Sami opened the door to Sonny's hospital room despite her instincts warning her not to. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to track down her son. Find Will, get him to understand why she did what she did. Get him as far away from Sonny Kiriakis and Paul Narita as she could.
Knowing she was already in trouble with Will, Sami took a soothing breath and walked inside. The least she could do was follow Will's request and tell Sonny he was sorry.
Adrienne sat next to Sonny's bedside while Chad stood next to him. Theresa took her grandma Caroline home with Kate's assistance.
"I should have known," Adrienne declared, glaring at Sami. "I should have known everything at the club was your fault."
"Thank you," Sami smiled serenely, batting her eyes. Focusing her attention on Sonny, Sami attempted to explain what happened.
"Where's Will?" Sonny questioned immediately, interrupting her.
"Well, that's why I'm here," Sami smoothed her hands over her the hem of her dress. "Will left."
"What do you mean he left?" Sonny sat up in his bed, ignoring the pain in his side. "Where did he go?"
Sami didn't know if she should answer that. She watched as Adrienne shoved Sonny back into bed.
"He said that everything was too much. That he needed a break," Sami explained, omitting the juicy parts. "He told me to tell you he was sorry."
"Sorry?!" Adrienne hissed. "Sorry? He left his husband lying in a hospital bed! The only reason Sonny's here in the first place is because of Will!"
"No," Chad defended Will. "The reason Sonny is here is because of Victor."
"Victor?" Sami wrinkled her nose. "What does he have to do with anything?"
"Victor sent those men after Will," Chad explained. "So, it's his fault."
"It would never have happened if Will hadn't of-," Adrienne tried only to get cut off.
"No," Sonny interjected. "No, it's not Will's fault I'm here. It's Victor's."
"Victor Kiriakis tried to hurt my son?" Sami crossed her arms.
"What do you mean he's sorry?" Sonny demanded.
Sami wanted to keep talking about Victor but relented.
"I don't know," Sami addressed Sonny. "He said he couldn't deal with this right now and he ran off."
"Is he coming back?" Sonny pressed. "What did he say?"
"Look, Sonny," Sami stepped closer to him, jaw set. "I'm glad you were there for Will, that you protected him. But that doesn't change what you did. My son is still healing and this," Sami waved her hand around the hospital room, "Is confusing him even more."
"But he said he loved me," Sonny argued. "He said he loves me and he was going to be here. Why would he leave after that?"
"You are freaking him out," Sami insisted. "You almost died right in front of him. He hasn't left your side since you were brought to the room. He needs a break to clear his head and get some space."
"But-," Sonny tried once more.
"Everyone," Sami lowered her voice, "Get out. Sonny and I need to have a private little chat."
"If you think that I'm going to let you-," Adrienne said.
"Mom, get out," Sonny rolled his eyes. "You're no match for her. So, just, let me get this over with."
"I'll be back," Chad mumbled. "I've got a few things I need to take care of. Get some rest, dude."
Sonny nodded towards Chad and gave him an exhausted smile.
"I'll be right outside," Adrienne reassured Sonny.
"Mom, I'll be fine," Sonny said. "Stop smothering me."
"Fine," Adrienne sniffed.
Once the two were alone, Sami took Adrienne's seat so she would be right next to Sonny.
"You need to stop pressuring my son," Sami stated.
"What are you talking about?" Sonny looked at her strangely. "I'm not doing anything."
"Right," Sami scoffed before getting serious. "Will is vulnerable right now. He's still healing. You need to give him time to accept what happened and figure things out instead of pressuring him."
"I'm not trying to," Sonny said. "But I can't sit around and do nothing. He's my husband and I love him. I want him back. I have to get him back."
"You might love him," Sami acknowledged, "But that isn't always enough."
Sonny shifted on the bed. He couldn't find a spot that didn't stretch the wound on his side.
Sami looked at Sonny's face for a few minutes.
"For a long time, I thought you were the greatest thing that ever happened to my son," Sami confessed. "You were everything a mother could want in a son-in-law."
Sonny felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny, under the power of Sami's voice.
"But," Sami smiled grimly. "We all know I'm a horrible judge of character."
Sonny bowed his head.
"Maybe, just maybe," Sami said, "I could understand the cheating. I know what it's like to have lingering feelings for an ex, for your first love. I know what it's like to be presented with a life you gave up on. But," Sami's voice changed. "Never, ever, ever will I understand the way you abused my son."
"Wha-I never abused Will," Sonny insisted, sputtering in shock.
"No?" Sami crossed her arms. "What the hell do you call it when you tell your spouse they're useless, hmm? Or how about making them believe you're the only person in the world that could love them? Telling them the things they care about aren't important? Holding every single mistake they make against them?"
"I-I didn't," Sonny shook his head. "I didn't mean it like that."
