Alex didn't know what she'd been thinking, telling him she'd had a dream about Joe. What a colossal mistake that had been! Expecting him to just drop it was an even bigger error. She wished she could erase the entire conversation. She'd hoped that distracting him would help her to avoid the discussion of her dream because Bobby would dissect and analyze it, and she wasn't prepared for that. It had worked for a while. Sex always distracted him. But it didn't make him forget, unfortunately.

She was warm and comfortable in his arms, drowsy and content. She finally dared to hope he'd drifted off to sleep when he softly spoke, "So, tell me about that dream."

She groaned. "Can't we just forget about it?"

"No. I want to know."

"But..."

"No 'buts.' Tell me."

"Bobby...please. It's nothing. It doesn't mean anything. Can't we just forget it?"

He didn't want to forget it, but he didn't want to upset her, either. The more resistant she was to the telling, the more desperately he wanted to hear about it. He promised himself not to upset her by reading too much into it. After all, it was just a dream.

He pulled her close and nuzzled her ear. Softly, he asked, "Was it about Joe?"

She nodded slowly, reluctant to admit it. She didn't talk about Joe much. She never had, although he was always willing to listen to her, no matter what she wanted to tell him. But Joe was a subject that rarely came up, and that caused some problems for him. In his mind, Joe was the standard by which she measured every man who'd come after, and he wasn't comfortable not knowing what she expected him to be. He tried to measure up, to anticipate what she expected of him, but he was always afraid that he did not live up to her standards. Most likely, he never would. He was afraid that she settled for him because no one better was available, that she wanted him because he was so resistant in the beginning. But he never said anything about it because he didn't want her to confirm his fears. He never asked her to compare them, even though he felt she did. Still, he harbored a morbid curiosity that drove him to try covertly to find out how far from the mark he fell.

Alex had no idea that Bobby thought she compared him to Joe or she would have set him straight. Then she would have understood why he was so desperate to know about her dream—and about Joe. She hadn't talked about her loss much in the early years of their partnership because the pain was too raw. As time passed and the pain grew dull, she moved on and there was no point in dredging up the past. She had no idea he fostered insecurities about her, that he was convinced he would never be good enough, that he would never measure up to her expectations. She could have set him straight about those, too.

Each of them held on to the secrets of their pasts, neither knowing that disclosure would have spared the other undue concern. His insecurities drove him to press her for information and her desire to leave the past in the past led her to resist, but in the end, his persistence won out. Reluctantly, she told him what he wanted to know.

In her dream, Joe had never died. When she made Major Case, they had celebrated her accomplishment with a night on the town, and she'd gotten pregnant that night. In her dream, her sister was fertile and, instead of giving birth to a child for Reggie, that pregnancy bore her and Joe a son. All the while, partnered with Bobby, she'd lived a perfect life. The dark hand of tragedy never touched her. But, as time went on, she'd gotten bored with perfection and, seeking out excitement, she'd fallen in love with another man, with Bobby. True to his real self, he had resisted her, until one night, on a stakeout in the rain, he'd given in to temptation. At that point, she woke up, as caught up in the throes of desire and need as she was in her dream. That night, she'd woken him to satisfy that need, demanding and full of fire, and he'd responded without questioning her. Then, she'd gone back to sleep, a blessedly dreamless sleep. But tonight, after telling him about her dream, there was no sleeping; she wanted to know what he was thinking.

"Come on, Bobby. I told you what you wanted to know. Now tell me what's going through your mind."

"I need time, Alex. I need to think about it."

"So you can analyze me?"

"No, of course not. Just...give me some time."

"Are you upset?"

"No, I'm not."

"What do you think it means?"

"I thought you didn't want me to analyze it."

"No, I don't want you to analyze me."

"Isn't it the same thing?"

"Is it? It was just a dream."

"Was it a good dream for you?"

"What does that matter?"

"It matters a lot."

"Well...I woke you up that night, so what do you think?"

"That was the night?"

She nodded. "I'd say it was a good dream...just unsettling."

Quietly, he let his thoughts tumble around inside his head. In silence, he breathed in the scent of her, and he felt comforted by the feel of her pressed against him. He caressed her back and felt her body relax as she drifted to sleep, but there was no sleep for him. His busy mind resisted sleep. He wasn't a strict Freudian, although he did believe that dreams held meaning—sometimes hidden and sometimes not. Whatever he chose to believe, her dream told him what she believed: Alex had chosen him, over all others. They were meant to be.

At some point during the night, Bobby had drifted to sleep. When Alex woke early the next morning, he barely stirred. She was becoming an unwilling early bird, and she would be glad when he quit staying up until the wee hours of the morning so he could get up with the kids on the weekends again.

The house was still dark and quiet, but she was wide awake, so she slid out of bed and went into the bathroom. When she returned to the bedroom, she walked to the window and looked out over the back yard.

It was windy, and the trees bowed and bent in the wake of the strong gusts. She could feel the cold of the night penetrate the glass of the window. It was cold for October. The trees had lost most of their leaves and the yard looked uncomfortably barren.

