Sonny watched Chad handle tiny baby Tate, nearly smiling. He knew how bittersweet it was for Chad to be around infants.
I remember when Ari was that small, Sonny thought wistfully. It had been too long since he saw his daughter.
T, admiring Chad and Theresa cooing over the baby, couldn't resist saying, "Well, he's a cutie, I'll give you that. Plus, you skipped getting fat."
"I think I would have preferred to carry my own child," Theresa said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes.
"I'm just saying," T held both hands out in front of his stomach. "Gabi got yoooooge."
Sonny frowned at T in distaste.
"She looked like a whale," T shrugged. "Don't tell me you didn't notice."
"Fine, that is the one upside to the situation," Theresa smoothed down her skintight dress. "No pesky baby weight to obsess over."
Brady walked into the front room, making a face seeing Chad holding his son.
"The nanny told me you were here," Brady commented.
"I told you I would be," Theresa stroked over Tate's rounded cheek. "Mommy missed you," Theresa said, laughing when Tate offered her a gummy smile.
"Uh huh," Brady crossed his arms and nodded towards Chad. "And why is he here?"
"To see Sonny," Chad said, handing Tate to Theresa. "And to be here for Theresa."
Brady lifted an eyebrow.
"Did you know," T said conversationally. "One of the things that seals the deal with a woman on a man is seeing him with a baby?"
"You're an idiot," Theresa quipped.
"I'm just saying," T ignored Theresa and grinned at Brady. "Chad's young, rich, handsome, and is good with kids. I'm pretty sure she's sold."
"T, not now," Sonny pleaded in a long-suffering tone.
Brady gave T a long stare before turning his attention on Sonny.
"It's good to see you out of your room," Brady said. "I haven't seen you at all since you got here."
"I know," Sonny replied. "I haven't wanted to be seen."
"I figured you were hiding from my grandfather," Brady joked.
"That too," Sonny admitted. He was in no mood to deal with Victor's sudden dislike of Will.
Everyone settled into an easy quiet. The only sound was Tate's excited babbling.
Sonny ached to hear Ari's laugh again.
Why didn't I ever appreciate her when I saw her every day? I wasted so many hours at the club when I should have been home with my family. Maybe if I wasn't so focused on work and myself I wouldn't have done this. Things could be different.
The sound of the front door opening and closing could be heard in the background.
"Has anyone seen-oh, there you are," Adrienne beamed when she saw Sonny. "I have something that'll cheer you up."
Sonny reluctantly looked in his mother's direction, heart stopping.
"Ari!" Sonny leapt to his feet.
"Daddy'So!" Ari cheered, lunging out of Adrienne's arms.
"Oh, baby," Sonny held her tightly against his chest. "I missed you so much, you and Daddy. I love you," Sonny kissed the top of her head, repeating the phrase over and over.
Ari squeezed Sonny, little chin resting on his shoulder.
"There's my little nugget," T wiggled his fingers in Ari's direction.
Ari giggled and waved back.
Sonny, eyes shut, held Ari for a moment longer before setting her on the ground.
Ari toddled towards Theresa and baby Tate.
"Oooh," Ari cooed. She poked at Tate's face and laughed in delight when Tate responded.
"Where did, how did you get her?" Sonny asked his mother.
"Lucas called me," Adrienne explained gently. "Will wanted you to see each other."
"He did?" Sonny asked, hope shining in his eyes.
"She's your daughter. Will's always been the first to say that," Adrienne patted his back.
"I just, I know that, but after what I did," Sonny said in a low voice. "It doesn't feel like I deserve her."
"Will wouldn't take her away," Adrienne implored.
"Yeah," T butted in. "He takes her to see Gabi and she whacked a dude."
"I'm pretty sure she whacked Will first," Chad made a rude hand gesture causing Theresa to snicker.
Brady stared at Sonny for a long while.
"What are you talking about? What did you do?" Brady wondered.
Sonny rubbed his forehead. He wasn't telling anyone Will wouldn't want to know.
And I don't want anyone to know, Sonny ignored Brady in favor of Ari. I'm not wasting any time anymore. I have to savor every moment I get with her.
Will looked at the list in front of him. He didn't realize it would be this long.
I didn't realize I hated that many things about myself, Will thought with a shaky sigh.
Will read over his list, throat burning. It felt weird, looking at it. These are all the things Will kept hidden, buried. All the little nagging doubts about himself. All the secret hopes and wishes he wanted to accomplish but was too afraid to voice.
Not anymore. I won't be afraid of anything anymore.
Will trailed a finger over the list, pausing at one entry: a real home.
Throughout Will's life he lived in so many houses. Suspicious apartments in poor neighborhoods, the Kiriakis mansion, the DiMera mansion, condos, and dorm rooms. The only place that ever felt like home though was the tiny house Will lived in during his time in Switzerland with Carrie and Austin.