"Yeah, I think you did," Sami countered. "I think you wanted to control my son, mold him into exactly what you wanted him to be. You wanted your picture perfect happy ending and lashed out whenever he rebelled. You manipulated my son."
"That wasn't, that wasn't what I was trying to do," Sonny claimed. "I just, I just, I didn't know how to handle what I did. I didn't know how to deal with my guilt and the longer I held onto it the worse it got. I didn't mean to blow up on Will all the time but he just, he drives me crazy and he's so naïve sometimes and I-,"
"Don't," Sami pointed her finger in Sonny's face. "Don't you dare criticize him right now. I know he isn't perfect but don't even think about it. That is my son you're talking about. And if you were that guilty you should have told him the truth. But no," Sami laughed. "You didn't do that at any point in your relationship. Yet, here we are. Yeah, you did something brave last night and I will always be grateful for that. But you are not entitled to my son. Do not expect things to be magically fixed.
"I meant what I said before," Sami stood up and headed for the door. "I will do whatever it takes to keep you the hell away from Will."
"I never wanted to hurt him!" Sonny yelled in a choked off tone. "I didn't even know what I was doing."
"That's what makes you so dangerous," Sami said. "You didn't even consider how damaging your words and your actions were to Will."
Sami put her hand on the doorknob before turning back around.
"You spent the entirety of your relationship judging Will. You judged me, Lucas, how we raised him, EJ, everyone and everything in his life," Sami declared. She looked over Sonny one last time. "Lucas and I weren't the best parents. I know Will deserved better. He might be neurotic and flaky but at least we didn't raise our son to abuse his partner. Maybe he doesn't know how he feels for you or Paul but at least he didn't cheat. And you know what," Sami held her head up high. "You're in that hospital bed because your judgmental, murderous, lying, cheating family put you there. You just think about that while you recuperate."
As Sami slammed the door on her way out, Sonny dropped his head into his hands.
Will ran as fast and as far as he could. He didn't care where he went as long as it was far away from that hospital. It was too much.
Will was barely recovering from what Sonny and Paul did to him. He was finally getting his life together only for this to happen. Putting so much pressure on himself to make a decision when he wasn't ready. The fight and the subsequent stabbing. Paul declaring his love and his intention to never see Will again. Sonny wanting him back, Will powerless to disagree. His mother, grandmother, and cousin conspiring to hurt those around him. The article blowing up in their faces. Finding out Paul's father is alive, that he's in Salem. That nothing in Will's life will ever be the same when everyone finds out.
I don't know how much more of this I can take, Will thought as he pumped his arms faster, feet hitting the soft gravel near the river even harder than before.
Paul kept the hood of his sweater pulled up around his face. The large envelope he received from his private detective clutched in his hand. Paul couldn't bring himself to open it, not yet.
Sighing when he felt his phone vibrating in his hoodie pocket again, Paul paused to shut the damn thing off. He winced seeing a picture of himself and his mother. He couldn't talk to her right now. Not until he summoned the strength to know the truth.
Stop calling, Mother, Paul thought as he turned his phone off.
Paul continued on the rocky path. There weren't many places he was familiar with in Salem yet. He remembered this one from Will's stories. How Will enjoyed the tranquil nature of the river, how he'd go there to think. That's what Paul needed to do now, think.
About Will, about my mother, about everything, Paul slumped onto a fallen log.
A few months ago this wouldn't be my life. I wouldn't have these problems. I wasn't happy but I was content. I had baseball, my status, my mother, and grandfather. Now, now I don't even know what I have. I don't have baseball. I'm involved in one scandal after another. And I don't have Will. I don't have anything to show for the past few months.
Paul was happier being out, that was true. An enormous weight was lifted from his shoulders when he came out.
Every time I pictured coming out, it wasn't like this. I always thought I'd be loved up. That I'd have at least a boyfriend if not several potentials.
Briefly, Paul considered going to a club, meeting someone new. Drowning his pain in someone else, forget all about Will. He could find someone easier to handle, someone that wasn't so stubborn or troublesome. Someone that would dedicate their life to Paul, someone that only wanted him.
Paul dismissed the idea. Anyone he met would be a cheap replacement for who he truly wanted.
I shouldn't want someone like Will. He's too young, too taken. His daughter is always going to be more important than I am even if he gets over Sonny. We're from such different backgrounds. So, why can't I let him go? Why do I feel so strongly about him after everything?
Because I love him, Paul exhaled loudly. Because I'm in love with him. Helplessly, hopelessly in love. And it's getting on my nerves.
Paul didn't want to sit around and wait for Will to realize his feelings. He didn't want to fight with Sonny for Will's attention or affection either.
I want Will and I want Ari. I want to watch Ari at the rec center. I want to workout with Will afterward, convince him to help me teach my classes. I want to spend my evenings at the pub, getting to know Will's friends and family. I want to crawl into bed with Will every night, put my hands all over him.
