February, 2015

Will leaned his head against the back of a couch, jaw set. He glared at the ceiling, refusing eye contact. He focused all his attention on the ceiling, noticing tiny cracks on the off-white tile.

'I am like this ceiling,' Will thought. 'Dull, full of imperfections, and in need of an upgrade.'

"Will," Dr. Lynn Rivera, Will's psychiatrist, sighed. "I'm only asking you to look over the test results."

Will crossed his arms and closed his eyes. He was stubborn. He'd sit here the rest of his appointment ignoring her if he had to. He didn't want to know the results of the test she gave him. Knowing would make it real.

"M'not crazy," Will mumbled, defiant.

"No one said you were," Lynn rubbed the bridge of her nose. Will wasn't her most challenging patient but he was a pain. Changing courses, Lynn asked, "Why did you decide to see me?"

Will shifted in discomfort.

"Because you wanted help," Lynn answered. "That's what you told me a few weeks ago at our first session. We've gotten to know each other. You consented to this test. If you really want, I'll throw it out. But I think it would be beneficial to look at the results."

Reluctantly, Will unfurled his arms and moved over, making room for Lynn next to him.

"Alright," Lynn held the series of papers between them. "This is the test you filled out. And this," Lynn turned a page. "Is the results."

Will glanced over the words and lines on the pages. His eyes zeroed in on one phrase that made his eyebrows shoot up.

"No," Will said, closing himself off again.

"Keep an open mind," Lynn requested. "It's not as bad as it sounds."

"I'm not," Will made a face, glaring at the paper. "That, I'm not."

"Just let me read you a few of the symptoms and think about if you've ever felt that way," Lynn stated. "That's all I want. Don't close yourself off to this."

"Fine," Will relented, rolling his eyes.

"Okay," Lynn cleared her throat. "Have you ever experienced periods where you felt confident and capable, perhaps overly so?"

Will worried his lower lip, thinking.

"How about moments where you see things in a new or exciting light?" Lynn questioned.

Will paused, a memory pulled at him.

'When I was interning for EJ everything seemed wrong at first,' Will thought. 'Then, suddenly, it was fun. I wanted to do it. I liked stealing those plans from Abe and John. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. I liked doing it.'

"Have you ever felt overly creative with lots of ideas and plans?" Lynn mused. She could visibly see the wheels turning in Will's head. "Become too involved in new plans and projects?"

Will blinked several times. Hadn't he thrown himself into his writing with Sonix? With his work at the pub?

'I went to LA and I worked so hard and so long I never talked to my husband. I was so singularly focused it became my life.'

"Felt confident that everything you do will succeed?" Lynn pressed.

Will's mind reeled, falling back to the time he attempted to blackmail EJ.

'I never once thought I would fail,' Will realized with an alarming clarity. 'I never considered the possibility that EJ would turn me down. I thought I'd get everything I wanted.'

"Notice several coincidences?" Lynn listed. "Work harder, become more motivated? Feel impatient? Talk over people? Believe things possess a special meaning? Become more talkative, outgoing and overly sexual?"

Will closed his eyes, shoulders hunching.

"Drastic shifts in energy levels? Felt moody or irritable? Felt an unbearable sadness, hopelessness? Put on extra weight?" Lynn looked over at Will. "Is any of that resonating with you?"

"I-I don't know," Will lied.

"I think you do," Lynn gently responded. "You don't have to feel terrified of the diagnosis though. It's just a name."

"Do you have any idea what people will think of me if I have that?" Will whispered. "Everyone in this town already thinks the worst of me. I can't, I can't be crazy on top of that."

"It doesn't matter what they think," Lynn argued. "What matters is getting better. You've already done some great progress in the few weeks we've seen each other, Will. But I think it's time you faced reality."

Will screwed his face up.

"From the things you've described to me, your experiences," Lynn stated. "You have some sort of a mental illness or disorder."

Will opened his mouth but Lynn cut him off.

"That doesn't make you crazy," Lynn pointed out. "It means you have an illness, Will. One that affects your mood, thinking, and behavior. That's all."

