I don't own glee! Thanks for reading :)
And there they were again. Sebastian and Kurt, having fun together. Seriously, who would have thought? They had been laughing for maybe an hour, or more, and Kurt couldn't say exactly at what: at nothing, at each other, at everything… Sometimes they even fell in comfortable silences. And that damn hand. Sebastian's damn hand. It wouldn't stop its rubbing on Kurt (his knee, his back, his shoulder). Sebastian was touchy indeed. Not that Kurt was surprised – but he'd never have imagined being the one Sebastian would touch. Even if it was innocent. Or friendly. Friends? Was that what they were now, all of a sudden? Friends?
"You know, you've changed too" Kurt barely articulated while empting his third beer.
Sebastian shrugged. "People do that all the time, or so I've been told" he smirked.
Kurt giggled. Sebastian seemed to remember some stuff Kurt told him. He tried hard not to like that.
"I guess they do" Kurt commented, playing the disinterested.
"And I guess sometimes they even do it on purpose, right?" Sebastian continued.
"Just like I choose to be this boring" Kurt gave him a sarcastic smile.
"Okay" Sebastian stood up, adopting a concerned, but amused, expression. "What do I have to do to make you believe I didn't mean that?" the boy asked, forcing Kurt to turn around on his seat to follow his movements.
Kurt smiled. "That's okay, Sebastian. I'm guessing if you found me boring, you wouldn't hang out with me, right?" he said, truly. Sebastian smiled back at him and took a step closer, placing his hands on both Kurt knees, making Kurt shiver. "… Or kiss me" Kurt let slip. It was out before he realised it. Crap, Kurt damned himself, and felt like fleeing, but Sebastian didn't look as freaked out as Kurt was. Maybe panic was not a feeling Sebastian could experiment.
"Yeah" Sebastian whispered after a few seconds, during which he didn't let go of Kurt eyes - not even to blink. "But, you know? Technically, like you said, it takes two to share a kiss, just as it takes two to hang out this often… So I'm thinking you have some calling here too."
Kurt wondered if that was Sebastian's way of making sure Kurt wanted this. Whatever this was. Their friendship, understanding or… really, whatever this was.
"Fine" Kurt sighed exaggeratedly, amused. "I don't find you boring either" Kurt said with a smirk.
Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Kurt, grinning. "I told you, gayface. You're gonna have to do better than that to get into my pants" Sebastian whispered while nipping Kurt's nose with a playful bite.
That was it. That was all it took for Kurt to become a nervous mess with a difficult breathing. He was, in no way, used to this kind of flirting. It was so… rough. Vulnerable. Physical. Kurt couldn't help but feeling, once again, that it was only natural. Does it take more explanation than this…?
But feeling was one thing, and actually having the slightest clue of how to act on it, another. Oh God, Sebastian seemed so comfortable around him. So comfortable with all the touchiness.
Kurt looked down, unsure of what to do. His body was asking him to stay, as if a reaction had happened between its flesh and Sebastian's on that bite, and there was no way to contain it. And his mind was telling him to get the hell out of there. And his heart… well, his heart seemed to remain lost in the battle.
"I do make you nervous, don't I?" Sebastian asked him, taking back his hands. Kurt suddenly felt cold on his knees, now that they weren't covered by Sebastian's warmth. Dammit, he mentally coursed. He was getting way too used to Sebastian's warmth.
"I just- don't…" Kurt sighed, looking up. He was no longer a teenager, for God's sake. "I told you" he said, staring right at Sebastian intensely. "I just don't know what to make of this."
Sebastian scratched his neck, thoughtful. "Neither do I" the boy said, uncertain.
Kurt regarded him. Sebastian was not smirking, nor joking. Maybe he was as clueless as Kurt was.
"You wanna catch some air?" Kurt asked, unable to contain the smile creeping up his chest towards his lips. Sebastian looked cute when he was uncertain. Kurt bit his lip.
"Sure, go grab our coats, I got this" Sebastian stated cockily, while taking out his wallet. Ever the gentleman. And ever the lady, Kurt thought amused.
/
"But you gotta picture it! From my perspective!" Kurt shouted between laughs. This story didn't use to make him laugh – not at all. Mostly, it was a dark memory for him. "The love song, the place, and absolutely everybody I know standing there, looking at me with excited eyes and desperately expecting me to say yes" Kurt explained, chuckling. "How the hell could I have a choice? It was a trap, that's what it was."