And it's never going to happen. Will is never going to get over Sonny. Even if he did, Sonny would always be there. I don't want that. I don't deserve that. I want to be with someone that loves me and wants me as much as I love and want Will. In the end, that's all I want.
I want someone to fight for me.
Despite being over Sonny, Paul couldn't help but remember how easy it was for Sonny to walk away from him. Sonny loved Paul enough to propose but not enough to fight for him. Paul was good enough for secret rendezvous, was good enough to support Sonny financially.
But he wouldn't fight for me. Will isn't fighting either.
Paul knew he hurt Will, betrayed him in one of the worst possible ways at the worst possible times. He watched Will suffer for weeks, watched him break apart.
I contributed.
Paul read the article Will wrote so many times he could recite it from memory. He had to know the extent of the damage he caused, the pain Will felt.
Maybe that's my punishment for my part in all this, Paul thought. I hurt Will, helped destroy him and his family. Now, I get to love him knowing he'll never feel the same way.
Maybe it's better this way. I can try to move on now instead of wait for Will to reject me. It'll be better, eventually, one day. I hope.
Will couldn't stop running, wouldn't stop running. Not until he fixed whatever was wrong inside of him. Not until he figured out how to say what he wanted and felt.
Will rounded a bend in the graveled road and slipped, tumbling to his knees. He winced at the grit stuck in the palms of his hands.
"Shit," Will mumbled, annoyed more so than hurt.
Paul's head snapped up from his position on the fallen log.
"Will?" Paul questioned, eyebrows scrunched together.
Will groaned as he pushed himself up from the ground. He was getting sick and tired of running into Paul everywhere he went.
Paul glanced around the river and the surrounding woods. He thought he was secluded, so far away that no one would find him.
"What are you doing here?" Paul wondered.
I told him I was done, Paul thought. He shouldn't be here. It isn't fair.
"You shouldn't be here," Paul reluctantly turned away from Will.
"I wasn't looking for you," Will said. Now that he was in front of Paul, Will had a whole list of things he wanted to say. Paul needed to know about John and he needed to know that Will's mom was blackmailing Tori.
Instead of any of that, Will shouted out the first thing he thought of.
"How can you tell me that?" Will hurled at Paul, glaring down at his perch on the log.
"What?" Paul asked, lost. "I just said that you-,"
"No, not that, before, at the hospital. You-you can't just tell me something like that and walk away!" Will yelled. "You can't tell me something that big and not even wait for me to answer you."
"There isn't anything to say," Paul shook his head. "I was honest with you, Will. Even if you did pick me over Sonny, it wouldn't matter."
"You don't know that," Will spat.
"I don't?" Paul stood up, crossing his arms. "So, what? You're gonna just walk away from Sonny, huh? Is that it? You're just gonna leave everything behind for me?"
"I-I don't know," Will answered, bit his lip.
"Exactly, Will! You're never gonna know. And you're never gonna pick me," Paul argued in frustration. "And it's unfair to expect me to wait around for you to realize that."
"I'm not, that isn't what I'm doing," Will said. "I-I might not know how I feel about you now. And yeah, last night was terrifying but that doesn't erase what happened before."
"Maybe it does for me," Paul answered. "Maybe it's opened my eyes to how hopeless I am in this situation."
"If you don't want to be with me, fine," Will stated. "But you don't get to make that decision for me."
"What are you talking about?" Paul asked.
"You, you said you love me but not as much as I love Sonny," Will explained. "You don't know that. You said I'll never pick you and you don't know that either. You and Sonny and everyone else in the world needs to stop deciding you know what's best for me. I get that I'm slow and it's taking me a long time to figure my shit out but you are not in charge of me. So, if you don't want to wait or if you can't, own up to that but don't you dare take that decision away from me.
"And you're right," Will continued. He started pacing in front of Paul, ranting. "You do deserve better. You absolutely do. You deserve to be with someone that can love you with everything they have. I don't know if that'll be me. I really don't. You are amazing and you deserve so many good things in life that I can't give you right now.
"But you do not get to come up to me and say that you hurt me too much and I'll never get over it. You don't get to do that. Only I get to decide what's too much and what I can't forgive," Will said. "So, if you want to walk away from me, fine. I won't stop you. I won't make you wait around for something that isn't a sure thing. But do not ever think that you get to run my life or my choices for me, got it?"
Paul stared at Will for a few seconds, letting everything sink in. After, Paul groaned loudly, running his hands through his hair and stomping around.
"You are single-handedly the most frustrating human on the planet," Paul accused. "You refuse to make decisions and get mad when people try to do it for you."
"It's my life!" Will shouted.
"Yeah, Will, it is," Paul agreed. "And you have dealt with a lot of bullshit lately. And yeah, I want to be with you even if you do drive me crazy. But it is not fair for me to wait around for you. It isn't."