"Right," Will grumbled under his breath.

"Millions of people deal with these types of things," Lynn said. "There are several ways to help yourself, to seek treatment."

Will didn't feel any better knowing that. Millions of people might have something wrong with them but Will didn't know of any. He couldn't be the only person in Salem that had something like this. He couldn't.

"All this means," Lynn explained. "Is your moods cycle between ups and downs, with an emphasis on the down, in your case. I'm almost positive this isn't anything like what you're thinking."

"How do you know that?" Will wondered with a sad shake of his head.

"Because, type two isn't as popular in the mainstream," Lynn shrugged. "It means you have hypomanic episodes. But, more often than not, you suffer from depression."

"I don't know what that means," Will confessed.

"It means you go through stages where you have a persistently elevated or irritable mood. It lasts about a week or two but it doesn't majorly affect your life. You also have periods of extreme depression that probably last longer in your case. Between those stages," Lynn explained. "There's nothing. You lead a regular life."

"Oh," Will mumbled.

"I know this is big," Lynn revealed. "But it isn't scary. I promise. There are several ways to treat this. Ways to manage it."

"I don't want to take any drugs though," Will interrupted. "I don't want that."

"It's not a drug, it's a medication," Lynn stressed.

"No," Will stubbornly refused. "No drugs."

"Okay," Lynn nodded. "Well, we can discuss your options. But I would highly recommend you consider some different medications. I can print you out some literature to look over."

"What about natural stuff?" Will inquired. "Like those oil things I've been using?"

"Well," Lynn refrained from making a face. "We can look into that. Although the research on it isn't too promising."

"I want to try that," Will insisted.

"This isn't something you can just wish away with willpower. But, it's completely up to you, Will," Lynn acknowledged despite her opinion on the matter. "Let me get you a few things to read before our next session."

As Lynn got up, Will threw his head back against the couch again. He couldn't believe this, didn't want to believe this.

"Here you go," Lynn handed Will a small bag filled with different pamphlets and print outs for him to read over.

Will took the bag and stood up.

"Alright, Will," Lynn said as she ushered him out of her office. "You look into the essential oil treatments. I don't know how effective they will be for you though."

"You've mentioned it several times," Will held the plastic bag to his chest. "But I told you, I don't want to jump into any drugs if I can help it."

"I understand and respect that," Lynn accredited. She glanced at the bag Will held with distaste. "I would rather you try something scientifically proven though."

"If it doesn't work," Will offered. "We'll go your way, maybe. But I don't want drugs to be my first option."

"Medication for this isn't anything bad. I know the stigma surrounding this is high but that shouldn't affect your decision. Just, just think of the medicine as a pair of glasses. What you have distorts your view on things and the medicine will help you see clearer. Any form of this disorder is a legitimate medical illness. It doesn't make you crazy in any way. Just think it over," Lynn requested. "I'll see you next week."

"Okay, thanks," Will replied, mind heavy.

"Remember to keep a log of your activity and food consumption," Lynn stated. "I want to make sure you're making healthy, smart choices."

"Got it," Will bashfully stared at the floor, walking outside of her office quickly.

The first few weeks after Will distanced himself from Sonny and Paul, Will spent too much time working out and not enough time eating. In his quest to redefine himself, Will got carried away. After losing too many pounds too quickly, and a few dizzy spells, Lynn insisted he keep a journal that she monitored strictly.

Will was only allowed to work out for an hour every day and only if he ate enough calories to make up for it. Thankfully, the Salem rec center had toddler classes at the same time each day. While Ari got to play on the soft, indoor playground or go to a dance class or even learn baby yoga, Will used the gym after.

Since starting his new regimen, Will discovered what he liked about his body and what he didn't. He wanted to better himself physically and mentally. Lynn helped with the mental aspects. But Will needed to be in charge of the physical.

Sami and Kate both sent Will several beauty things Will didn't know existed. But his skin had never felt smoother or looked clearer. That made Will feel good. The fancy hair products Will received made his hair shine in a way Will didn't know he would like. Even the fancy teeth whiteners they sent made him feel better, more confident.

