Chapter 6; Home

Dean found it hard to process the news that he would be going home in just a few weeks. He also found it heartbreaking to know that Jo was unable to cope without him, when all he was trying to do was bring in an income to help support their family and life after he had officially returned from the military. He didn't know how to break it to her that one day he would have to go back, and that it wouldn't just be this easy. That she couldn't just wish him back every time she got lonely. It was somewhat irritating but he understood that it was difficult to cope without the loved ones that you'd grown so close to. He also found it heartbreaking to know that she had tried to kill herself because she couldn't live without him. Did he really mean that much to her? Was it that important to know that he was alive? If he thought more about it in depth, it was somewhat mind-boggling to think she thought of him in such a way, especially because it wasn't that long ago that she didn't even know him, or wasn't even attracted to him. Still, the thought made him smile when he thought of how innocent she was, and how she needed him. But then when he thought of Jo lying there, frail and broken in that hospital bed... He didn't know how to handle it. It made him sick to his stomach, as if he was carrying around a great burden due to the fact that he was nearly the cause of her death. He didn't want to be that man; the man who harmed his wife, or even just cut her down completely and broke her apart by not being around her any more. It was terrifying and sometimes... sometimes it made him physically sick. His friends would question why he was so ill, but he was never able to answer, somewhat ashamed of the guilt he hoarded, as if he knew that they would judge him for reacting the way he did.

Luckily whilst he was out fighting for his country, nothing major had really happened to him to be awfully traumatised. He was usually able to carry around the guilt and emotions on his shoulders and just brush them off when he wanted to. He was surprised that he wasn't affected by the things he saw, especially because a majority of the people he knew found it so traumatic...but maybe that was why he thought he was so cut out for this job. Especially knowing that his father did the same thing and joined the Navy. There was death, there was friendship, but luckily he had managed to be able to protect the ones he cared about, and made sure that none of them were hurt. Maybe he had just had a lucky streak and wouldn't have to suffer in this business. Maybe.

Weeks passed and finally Dean was going to be able to pack his bags up and head home to the U.S where he knew he rightfully belonged. By his fiancée's side, protecting her and healing her broken heart, but knowing that he wasn't able to promise that was the end of his career made his heart wrench uncomfortably. Sure he would get paid for this, but not nearly enough as what he wanted. He would have to stay in the Military a hell of a lot longer if he wanted a big income. Which is why he would have to go back to the Military in a month or two. He had already confirmed his place there and his return, he just didn't know when would be the right time to confirm his going away again. He knew that Ellen would understand the reasons behind why he was doing this to her, as if it was just torturing Jo time and time again because he enjoyed her never-ending agony. But Ellen understood that wasn't why, and it was with good reason. He knew though, that Jo would be harder to convince, and that she was less likely to understand why he was doing that to her.

Hopefully soon, he would find out a good way to tell her, and reassure her that everything would be fine.

His friends were sad to see him go, but they knew that he had to. He'd packed his bags and gone through the hugs and the goodbyes.

"Bring us back chocolate or somethin'! We're dyin' from all the borin' food they feed us, man!" One of the men shouted, wearing a grin on his face. Dean just laughed and nodded.

"'Course, anything for you guys!" He told them. They walked towards the gates, and Dean finally gave a final wave. They cheered him on as he left, and he jogged to the bus that would be taking him to the airport where he would finally return home, return to some normality. He was excited, butterflies in his stomach. But he knew that Jo didn't know what to expect, because she didn't even know he was coming back this soon. He also knew he had to expect that she wouldn't be the same, and that she wouldn't be the same curvy, bright woman he once knew. That his arms would fit perfectly around her- maybe with too much ease. He knew to expect the scars on her wrist, but he would do everything in his power to reassure her that he was there for her, he understood, and he loved her regardless of her scars and upset. He had made his way to the airport, and he saw the people stare at him, and some of them thanked him for his time out there. It was certainly overwhelming to say the least, but he appreciated it. Because he remember seeing the way they reacted to seeing his father in uniform, and he respected them for that, and he understood why they said it now. He thanked them, and soon enough he was on a flight back home. In long, antagonizing hours, he'd be back home once more, ready to greet his surprised fiancée at the door.

After many long hours of sitting in an uncomfortable seat on the plane, listening to children screaming and crying, parents trying to hush whilst irritated due to being kept awake from the constant noise. Dean was finally back where he belonged. He got off the plane and got on another bus that would be taking him to a train station so that he could get the train to another station that was closer to home. The closest was about a ten minute walk, which he was plenty okay with. With all the training he had to do in the past, ten minute walks were nothing.

He wore the widest smile on his face, despite the intense jet lag that he was already beginning to suffer. He kept his eyes on the prize; Home. Home at last. It was something that he would definitely want to celebrate. Despite only being there for merely a month and a half, it still felt like centuries. Although it probably felt like an infinite amount of time for someone like Jo.

He finally reached his town, and then he managed to make the walk back up to the house. Throughout it all, he started sending texts to Jo to see if she would have figured out that he was back in town. After all, he was never really able to send texts from Afghanistan. It cost way too much, and she knew that he didn't really have that kind of money to spend out there, and of course that meant the same for their food variations. It often meant that they were stuck eating plain and bland overcooked rice.

[text] Hey, Jo. Betcha didn't think I'd ever be texting you. (:

He grinned widely at his phone as he sent her the message as he walked up the hill that went towards the house. He watched the phone patiently, eager to see her response to the text. Of course, he kept it small, and didn't give much away.

[text] That is a good point. How come you're able to text me, Dean? They gave you extra money or somethin?x

Dean just laughed- he found it somewhat amusing how innocent and naive she was about it. How had she not figured out that he had made it back in town? Then again, it wasn't exactly that obvious. After all, it was just one text. It wasn't like he was spamming her with loads of them.