The house itself was small but roomy enough for three. Will enjoyed the closeness though. He enjoyed always being in each other's orbit. Will loved walking home and having someone there to greet him. Will didn't know how they did it but Carrie and Austin always made sure someone would be there with Will.
It was unsettling, really, being the center of anyone's world. It took a long time for Will to accept that Austin and Carrie wanted him around simply because he was Will. They didn't fight over him. They didn't use him as a bargaining chip. He got to be a loved, well-cared for kid.
More than anything, Will loved spending time in his own backyard. It wasn't massive and meticulously groomed like at the Kiriakis mansion. There were no imposing statues or tennis courts like the DiMera mansion either. The garden was small and quaint with overgrown grass and wildflowers. There was enough space for a patio table and chairs, room enough for Will and Austin to kick a ball and play around.
Those were the moments Will wanted Arianna to experience. He wanted her to play, safe and sound, in her own backyard without a guard standing over her. He wanted to chase her around, wrap his arms around her waist and twirl her until she got nauseous. He wanted to get his hands dirty, plant his own flowers, try his hand at gardening.
Will wanted to leave the backdoor open for a dog, something mid-sized with floppy ears, to run in and out. He wanted to eat outside, dog begging for scraps. Eating something hearty and healthy that his husband provided for them because even in his own fantasy Will knew he couldn't cook.
For a long time, Will pictured that life with Sonny. From the moment they got married, when Will finally accepted that Sonny was his and his alone, that's what Will wanted. He wanted a house, a home, for his daughter and husband. He wanted the dog and the white picket fence.
Will wanted so much, expected so much. Now, he had to face the possibility of being alone. It was terrifying, really. Beyond the pain and humiliation, Will doubted if he could make it on his own.
I can't cook anything. I can't clean anything right. I don't make enough money at Sonix. I have no idea how to run a business so I'll probably screw that up too. How can I expect to take care of Ari let alone myself?
Will curled his fingers tightly into a fist. Looking at his list, what he wanted, stirred something inside of Will.
What have I been doing with my life? Will wondered. The only thing I have to be proud of is my daughter.
Recalling his conversation with Eric, Will couldn't help but question yet again why bad things happened to him.
Eric said they weren't my fault but they had to be, most of them, Will thought. These things don't just happen.
Will couldn't help but wonder if his life had any meaning at all.
Everything I've accomplished, everything I've done, Will shook his head. It's all for nothing.
Every article I've ever written has been a disaster. Every relationship I've ever been in has blown up in my face. All my friendships, everything. The only bright spot in my life is Ari and I might have ruined her family.
Will couldn't live like this anymore. He couldn't. He refused to live a meaningless existence where he lived for Sonny or someone else to approve of him, take care of him. He needed to learn to be self-sufficient. He needed to take charge, find some sort of meaning.
Every recent bad thing in my life occurred when I started writing. Sonny getting me that job with True Vista lead to so many arguments, so much resentment. My writing is what took me to California. Some stupid pipedream where I never had what it took.
I left. I left my husband behind. Maybe if I stayed Sonny would have at least left me instead of cheating first. My writing ruined my mother's last few weeks with EJ. I embarrassed Abigail and her family. My writing brought me to Paul.
Writing only ever leads to bad things. My writing is evil.
Will covered his mouth with one hand, stifling a sob.
I can't write anymore.
Will read over the article he wrote, the article damning Sonny and Paul, exposing them. Despite the content, Will thought it was pretty good. If it was about someone else's life Will might have even found it intriguing.
Will bowed his head, biting his lip.
Was I really going to send this? Was I really going to tell the entire world what Sonny and Paul did?
A part of Will still wanted to do it. He wanted to hurt them the way they hurt him. Let Sonny and Paul feel the type of pain and humiliation they subjected Will to.
But I can't, Will decided.
Will got off the couch, rummaging through his desk. Finding a flash drive, Will moved back to the sofa and his laptop.
After a few moments, Will saved the article to the flash drive. Once the device safely ejected from the laptop, Will deleted the article from his computer.
He couldn't send it. He couldn't hurt them that way. Despite what they did, what he felt, he couldn't let them go through the same thing. Will wouldn't let his writing be used to hurt anyone anymore. He wouldn't become that person.
I don't want to be that type of person. I can't be that type of person. Ari deserves better.
Will was right though, his writing was evil.
Will wiped against his eyes with the backs of his hands. He felt awful for writing the article in the first place. He felt just as awful that he couldn't send it either.
Will took a few steadying breaths, in and out. After, he found his phone and dialed a familiar contact.
"Zoe?" Will asked after a few rings. "It's Will."