One of the other guys at the rec center recommended a bunch of vitamins to Will a few weeks back. Ever since Will became a regular at the local health food store. The employees were friendly and always gave Will insight onto homeopathic remedies. They were the ones that turned him on to the essential oils Lynn didn't approve. Will didn't know if they were actually working but he hoped they were. Ari seemed to enjoy the oils. Every night Will would rub a few drops on the balls of her feet before bed.

Will contemplated stopping at the health food store on his way home and asking about any herbal supplements to treat him. Will didn't want to depend on a drug to make him better. His family had a problem with addictions. Will himself struggled while in high school with alcohol the way his father before him had. Will felt terrified he would become dependent on something dangerous. That seeing one drug help him would give him access to another. Besides, Will couldn't shake the fear that if someone discovered his diagnosis everyone would ridicule him even more.

The past few weeks had been instrumental for Will. He managed to get back on a healthy diet and eased into challenging workouts. Every morning Will and Ari would go to the rec center. Will would watch Ari participate in all sorts of classes. Afterwards, Lucas or Adrienne would come by and take Ari to Sonny. Once Ari was in safe hands, Will would workout. Sometimes he would run on the treadmill or use an elliptical machine. Some days he would lift or play sports. Once a week the guys at the rec center would all jump into the boxing ring and spar which Will loved. He always sent his uncle Austin a text on those days.

Will realized sometime after getting married and kickstarting his career, he got a lot bulkier. Not fatter necessarily, although he did gain weight. He was still in good shape. His body had changed though in a way that made Will uncomfortable. Somehow, Will got into a pattern of putting off exercise to write or take care of Ari. He didn't make time for a lot of things including exercise. Now, Will regimented his workouts and felt at ease in his own skin.

Before Kayla officially handed over the reins of the pub, she hired some extra employees. They were all excellent choices and helped ease Will's workload. Now, Will didn't have to wait on the customers. He could do the behind the scenes work. Not that it was smooth sailing for Will. He was still a novice that ended up calling Grandma Caroline more often than not for questions.

Surprisingly, Chad offered his own services. He gave Will a tutorial on all the programs and applications he would need to use. He helped Will with paperwork, explained how to run the payroll. Will knew Chad was doing it to ease his own guilt over neglecting Will and their friendship. Will wasn't going to complain either way. It was nice, really, spending so much time with Chad again. Will often joked about how Chad spent more time running the pub than he did his own businesses.

Will thought he would be miserable after quitting Sonix. Without writing though, Will had so much free time. Will still felt that itch to pick up a pen and paper or let his fingers fly across his laptop but he resisted. As far as Will was concerned, his writing brought nothing but pain. That was a road Will would no longer take.

The extra time was nice though. Will was able to work at the pub and spend as much time as possible with Ari. Oftentimes, Will ended up keeping Ari at the pub with him. She was a hit with all the customers and employees though. One of the waitresses sewed Ari her own Brady Pub apron. Whenever Ari was in a playful mood she would put it on and walk from table to table pretending to take their order. The wait staff loved those days; their tips were always higher.

After a lifetime of chaos and uncertainty, Will had fallen into a comfortable routine. The calm of the routine lead Will to feeling relaxed in his own skin again. There were still times where Will felt bulky, trapped inside someone else's skin. Where Will was certain the ease of it all would be snatched away just like it always was.

As Lynn often reminded Will when he felt frustrated, it was impossible to heal years of pain in a few weeks. It would take time and patience. Despite that, Will kept his guard up. He wouldn't be taken by surprise again, wouldn't let his entire life fall apart. As nice as it was to have support right now, Will didn't expect it to last. Sooner or later, everyone would leave.

For the most part though, Will felt better. He still had a stinging voice in the back of his mind whispering what a failure he was. Telling him how ugly he was when he looked at his reflection. That he deserved everything that happened to him, all the hurts and pain.

The worst part about it all was how much he missed Sonny. Will hadn't seen his husband in over a month, hadn't spoken with him. Lucas or Adrienne took Ari to Sonny every day, ensuring Will never had to be in contact with him. Ari always informed Will of what she did with her daddy Sonny but it wasn't the same. It hurt to be apart even if Will was the one to request the separation.