"I know that!" Will yelled. He took a deep breath, exhaling through his nose. "I know that," he said much calmer. "I know. It isn't fair and if I could make a quick decision I would. I hate knowing that I'm stinging you and Sonny around. That I'm making everyone uncomfortable and making things worse. I hate it. But I don't know what else to do."
"I don't know what you want from me, Will," Paul admitted. "You told me to stay away so I did. But every time I try to walk away, you're there stopping me. I don't know what else to do."
"I know," Will folded his arms across his chest. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
Will bowed his head, focusing on the mud staining his knees and shoes.
"I keep telling myself to walk away from you," Will confessed. "I shouldn't want anything to do with you. You-you slept with my husband and you manipulated me. But I-every time I tell myself I'm done with you I get dragged back in. And I think that if I really wanted to stay away from you I would.
"Maybe you're right," Will sighed. "Maybe I'll never get over what you did. Maybe you'll always be the guy that ruined my family. I don't know. But," Will paused, biting his lip.
"But what?" Paul whispered.
"But thinking about you with someone else is awful," Will admitted, speaking so low he could barely hear himself. "I don't want you with someone else. I want you to be with me."
"And Sonny?" Paul swallowed, refusing to get his hopes up.
"I don't know," Will said, shamefaced.
"Exactly, Will," Paul lifted one shoulder and gave Will a half-smile. "You want me but you love him. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where this is going."
"Where is it going?" Will asked, eyes blank.
Paul sighed and smiled fondly at Will. How Will vacillated between intelligence and naivety he would never know. That was one of the things he liked best, though. Paul enjoyed how unpredictable Will was even if it hurt Paul in the end. He wouldn't change Will for anything.
"Where this ends is you and Sonny together," Paul answered. "I might incite curiosity and attraction, baby. But you don't love me."
"I didn't love Sonny right away," Will mumbled.
"No, but you weren't in love with someone else when you started dating him either," Paul shrugged. "It is what it is, Will."
Will shook his head, making a face.
"How long did it take for you to get over Sonny?" Will questioned. "When he left you, how long did it take?"
"I don't know. I don't remember," Paul shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Really?" Will stepped forward. "Because when you came to Salem and saw him again you seemed to think you were still in love. That was what, three years? Four? It took you that many years to know for sure and you're mad I don't know after a month?"
"I'm not mad at you," Paul groaned. "Pissed at the situation, yeah. At my timing and at my stupid lying but not at you."
"You're allowed to be mad," Will pointed out. "Be mad at me. I'm so sick and tired of everyone coddling me and treating me like a child. I know that I'm moody and I know that I drive everyone crazy. Why won't anyone tell me that?"
"Maybe we don't want you going off the deep end," Paul replied. "How much shit have you gone through in the past few weeks? What's it going to take for you to snap?"
"I don't know," Will said. "But I'm never going to figure anything out when everyone treats me like a baby. So, be mad at me."
"You know what? Fine!" Paul shouted, fed up. "I am mad at you!"
"Good!" Will yelled back.
"You drive me fucking insane," Paul paced, hands gesticulating wildly. "You say one thing but do another. You want me to wait around for you to make up your goddamn mind but track me down when you were just crying over your husband's bedside. What the hell do you want from me? I do everything you ask and all I get is a breadcrumb that one day you might want me. Well, guess what, Horton? That isn't good enough!"
"I know!" Will screamed.
"And you still-wait, what?" Paul stopped mid-rant. "You know?"
"I know," Will took a deep breath and stared at his shoes. "I know I'm unreasonable, okay? I do. I know it isn't fair and you're right. You do deserve better, more. You deserve to be with someone that can give you everything you give them.
"You're finally out and proud for the first time in your life and it's wasted on me," Will continued, arms wrapped around his waist. "You shouldn't waste your time on something that might not happen."
Will looked Paul in the eyes and smiled sadly.
"When I say I don't know, I genuinely mean that," Will said. "I've thought about this every day since it happened, even when I didn't want to. And I'm no closer to a decision. I think about how easy it should be, right? I've only known you for a little while and I've known Sonny for years. I mean, I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him. He's always the stable one, steady. I'm the horrible mess. And suddenly everything in my life changed."
Will closed his eyes, trying to stave off his tears. He hated being so damn emotional.
"I had a daughter and a husband and I was happy. I'm never happy, not really. And Sonny was this perfect, perfect thing that didn't seem real. I just kept waiting and waiting for him to realize I was nothing. Then EJ cheated on my mom and everything around me imploded and I left and it was so stupid. Why did I go anywhere? I shouldn't have left because I came back and it's like I'm in some alternate universe.