Will turned the flash drive over in his hand. He was glad to have a copy of the last article he would ever write.
"I quit."
Sami held open the front door to Will and Sonny's apartment for Lucas.
"Did you have to buy this much, Sami, really?" Lucas complained as he dragged in an armful of bags.
"Yes," Sami responded. "Ari is at the perfect age to start dressing her up."
"She's not a doll," Lucas sighed.
Sami, mouth open to fire back, paused when she saw Will lying face down on the sofa.
"Hey," Sami sat next to Will on the edge of the couch. "What's wrong?"
"What did they do now?" Lucas narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms.
Will lifted his tear-streaked face and rolled over, legs covering Sami's lap.
"Nothing," Will mumbled. "I quit Sonix."
"What?" Sami frowned. "Why?"
She didn't particularly like the magazine but Will loved it. He loved writing. He was so proud to get that job all by himself.
"I can't write anymore," Will admitted.
"Of course you can," Lucas sat on the arm of the sofa. "This is just a setback. You'll get your motivation back."
"No, that's not it," Will shook his head. "Bad things happen when I write. I won't do it anymore."
"Will," Sami put her hand on his knee. "You love writing."
"It doesn't matter," Will rubbed his face. "I'll find something new to love. Something that won't hurt anyone, something that isn't evil."
"Did someone put you up to this?" Lucas narrowed his eyes. "Influence you?"
"I did," Will sat up, pulling his legs away from Sami. "I can't live like this, not anymore."
"What does that mean?" Sami and Lucas shared a sharp expression.
"I can't be miserable and I can't be angry. I have to be better for myself and for Ari," Will told them both. "I need to actually get my life together and come to terms with what happened."
"Okay," Lucas said. "That's good."
"I'm not going to let what happened rule my life. Sonny's behavior doesn't determine my worth. Paul's lies aren't going to keep me down. I'm going to get over this. I'm going to get better, even if it kills me," Will declared.
"I'm proud of you," Sami praised. And she meant it. She always knew Will was stronger than he thought.
"Thanks," Will replied. "I have a number for a psychologist at the hospital. I'm thinking about making an appointment."
"Good," Lucas nodded. "It sounds like you're making a lot of progress already."
"I just want to give Ari a good life," Will licked his lips. "I don't want to screw her up."
"You love her," Sami reminded him harshly. "You won't mess anything up."
"Didn't stop you with me," Will couldn't stop himself from saying.
He chuckled when he got a swat upside the head.
"I got a call from my grandma earlier," Sami told Will as he rubbed the side of his head. "She wanted us all to go to the pub for dinner. Something about a big announcement."
Will smiled softly to himself, keeping silent.
"You know something," Sami groaned.
"You'll find out," Will informed her.
"We're meeting in a few hours," Lucas revealed. "Do you want me to go get Ari?"
Will took a deep breath, shaking his head.
"No, no there are things I need to talk to Sonny about," Will decided despite his nerves. "I can pick her up."
I have to do this, Will reminded himself. It's not fair to anyone if I don't.
"Lucas is going to be by to pick her up soon," Adrienne reminded Sonny.
"Yeah," Sonny said from where he was sitting on the floor with Ari. "I know."
"Gr'mpa?" Ari asked, eyes big.
"Yeah, your grandpa," Sonny nodded. "You like grandpa, huh?"
Ari nodded several times with a wide smile.
"How is this kid so cute?" T questioned. "I mean, really?"
"Just lucky," Sonny responded. "Huh, princess?"
Ari giggled when Sonny poked her in the tummy.
Ding Dong
"That should be Lucas," Adrienne headed for the door.
Sonny sighed sadly. He hated this was his life now. Short visits with his daughter, separated from his husband. This wasn't what he wanted.
Sonny stood up, taking Ari with him.
"Well, it's time for me to send you with Grandpa," Sonny told Ari. "I wish I didn't have to."
Ari waved goodbye to everyone else in the room as Sonny slowly walked to the front entrance.
"Did you know your Daddies got married here?" Sonny asked Ari. "You were there in your cute little dress. That was the happiest day of my life, even happier than when you were born. I finally got to tell everyone just how much Daddy meant to me."
Sonny kissed the top of Ari's head.
"I'm going to do that again," Sonny promised Ari. "I'm going to prove to you, Daddy, everyone just how much I love him."
"Sonny," Adrienne said, voice soft.
Sonny finally looked towards the front door and gasped.
"Will," Sonny breathed.
"Daddy!" Ari cheered.
"Hi, baby girl," Will cautiously stepped forward, pretending he didn't overhear Sonny. "Did you have fun?"
Ari nodded and began to babble excitedly.
"That's great," Will grinned.
"Will," Sonny nearly dropped Ari, his grip was so shaky. "You're here."