Not that Sonny remained radio silent. Every night he sent Will an email with a different love letter. Some were classics, some were modern. Some nights Will clung to them, to the belief that Sonny was still trying even though Will wouldn't see him. Other nights it made Will angry and resigned. Upset that Sonny wouldn't give up. Wouldn't leave despite throwing Will away during his weekend with Paul.

Will was just as confused as ever. Paul didn't make anything better.

Paul was respectful of Will's boundaries. One of the waitresses had been giving Paul a copy of Will's schedule so Will wouldn't have to see the man. Will emailed Paul updates on his investment. Paul, despite Will's protests, still sent money each month. Unfortunately, Will knew the pub depended on that little bit of supplemental income. Things still weren't exactly where they should be money-wise.

Thankfully, Paul kept his distance. Will only saw him once a few days after Will went to Paul's apartment. Paul had his arm in a sling and three of his fingers bandaged. Will hated that he felt concerned over it. Worried if Paul reinjured himself, if it was something serious.

Will loathed those thoughts. He loathed them as much as the other ones he would have that crept into his daily life. When he would turn on a baseball game and wonder if Paul was watching as well. If Paul had any great insight that Will didn't. If Paul would know what pitch to throw for each batter.

Or the time Will went to dinner with Kate at some ritzy, fancy Japanese restaurant. Will's mind couldn't help but stray towards Paul. If Paul would know exactly what type of Japanese food Will would like. If Paul had some anecdote about visiting Japan. If the food really was fresher, better over there instead of in the middle of Illinois. Did Paul grow up eating only Japanese food or did his mother make him a variety?

There was so much Will didn't know about Paul. So much that Will would never know now.

It hurt Will, all these weeks later, what Paul did. Will felt like Paul and Sonny took something from him, something he would never get back.

Even worse than thinking about Paul was thinking about Sonny. There were so many nights Will had to restrain himself from calling Sonny, begging him to come home. So many times that Will would be half-way through a text before he realized he couldn't talk to Sonny. So many times Will would wake up all alone in their bed, reaching over to Sonny's bare spot. The spot that hadn't been filled in over a month, the spot that no longer held Sonny's scent.

The worst were the moments when Ari asked for Sonny. The two saw each other every day, Will made sure of that. Every day, after her classes at the rec center, Ari went to spend the afternoon with Sonny. But his sweet little daughter didn't understand why her other daddy wasn't ever home. Why Sonny wasn't there to give her a bath or make her breakfast anymore.

Those were the hardest moments, the moments Will was at his weakest. He promised to give his daughter everything she ever wanted. But he couldn't give her this.

Will couldn't find it in him to forgive Sonny, not yet. It didn't matter how many times he talked with Lynn, Uncle Eric, or Grandma Caroline. Will couldn't do it. They all suggested sitting down and talking with Sonny. Will just wasn't there yet. He knew it was dramatic and in all likelihood pointless. That eventually Sonny would get bored waiting around for Will and move on. That was one of the reasons Will wanted to wait. He wanted to see if Sonny would stick around or if he'd replace Will as easily as he replaced Paul all those years ago.

Will knew that was part of the problem. He couldn't forgive Sonny until he trusted him again. Yet, he couldn't trust Sonny unless he forgave him. It was a difficult and delicate situation.

The only thing that ever made Will clam up was when anyone would mention divorce. Will hated that word as a child and he hated it even more as an adult. Realistically, he knew that if things didn't improve, if he never learned to forgive and move on, that divorce was an option. He just couldn't bear to think of it now, not yet. It was too final, too lasting. It sounded too much like defeat.

"Will?" a voice sounded in the hallway outside of Lynn's office.

Will turned. He was still in the mental wellness center of the hospital. It wasn't much of a surprise to see his grandma there at all.

"Hi, Grandma," Will greeted, hiding the plastic bag he carried behind him.

Marlena looked around her surroundings, eyebrows pushed together.

"What are you doing here?" Marlena wondered with a small frown.