"God," Will hurriedly wiped under his eyes and nose. "Things like this do not happen to me. They happen around me to my mom, my dad, everyone but me. And I promised myself it would never be me. And I hated my mom so much every time she went back to someone that hurt her because I didn't understand. I didn't understand what it was like to love someone so much that it hurts.
"I came back from LA," Will said. "And everything was different. Sonny wasn't Sonny and there was you. And god, why would you care about me? Why would you even look at me? I'm this giant, neurotic mess. You shouldn't even care but you do. You do and that confuses me so much. Because you said all the right things at exactly the right time and I can't get over that. Sonny was telling me how useless I was and you were acting like I was something worthwhile.
"And I know it doesn't make any sense and I know it's not fair. Because you deserve so much better than I can offer. Because I don't know if I'll get over Sonny. I don't. Even though he hurt me more than anyone else ever has, last night when I thought he was dead was the worst feeling I've ever had. God," Will covered his face with his hands when he started to cry harder. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
"It's alright," Paul said in a gentle voice.
"It's not," Will replied. "It's really not."
Paul patiently waited for Will to compose himself. His mind reeled at the information Will revealed. Everything Will said combined with the article Will wrote showed Paul so much he never considered.
I'm gonna need to call Lynn because these pills are not doing a damn thing, Will thought. He tried controlling his breathing but that didn't do anything. Focus, focus, focus!
A few tense, awkward minutes later, Will peaked at Paul once again.
"I'm sorry," Will admitted. "I know I make things difficult."
"No," Paul said before amending. "Yes, you do but don't apologize this time. You can't control the way you feel."
"You know what sucks the most?" Will asked rhetorically. "I wish I could. I wish I could just make myself feel a certain way. Because if I could, I would want to be with you."
"But you can't," Paul understood.
Maybe one day Will would get over Sonny, get over Paul's ministrations. But not today.
"I'm sorry that I blamed my choice on you," Paul said. "You're right. I should have just admitted what I was feeling. I shouldn't have decided what you feel. I should have asked you first. So, thank you for being honest with me even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear."
"It would be a lot easier for me if I loved you," Will smiled despite the tears still lining his eyes.
"No, it wouldn't," Paul acknowledged.
"I don't expect you to wait around for me," Will said. "I know if you looked you'd find someone."
"I can't even imagine that," Paul responded.
The two stood in silence, the only sound the flowing river behind them.
Abruptly, Will started chuckling.
"What could you possibly be laughing about?" Paul shook his head at Will. Despite it all, Paul enjoyed the sound of Will's laughter. In fact, it eased the pain in Paul's chest slightly.
"I wasn't supposed to talk about myself," Will chortled. "When I saw you, I forgot what I needed to say."
"What did you need to say?" Paul wondered.
"I know why your mom's in Salem," Will declared, settling down.
"Why is that?" Paul asked.
"Because my mom blackmailed her," Will said with a wince. "She um, well, knowing my mom hired a private investigator too. So, whatever he told you my mom knew first."
"Your mom was blackmailing mine?" Paul stared at Will incredulously.
"Hey," Will lifted up his hands. "I didn't tell her to, that's just who she is."
"We've met," Paul rubbed against the side of his bruised face. Sami Brady-DiMera's slap to the face hurt almost as much as the punches Paul received the other night.
"Oh, god," Will rolled his eyes. "Okay, well, I found out what she knows. I just, I wanted to tell you because it's kind of huge."
"Well," Paul found the envelope he discarded by the log. "I got this from my PI today. It's probably the same as what you know."
"Probably," Will nodded. He hoped Paul wouldn't freak out too badly when he found out the news.
"Okay," Paul took a few deep breaths. "Tell me the news."
"Maybe you should sit down," Will suggested.
"Nope, nope," Paul denied. "Just tell me. What could be so bad that my mother flew all the way over here to get me home?"
"Okay," Will nodded a few times, wringing his hands. "Well," Will said, "You know the guy I saw with your mom, John?"
"Yeah," Paul crossed his arms and huffed. At Will's strange look, Paul explained, "He's an asshole, okay? He wouldn't stop sticking his nose in my business last night, telling me what to do. What about him?"
"Uh, well," Will widened his eyes and smiled awkwardly. "Um, you see…"
"What, Will? What does he have to do with my mom?" Paul demanded.
"…John Black, the asshole from last night, is your father," Will said gently. "That's what my mom was blackmailing yours with."
"…Excuse me?" Paul asked, face wiped of all emotions.
"John Black is your father," Will repeated.
Paul open and closed his mouth several times, trying to find something to say.
"My father is a douchebag?" Paul finally spat out.
Will snorted.
"Oh my god," Paul slumped onto the log once more. "My father is alive. My father is alive and my mother lied to me my whole life."
"Um," Will sat down next to Paul. "On the bright side, John can be pretty great sometimes."
"My father is alive," Paul said again. "Alive."
