"Besrathari!" he called and started to take his armor off.
"Yes, Kadan?" Hawke welcomed him with a smile. Something was off. After almost two years at his side, she could read him like an opened book. "Is there something wrong?" she asked softly.
"The Qun needs you, Kadan. You will get your orders from your superiors tomorrow. It is not within your role, but you are the best suited for the mission." he replied.
And then she knew. A sinking feeling overwhelmed her. "Kirkwall?" Hawke whispered.
"Yes. We need eyes and ears there. Before we attack." he explained.
"It will be done" she nodded and swallowed hard. "Let me help you with the armor… I prepared you your bath. Do you want me to join you?" she winked and took his hand.
Hawke was packing her bags for Kirkwall. She had been given all non-Qunari clothing, armor and weapons and instructed on what her mission was. Board a merchant ship, get to Rivain, get a ship to Kirkwall, find out all you can, wait for the arrival of the Antaam. "Easy enough" she thought.
"Kadan…" the Arishok called her. "I cannot stress enough the need for you to get this done as swiftly as possible. You don't have that much time until you start showing." he said, concerned. She was with child again, and he knew he would've gone on a rampage against the whole of Thedas, if something were to happen to her or their child.
"Worry not, Kadan." she hugged him and rested her head on his chest. "It will be done in no time. Anaan essam Qun."
"I don't know if it's such a good idea to get involved in this, Anders!" Varric sighted, his voice weary.
"But this is not right! Meredith is insane!" Anders raised his voice, despair seeping through.
"She's not. Mages are dangerous. They need to be kept under control!" yelled Fenris, punching the table and spilling a jug of ale.
"Why are you fighting?" asked Hawke, raising an eyebrow.
"By the Maker, it's Hawke!" Anders rose from his chair so fast, he almost toppled it over.
"Hawke? Is that really you?" mumbled Varric.
"Let me look at you, Hawke! You look great!" smiled Fenris.
"Yes, it's me. I roamed long enough. It was about time I came home." said Hawke, taking a chair and joining them.
"Did the Qunari let you live?" asked Fenris puzzled.
"I never made it to Par Vollen. When I reached Rivain, I realized what a stupid thing I was about to do. And then I met a guy named Juan." she said sheepishly.
"Ooh, new material for my stories, Hawke!" Varric smacked his lips.
"Indeed. It was nice, while it lasted… Well, now that I'm home… what's new in Kirkwall?" she asked casually.
"The templars are getting worse and worse!" said Anders.
"Oh, cheer up, Blondie! Hawke just got here." laughed Varric, elbowing Anders's ribs.
"You're right. Perhaps you should visit me at the clinic one of these days, Hawke!" suggested the mage.
"Of course, Anders." Hawke replied. "They didn't change at all. They're still counting on one person to fix all their problems." she thought.
"So, tell me about that man of yours. Was he human?" pried Varric.
"Yes. Antivan. I don't really want to talk about it, Varric. Leave it for some other time." she dismissed the dwarf.
"I'm amazed that you gave up on the Arishok, Hawke." smiled Fenris.
"Well, stranger things have happened, I guess." she blushed. She missed him so much, that hearing someone mention him almost brought her to tears.
Varric leaned in and raised an eyebrow. "And here it is again. That sad look in your eyes." he noticed.
"It's nothing, Varric. I just miss Juan. Sly bastard cheated on me." she invented.
"You know that, at some point, you'll just have to tell me the whole story." joked the dwarf.
"Yes… I know you won't leave it alone." she grinned.
Next day, she found out more than enough about the situation in Kirkwall. Both Anders and Fenris complained about the same thing, from opposite sides. At night, she sneaked into Darktown through the tunnel under her estate.
"Shanedan, Tallis!" she greeted her contact.
"Shanedan, Besrathari! What message do you have for me?" asked the elf.
"There's brewing conflict between the mages and the templars. I'm going to force a confrontation. Ask which side I should take and report back." whispered Hawke.
"The Arishok asks how you and the baby fare." smiled Tallis.
"Tell him we're both fine. If all goes well, we'll be home in no time. And, Tallis, the Antaam needs to be here right after the conflict starts." she instructed.
"They will be here in one week's time. Anaan essam Qun!" Tallis nodded and left.
As the elf woman's footsteps grew quieter, Hawke froze. She could clearly hear another person sneaking out, so she hid in the shadows and followed the ones that didn't come from Tallis's direction.
"Varric…" she realized. "Was he listening in? Was he following me?" She realized Varric had knowledge of the existence of the passage between her house and Darktown. She slipped back into the house and sneaked outside, through the front door. "If they're guarding me, someone is bound to be around here, too." she thought. Sure enough, she bumped into Fenris.
"Hawke! The elf backed up a little bit, startled.
"Fenris? What are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes demanding a straight answer.
"Hawke… let's go inside. We'll talk." he pouted.
"Speak!" she said sharply, closing the door behind her.
"Varric is worried about you. He said he's almost certain you're not over the Arishok. And he thinks you're lying about the Antivan." Fenris confessed.
"You guys are impossible!" she crossed her arms, avoiding his gaze.
"He's right, Hawke… Isn't he?" the elf grabbed her arms.
"Don't touch me!" she jumped.
"Whoa!" he retreated. "Very well. I just want to know the truth."
"Soon enough, Varric is going to let you know he saw me talking to a woman in Qunlat." Hawke said calmly.
"What?!" Fenris's eyes widened.
"She was… my lover. She's Qunari and we were arguing. I wanted her to leave the Qun for me, for us." she invented a story.
"Oh! And you were ashamed to tell us that?" laughed the elf.
"Yes." Hawke donned her most innocent look.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of." he winked. I'll let you go to sleep now.
"Fenris." she stopped him. "Thank you. Really. For taking care of me."
"Hawke, we're friends…"
"Aaaahhhhh!" she doubled over in pain.
"What's wrong? Are you hurt? I'm bringing Anders!" he said and ran.
"The baby is fine. It must've been something you ate." smiled Anders, holding her hand.
"Anders, I…"
"Hawke, what's going on? Your womb is too big for you to be only as far along as you say you are. But justice is only hearing one heartbeat. No way is that baby entirely human…" explained the mage.
"It's not… Anders, I need you to keep my secret. From everybody. In return, I will help you with the templars. I have a plan." said Hawke.
"Deal. But be honest with me, please." he pleaded.
"It's the Arishok's baby. I have fled Par Vollen because I don't want them to take my baby away from me after he's born." she said, teary eyed. She had lied to all her friends. One by one, they believed her lies, because they trusted her. She felt the thorough disgust for herself returning once again, just as sharp as it was when she used to look into Varric's eyes and say she cares naught about the Arishok. "I've spent one too many days in their world, she thought." Amongst the Qunari, nobody lied, nobody questioned her, and nobody was asking her for favors. Nothing to explain. Nothing to avoid. Nothing to escape.
"I understand. Don't worry; your secret is safe with me. Now, for the plan you mentioned…" inquired Anders.
"The Chantry. We blow up the Chantry and force a final confrontation. I will stand by you and I can convince most of our companions to do so. You know Varric and Merrill will accept. Even Aveline. And if she can keep the guards from siding with the templars, that would be a huge advantage." she explained.
"I like it. We should go look for the ingredients for the explosive as soon as you feel up to it!" Anders smiled, his eyes full of hope.