Sebastian laughed. "Yeah… okay, I guess I get it" he said smiling. Then he placed his hand on Kurt's nape, letting his fingers run there freely, but gently. "I would've helped you if you'd just said the word, you know" Sebastian winked.
Kurt snorted. "Oh, please" he said trying hard not to shiver at the touch. "I'm pretty sure you were gloating inside" Kurt smiled cheekily. "I bet you even felt grateful that you didn't succeed to get Blaine for yourself back in the day."
Sebastian laughed. "You got me. Your proposal was the very day he lost any sex-appeal he might have for me. So cheesy" Sebastian made a disapproving face. "I kind of didn't want to be there, though" he admitted, looking at Kurt.
"Then why did you?" Kurt asked, even if he knew Sebastian would continue anyway.
"You know how those Warblers are" Sebastian stated as if it was obvious. "They adore Blaine and would do anything to redeem themselves for last year's fraud."
"Oh, that" Kurt chuckled. "That was low, Sebastian" Kurt couldn't stop himself from saying. "I mean, I heard it wasn't your idea-" Kurt assured him, trying not to be hurtful. Since when did he care about being harsh on Sebastian? The boy liked it when Kurt was harsh.
"I know" Sebastian cut him. He didn't really look ashamed, though. The boy shrugged. "I didn't take the steroids, but I wouldn't judge those who did take 'em. They were under a lot of pressure" he said, understanding. Kurt was at awe for a second, because Sebastian's reasoning was actually kind of mature.
They fell in silence. "I feel like I don't know you at all" Kurt commented, when they reached a bench on Central Park.
Sebastian sat on the bench and looked up at him amused. "Are you surprised? We've never been friends, Kurt" he added, and Kurt knew the boy was just being honest, but somehow he didn't like that comment. Sebastian knew better than to make assumptions about Kurt because they had never been friends. Kurt had done nothing but to assume the worst of Sebastian ever since high school.
"I guess" Kurt conceded, sitting himself beside Sebastian. "We've known each other for a couple of years but… if I'm being honest, I've kind of made it a purpose of mine to stop judging you from who you used to be" Kurt said, offering him an awkward smile.
"But I'm the same person" Sebastian chuckled. "Even if I changed, I still did all those things" he said calmly. So calmly that Kurt wondered if the boy felt guilty at all.
"But you regret those, don't you?" Kurt asked Sebastian, narrowing his eyes at him.
Sebastian shrugged and scratched his neck, looking visibly uncomfortable. "What do you want me to say, Kurt?"
Kurt observed him confused. Why did he expect Sebastian to feel a certain way? Whatever Sebastian felt, it was his own business, not Kurt's. "I don't know" he sighed.
"Those mistakes are mine" Sebastian stated with a clear and calmed voice. "If I convinced myself they aren't mine anymore, then I wouldn't be the way I am now" he explained. "Maybe I'm not making any sense… but I like to own my flaws."
Kurt regarded Sebastian surprised, going instantly softer on him.
"That's actually very wise, meerkat" he rested his head on Sebastian's shoulder. "Funnily enough, I came to the same realisation just a few weeks ago."
"Well, I didn't just come up with that" Sebastian chuckled. "Growing up involves some thinking" he said, then his hand found its way back to Kurt – this time, Kurt's thigh.
"Sebastian…" Kurt started but had to stop because Sebastian's hand was now caressing him over the fabric of his trousers. He didn't shake Sebastian's hand away, though. "I can't- I can't really focus on a conversation if you behave like this" he sifted awkwardly on his seat.
"Like what?" Sebastian fake-asked innocently.
"Like your natural touchy self" Kurt mumbled, still not shaking the other boy's hand off him.
"Let's not talk, then" Sebastian said, taking his eyes from Kurt and looking forward, contemplating the night sky.
"Okay" Kurt said after a few seconds. He made himself comfortable on the bench and regarded the sky too.
Kurt let himself linger in the touch. Sebastian was caressing him and it felt great. His hand kept making soft draws on his thigh, which Kurt observed now and then distractedly. Kurt's cheek was pressed against Sebastian's shoulder, which granted him some access to Sebastian's neck and its smell. And Kurt was pleased to discover it didn't smell like cologne, but like Sebastian's body scent. Sebastian's smell. It was intoxicating, and Kurt couldn't stop breathing it.
Sebastian's arm was pressed against Kurt's, so freaking close to his skin it was torture. Kurt forgot about thinking and moved his arm to intertwine it with Sebastian's, grasping Sebastian's forearm with his hand. Kurt started rubbing it, unable to do anything else.