Dean waited a while until he replied with another one, not wanting her to get too suspicious. If that was the case, she would figure it out and it would no longer be a surprise. And he wanted it to be that more than anything. After about five minutes, he debated texting her. He just wanted her to reply again. But he knew that he had to hold off texting her for a moment. As soon as he got outside the front door, he finally text her.

[text] Go open your front door. There's a surprise outside.

He was proud of that text and he couldn't help but smile like an excited child, bouncing on his feet as he waited. He waited and waited, and then finally he heard the thud of her footsteps at the door. His heart was pounding, skipping a few beats here and there as he waited for her. Eventually, she opened the door. She peered round the corner of it, and then she finally opened it properly, seeing her fiancé stood before her. She let out a gasp and a scream, and ran over to him, jumping into his arms. He picked her up with ease, due to the extra muscle he had gained. Ellen stood in the doorway and watched how Jo pretty much changed into a whole new person, now that she had the one thing she wanted the most. Ellen smiled and Dean smiled in return, winking and mouthing a small 'thank you.' Despite knowing he had to go back, he was grateful for this opportunity, although it did sound a little greedy that he got to back home and others didn't. He did feel slightly guilty that he was taking the opportunity that everyone else didn't really ever get to have. If this didn't happen, he would have be there for another two or three months. "I love you," Jo sobbed. Dean knew that she was so grateful for him to finally be back home. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head before repeating it to her. "I love you too..." He whispered. He wouldn't tell her yet that he was yet to go back. That would be a train wreck in itself. Maybe in a few weeks. But definitely not now. He didn't want to take something like this away from her. Especially when she was so happy like this. He finally set her back on her feet and looked in her eyes. She reached up with a small hand and caressed his cheek. He leaned in to it and his lips quirked up slightly. "I'm home now." He told her, before taking her hand in his and making his way inside. He just wanted to spend time with her, but he also wanted to rest. She was more important, though. "Let's go get settled back in, yeah?" He asked her, nudging gently. It was if he had never left. She was finally happy once again, and he could already see the colour returning to her face. She would finally start eating again and would start putting some weight back on. He just hoped that by being back he would finally be able to heal her broken heart.

They went upstairs, and he put his suitcase down. He then laid on her bed and pat the space beside him. He just wanted to lay with her and appreciate her company. He really missed it. Especially because he was mostly surrounded by just males out there, and he hadn't really seen her at all since he left. They didn't exactly have many Skype calls. The credits were used far too quick. And now they had about two months to themselves. It was going to be as perfect a he could possibly make it. He wanted it to be special for her. She deserved it.

He lay there with her in complete silence- and nothing had ever felt so perfect before.

"I'm so glad you're back now, Dean." She muttered, resting her head on his chest, listening to the soft thumping of his beating heart. Nothing had ever sounded so calm and perfect before. She closed her eyes and just lay there in a blissful state of mind, like he had never left her, like she had never tried rto kill herself and end it all. It was strange; the way she just dropped all of that and acted as if everything was back to normality . Ellen had filled him in on everything that happened, and to see the way Jo was acting- he did find it a bit bizarre. In all honesty, he didn't really know how to react to her acting this way to him being home. It seemed strange, and maybe he should of said something to her about it. But he didn't want to risk ruining everything for her again. He didn't want to mention some form of therapy for her, because what if that sparked some incredible reaction that could put their relationship at risk?

"I'm glad I'm back too, Jo." He replied after what felt like an eternity of being surrounded by his overwhelming thoughts. He wondered how long he was thinking about it, really. Hesitantly, his eyes drifted to her bandaged wrist. How was she so calm and collected? How was she acting like nothing had happened? That she hadn't tried to kill herself? It somewhat made anger boil in his veins, but he tried his best to dismiss it, and try to be happy for her sake.

Although he knew it wouldn't be that easy.

Ellen knew that too. She was struggling to accept it as well. In all honesty, she didn't really want to accept the fact that her daughter nearly died and it's lucky that Ellen walked in to the bathroom at the time she did.

"Can the bandage come off yet?" He asked, treading carefully with the softest voice he could possibly manage. He felt Jo tense up then, and that she was no longer comfortable being there. He felt her shuffle and clear her throat. He watched how she looked away from him awkwardly, not enjoying the tension that felt like it was going to crush them at any second. He wanted to apologise for asking her that question, knowing that it must've been difficult to face the fact that she had tried to do that. However, it was going to be asked by him at some point, so it might have just been asked now- even if it was a bit too soon.

The next thing she did really did take him by surprise:

She started to unravel the bandage on her arm in complete silence. It began to get thinner and thinner until eventually it revealed the jagged scar that went across her pale wrist. It stood out- it was fresh and dark against her fair complexion. His eyes softened and his heart skipped a beat. He swallowed and clenched his jaw to refrain from crying. He gently picked up her wrist with the utmost care and placed a delicate kiss next to it, in case it hurt to touch it.

"I'm so sorry you did that to yourself- I really wish you didn't.. You knew that I would'a come back for you." He told her in a quiet voice, still somewhat confused as to why she did it if she knew how much determination and willpower he had. She knew that he would've come home. So why this? Why resort to this? Maybe if he was in her place, he'd understand... But for now, he'd never know.
"Please don't be ashamed of me." Jo whispered in the quietest squeak of a voice. Despite her being quiet, the words rung loud and clear in his head, and he even heard the cracking in her voice, and how she was holding back a sob. He turned on his side and looked at her.
"I could never be ashamed of you- regardless of what you did. Especially not this. You don't deserve that. It's tough having to be a Military Wife of sorts... I understand that it was stressful for you, and that you had the struggle of never knowing if I was going to come back. I will love you and all your scars, Jo." He told her, placing a kiss on her forehead.