Will let the news sink in for a few minutes. He knew how overwhelmed Paul must feel, how many mixed emotions the news would evoke.
"Oh my god," Paul gasped, horrified. "You used to call my father grandpa."
Will made a face, thoroughly disturbed.
"Will," Paul stared at him with a serious expression. "Please, tell me we're not related."
"We're not," Will promised. "It's just, um, you know, your dad is with my grandma."
"How the hell old is this guy?" Paul demanded, trying to calculate the age difference between John and his mother.
Will and Paul walked together towards the pub. They weren't too close but they were near one another. When they heard the familiar snick of a camera nearby neither reacted. It would only feed the media firestorm surrounding them. It was best to ignore it all and continue on with their lives.
"Are you sure about this?" Will asked as they walked into the back entrance of the pub. "I can go with you if you want."
"No," Paul decided. "No, I need to talk with my mother alone."
"And I need to talk to Sonny," Will muttered, feeling awful he literally ran from Sonny's bedside.
What is wrong with me? Will thought.
"Um, well, good luck," Will offered. "I hope everything goes okay."
"I don't know how this is going to play out," Paul said. "But my mother needs to own up to what she did, the lies she told."
Will nodded. That he knew better than anyone.
Sonny held his head in his hands, wincing when he brushed against the bruises on his face. There were so many emotions rippling inside of him- relief, anger, and now terror. Relief that he was alive, that he made it. Anger at his uncle for putting him and Will in that situation in the first place. Anger at himself for hurting Will over and over.
And now terror, Sonny agonized. Terror that Will's never coming back, that he doesn't want to be with me anymore.
Thinking back, Sonny realized Will sounded strange when he agreed to get back together. He didn't sound enthusiastic, barely said a word. Sonny was still adjusting to waking up and coming down from the drugs in his system. He didn't notice at the time what Will's reaction could have meant.
He should have been happier, should have reacted.
Why didn't I notice? Why didn't I realize he wasn't happy? Why don't I notice things about Will I should?
He was happy I was alive, yeah, happy that I'm alright. God, why did he say he wanted to be with me if he doesn't? Why did he say yes? Because I almost died? Because his choice was taken away?
Sami was right. Everything she said was right. I did that to Will. I took my pain and my guilt out on Will. I more than hurt him. And now I don't know if he's ever coming back.
What made everything even more frustrating was being confined to the hospital bed. Sonny wanted to run after Will. He wanted to know what was going through Will's head, figure it all out.
No, Sonny thought, pressing his palms to his eyes. That's why I'm in this mess. Because I want to control Will, turn him into whatever I want. Not anymore, never again.
I'm waiting for Will to come to me. I'm waiting for a chance to apologize and figure things out, together.
I hope.
"Paul-san," Tori greeted as she walked into Paul's apartment. "You sounded so strange on the phone. Did they catch those monsters? The ones from the park?"
"No," Paul replied, trying to keep control of his emotions.
Paul needed to hear his mother's side before he completely lost it. He wanted her to own up to what she did first.
"Did something else happen?" Tori sat down on the sofa. "You look so stressed."
"Oh, I am," Paul chuckled sardonically.
"Son?" Tori questioned, concerned.
Paul, the unopened envelope in his hand, sat next to Tori. He tried to focus his thoughts, figure out something to say to get his mother to understand what she did.
"Why did you come to Salem?" Paul asked.
"Excuse me?" Tori narrowed her eyes.
"I have been here for months," Paul said. "I went through my surgery, my recovery period. I came out here, reinjured myself. You never came. Then, all of a sudden, here you are. No warning, no call, you just showed up on my doorstep. Why?"
"Well," Tori pushed her hair behind her ears. "I realized it was time. I missed you. I wanted you back home with me."
"Right," Paul nodded. "And none of those reasons had to do with Sami Brady coming to your house?"
Tori froze.
"It had nothing to do with her blackmailing you," Paul stated, voice low and dangerous. "Right, Mother?"
"I-I don't know what-," Tori tried.
"And none of that," Paul loudly shouted over his mother's words, "Has anything to do with John Black, does it?"
"Wh-why-why would you say that?" Tori's hands shook in her lap. "I don't know any-,"
"Stop it!" Paul stood up. "Just stop it! Stop lying to me!"
"Paul," Tori whispered. He had never raised his voice like that against her.
"I think I have a better understanding of what Will was going through," Paul commented as he paced. "Why he hated everyone lying over and over again. It's awful knowing the person you love most, the person you trust most doesn't respect you."
"Why would you ever say that?" Tori besieged. "You are everything to me. I have given you everything you could have ever asked for."
"Everything but a father," Paul accused. "You lied to me. You told me he was dead. You didn't even give me his real name! Was anything you said true?"
"I-I," Tori stuttered.