"Just finishing up a session," Will admitted.

"I see," Marlena gently replied. She had no idea Will was seeing someone in her department. "How did it go?"

"Good," Will nodded. "I think I'm making progress."

"I notice Sonny isn't with you," Marlena said. "Shouldn't he be helping you work through what happened?"

Will set his jaw, teeth grinding together.

'This,' he thought. 'This is another reason why I can't get over it.'

Will thought long and hard about the people he trusted knowing the real story. Not the story the press pushed, that Will engaged in a long, torrid affair. After the announcement about Will taking over ownership of the pub, Will decided he didn't want anyone else to know, ever.

It was embarrassing enough having so few know. Will thought it would be easier. That he would gain some sort of vindication if everyone knew it was Sonny that threw away his vows and his family. But Will didn't want anyone to know how pathetic and replaceable he was.

In a sick way Will knew he was punishing himself, keeping his pain at the surface instead of allowing it to heal. He had to deal with so many people that expected the worst out of him, that thought he really did sleep with Paul. In a strange way, Will used it as a character measure. Whoever thought Will would cheat, whoever accused Will, was not someone Will could trust.

That was on the list of goals Will wanted to achieve. Weeding out the people that were detrimental to his psyche. Learning to stand his ground and stop pretending that things never hurt him.

With a crushing realization, Will discovered Marlena was another person that didn't believe in him. She thought he cheated on Sonny. Thought him unreasonable when she learned Sonny was staying at the Kiriakis mansion. That when Will started pulling away, she didn't push back. She let Will drift away without a fight. Twenty years she fought for Will and now was when she set him adrift.

Will told Marlena everything once. Everything he ever told Lynn, the things that Lynn reacted to with horror and concern, Marlena didn't bat an eye over. If what Lynn diagnosed was true, why didn't Will's own grandmother see it?

"No," Will responded through his teeth. "I don't need Sonny here. This isn't for him. This is for me."

Marlena looked taken aback as Will marched toward the elevator bank without another word. Sighing, Marlena almost turned around when she noticed the bag swinging in Will's hand.

The bag was plastic and clear making it easy to read the series of pamphlets inside.

Living with Type II Bipolar Disorder

"Hey, Boss," Adam walked up to Will as soon as he arrived at the pub. "I had to toss out more paps."

Will paused in front of the waiter. Adam was one of the new additions Kayla hired before handing the pub to Will. There was something about Adam that seemed familiar but Will couldn't put his finger on it. He just got the feeling he knew the high schooler from somewhere.

Adam was a capable waiter if not a little too eager to help. Will always got the feeling Adam knew something that Will didn't. That Adam's smile held some meaning behind it Will didn't understand.

"Great," Will sighed, rubbing against his temple. He could feel a headache coming on. "Who were they looking for? And I thought I told you to stop calling me that?"

"You, I think," Adam replied with a wide smile, flipping his light brown hair out of his eyes. "But I took care of it."

Adam stood up straighter, puffing his chest out.

"Thanks," Will smiled, patting the teenager on the shoulder. "You're getting really good at that. Maybe I'll hire you as my bodyguard," Will joked.

"I'd protect you," Adam spat out a little too quickly. Face heated, he cleared his throat. "You know, if I had to, of course."

"I'm sure you would," Will smiled, a little confused. "I'm gonna do some paper work. Come get me if you need me."

"Right, sure thing, Boss," Adam nodded and rocked on the back of his heels.

"I told you to stop calling me that," Will laughed as he walked down the short hall.

"Whatever you say," Adam watched as Will walked into the office. Once Will was out of sight, Adam whispered, "Will."

"Thanks, Mom, for coming to take Ari," Sonny said as Adrienne walked into TBD. "I don't think I can handle dealing with Lucas again today."

"You know I don't mind," Adrienne answered. She slid into a booth across from Sonny and Arianna. "Hi, sweet pea. Did you have a good afternoon with Daddy?"

Ari, slurping up the last of her apple juice, nodded.

"How has the club been doing?" Adrienne asked as she looked around.