"Y-yeah," Will looked at his feet. "I need to talk to you."
"Anything," Sonny promised. "We, we can, I can-,"
"Here," Adrienne smoothly swept in, taking Ari. "I'll go see if she needs a new diaper. Why don't you two go out into the garden for some privacy?"
"Right, I knew that," Sonny said. "Um, this way."
Will followed after Sonny, trying to keep his emotions in check.
Being inside the mansion was harder than Will expected. Too many memories of a happier time.
Am I ever going to be that happy again? Will wondered.
Sonny closed the French doors behind them. He didn't want anyone overhearing them.
"Hi," Sonny finally said after a few moments of silence.
"…Hi," Will replied.
"D-did you, um, I sent, I mean, I don't know if you saw but I-," Sonny rambled.
"The emails," Will nodded, trying his best to straightforward. "I saw them."
"Oh," Sonny mumbled. "My mom said to leave you alone but I couldn't. I can't. I love you so much, Will. It kills me to know what I did to you."
"Good," Will crossed his arms. "I hope it hurts even a fraction of what I feel."
"I never meant to hurt you," Sonny promised.
"Yes," Wil looked at Sonny's face for the first time. "You did."
"No," Sonny denied. "I didn't think about what it would do, what I would be risking. I just, I was selfish."
"I was right the first time you asked me to marry you," Will said. "Marriage isn't real. It doesn't work."
"Don't say that!" Sonny scolded, suddenly terrified.
"Do you remember when we first started dating? And you asked me to marry you, played it off like a joke?" Will recalled. "Were you thinking about Paul then? When you were supposedly so happy to finally be with me?"
"Please, Will," Sonny said. "I made, well, several mistakes but I know we can get through this. I know you can trust me again."
"How?" Will asked. "I try to think about it and I can't. All I see is you and Paul and I'm somewhere on the side, an afterthought."
Sonny's face morphed into a cruel grimace when Will said Paul's name again.
"Don't say that name," Sonny requested.
"Why?" Will demanded. "You're the one that hurt me. Or are you upset about those photos?"
"Of course, I'm upset," Sonny couldn't help raising his voice. "The way he was touching you and looking at you. I just-," Sonny cut himself off when he saw Will's face.
"You're upset because he hugged me, touched my face?" Will glared. "Why? Because you're jealous he touched someone besides you?"
"No," Sonny shook his head, staring at Will in exasperation. "Because he was touching you! You, Will!"
Will paused.
"Do you think I want someone else with my husband? Do you think I'm proud that I pushed and pushed and lied until I shoved you into someone else's arms? Let alone his arms!" Sonny shouted. "I hate what I did to you. And I hate what he did too. That he knew who you were and still tried to be with you."
Will crossed his arms and closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk about Paul. But since Sonny insisted on it Will decided to be honest.
"I kissed him," Will revealed.
"You told me that already," Sonny frowned. He hated picturing it. He didn't know how Will was standing strong after finding out what Sonny did.
I can't stomach Will kissing someone else. How can Will even look at me after knowing what I did?
"No," Will shook his head. "After I found out about the money. I went to Paul and I kissed him."
Sonny winced and closed his eyes.
"I threw myself at him," Will continued. "My mouth, my lips, my tongue-,"
"Stop it!" Sonny yelled, hands over his ears.
"He's the one that stopped me!" Will shouted over Sonny. "He knew I just wanted to get back at you."
"Why are you telling me this?" Sonny asked, eyes wet. "To hurt me?"
"No," Will denied. "Because I want to be honest with you. I don't know how I feel. I haven't for a long time."
"What does that mean?" Sonny asked, panicked.
"You were hurting me long before I knew what you did with Paul," Will explained. "And he was there for me. And I-But you both lied to me."
"What does that mean?" Sonny pleaded. "Will?"
"You hurt me. You made me feel like I was wrong. You made me feel like everyone else always has," Will said. "Paul made me feel different. And I-I think I felt something for Paul too."
"Don't say that," Sonny begged. "That isn't, you didn't even know him!"
"I thought I did," Will shook his head. "I thought, I don't know what I thought."
"So, what?" Sonny wondered. "You want to be with him? Even though he slept with me? That's sick, Will."
"I didn't say that," Will closed his eyes, feeling nauseous. "I-I'm just trying to get you to understand how hard this is."
"Because you wanted to be with someone else?" Sonny growled.
"You don't get to begrudge me having a crush," Will snapped his eyes open, angry. "I did everything I could to tell him we were never going to happen. I talked to my mom and she made me realize what I was doing. I told him no. You didn't."
"So, I'm the monster because I slept with him?" Sonny asked. "But you aren't, because you only wanted to? Because he held your hand and stroked your ego when I was mean? Is that it? It's perfectly fine for you to have an emotional affair?"
