Chapter 5: Deterioration

Everyday, it was as if Jo was just waiting by the door, expecting him to walk in at any given moment. She wished, prayed every day that one day, out of the blue- he'd come home and surprise her. She was stupid for thinking that way. Her mother just gave her the same sympathy look everyday, just watching how she sat cross legged in front of the door for hours on end, expecting him to fling open the door and pick her up. It was like a dog waiting for their master... except hers wasn't turning up any time soon.

For her, loyalty meant so much. If she left that space in front of the door, it was as if she was throwing away everything she was working towards, and she was that disloyal girl that would just be thrown out with no point of existence any more.

Days passed. Weeks did. As did the months. However, despite the time shrinking away, and it meant that Dean would be home sooner, it never seemed to get easier. In fact, she felt it got even harder than before. The pain almost consumed her and swallowed her whole, to the point that she could go days and she still wouldn't stop crying. Everyday, she just prayed to whatever god was out there that Dean would come home safe and sound. That he'd be okay. Was that too much to ask for?

Most days, she told Ellen not to visit her, because she wanted to be alone. Despite her words, Ellen knew her daughter better than that- she knew that what she wanted the most was someone to hold her and comfort her, reassuring her that no matter what happens, Dean will be okay. For Jo's sake, she had to believe that, even if deep down she didn't have much hope in the matter. It was the military for god's sake. It was a place full of bitterness and violence, sadness and grief for others. What hope was there, really?
Even if he did come home, he wouldn't be the same man she once knew. He might be slightly different, or even entirely different. There was no way one could tell.

Jo didn't care. Different man or not, wounded or not, she would still love him the same and still be incredibly grateful to the Gods that he was alive and that he was safe, returned back to her.

Only half a year left. She thought to herself, and ultimately she knew that she was fighting for him and really no other reason. She felt somewhat stupid and childish for just waiting everyday, almost like she was expecting him to just turn up out of the blue. Despite the fact she would call him on the phone and she would see that he wasn't in America- he was in Afghanistan.

Jo was deteriorating. She was shedding weight more and more every day. Since Dean had been gone, she rarely ate. Every time she did, she would throw up. Not because she didn't want to eat- she did. But she just felt so sick knowing that she had food and Dean was out there killing people, and risking his life to do so. It felt wrong. Impure. So when it came to meal time, she would just grab the fork and poke around at her food, watching how it would just sit there on her plate. Dropping her fork, she dismisses herself without a second thought to even tell her mother and just sits in her room this time, a chair on the floor in front of the window so she could watch in the event a car would roll up in the drive.

Her immune system was decreasing rapidly. She found that she was often dizzy, throwing up twenty four seven, and she was incredibly pale. Every hint of a tan she had now, it was gone. She didn't really have any colour on her skin, her bones more visible and protruding more so than they ever did before. Ellen tried so hard to help build her back up- be a mother and try to help her... But nothing she did helped. Jo was almost becoming a lost cause and the only thing to fix her again was for Dean to be at home. But that wasn't a good enough excuse, surely. Jo couldn't do this every time he was to leave. After all, he was doing this to build up their future, their income.

There was nothing left to do;

But call in for help.

Ellen had to find a way to get hold of Dean, and find out if there was any way of getting in contact with his boss and see if she could get him home. However, she knew that there would be a fight to be had if she was actually going to go through with it and going to talk to him and his boss. There was no way in hell that they would just let the Winchester walk free from Afghanistan just because his fiancee couldn't help the withdrawal symptoms of being without him. It sounded somewhat stupid and idiotic and could easily be a lie. Ellen could bet a lot of money on that (and win) that at least half of the Military Wives have called up to try and get their husbands home using that excuse, because they are unable to cope, whether they have kids, or they're just too worried sick about them, they would still try anything.

Ellen would probably do the same. If she could have, she would have stopped William from hunting or at least get him to come home early. Her daughter saw it often in her eyes as a child, that her Mom was unhappy because she was always away from her true love. If she was able to, she would of brought back her father in the blink of an eye, just to see her Mom happy again.
Ellen knew that, and that's why she knew she had to everything in her power to try and bring Dean back. However, when she was going to bring him back, she wanted it to be a surprise.

She wouldn't bring him back straight away of course; that would just be illogical. Or at least, she thought so. She had to make sure not to act suspicious too, otherwise Jo would know that her Mom was up to something. She was clever that way, and that's why everyone knew she was definitely Ellen's daughter. She was so much like her.

If she was able to bring him back, she would do it so that he come home for the weekend- it was a nice surprise, and she really just hoped that she would succeed in bringing him home.

Today was the day that she tried to bring him home. As soon as she thought of the plan, she knew that she wanted to instantly try and get through to them. She waited until she knew that Dean would be back from the front line, or doing whatever job it was that he was supposed to do out there, and until he had finished calling Jo... Then she would call up Dean and get in touch with his Corporal or whatever it was. Ellen was filled with all the determination of the world, and she knew that she had to bring him back. There had to be some way of doing it. Even if it meant extreme bribery. She would bring him back. She would make Jo happy- even if she died trying. Well; maybe not die... That was a bit extreme.

A few hours passed and finally Dean had called Jo. They spoke for about half an hour before there was silence. When the silence struck, Ellen took the chance and finally picked up the phone and managed to get in contact with Dean, whispering the plan down the phone to him. He seemed to be on board with it, alhough he doubted how well it would work. This was Ellen Harvelle though- she was capable of anything. Especially with how terrifying she was. Dean had no doubt in his mind that she would find some way to get him home, even if it meant extreme blackmail. He was highly interested in seeing how this was going to pan out. Ellen then asked him to give the phone over to the Corporal. He obliged and prayed that he would be able to get back home. He did miss her terribly, and this was the perfect opportunity to try and get him back.