Despite it being close to dinner time the club was close to empty.

"Ugh," Sonny rolled his eyes. "Things have been slow. It's been one setback after another, I swear."

"Like what?" Adrienne leaned forward, hands on the table.

"First we got hit by a health inspection," Sonny explained. "We passed but we still had to fix some violations. Then, a week later, we had someone throw a brick through a window during the middle of the night. Someone tagged our sign a while ago too. It's nothing horrible but it's aggravating."

"What else?" Adrienne worried.

"We've had a lot of turnaround with the staff," Sonny shook his head. "T, thankfully, has been a rock for us here. He's taken on a lot of responsibility. I thought Ben would have stepped up but he's so wrapped up in Abigail."

"They're in love," Adrienne dismissed. "Any other problems?"

"We keep getting these dumb reviews on Yelp and Zagat. Hell, there was even a review in the Chronicle," Sonny groaned. "It's driving me crazy!"

"I'm sure things will pick up," Adrienne reassured, rubbing the top of Sonny's hand.

"Between this and Will freezing me out," Sonny exhaled loudly through his nose. "I just want some sort of normalcy."

"Have you gotten to talk to Will at all?" Adrienne questioned.

"No," Sonny frowned. "I've been sending him emails and I know he's reading them. I'm trying to give him his space but it's been over a month. I-I don't know how to get through to him."

"You just need to let him work through this," Adrienne suggested. "He's going out of his way to make sure you spend every afternoon with Ari. He hasn't mentioned the word divorce to you, has he?"

Sonny shivered.

"No, but that's probably because he won't talk to me at all," Sonny mumbled. "He might be thinking about it for all I know. I don't know anything that's happening. T and Chad don't know what's going on in his head. They're trying but he's not opening up to them."

"I'll see what I can find out from Lucas," Adrienne promised. She moved back in her seat, pursing her lips.

"What is it?" Sonny wondered, seeing the expression on his mother's face.

"I'm just thinking," Adrienne revealed. "Everything that's happened to the club, it's an awfully big coincidence, isn't it?"

"I suppose so," Sonny answered. He didn't give much thought to it.

"Almost too big," Adrienne narrowed her eyes, wheels turning.

Paul walked through the back entrance of the pub and froze. He heard a familiar voice. One he hadn't heard in a long time.

'Will,' Paul thought, pressing himself against the hallway wall.

He wanted to sneak a peek at Will so badly but he didn't want to risk anything. Paul had done his best the past month to stay out of Will's way. It was so hard knowing that Will was one floor below him. So close yet so far.

When Will first told Paul to stay away from him, Paul was angry. So angry in fact that he put a hole in the wall in his apartment. So disappointed in himself, in what he had done, he broke three fingers and aggravated his shoulder. It forced him to stay in Salem for even more physical therapy.

But, after a time, Paul decided it was for the best. If Will needed time, Paul would give him time. The fact that Will didn't kick Paul out of the apartment at all had to be a good sign.

'If he wanted me out of his life completely he would have made me leave,' Paul knew.

Paul wasn't under any illusions that he could salvage what happened. That he could magically fix the trust he broke. If Paul tried that now, he knew it would be like putting a bandage over a crack. The foundation of Will and Paul's friendship was broken. Paul would need to excavate and begin again.

'If I ever get the opportunity,' Paul sighed.

He watched as Will walked further down the hallway. So enthralled with Will, Paul nearly missed the way the teenage waiter sighed Will's name.

'Oh, geez,' Paul rolled his eyes. 'Like that's ever gonna happen.'

Adam turned around and smiled when he saw Paul. It was so cool having a celebrity living above his work. All his friends at school ate up all the stories Adam told about bringing Paul up his food.

"Hey," Adam greeted with a wide grin.

"Hi," Paul nodded.

"Oh," Adam said, remembering something. "There was some media guy with a camera in here wanting Will. Just thought you'd want to know."

"Yeah, thanks," Paul set his jaw. "If anyone else comes in here let me know."

"Sure," Adam agreed, walking back into the kitchen.

'If I could just find a way to get everyone to leave Will alone,' Paul thought. 'Maybe Will would at least talk to me.'