Will didn't say anything, just stared at Sonny.
"God, Will," Sonny didn't know where this anger was coming from. "I loved you from the moment I met you. I knew I had to be with you. And you, do you even know how hard it is being with you? Everyone always told me not to be with you and I didn't listen!"
"I should just be grateful," Will said in a deathly calm voice. "Right?"
Not giving Sonny a chance to respond, Will continued, "Because you were willing to lower your standards and be with me. Because you saw something in me, once upon a time, that made me feel like I was important, wanted.
"So, I should just let you do everything you want," Will shrugged. "Because even with you cheating on me," Will blinked away tears, "I know that's all I'm going to be worth. The only person that's ever going to put up with me is you. Everyone's made sure I know that."
"No, no that isn't-" Sonny placated. "That isn't what I meant. I just meant that despite that, I knew you were worth it."
"I'm sorry," Will held his shoulders back, head high. "That I had a crush on Paul. I'm sorry that I got close to him, that I befriended him. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Will," Sonny could see he was losing whatever progress they might have made.
"It was stupid of me to think anyone wanted to be my friend without trying to sleep with me," Will said. "I know that now. I know that's all you or Paul ever wanted."
"That isn't what-," Sonny tried.
"Just like it was stupid of me to think I could ever be with you," Will stated.
"Don't say that," Sonny beseeched. "We're supposed to be together."
"I don't see how," Will shook his head. "Not now."
"That's, no, that, we have to-," Sonny couldn't think.
"I'll make sure you still see Ari," Will promised.
"Will, no," Sonny nearly cried.
"But I can't be with you," Will sighed, trying not to cry. "I'm a mess and until I figure out how to be better on my own I can't be with anyone. I don't know how to forgive you. I don't know what part of our relationship was real and what was a lie."
"It's all real," Sonny rushed towards Will. "All of it."
"I figure we can continue using our joint checking account," Will ignored Sonny. "But please don't use it for the club anymore."
Sonny wrapped his arms around a squirming Will.
"Please, Will," Sonny begged. "Don't do this."
"I don't know how to be with you anymore," Will declared, arms at his sides.
"I love you," Sonny squished Will against him painfully.
"You told me once," Will blinked several times, not reacting to Sonny's arms. "That your life was perfect until I came along and ruined it. That wasn't a joke, was it?"
Sonny wracked his brain for something to say, anything to prove to Will they could do this. Thinking of the poems he sent to Will each night, Sonny recited one.
"'I love you because I love you, because it would be impossible for me not to love you. I love you without question, without calculation, without reason good or bad, faithfully, with all my heart and soul, and every faculty. If you cannot believe'-,"
"It's just words," Will mumbled.
"It's not," Sonny shook Will against him. He cleared his throat and tried again. " 'My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you-I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again-my Life seems to stop there- I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving- I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you…I could die for you'."
"Stop it," Will requested. "Sonny, I can't."
"Don't say that," Sonny growled. "It's not over."
"I didn't say it was," Will replied. "I said I can't right now. I just, I have to do this. I can't be with you right now."
"What if you never come back?" Sonny questioned. "What if this is it?"
"Please, let me do this," Will wished. "I need to figure things out. I can't go on feeling like this, depending on you. You can't either, Sonny. We need to grow up."
"Promise me this isn't the end," Sonny begged. "Promise me, Will!"
"I-it's not the end," Will parroted without emotion.
"Okay," Sonny closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against Will's neck.
Sonny needed to breathe him in, needed to memorize Will's scent and the feel of him in his arms. They'd hugged so many times over the years. Sonny never once considered he might have a last moment with Will. But that's what this was.
This could be the last time I get to hug him, hold him, Sonny realized. It made him squeeze Will even tighter.
Will closed his eyes too, relishing the feeling. He never thought he'd be here, never thought Sonny could hurt him so thoroughly.
Eventually, Will pulled away, wiping his eyes.
"I'll see you around," Will vaguely said. "Goodbye."
Adrienne walked out into the garden after Will and Ari left.
"Sonny, are you alright?" Adrienne asked.
"No," Sonny responded, crumbling to the bench beside him.
Will walked into the Brady Pub, Ari in his arms. Without his daughter to ground him, Will never would have made it here.
For Ari, Will reminded himself over and over. You're doing this all for her. She deserves a nice, normal childhood. She needs a stable father. I have to be better for her. I will be better for her.
Put a smile on your face and play the part, Will ordered himself.
"We're gonna see all our family, okay, baby?" Will told Ari. "There's gonna be a party and maybe even some cake. Does that sound like fun?"
"Party!" Ari cheered, shaking her fists in the air.
"Exactly," Will smiled weakly. "A party."