"You're so innocent, Kurt" Sebastian smiled at him, "it's killing me" he continued, finally removing his hand from Kurt's thigh. "But I like it" he added, noticing Kurt was looking at him sort of disappointed.
"You… do?" Kurt asked, astonished. Not in a million years he'd have hoped to hear something like that coming from Sebastian's mouth – aimed at him. Sure, the boy could make a thousand inappropriate comments, or flirt his way through anything, but the fondness Kurt sensed on his words – that was something else. And yes, Kurt was being cheesy, but he felt like a gang of badass butterflies were throwing a rave on his belly.
Kurt had to force himself to keep the eye contact. Every time he looked into Sebastian's eyes, it felt like he was waking up a sleeping beast. Kurt gulped, because there it was. That hunger, again, on Sebastian's eyes. Not the ordinary one. The physical one.
"Mm" Sebastian made, nodding slightly and rising a hand to caress Kurt's temples. "I do" he confirmed with words.
"I believe I got you wrong, then" Kurt said more for himself than for Sebastian.
"How come?" the boy asked.
"I thought you just liked me" Kurt stopped to make quotation marks here "when I'm bitchy." Kurt tried to say it casually, but his insides were killing him with nervousness.
Sebastian grinned, then put his arm around Kurt's shoulders and brought him closer, granting himself some access to Kurt's ear. "I enjoy our verbal fights" he whispered there, making Kurt shudder. "But I also enjoy your physical reactions to my proximity" he grinned cockily.
Kurt gulped down. This was too much for him. What was he even doing? He was letting himself be courted by Sebastian! Oh my!
"I'm not that easy" Kurt said, hiding himself behind a smirk mask. He didn't move a millimetre, though. One step at a time.
"I am" Sebastian said casually, caressing Kurt's arm.
"Why would you say that?" Kurt asked concerned. Why did Sebastian enjoy selling himself cheap?
"Because it's true, Kurt" Sebastian sighed. "I don't give these things a second thought. If I wanna do someone, I just do someone" he said roughly. "Everybody has a choice, and that's mine."
Kurt meditated that. There was a palpable strength coming from Sebastian's words. A possessiveness. As if the boy was kind of possessive of his own choices. Sebastian liked to own his flaws, and Sebastian also liked to own his sex choices. Was there anything wrong with that?
"You don't care that probably not everybody will get that?" Kurt struggled, trying to find the right words. "I mean, if people don't give it a second thought either… then they won't appreciate you properly, don't you think?" Kurt asked tentatively. He just wanted to understand Sebastian – the full picture. He was intrigued about the way Sebastian saw the world, truth to be told.
"I don't need everybody to appreciate me" Sebastian said. "Why would I?" he frowned.
"But do you?" it was out before Kurt could control it. "I mean, do you appreciate… yourself?" he added timidly.
Sebastian stared at him with uncertainty. "That's so vague" he sighed. "Does anybody?" Sebastian asked rhetorically. "I don't mistreat me, if that's what you're worried about."
"I'm not- I mean… I guess it conflicts me" Kurt's voice got a little piercing. He noticed that, and ordered himself not to be so damn sensitive. "I do get that you don't need everybody's approval – only your own" he started, calmly, "but sometimes I kind of think you sell yourself…"
"Cheap – you can say it, I won't be offended" Sebastian cut him, but instead of the bitter smile Kurt thought he'd see on the other boy's lips, there was a genuine one.
"But how couldn't you? You're not cheap, Sebastian!" Kurt's piercing voice was back. How did Kurt end up defending Sebastian's honour when the other boy clearly didn't give a fuck about it? "You're just confident, I think."
"Kurt, I'd care about my grandma thinking that little of me. About my mum, maybe. And only because I can't expect them to see things the way I see 'em" Sebastian explained, staring at him intensely. "But just- not about everybody, you know what I mean?" he asked Kurt, insecurely.
"I think so" Kurt put his head back on Sebastian's shoulder, biting his tongue from adding anything else. He didn't see things the way Sebastian did, but that was okay, he realised, because Sebastian didn't expect him either – I mean - Kurt continued his inner monologue - Sebastian didn't care about what Kurt might think about him… right?
"But thank you, anyway" Sebastian stated, looking away.
"For what?" Kurt raised his head to look at him, but Sebastian wouldn't return it.
"For trying not to judge me, I guess" Sebastian said, awkwardly.
Perhaps he cares after all, Kurt wondered. "You're welcome" Kurt smiled.