Paul wouldn't push his luck though. As much as he wanted to be with Will, he missed his friendship more.

Knock Knock

Will looked up from his desk and smiled widely.

"There's my baby girl," Will stood up, meeting Ari half way.

Will lifted Ari in the air before looking towards Adrienne.

"Thanks for bringing her by," Will acknowledged.

"It was no problem," Adrienne shrugged. She watched Will and Ari interact for a few moments with a gentle smile.

'Sonny has to find a way to get them back,' Adrienne decided. 'He can't lose this.'

"She had a good time with Sonny," Adrienne bravely announced. "They went on a picnic before going to TBD."

"Yeah," Ari nodded. "Go swing!"

"That's good," Will said, face tense.

"When Sonny's around Ari," Adrienne continued. "That's just about the only time I see him happy."

Will swallowed and looked down. He didn't want this conversation. But he was surprised it took Adrienne this long to confront him. Every other time he saw her she gave him his space.

Will took Ari over to his desk and cleared a space. He opened a drawer and pulled out the art supplies he stashed in there for her.

"Here, baby. Draw Grandma a picture?" Will requested.

Ari nodded, grabbing the purple crayon and scribbling everywhere.

Adrienne followed Will a little ways into the hallway so Arianna wouldn't overhear.

"He's miserable, Will," Adrienne confided. "I've never seen him like this. It's been over a month and he's still hurting."

Will crossed his arms. He didn't relish in Sonny's pain but a part of Will thought it was good. Sonny needed a giant dose of reality.

"I know that these things take time," Adrienne said understandingly. "But can't you at least talk to him? A text, something?"

"I don't know how to talk to him anymore," Will whispered.

"How do you know unless you try?" Adrienne pressed. "He loves you. He made several massive mistakes but he loves you. I know that if you give him another chance he'll prove that to you."

Will pressed his lips together.

Will did want to talk to Sonny again. He missed his husband. But a larger, more vocal part of Will was terrified that if he let Sonny back in all the progress he made would disappear. That Will would fall into his old habits, that he'd shrink back to his old self.

Slowly, bit by bit, Will was learning he was worth much more than he realized.

"Just think about it, sweetie," Adrienne requested.

"Sonny," a waitress rapt on his office door. "There are some people out here looking for you."

Sonny sighed, pushing away from his desk. He hoped it wasn't another customer looking to complain. They'd been getting so many of those it felt almost scripted by now. Sonny didn't think he could handle putting on a fake smile and playing polite.

As soon as Sonny walked into the main floor of the club he sighed in relief.

"What's that face about?" Dustin tilted his head to the side.

"Yeah, what's got Sonny bear down?" Kareem asked with a teasing lilt to his voice, elbow on the table.

"Life," Sonny collapsed into a seat across from his friends.

"Yeah," Dustin lifted his eyebrows up. "You've been a hard man to get in contact with lately."

"That's been on purpose, yeah," Sonny admitted. "I haven't been in the mood lately to deal with anyone."

"We watch the news, you know?" Kareem pointed out. "We know you've been staying with your uncle, too."

"How do you know that?" Sonny asked.

"We went by the apartment, you weren't there," Kareem answered. "We asked your mom the other day when we saw her. She said you'd been staying with her."

Sonny neither confirmed nor denied anything.

Dustin looked around the club, making sure no one would overhear.

"What's happening with you and Will?" Dustin questioned, concerned.

"Nothing," Sonny breathed out, hunching forward. "Absolutely nothing."

"Did, I mean, we know Will so the rumors don't make much sense," Kareem said. "But something had to happen. You wouldn't move out for no reason."

"I left so he would have space," Sonny confessed. "Because I screwed up so bad that he won't talk to me."

Dustin's brows furrowed, a strange look came over his face.

"But Will's the one in the news," Dustin responded.

"And the stuff about that baseball guy," Kareem added, mystified. "How are you the one that screwed up?"

"I made stupid, stupid mistakes," Sonny replied. "I hurt Will. I lied to him. God, I said horrible, horrible things to him. I don't have an excuse for any of it either. It's all my fault."