Will walked into the pub, gravitating towards his family.
"Hey," Will said, seeing his grandfather sitting at a booth.
"Will," Roman nodded. "Hey, Arianna," Roman smiled at his great-granddaughter.
Ari bashfully hid her face against Will's neck.
Joining Roman at the table were Hope, Aiden, Ciara, and Chase.
"Hi," Will greeted everyone. He noticed a few strange looks his way. With a sigh, Will explained. "I didn't cheat on Sonny."
With a falsely sweet smile, Will turned away.
Sami and Lucas were sharing a table with Theresa, Tate, and Chad.
Ari wriggled out of Will's arm. She plopped on Chad's lap to interact with Tate.
"How did that go?" Chad asked Will immediately. Noting Will's confusion, Chad offered. "Theresa and I just left the Kiriakis mansion."
"It went," Will replied. "Let's just leave it at that."
"Are you?" Sami questioned. "Leaving, that is?"
"I," Will pressed his lips together. "He's keeping his distance until I decide."
"I'm sorry, Will," Lucas said. "I know how hard this is for you."
"Yeah, well," Will looked down at his shoes. "We don't always get what we want."
Eric, beer in hand, clapped Will on the shoulder.
"Long time no see," Eric winked at Will.
"Yeah," Will nodded, sparing his uncle a small smile.
"Anyone know what this whole thing is about?" Sami asked loudly.
"You'll find out when Grandma Caroline gets here," Will assured her.
"Speaking of Grandma," Theresa nodded towards the front entrance.
Kayla, holding onto a wobbly Caroline's arm, walked into the pub. Everyone cheered including the customers.
Caroline greeted everyone individually. She lamented that not all her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren were there.
At least my only great-greatgrandchild is here, Caroline beamed at Arianna playing with Tate.
"Nice haircut," Kayla wrapped her arm around Will's waist.
"Thanks," Will touched the short strands of hair self-consciously.
"Are you ready for this?" Kayla wondered. "This is gonna be a big moment for you."
"I want a change," Will admitted. "This is a good first step."
One of the pub's newly hired waiter's walked over to Will with a cautious smile.
"Hi, Will," the teenager, Adam, interrupted. "Uh, we kind of need your help."
"With what?" Will turned, focusing his attention. He tilted his head to the side, staring at the teenager before him.
Why does he look so familiar? Will wondered. He could have sworn he saw the kid somewhere besides the pub. He just couldn't remember where.
"Well, Katie got sick and had to leave. And," Adam looked around at the Brady family, "With everyone here we're gonna need an extra server."
"Right," Will nodded. He turned to face his mom. "Watch Ari for me?"
"Sure," Sami smiled proudly. She loved watching Will take responsibility, charge.
He really has grown up, Sami thought.
Will laid down a plate in front of a customer with a polite smile.
"I'll be your cashier whenever you're ready," Will informed them.
"Come here, Will," Caroline beckoned.
Will stood next to his great-grandmother.
"Did you need something?" Will wondered. "More coffee?"
"No, silly," Caroline teased. "Everyone's eaten."
"Except Will," Kayla interjected.
"Except you, Will," Caroline nodded. "I think it's time I make my announcement."
Kayla stood up and cleared her throat.
"Everyone, can I have your attention, please?" Kayla shouted. When she was certain everyone from the customers to the wait staff were watching her, Kayla deferred to her mother.
Caroline carefully stood up, holding onto the back of her chair for support.
"As you all know," Caroline announced. "Shawn and I poured our everything into this pub. You've all spent hours here." Placing her hand on Will's shoulder, Caroline added. "Will practically grew up here, following his great-grandparents around."
Will smiled nostalgically. He loved watching Great-Grandpa Shawn work. Loved listening to his accent and his stories. Loved the gruff pats on the back that always led to him jokingly jerking Will back and forth.
"When my Shawn left us, left me," Caroline smiled sadly. "I did my best. This past year, Kayla's been helping me as well. But she's too busy running a hospital."
Kayla rolled her eyes fondly, feeling bashful.
"And," Caroline added. "I'm getting too old, too forgetful."
"Ma, come on," Roman called out.
"You're not old, Grandma," Ciara promised.
"Oh, sweetheart, you're so full of it," Caroline stated causing everyone to laugh. "I know what I am. And what I am is tired.
"Tired in my bones, tired in my soul," Caroline said. "Which is why, in a few days, I'll be moving into the Salem Gates Retirement Village."
Will turned to stare at Caroline. She forgot to mention that.
Everyone began to talk at once.
"Nothing to worry about," Caroline insisted. "I want to go. It'll be nice to have someone waiting on me hand and foot after all these years. And, for all our faithful customers, they won't need to worry about the pub staying open. Because," Caroline grabbed Will's hand in a surprisingly tight grip. "Kayla and I have found a perfect new owner."