She shivered and thought about getting a sweatshirt, but she didn't move from the window. Her thoughts wandered back to the conversation she and Bobby had the night before. While neither had been comfortable with it, they'd had a good talk. She hadn't gotten angry, so he never got defensive. Even after all the years they had known each other, they were still learning how to be together. Their marriage, though unsteady, was a work in progress and, in many ways, so were they.

She started when Bobby stepped up behind her and slid his arms around her. Preoccupied, she hadn't heard him get out of bed. He kissed her neck, and she tilted her head to give him easier access. His lips lingered against her soft skin, followed by the tip of his tongue, which trailed from her ear to her collar bone. She made a soft sound and he kissed his way back to her ear.

"It's early," she whispered.

He grunted softly into her ear, then whispered, "I have to go in to work for awhile."

She made a quiet noise of disappointment. "I was hoping for a nice quiet day with you and the kids."

"I'm sorry, but if I don't get some of the paperwork Mike and I have been putting off done, Ross is going to have both our heads. We'll have a nice day with the kids tomorrow."

She rubbed his hands where they rested on her waist. "Bobby, are you happy? And don't say yes because you think it's what I want to hear. I don't want you to pretend to be happy if you're not. I want an honest answer from you."

He continued to hold her from behind and he rested his head against hers. After a few minutes of silence, he softly answered, "You have seen me at my best, and you've seen me at my worst. And still, you stay. Despite everything, you still love me. I couldn't ask for more than that from any woman. Never think I'm not happy with you, because I am. I know both sides of the coin, and I wasted too much time wanting you and not having you. Now, I have you and I've never felt happier." He kissed the top of her head. "I have to shower and get going."

She felt cold and empty when he moved away, and her mind filled with images of Bobby in the shower, hot water sliding over his soapy body. With a smile, she turned away from the window, stripped out of her clothes and went into the bathroom to join him.

Bobby dozed lightly on the bed as Alex dressed. A small knot of worry twisted deep in her gut. Bobby's energy level just wasn't what it had once been. She remembered a time, not too long ago, when she had not been able to outlast him in bed, even after a full day of chasing the kids. She sat at his side, slipped into her shoes and turned her attention to him. She stroked his chest and he stirred. His eyelids fluttered open and he looked at her, his expression open and vulnerable and loving. The tender smile he gave her tugged at her heartstrings and she leaned down to kiss him. She caressed his cheek and said, "The kids will be up any minute so I'd better get breakfast ready. Are you going to sleep a little longer?"

"No. I have to get going. I have a lot to do and I'd like to get it done today. Be nice for the captain to come in to a stack of finished paperwork Monday morning."

She gave him another light kiss. "Are you okay?"

"Sure. I'm fine."

She studied his face and decided he wasn't lying to her. So she nodded, caressed his cheek again and got up. She turned at the door, watching him sit on the edge of the bed, looking at the floor for a minute before he got up and turned toward the closet. She met his eyes, gave him another smile and left the room.

Alex spent the morning with the children but she was distracted. She wanted to believe Bobby when he said he was fine, but something nagged at her. Something just seemed...off. After lunch, she called her sister and asked her if she would mind taking the kids overnight. When Reggie agreed, Alex packed them all up, including Zeus, and drove them over to her sister's house.

She stayed for awhile, talking to Reggie as the children played out in the yard. Cold weather never seemed to deter them from playing outside. "Remember when we were that age?" Alex asked. "Weather never mattered to us. We were always outside."

Reggie handed her a cup of coffee. "I remember that you and the boys were outside in all kinds of weather. I stayed in unless it was sunny."

Alex laughed. "You always were a bit of a princess."

"A bit? There's a reason Daddy called me 'Queen Bee.'"

Alex continued to watch the children chase Zeus around the yard. "Does it seem like life's gotten harder since Dad died?"

Reggie nodded. "The whole world changed when Dad died. It's a colder, darker, less friendly place. I'm sure Bobby felt that way when he lost his mom."

"I wouldn't bet on that."

Reggie looked confused. "Why? Doesn't the world change for everyone when they lose their last parent?"

Alex loved her sister, naive though she could be. "Yes, the world changes, but not always in the way you think. Bobby's parents weren't like Mom and Dad. They never made his world a safe place for him. When his mom died, he didn't lose a protector or a champion. He was the protector and the champion. Losing his mom didn't make him more vulnerable. It made him feel less...necessary in the world."

"But...he is necessary—for you and the kids. He knows how important he is, doesn't he?"

"With Bobby, there's no telling what he knows, or what he believes. I hope he knows. I think he does." She sighed. "I'll try to talk to him about it."

"What are your plans for tonight?"

"A walk in the moonlight," Alex answered with a smile. "I'll say good-bye to the kids and get going. I need to get ready for dinner."

As Reggie put their coffee cups in the sink, Alex went out into the yard to say good-bye.