"And the sports guy with Will?" Dustin asked.

"Will interviewed him," Sonny stated in a bland tone. "While I was treating him like crap, Paul paid attention to him, made him feel special."

The time away from Will gave Sonny a lot of time to think. Not only about his own behavior but about Will's. While Sonny understood how and why Will could develop a crush on Paul, it still pissed him off. Sonny felt angry at himself and Paul as well as Will.

Sonny worked with that anger though instead of letting it rule him. He knew over the years he held a lot of resentment against Will unfairly. Held things against Will that he said he let go. Sonny knew if he wanted Will back he was going to need to work through that. Make sure that he didn't fall into the same pattern of thinking.

"And nothing happened?" Kareem tilted his head, suspicious.

"Nothing beyond a kiss," Sonny covered his face with his hand.

Sonny was amazed no one knew about what he did. In Salem, secrets didn't last long.

"I'm the one that ruined everything," Sonny mumbled quietly.

Dustin and Kareem understood exactly what Sonny wasn't saying.

"Okay," Dustin exhaled slowly. "That's a big thing to get over."

"No kidding," Sonny scoffed. "I haven't talked to my husband in over a month. I see our daughter during the afternoons, never any longer."

"At least you get to see the baby," Kareem offered. "When my parents split I pretty much never saw my dad."

"Do you know how many times Will was pulled between his parents? Things were so screwed up they sent him all the way to Switzerland," Sonny commented. "This is his worst nightmare and I put him there."

"I never told you this before," Dustin confessed, looking uncomfortable as he wiggled on his seat. "But I knew who Will was growing up."

Sonny looked at Dustin curiously. He wondered what this had to do with anything.

"I mean, not really," Dustin amended. "I never knew him personally. He was in the same grade as my younger brother though. And uh, I just, everyone knew about Will's mom, right?"

Sonny and Kareem both nodded. Sami was infamous in this town.

"I remember my brother's tenth birthday," Dustin explained. "It was at the park and everyone in his grade was there, everyone except Will. Sometime during the party, I guess Will walked by. He was with an uncle or someone," Dustin shook his head. "I just, I remember seeing this sad, small little boy staring at all the other kids having fun. I didn't know Will but I knew he was in the same class as my brother. I asked my mom why she never invited him. She said it was because of his mom. That she didn't want any of that near her kids. But he was only ten. Why take it out on Will?

"Will never said anything to me about it," Dustin finished. "But I'm sure he remembers. I mean, I know I would. When you introduced him to us, I kept trying to see signs, you know? That he was going to be trouble or, I don't know really. Just something, you know? But I didn't see it. I just saw that same sad little boy."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Sonny questioned.

"Didn't seem like it was my place," Dustin shrugged. "Besides, when you introduced us to him you were already in love even if you weren't dating. I didn't want to bring you down."

Sonny understood exactly what Dustin was talking about. Everyone judged Will as a child for Sami's mistakes and the trend continued into adulthood. Sonny had done the same thing too.

For a few months, Sonny and his family lived in Salem while he was in high school. It wasn't for long and Sonny never even met Will back then. He heard the stories though. Everyone knew to stay away from Will Horton and his crazy mother.

"Things like that happened to him all the time as a kid," Sonny said. "He'd get judged, alienated for his parents. I heard about it and sometimes I saw it but I never really got it. I never really got what that did to him. What it's still doing, with the stupid pictures.

"There are all these things about Will I know," Sonny finished. "And I've treated him the exact same way. I've done so many things that other people did. I was supposed to be different, better. In the end, I was just like everyone else."

"Well," Kareem said. "Maybe this is your chance to work it all out. I mean, what happened is awful. But you can figure things out. You know what you did; you know what to work out. That's what you want, isn't it?"

"Of course," Sonny responded. "That's all I want."

"So, do it," Kareem slapped his hand on the tabletop.

"Yeah," Dustin agreed. "You know what to do. You gave Will his space. Now, you need to think about what Will wants most and give it to him."

Author's note:

Thanks for reading!