Thank you so much for your reviews :) Really, you're all very kind. Specially, vulcansalute! :3

This has been the hardest chapter to write so far. Kurt's mind is way too complex to fit on a chapter x)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Ps. I don't own glee! I wish.

For a while, they simply kissed. Sebastian's hands were no longer trying to undo Kurt's belt – they had found a hold on Kurt's hips, squeezing slightly every now and then, and drawing circles with its fingers. It was a movement that seemed to put Kurt at ease, and combined with the insatiable kisses they were sharing, Kurt was floating on cloud nine.

It wasn't like the sweet kiss they had shared for the first time at Sebastian's apartment. It was less tentative and more knowing. Kurt had the same sensation, though: he felt, once again, like he was melting with Sebastian.

Kurt's mental process had become messy – suddenly it worked through impressionist (he liked to think) images of warmth colours and sensations. It was so intense Kurt felt like he was somehow high. Okay - not that he had been high before, but he was sure the feeling had to be quite similar.

Sometimes they stopped to catch some air, but Sebastian never granted him a break from the eye-contact duel his eyes were giving Kurt's. Not that Kurt would dare to complain.

"You look calmer now" Sebastian commented, on one of those breaks. And it was true. Kurt no longer felt like a nervous mess – he was starting to feel quite comfortable around Sebastian's touchiness. Kurt smiled at Sebastian quietly, mindlessly running a hand through Sebastian's hair. It was kind of an addictive hair. Kurt was so amazed by it that he didn't notice Sebastian had removed one hand from his hip. But he found out soon enough when he felt, again, Sebastian's hand grasping at his crotch.

It was shocking at first, because Kurt wasn't even sure he was that hard any more. And both boys were wearing trousers – so it wasn't exactly comfortable.

Of course, that didn't prevent his body to react at the friction. Sebastian was moving slowly on top of him, working Kurt's lower parts with one of his hands only. And it was good. Not the ideal scenario for Kurt, who usually would find action over the clothes sort of tacky and highly anti-hygienic, but it was good.

Then Kurt's breathing became more unsteady again, and he realised it felt more than good. Sebastian stared at him, biting his lower lip hard, with an expression of want Kurt had never seen on anyone before. It made his whole body tremble, and it was the most powerful turn on Kurt had ever seen or felt. He had Sebastian's breath on his neck, and Kurt was quite intoxicated on the other boy's scent by now.

Sebastian picked up on Kurt's reaction to him. He mouthed Kurt's throat with wet, aggressive kisses and whispered on his ear: "Come for me, Kurt", putting said boy on the edge of orgasm. Then the boy resumed his licking on Kurt's upper chest, leaving sore skin at his pass. Kurt knew Sebastian had marked him – but he couldn't bring himself to care right this moment.

Hell, Kurt had never had action over the clothes! It was hot, and it was about enjoying the anticipation; creating it, deepening it. It made him feel like a teenager, full of hormones, and it felt awesome. Kurt felt like he was finally catching up with his inner teen, and it made him felt alive. So alive. Sebastian made him feel wonderfully alive.

"Bas" Kurt moaned, while mouthing Sebastian's neck – taking a hold on it, rather than licking it. "I want you too, Bas" he whispered hoarsely on Sebastian's ear. Sebastian looked at him, ecstatic, so seriously it was kind of frightening. Then he moved so fast Kurt had no time to react – the boy grabbed both Kurt's wrists and placed them above Kurt's head, immobilising him.

Then Sebastian attacked his mouth. All tenderness was gone. They were kissing passionately, aggressively and urgently. Like it was now or never. Kurt felt a rush of euphoria creeping up his whole body, slowly, from the tip of his toes to his chest, and, for a moment, he thought his chest would explode, unable to contain it. His whole body went still, full of warm energy.

"Keep going" Sebastian demanded him, noticing Kurt's body wasn't moving anymore. Kurt hadn't even noticed it, but Sebastian's warm breath on his neck reminded him that the energy needed to be worked. Kurt ordered his body to regain itself, and let Sebastian guide their bodies together, which led to have their bodies engaged on a synchronised, heated dance. Kurt wouldn't hold on any much longer.