"Corporal Banks speaking," A man with a gruff voice said into the phone. Ellen took a deep breath before figuring out the words in her mind of what she was going to tell him.

"Hi, this is Ellen Harvelle- I'm the mother of Joanna Beth Harvelle, who happens to be Dean Winchester's fiancee. I'm speaking to you in regards of finding out if there is any possibly of getting Dean home early?" She asked, putting on the sweetest voice she could possibly manage. If it didn't come out the way she wanted it though, she could easily change her tone of voice to stern again. She had her wits about her, and wasn't about to just go down so easily.

She knew that the male on the other end of the reciever was hesitating. She knew that it wouldn't just be as easy as asking for him to come home. That wasn't the way the military worked. She had heard enough from John to know that it wasn't ever as easy as that. She was sure that Mary probably would have tried once or twice- but most likely would have given up after being declined. She didn't seem to be much of a fighter in that sense. Although she co had the capability of being stern and strict as hell, she knew that she probably would have been too weak to put up a fight and ask for something she believed she needed. "And why do you believe that he should be given permission to be allowed home early?" He asked, his voice strict.

She knew that if it was Jo asking, she probably would have froze up by this point, and wouldn't know how to respond- and would probably just reply with 'I need him home. I miss him.' or, not even that. She would probably hang up the phone and hide away once more.

Not Ellen though. That wasn't who she was.

"My daughter's state of mental and physical health is deteriorating rapidly. I know you've probably heard thousands of cases like this before, Sir. However, I am incredibly concerned with her well-being. She has shed a few stones in weight now, and refuses to even eat anything. It's as if she had taken herself onto a hunger strike until he comes home. She has also isolated herself completely, and barely utters a word to me. She will only talk to Dean, and obviously, because you are so busy on the front line, she rarely gets to speak to him. Even so, it's not as if she is even happy after that. She just goes back to shutting down. She won't be okay again until he's home. Like I said before, you've probably heard this so much from military wives... If there is any way to bring him home early- even if it's a week, two weeks... Or hell, even a month early! I don't care how early, just please... Try and make it soon? If that's at all possible. I don't want to risk losing my daughter because of her suffering from a broken heart. Surely you understand? Sir?" She asked him, her voice almost croaking with fear. It was true- she was terrified for her daughter's well-being and mental state of mind. She wasn't right any more. There was something missing in her daughter, and she really didn't know how to fix it other than to bring him home, and who knew if that was even possible.

"Well... With a case like that, it is a lot worse than I have ever heard of before, if I'm telling you the truth. I might be able to arrange something. Maybe I'm just too kind and can't tolerate hearing things such as the information you had just told me. It wouldn't be the first time I would have sent someone home- even if it was a smaller excuse made up. There is no saying how soon it will be though. I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you for calling."

Before Ellen could even fit another word in edgeways, he had hung up the phone.

She breathed a sigh of relief. She would tell her the news, but she wouldn't tell her the exact date that her lover would be coming home. She still wanted it to remain a surprise, but she wanted to be able to give Jo that glimmer of hope in her eyes once more, instead of the dull one shade that settled in them now.

She knew that Jo had gone to have a bath- it made a change than sitting in the corner of her bedroom. She was proud of her for actually choosing to move from the bed and going to do something that was a bit more productive than moping.

Ellen had a small smile on her face, finally realising that there was some form of a God watching over them that granted them this wish to bring Jo happiness and normality once more.

She made her way to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Jo? I got somethin' to tell ya!" She called in. However, when there was no response, she began to worry. She couldn't even hear a sound of water swishing in the bath. Something was wrong here... She knocked on the door once more, just in case. "I'm comin' in!" She yelled in warning. Hesitantly, her hand grabbed the door handle and she pushed it open.

Her heart stopped dead, breath caught in her throat.

"No... No, no! Jo!" She screamed and ran in to the bathroom, pulling her limp body from the bath, shoving the blade away from her. She grabbed towels and clutched them to her bloodied wrists and sobbed, looking at her colourless daughter, and how the life was drained and dulled in her eyes, just staring ahead. She called an ambulance, urging them to hurry the fuck up and save her daughter... Maybe they were being punished, instead. Maybe it wasn't meant to be?

The next time she saw Jo open her eyes was in a hospital bed. They consisted of the same lifelessness they had when she was laying limp on the bathroom floor. She had bandages wrapped around her arms, and worse a wristband that was way too big for her bony wrist. The cloak was oversized and was made for someone who would fill it a bit more- but this was the closest she was going to get to wearing one her size.

When she finally awoke, Ellen was instantly aware of the fact she woke up, and was clutching her cold, frail hand in the pair of hers, rubbing her hands over her daughter's to try and warm her up. She pulled the blanket it up over her, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Jo... Baby, I'm so sorry." She told her, tears brimming in her eyes. She really didn't want to have to see her that way. She didn't want to have to watch Jo suffer, but when she knew that there was good news coming for her, she couldn't just let that happen. She would do everything in her power to make her daughter happy again. She deserved it more than anyone. Especially more than her.

Watching her wake up, all she wanted to do was shout at her for being so stupid- scold her for not being stronger than this. But at the same time... she blamed herself. Maybe it was the fact that she wasn't being a good mother to her- she wasn't there for her as much as she could be. She didn't know where she stood with Jo after this. Was it her fault? Was Jo going to blame her for this attempt? Honestly, she was clueless. Right now, her mind was swamped with all these different thoughts. She didn't know whether to be angry, heartbroken or relieved that she was awake and that she wasn't dead. It was facing the biggest inner struggle, and right now, all she had to do was be there for her daughter and let her know that she is going to try and be by her side as much as possible.