"Why?" Paul demanded in a choked off tone. "Why even bother? Why go through the lies and the secrets? Why wouldn't you let me know my own father?"
"You don't understand," Tori said, shaking her head. "You don't understand."
"Then tell me!" Paul begged. "Tell me why you did this? Because right now, I don't even know who you are."
"I had to!" Tori insisted, standing up.
"Why?" Paul repeated. "Why would you have to do this? Why would you cover this up? Why?"
"Because I was young!" Tori yelled, taking Paul by surprise. "I was young and naïve and I thought," Tori sighed, looking at the floor. "I was seventeen when I left Japan for the first time. I interned for a large American corporation, DiMera Enterprises."
Paul sat down again, captivated.
"I was promised an exciting, lucrative opportunity," Tori continued. "During my first few days, I met a man, an older man. Your father," Tori admitted.
Paul swallowed.
"He taught me how to protect myself during my work," Tori added. "He was different than the other boys in my life. He was handsome, worldly, dangerous," Tori sighed. "I was smitten before I even realized it.
"I daydreamed so often about him," Tori confessed. "About the perfect life we would have, all the adventures we would go on. We began to see one another. While I was desperately in love with him, I discovered he loved someone else. A woman he left behind in Salem.
"I was devastated, of course," Tori said. "But I didn't care. I was so convinced he would get over her that we would be together. Work, though, brought us here. As soon as he was within her orbit again," Tori's face twisted. "It was like I no longer existed.
"We still worked together, of course. Each job becoming more and more dangerous. Eventually, I met the woman John loved. I did not think I matched up. John began to spend less and less time with me, only associating when it was necessary for work.
"Because of that, the man we worked for, Stefano DiMera, started requiring other services from me. Services I was not willing to offer," Tori reluctantly admitted.
"What?" Paul asked, horrified.
"I told John," Tori confessed. "Even though my contract was not up, he helped me escape Salem and Stefano. I went back home and discovered I was pregnant with you. I didn't know what to do. I was barely eighteen and unwed. John did not love me, had never loved me. I called him, though, when I realized I was pregnant. I found out that Marlena, the woman John loved, was also pregnant. He was involved in his own hardships with her as she was already married to someone else. I didn't know what to do so far away, so low on his radar. In the end, I decided to do nothing.
"I was so certain your grandfather would disown me if he knew the truth. How could I tell him? How could I tell you when you were born? What would you both think of me? How could I tell John after so many years?
"I am not proud of the decision I made," Tori finished. "But, I cannot take it back. I lied to my father and to you, saying the man was killed on the job. Your grandfather helped me raise you, helped us start a life. As the years past, I did not know how to fix what I did. I was so certain if I told John and Marlena the truth they would find a way to take you from me. I couldn't bear that.
"I am so sorry, Paul-san," Tori sat next to him and took his hand. "I know that I've hurt you. That my lies took options away from you. But I didn't know what else to do."
"I-," Paul sighed, squeezing his mother's hand. "I'm not happy about it and I am upset with you. But I think I understand."
"If you would like," Tori bowed her head. "I will arrange for you and John to meet. I'll tell him myself the secret I've kept from you both."
"Actually," Paul grimaced. "We already met. It didn't go well."
Will slunk into Sonny's hospital room as quietly as possible. He lucked out; he didn't run into Adrienne anywhere and Sonny's room seemed empty.
Slowly making his way towards Sonny's bedside, Will looked over Sonny's still form. As far as Will could tell, Sonny was asleep.
Will preferred it that way. It gave him some time to think of what he needed to say, how to explain everything to Sonny. If there was any way for Will to explain it to Sonny.
What kind of a person leaves their husband when he's in the hospital? Especially after they agree to get back together. Who does that? What kind of cowardly-?
"I can hear you thinking from here," Sonny said with his eyes still closed.
"Oh," Will exhaled loudly, sitting down. "I, um, I thought you were asleep."
"Yeah, I tried," Sonny opened his eyes and sat up. "They gave me another round of pain meds but I'm I've got too much on my mind."
Will didn't say anything. He picked at his fingernails, ripping off excess skin, and avoiding Sonny's eyes.
"You don't want to get back together with me, do you?" Sonny broke the silence.
"I-," Will tried to find an answer, tried to explain what was going through his head. "I-I'm not ready to be with anyone right now."
"Right," Sonny mumbled, shoulders slumping.
"I wish that I could," Will said. "But I'm not. I just, it shouldn't be this hard for me to decide. And it's too soon. It's only been a few weeks. I need more time."
"But you love me," Sonny whispered, clinging onto the idea.
"I do," Will nodded, moving forward, closer to Sonny. "I do love you. I do. It's just," Will bit his lip. "I don't know how to get over everything."
Sonny closed his eyes again, wiping away a few stray tears.
"I don't want to hurt you," Will confessed.