They both came silently, comfortably. Sebastian's body rested still on top of Kurt's, and that was okay – Kurt found himself feeling, rather than thinking. The few intimate moments he had shared with Sebastian seemed to have this impact on him: it changed the whole inner working of his mind. It erased sentences or phrases. It was a serene chaos, and Kurt felt like embracing it. And yes, he was still pretty high. But Sebastian felt awesome on top of him.

"Kurt?" Sebastian's voice found a way out of his sore throat. It was hoarse. Kurt couldn't find his voice just yet, so he simply hummed.

Sebastian turned his head, shifting the weight on his neck so he could decompress his throat. "Can I fall asleep?" Kurt turned his head to meet Sebastian's, and the boy rushed to clear out: "I mean – how long do I have until your roommates wake up?"

Kurt looked at his wall watch and froze. It was six in the morning. Rachel would get up at eight. "Dammit" he mumbled. He didn't want to kick Sebastian out. Kurt was pretty sure neither of them were able to move a single muscle of their bodies just yet. "About two hours" Kurt said, casting Sebastian an apologetic smile.

Sebastian sighed dramatically, amused. Then he moved quickly and rolled over himself to lay down beside Kurt, liberating said boy from his weight. "It's okay. I told you I didn't crash at one night stand's" he smirked.

Kurt knew it was a joke. That Sebastian was simply being Sebastian. But he didn't like that commentary either way. Was that what Kurt was? A one night stand? Another booty call? But most of all, why did it felt wrong? What was I expecting? He thought.

"You think too loud, babe" Sebastian told him, cockily. Kurt frowned, a little annoyed that he was no longer safe in the intimacy of his thoughts. Sebastian was too perceptive. "That was a joke, you know" the boy explained, placing a hand on the small of Kurt's back and rubbing the spot.

Kurt turned around on the bed to face Sebastian, accidentally shaking Sebastian's hand away in the process. "What was it?" he asked. Kurt was slowly leaving the hypnotic, high trance, and doubts were starting to gather all around his mind. The emotional hangover was coming.

"The one-night-stand thing" Sebastian explained, taking his hand away.

Kurt rubbed his own forehead. He knew Sebastian was trying to be gentle. Okay, so maybe this hadn't been a one night stand, but there was no way to know that right now. Right now, it did look a lot like a one night stand. And Kurt didn't like it. Mostly, because he didn't know what to think of himself.

"You know… I don't normally do one night stands" Kurt said, after taking a long, deep breath to grant himself some courage. "I-… The aftermaths can really give me a bad headache" he tried to joke, but felt awkward instead.

Sebastian didn't laugh. He kept staring at Kurt, attentive.

Kurt observed him and sighed. It was weird; sharing this with Sebastian was weird. But not because this was Sebastian, the meerkat – but because this was Sebastian, the boy he was finding himself conflicted for. And that was the thing with Sebastian. Sebastian would probably never be his best friend, but right now, somehow, the boy and his ever blunt honesty made him an enigmatic mix between a friend and a lover. Kurt knew the boy staring at him right that moment was the friend. Could he talk to him about the lover? Would Sebastian understand him? Oh my, would Sebastian mock him?

Apparently, Sebastian couldn't find it in himself not to touch him – his hand had found its way back to Kurt's back. He was not suggestively caressing it, though. This time it was for reassurance. Kurt found these little gestures quite cute. Dammit.

"I think I have intimacy issues" Kurt lamented out loud, unable to hide it. "I just- I think intimacy can be confusing, right?" he asked Sebastian, hoping the boy would get it.

But Sebastian simply gave him a side smile and said: "Care to elaborate?"

Kurt snorted, biting the inside of his mouth as if he could get some words from there. "Intimacy is easier when shared with… a boyfriend, a partner, or, you know, someone you have intense feelings for" Kurt explained. "Because then you know where it's coming from, and it's not confusing, is it?" Kurt asked Sebastian, whose expression was thoughtful now.

Then it hit Kurt that maybe that was not the kind of intimacy Sebastian was used to share. Who was he trying to fool? 'Maybe' was an understatement.

"I think intimacy is not restricted to lovers" Sebastian said, finally, when he realised Kurt wouldn't add anything else. "And it can be very different with every particular person" he raised a hand to combed Kurt's hair with his fingers. "There's not always intimacy on one night stands – it really depends on the person, I guess, or the timing."

