his chin on Will's shoulder.
The man nuzzled against the back of Will's ear, breathing in Will's sweat-soaked skin.
"So hot," the voice repeated. Large hands mapped Will's chest and stomach, brushing against Will's waistband. "What's a pretty thing like you doing all alone?"
Will blinked a few times, too surprised to say anything.
"Come with me," the man requested. He pulled a limp Will towards the door and back into the hallway.
Will's ears were assaulted by the pounding bass. He could see the man's lips moving but had no idea what he was saying. Will allowed the man to pull him further down the hallway, away from the dancefloor and towards the backroom.
T, finally shaking the old man hounding him, felt alarmed to realize he couldn't see Will. T checked the middle of the dancefloor but didn't see anything. He edged around the club, looking for his painted friend before going towards the bathroom.
When Will wasn't in there, T grimaced before heading towards the door at the end of the hall. He really hoped Will wasn't in that room.
Will let the stranger manhandle him until he was pressed against a wall. He could hear several moans nearby, no one bothered to hide them. Cheek pressed against the wall, Will nearly jumped when two hands pulled at the button of his jeans as a hot, warm mouth breathed next to his ear.
"So sexy, baby," the man praised. "Want you so bad."
Those were the words Will longed to hear. It just wasn't from the right man.
Will elbowed the man, forcing him to let Will go.
"I can't," Will breathed out, eyes watering. "I can't."
Will rushed towards the door, seeing men in various stages of undress and in several different positions out of his peripheral vision.
Will barreled into T when he opened the door.
T, seeing more than he wanted to, noticed an annoyed looking man near the back of the room.
"Come on," T grabbed Will's wrist and yanked. "Let's get out of here."
T knew he would be no match for the muscle-head Will most likely just left behind.
T and Will stumbled out of the club and onto the street. Will made it a few wobbly steps before turning into an alleyway and puking at his feet.
T sighed before patting Will on his bare back.
Will coughed loudly, dry heaving.
"It's alright, dude," T assured Will. "Just let it out."
Once Will finished, T took off his jacket and handed it to Will. God only knew where Will's clothes ended up.
Will sat on the ground, leaning against the building behind him with his eyes closed.
T followed suit. He observed Will for a few seconds, giving Will some time to collect himself.
"What happened back there?" T asked, referring to where he found Will.
Will opened his eyes briefly before closing them again.
"Nothing," Will replied. "He didn't do anything."
"Did you want him to?" T wondered.
"No, not really," Will responded. "I went to the bathroom and he was saying what I wanted to hear."
"So, you followed him into a sex room?" T questioned.
"I didn't follow him," Will defended. "I just, he didn't even touch me. He tried and I wouldn't let him. I left."
"Okay, good," T nodded. "But what exactly is tonight about?"
"I want to stop feeling this way," Will said. "Everyone already thinks I'm like my mom. Why not go all out?"
"But you're not your mom, Will," T stated gently.
"I want Sonny to hurt as much as I do," Will revealed. "He slept with Paul and didn't care. Why can't I do the same? I tried and that guy touched me and I couldn't. I physically couldn't. Even with Paul, he kissed me and I wanted to but I couldn't. I couldn't do that to Sonny, couldn't do that to me."
Will opened his eyes again, staring at T desperately.
"Why is it so easy for people to hurt me but not the other way around?" Will wondered.
"I don't know, Will," T admitted. "I wish I did."
"I just want someone to love me the way I love them," Will confessed. "I want to be someone's only. I want to own all their heart and all their soul. I only want to share with Ari.
"I want someone to look at me like I'm the most beautiful thing they're ever going to see. I want them to trust me and respect me and love me. That's all I want. I just want someone to love me. But I'm not good enough. Why aren't I good enough?"
"Will," T whispered. He knew Will wouldn't open up this easily if he wasn't still intoxicated.
"I try and I try and it's not enough. I'm not enough. I want too much. I take too much, expect too much. I'm not good. I don't deserve anything good," Will insisted.
Will wasn't even sure if he was making sense. His brain-to-mouth filter wasn't working.