Sami, eyes wide, shoved her hands over her mouth in excitement. Lucas smiled proudly, that was his boy Caroline was praising.
"Will here implemented all these beautiful new changes," Caroline gestured towards the new paint job and décor. "And I know he's going to be wonderful."
Will blushed heavily when the wait staff began to cheer.
"I know you can do it," Caroline promised Will, pulling him into a hug.
"I hope so," Will whispered.
After getting several well-wishes, Will stumbled towards the office in the back. He needed a few moments away from everyone.
It was exhausting keeping up appearances. Accepting hugs and strained smiles from those that doubted him. So much pressure on top of everything else going on in his life.
Will just wanted a few moments to himself.
Knock Knock
"Will?" Adam, the waiter, called. He bounced up and down nervously. "Do you want to bring Paul his order or should I?"
Oh, god, Will slumped his head on the desk. He almost forgot.
Paul lives here now. He lives above the business I'm going to own. Is he going to stay here? Am I going to have to see him, see the man that-no. No, I talked to Sonny. I can talk to Paul too.
"I'll take it," Will informed Adam. "Can you go out there and tell everyone I'll be back?"
"Yeah, sure thing," Adam handed over the plate with a wide, beaming smile, fingers lingering against Will's.
Knock Knock Knock
Paul paused the movie playing on his laptop. He had spent the past few days huddled on his bed watching Netflix. He ignored his phone and everything around him, only venturing out for food.
Why am I still here? Paul wondered. Why don't I just leave?
Paul pulled the door open, expecting one of the waiters from the pub.
"Will," Paul breathed, blinking several times, taking him in. "Your hair," Paul couldn't stop himself from saying.
"Yeah," Will touched the back of his head with one hand. He held the plate with Paul's meal in the other hand.
"It's so blonde," Paul realized, admiring Will while he could.
"It, um, yeah, it gets that way when it's short," Will said feeling uncomfortable under Paul's scrutiny.
"Sorry," Paul closed his eyes. He could see how his staring made Will feel. "I just, I've never seen you like this. It looks nice."
More than nice, Paul thought.
"Don't say things like that," Will requested, hoping his voice sounded firm.
"I won't," Paul licked his lips. He was going to do anything Will wanted.
Will shifted from foot to foot, uncertain of what to do next, how to behave around Paul now.
"Do, um, do you want to come inside?" Paul wondered.
"Oh, right," Will remembered the plate in his hand. "I've got your food."
Paul stepped aside. Awkwardly, Will shimmied around him so they wouldn't touch.
Will set the plate on the coffee table and remained standing. It was a far cry from how comfortable Will was in the apartment a mere few days ago.
Paul didn't know what to do. It seemed inappropriate to invite Will to sit down considering the circumstances.
Will held one arm across his stomach, holding onto his elbow. Now that he was in here, his memories took over. It seemed strange that in such a short amount of time Will became so attached to Paul.
Now, Will could admit he wasn't wholly interested in Paul for his friendship. That's what made it so painful. Will had some sort of feelings for Paul before this mess. Feelings he never understood, never let himself explore. Feelings that now made Will feel disgusting.
I kissed the man that my husband cheated with, Will realized, stomach churning. I was going to run away with him.
Does that make me as bad as Sonny? Will wondered.
"Will?" Paul asked quietly.
Will jumped, startled by Paul's voice.
"Sorry," Will closed his eyes. "I wanted to talk to you."
"Okay, anything you need," Paul replied. When Will still didn't say anything, Paul continued. "If, um, if you need me to, I can move. If it would be easier for you."
Will wanted to say yes but he couldn't.
"I'm not in charge of you," Will said. "You're an adult. You can do whatever you want."
"I'd still pay for it," Paul added.
"Don't," Will requested. "I'm not, I'm not gonna take your money for something you aren't going to use. I, I can handle you living here. I'm not going to kick you out. You signed a lease. I know Aunt Kayla will hold you to it if you break it."
"I-I don't know what I want to do," Paul answered. "I haven't decided. It's easier, being here. There's more privacy especially after everything. But I can't make you uncomfortable."
"You, you can do whatever you want," Will maintained. "Just, don't base anything on me, okay?"
Paul nodded. That would be harder to do than Will thought.
"Is that, is that what you wanted to talk about?" Paul asked.
"No, not really," Will admitted. "I, well, I guess it's related."
"What do you mean?" Paul tilted his head.
"My aunt and my grandma Caroline, they, well, they're putting me in charge, here," Will tried to explain. "I just, I wanted to ask you to, well, to um…"
Will didn't know what he wanted to say.
"To stay away from you?" Paul finished with a sinking feeling in his chest.