Kurt wondered, feeling dumb enough, if maybe he had been feeling way too much. Kurt thought that Sebastian and him were sharing intimacy. But maybe they weren't sharing it. Maybe they weren't and he was not even aware.

"I never thought there was intimacy in those scenarios, to be honest" Kurt admitted timidly, playing with his own fingers and trying not to get too lost on Sebastian's soft touch. Sometimes he had a hard time telling the other boy they had very different ways to look at things. "I mean, how do you detach yourself from that? Intimacy comes with… feelings, I think – emotions of some kind – and one night stands are not about that."

"Sometimes those emotions are as brief as the encounter itself" Sebastian supplied.

Kurt looked away, trying hard not to feel hurt. That was a really cold way to look at it. Sure, it was an enjoyable one – no emotions, no emotional hangover. And Kurt wasn't exactly a romantic but… he appreciated emotions. Those were not disposable for him. Were they so for Sebastian?

"Can I ask you something?" Kurt knew he was being too curious, but he couldn't care less. This was Sebastian, and the boy would simply tell him to fuck off if he didn't want to answer – no hard feelings. Sebastian nodded, intrigued, and Kurt continued. "Have you ever had intimacy with… someone you loved?" Okay, so this was a not-so-subtle way of asking if Sebastian had ever been in love before, but whatever. Something kept telling Kurt that maybe that was the reason why Sebastian could stay detached from everything. But maybe that was too restrictive.

Sebastian chuckled, knowingly. "I'm not sure I've ever loved someone" he said, but it didn't sound bitter, or cocky – it sounded real. "I'm not even sure everybody shares the same notion of what love is, or should be."

"I never thought of it as a notion" Kurt frowned. "I mean, it's a feeling" he explained. There was something about the confidence Sebastian showed when stating those things that made Kurt want to sit, at least, two metres away from the boy – to hide from him. Instead, he was practically on Sebastian's arms, and he felt exposed, because he didn't trust his body around Sebastian. Kurt kept fearing his own body would betray him and manifest how much Sebastian made him revaluate his beliefs. What a crazy thought.

Sebastian smiled, considering Kurt's last words. "Notions can define our feelings, Kurt."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked quickly. He was intrigued, but he was also sort of disappointed that the conversation had gotten so abstract – so impersonal. He had dared to show Sebastian how he was feeling and Sebastian was talking about notions now?

"We're educated about everything" Sebastian continued, unaffected. "It's just culture. Some of our notions, or feelings, don't even exist on other cultures" the boy stated coldly. Kurt observed him, not sure if Sebastian's coldness amazed him this moment, or repelled him. "I mean, have you never experienced that feeling of disappointment when you try something that absolutely everybody described as fucking spectacular and then… it just wasn't?" Sebastian asked rhetorically. "You never feel like that? Like people oversell some stuff?" he now asked Kurt. Kurt didn't answer, though. He kept staring at Sebastian instead. "And they're good at selling it because they believe it – beliefs, notions, it's the same thing" Sebastian finished his rant. Then the boy seemed to remember he had a body, and used his hands again to caress Kurt's arms. "I choose experience every time – it feels more real."

Kurt thought about it. He had experienced it. Love. Hadn't it been as good as he thought it would be? He thought it had. At least, for a while. It didn't last long, but it lasted long enough to claim itself as existent.

But he was taking everything to the same ground: feelings, emotions, love. Sebastian was talking in a general way, right?

Kurt wanted to ask the other boy if he had felt something during their encounter. "Sometimes those emotions are as brief as the encounter itself". And, in that case, whether the feeling had dissolved itself with the last moan Sebastian exhaled when reaching the climax, or not. But Kurt would never dare to ask such thing.

"I'm guessing that was not what you wanted to hear" Sebastian chuckled. His detachment was starting to be annoying. The boy actually chuckled. Kurt wished time would run faster – he didn't want to kick Sebastian out, but he needed some time to be alone and digest all of that. But then Sebastian surprised him, as usual.

Sebastian's face came closer and found its way back to Kurt's cheek, rubbing his own nose against it: "Hey, don't take me too seriously." Suddenly Sebastian's warm breath was all Kurt could feel. The boy was smiling kindly, overwhelming Kurt. Then, when Kurt thought Sebastian couldn't get any more irresistible, the boy planted a bite on Kurt's nose, playfully.