/
The ride back home was silent. Sebastian kindly offered to drive Kurt to Bushwick. When Kurt noticed that somehow it was around 2:00 in the morning, he picked Sebastian up on the offer quickly.
None of the two boys had eaten since lunch – they had only drank beer, and Kurt's stomach was making loud noises. Thankfully those went unheard because of the Metallica CD Sebastian had playing on his car.
When they reached Kurt's alley, they both remained still for a few seconds, not knowing what to do. An idea had been wandering in Kurt's brain for a few minutes, but maybe it was time to call it a night. He looked at Sebastian, wondering... And he made up his mind. Kurt grabbed his phone and started typing.
Sebastian simply observed him, quietly. Then he saw a smile appearing on Kurt's lips and the boy turning to look at him cheerily. "There's no one home" he said. "It's Friday night" he remembered.
"So?" Sebastian asked him confused.
Kurt smiled lively again. "So, you can come upstairs and try my natillas, come on!" he opened up the passenger' door and got out the car excitedly.
Sebastian chuckled and got out the car too, locking it. "You're sneaking me into your flat, huh?" the boy smirked. "Like some one night stand."
Kurt punched him softly on the sides. "You wish."
By the time they reached Kurt's floor, Sebastian wouldn't stop commenting on everything. "And don't get me started on the neighbourhood, gayface" he continued. "So tacky, couldn't you seriously do better?"
"God, I'm regretting this already" Kurt said while taking out his keys to enter his flat.
Sebastian chuckled. "I'm hoping your place would make up for all this."
"Oh, I assure you, it does" Kurt smiled and opened the door. "Make yourself comfortable" he said, while going to the fridge to take his dessert.
"Okay, points on the furniture and deco" Sebastian said, giving the flat a general look. "But the curtains… really?" he turned around to look at Kurt with a concerned expression. "Are your sex lives that poor that you don't even need some real privacy? Or do you just enjoy hearing each other moans at night?"
"Ew, you're disgusting, Sebastian" Kurt made a face. "We have ear plugs, or iPods, you know."
"If you say so" Sebastian's disapproval face was still on.
"Let's take this to my room" Kurt handed him over two bowls and directed the boy towards his room's curtain.
"No foreplay, huh?" Sebastian asked. "This is getting interesting."
"Shut up" Kurt rolled his eyes.
Once they were on Kurt's bedroom, Kurt realised he hadn't exactly planned on what to do next. He stood there awkwardly, observing Sebastian going all over his room, examining it.
"Hey, I didn't do that in your flat" Kurt protested.
"No one stopped you" Sebastian sang-song.
Kurt pouted briefly and decided to sit down on his bed. "You wanna watch a movie?" he asked, then damned himself. This was probably way too teenager-like for Sebastian. Why would the boy want to do that on a Friday night? He was probably still in time to get himself into a disco.
"Sure" Sebastian replied to Kurt's surprise, and sat beside him on the bed. He grabbed his bowl and tried the natillas. "Mm" he made, closing his eyes.
Kurt's ego would have made a victory dance if he hadn't been distracted by Sebastian's naturally suggestive expression. The boy licked his own lips, taking away any remaining drop from the dessert. Then Sebastian opened his eyes and found a blushing Kurt staring at him.
"It's good, gayface" Sebastian said, smirking pleased with Kurt's reaction.
"Oh" Kurt realised he was staring and decided to mind his own bowl. "I'm glad you like it" he smiled awkwardly.
Kurt got up to grab his laptop and put it on his lap. He started playing Zoolander and gained a snort from Sebastian.
"Seriously, Zoolander?" the boy asked.
"What?" Kurt protested. "It's a great movie! It's really funny, haven't you seen it?" Kurt asked suspiciously.
"It looks so lame" Sebastian said, looking away in a childish way.
Kurt giggled. "Oh my, you're so gonna watch it and love it" he made himself comfortable on the pillows, grabbing his bowl again. Sebastian observed him from his sitting position, and Kurt patted the place beside him to indicate the other boy that it was okay for him to lay down too.
They ate in silence and watched the movie. Kurt caught Sebastian covering his mouth a couple of times during the first 15 minutes of movie, and smirked pleased. After that, Sebastian forgot to cover it and laughed mindlessly.
Kurt fell asleep eventually. He hadn't planned on it, not really. His eyes popped opened when the music from the credits started playing, and discovered he was snuggled up to Sebastian, whose arms where intertwined with his own. Kurt closed his eyes again, unwilling to deal with any of that.