"Sonny was the only one. I thought he was the only one. Of everyone I've ever dated, he was…. Mia only wanted Chad. Gabi, Gabi wanted what I represented. She wanted Chad and settled for me. I thought Sonny loved me. I thought he was it. But he wanted Paul. God," Will laughed. "The only person that's ever just wanted me was Neil and I don't know what ever happened to him. How sad is that?
"What does it mean? When your husband throws you away? Does it mean he never loved me? Or does it mean he loved Paul more? The memory of a relationship from years ago was more important than me. Sex with Paul was more important than me.
"I just want someone to love me," Will finished.
"I love you," T offered.
"Yeah," Will smiled sadly. "Just not the way I want someone to love me."
Will rested his head against the building behind him, staring up at the sky.
"Do you think someone else will want to be with me?" Will asked out loud. "That I'd ever find someone else?"
"What are you talking about?" T shook his head. "Plenty of guys want you. I saw them dancing all up on you tonight."
"That's different," Will insisted. "It's not the same."
"Remember in high school though?" T goaded. "All the girls loved you."
Will closed his eyes and shook his head.
"They said you were the hottest guy in school," T argued. "All Gabi's friends would drool over you."
"Pretty," Will mumbled. "Told me I was pretty. Pretty face with nothing behind it. I'd work out for hours and hours because I didn't think anyone saw any other part of me. No one cared."
"Will," T never knew any of this. He knew Will often felt down about himself but he didn't think it went this deep, this far.
"Ugly," Will whispered. "Inside, out, I'm nothing."
"Your life, your happiness can't depend on what other people think," T told Will. "You have to find a way to be happy all on your own."
"Everyone, even you, told me how stupid I was for turning down Sonny's proposal. Because I would never get any better, no one else would ever want me, right?" Will recalled.
"That's not what I meant," T said, horrified.
"That's how I took it. That Sonny was the best thing that would ever happen to me and if I didn't marry him no one else ever would. It's almost funny, isn't it? Sonny's the best I would ever deserve and even he didn't want me," Will licked his lips.
"That's not true," T insisted.
"It is," Will responded easily, like he already accepted it as fact.
"How many times," Will asked. "Have you heard, 'Wow, Sonny, you're so lucky to have Will'? Never, right? No one ever says it. No one ever believed it. Sonny wasn't lucky to have me. I was lucky to have Sonny lower his standards to be with me."
"Sonny loves you," T stated. "If he didn't love you he wouldn't be fighting for you."
Will thought back to the poetry Sonny emailed him. Will hated that he couldn't stop reading the poem. That he couldn't shut down that traitorous part of his heart that still beat for Sonny.
"He loves you, dude," T repeated. "And he's terrified he ruined everything. That you're going to forgive Paul and forget all about him."
"That would serve him right," Will sarcastically asked. "He fucked Paul. Why shouldn't I?"
"Do you really want to sleep with someone that slept with your husband?" T wrinkled his nose.
"No," Will shivered. "I can't stop picturing them together. I'll never stop picturing them together. Why did Sonny have to do that? Why did Paul?"
"Were you close with Paul?" T questioned.
"Yeah," Will admitted. "I thought so but it was all a lie. I thought he was my friend. He was the only one there and with the pub and he," Will trailed off. "God," Will covered his face with his hands. "I cried on him about Sonny and he never said anything."
"Does Paul want to be with you?" T frowned.
"I don't know," Will sighed. "He says so but I don't see how. Why would he want to be with me?"
T sadly looked at Will, wishing there was something he could do to help.
"It doesn't matter anyway. I can't stomach looking at him, either of them," Will declared.
Will sat there for a few seconds, calming himself down. That's all the time he allotted. All the time he would get to let his sadness, his desperation take over. After that Will would stand up and let his anger control him. It was easier to be angry, easier to keep others at bay, to stop trusting.
Will, seeming to realize he was pouring his heart out in a dirty alley next to a pile of his own vomit, stood up.
T stood up as well and pulled Will into a hug.
"You can get through this, man," T promised. "I know you can."
When T pulled away the betrayal and pain from before were wiped clean from Will's face. Will looked like he did when they first arrived at The Spot. An unfamiliar, guarded expression enveloped Will's face leaving a stranger behind.
Author's Note:
Thanks for reading!