Kurt felt his skin going extra sensitive all over his cheeks, nose and neck. Dammit, I must be blushing, he coursed internally. If Sebastian noticed that, the boy decided not to mock him.

"That's just the way I see it. I can be wrong." Sebastian continued, while snuggling up to Kurt and covering Kurt's torso with a warm arm. Kurt didn't really know how to feel now: Do one-night-stands cuddle?

He felt Sebastian's eyes fixed on him, waiting for Kurt's to return the look and confirm everything was okay.

"It's okay" Kurt commented, avoiding Sebastian's eyes. "You're just being honest" he added, smiling awkwardly.

"Would you prefer me not to?" Sebastian asked him, voice a little uncertain. These were the kind of moments that tumbled down all Kurt's defences and walls. Moments when Sebastian put aside his cocky self just to make sure Kurt was okay. It was quite unsettling, but it tended to make Kurt go softer instantly.

"No" Kurt said truly, a genuine smile slowly gracing his lips. "Honesty is your thing. I find it quite enviable, actually" and suddenly his own hand was on Sebastian's hair, stroking it.

"My thing" Sebastian repeated, amused. "One of my things, you mean. Besides sex" the boy clarified.

Kurt rolled his eyes at him "Yes, Sebastian. Besides sex" he chuckled.

"Well, next time, I'm gonna need you to grant me full access to your marble, sculptural skin" Sebastian whispered while grabbing Kurt's ass tightly, fiercely. "And I'm gonna need to be louder" the boy added suggestively.

"Oh" Kurt couldn't help feeling surprised at the mention – nay, confirmation, of a 'next time'. And, of course, having his delicate ass squeezed was not helping him to articulate much more than that. "Your place, then" Kurt barely whispered, then closed his eyes.

"Good" Sebastian said smirking. Then Kurt felt cold all of a sudden. He opened his eyes and saw Sebastian getting up and putting on his shoes. The boy was leaving.

"I'll walk you to the door" Kurt mumbled, sitting himself on the bed, but then a pair of strong arms were holding him still.

"That's okay, sweet cheeks" Sebastian said, then bit Kurt's lower lip playfully. "See you" the boy added, leaving Kurt's room, and the apartment. And Kurt.

/

Kurt wished he was not an over-thinker. But he was. And being alone and cold now on his bed was not helping. He had failed to express himself as clearly as Sebastian succeeded to do every time.

To say that he, Kurt Hummel, didn't normally do one-night-stands was an understatement. He didn't do them, period. That didn't mean he didn't want to, though.

He was feeling conflicted, that was all. Intimacy came with feelings, or at least that's how Kurt wanted it to be. And he wanted to have intimacy with Sebastian – had it been another random guy, Kurt might have enjoyed the idea of no strings attached. But Sebastian was not a random guy.

Also, Kurt didn't want to have feelings for him. Not right now, at least. Not only he had just ended a three year relationship, but also he had just experienced how cold Sebastian could be when talking about feelings. Or explaining that he didn't quite believe in them, to be more specific.

Then Kurt realised he'd been so focused on Sebastian's cold rant that he had forgotten something. "That was a joke" Sebastian had said.

Sebastian had told him that Kurt was not a one night stand, and he hadn't even realised it! What was he, then?

Whatever the case, Kurt knew he was stepping into unknown territory. Could he keep meeting Sebastian and remained detached from their encounters? It was a stupid question to ask himself, though. Mostly, because he was already feeling attached.

Sebastian amazed him. He couldn't say this out loud, but the boy did. He might be somewhat cold when trying to get personal, but the boy had shown him he had a lot of warmth to offer. He just shows it when getting physical, Kurt thought. But it wasn't just about that.

If Kurt thought about it, Sebastian's commentary on Kurt's change had been the trigger to Kurt's identity crisis. Therefore, the trigger for the break-up. And Kurt kept putting attention to the things Sebastian told him. Kurt liked the way he spoke up his mind, or the way he didn't justify himself for his actions. Because it made Kurt wonder. Sebastian challenged him. He just had to decide whether the challenge was worth the risk.

The risk that any of what Kurt might feel, might not be mutual.