"Yes," Will whispered. "I-I'll probably be here a lot and I don't, I'm not ready to be around you. I don't know if I'll ever be ready."
"I didn't mean to hurt you," Paul implored. "I didn't."
"If you're still interested in investing," Will ignored Paul. "I'd like for things to be business-like. And that's it."
"That's it?" Paul's face fell. "Will, please."
"I can't even look at you without getting nauseous," Will reacted. "I can't, all I can picture is you and Sonny and-," Will cut himself off. "And I remember everything and I just, I can't."
"I didn't know you when it happened," Paul weakly defended. "I didn't want that to ruin what we were building."
"What we built was a lie," Will responded. "You should have told me when you first found out I was with Sonny."
"You would have hated me," Paul argued.
"Maybe," Will shrugged. "Maybe not. But we don't get to know because you took away that option."
"If I never did what I did," Paul wondered. "And I still met you, would anything have happened?"
"I-I don't know," Will shook his head.
"But you felt something for me," Paul stated. "I know you did. I know-,"
"It doesn't matter," Will denied. "It doesn't matter because you lied to me. You saw what Sonny cheating did to me and you never said anything."
"I didn't want to hurt you," Paul repeated, agitated. "And I know that's selfish. I know it is. But I didn't want to lose you."
"I wasn't yours to lose," Will retorted.
That's what hurt Paul the most. Knowing how true that really was.
Will took a few deep breaths, trying to let go of his hurt and frustration.
"Just, please," Will requested. "Please, keep things professional if you see me."
"Will," Paul whispered.
"I-I'm glad you came out," Will closed his eyes. "I hope you can be happy now. But I can't be your friend anymore."
"Will," Paul shook his head. "I know I can make it up to you, earn your trust again."
"If you need to talk to me about the club or the apartment that's fine," Will continued. "If you want to eat downstairs, well, you can do whatever you want. Just, don't call me and don't, don't try to talk to me unless it's business related. That's all I ask."
Will moved toward the door.
"I'm sorry," Paul chased after Will. "I'm so, so sorry. If I could go back in time I'd never do what I did with Sonny."
"Right," Will blinked. "That doesn't really mean much to me now."
"I keep saying how you deserve more," Paul realized. "And I treated you the same way Sonny did. I lied and manipulated too. I never wanted to hurt you."
"You knew Sonny was married and slept with him anyway," Will interjected. "You knew I was married and tried to be with me."
"I was with Sonny because I was selfish," Paul confessed. "Because I wanted that part of my life back. Because I was terrified I wouldn't get to play ball again and Sonny represented a time in my life when I was on top. I wanted that feeling back and I didn't care who I hurt.
"I wanted to be with you," Paul said in a quieter, gentler tone. "Because I saw you, Will. All your insecurities and your strengths, what you looked like in your pub uniform," Paul chuckled wetly. "I wanted to give you everything. I wanted to be your everything."
Will closed his eyes, seconds away from covering his ears with his hands. He was trying as hard as he could to be strong, to be in control.
"You," Will took a deep breath. "You were my friend, probably my best friend and you-" Will pressed his lips together. "You lied to me. You used me. You saw how much I was hurting and did everything you could to make yourself look better."
"I don't have an excuse for what I did," Paul agreed. "But I never thought this would happen. I didn't expect to feel what I do for you. I just, you were something distracting and fun and suddenly it was serious. I was selfish and I did the wrong thing. I know that. But you're my best friend too, Will. I don't, I can't, I just want another chance."
"I-I can't," Will shook his head. "I can't. I look at you and see Sonny. I see this perfect life without me and I-I don't, I can't."
"What can I do?" Paul asked, desperate.
"Leave me alone," Will requested. "I don't know what's going to happen in the future. Just, leave me alone."
"So," Paul thought for a moment, trying to calm his racing thoughts. "So, I might, you might, this might not be the end."
Will didn't want to give Paul any false hope. Will didn't know what was going to happen. He couldn't control his feelings. Maybe Will would one day forgive Paul and they could be friends again. Maybe Will would never get over it and hold it against Paul until his dying day. Will just didn't know.
Instead of saying anything, Will inhaled and exhaled slowly. He gathered his strength to look at Paul's face.
"Goodbye, Paul," Will said, staring straight into Paul's eyes.
Paul watched, holding onto the doorframe, as Will walked down the stairs. He waited until Will was out of sight to react.
Channeling his anger and frustration, Paul punched the wall. Over and over until his knuckles bled and his shoulder screamed in pain.
"Fuck!" Paul shouted, holding onto his aching shoulder.
Author's note:
Sonny was quoting Juliette Drouet and John Keats.
This chapter is set in early January 2015. The next chapter is going to have a small time jump to move things along.
Thanks for reading!