"You're being honest," Sonny offered. "If I had done that to begin with, we wouldn't be in this mess."
"Honest," Will repeated. "Right."
Crap, Will closed his eyes and braced himself.
"Speaking of honest," Will said. "I have a lot to tell you."
"About your mom and grandma and TBD?" Sonny questioned. "I already know that. I know it's not your fault."
"Okay, well, that's a relief," Will replied. "But it's not what I was gonna say."
"No?" Sonny frowned.
"Well, um, before," Will explained. "Um, a few weeks ago, after I found everything out, I was mad."
"I remember," Sonny commented, swallowing.
"And well, it was after Paul came out," Will continued. "And Zoe was mad because he promised I could write about that. A big exclusive, you know? So, she was mad at him and at me. She told me I had to write something big to keep my job."
"Okay," Sonny nodded, following along.
"I was still angry and I didn't know how to, um, express that," Will said. "So, um, I started writing. And once I started, I couldn't stop, not until I got out all the hurt."
"Alright," Sonny wrinkled his forehead.
"But, um, I couldn't go through with it," Will rushed to assure Sonny. "I mean, I wrote it, but I couldn't let anyone see it. I didn't want anyone to see it, to see me that vulnerable and open. I didn't want anyone to know what you did. I didn't want anyone to know I wasn't enough."
"Will, that isn't-," Sonny interrupted.
"No," Will shook his head. He had to keep going. He had to own up to it. "No, that isn't, just stop it. I wrote it and I put it on a flash drive. I hid it in my desk and I quit. I called Zoe and I quit. I quit writing and I quit Sonix and I quit everything. I thought it was done with, I thought it was over.
"Only it wasn't because every female in my life is controlling and obsessive. And I don't know what that says about me," Will frowned momentarily before continuing. "But my mom told Theresa to spy on me and figure out how I was doing. So, she did and she found my flash drive. And because my grandmother is ridiculous everyone knows now too."
"Everyone knows what?" Sonny had trouble following Will's logic.
"Everyone knows what happened because my grandma accidentally sent my writing to Sonix," Will confessed. "So, everyone knows you slept with Paul."
"What?" Sonny sat up farther in his bed. "Will, what?"
"Everyone knows and the press are outside and," Will rambled. "Everyone thinks Paul and I had something to do with your stabbing because the story leaked right before it happened. But I didn't and everyone thinks so and-,"
"Stop it," Sonny pleaded, holding up his hands. "Just, breathe, Will."
"I didn't want this to happen," Will pressed his lips together. "I didn't want anyone else to know. And I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," Sonny admitted. "You didn't do anything wrong. I can't take back what I did. I just have to own up to it now."
"I wrote the article. It's my fault," Will argued.
"You didn't send it," Sonny pointed out. "You didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want anyone to know. It can't be undone."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," Will mumbled.
This, Sonny realized with a start, This is what Sami was talking about. This is what I've done to him.
"I didn't want anyone to know how awful of a husband I am," Sonny confessed. "I didn't want anyone to know how badly I hurt you. I don't care about me in this situation, Will. I care about you."
"Sorry," Will murmured again.
I have to fix this, Sonny thought. I have to make things right.
"Will," Sonny tried to say.
Will shook his head, "I have to tell you more."
"Okay," Sonny encouraged. "What do you need to tell me?"
"When I ran," Will said, "I found Paul."
Sonny grimaced just hearing the name.
"I mean, I was running and I went to the river," Will explained. "And Paul was there too. So, we talked."
Sonny nodded, waiting for Will to elaborate.
"Because earlier," Will didn't know how to tell Sonny. "Earlier he came by and he told me something. I guess I didn't react that well to it because when I saw him at the river I exploded a bit."
"What did he tell you?" Sonny questioned.
"You have to understand why I was with him in the park first," Will fidgeted, legs shaking uncontrollably. His mind was jumping from one subject to the next, making it hard to focus. "Um, well, I was trying to force myself to make a decision, I was. But, I couldn't do it. I couldn't decide so I thought that fate should do it for me. And Paul was there and I thought he was it. But then those men came and you were dying and I didn't know. I didn't know anything except it was my fault."
Sonny blinked several times, attempting to understand.
"Will, none of that was your fault," Sonny said. "You had nothing to do with that. My uncle sent those men."
"No," Will shook his head rapidly. "No, that isn't, no. Fate said Paul and you were taken away."
"That, you're not making any sense here, Will," Sonny said gently, hoping to calm Will's thinking.
Will dropped his head and banged his fists on his thighs in frustration.
"You don't get it," Will complained. "You never get it."
"I don't know what you're saying," Sonny pleaded. "Tell me again, only slower."
"I was going to pick Paul," Will bluntly replied. "I thought he was supposed to be it. Before I knew it, you were dying right in front of me and it was because of me. Everything is because of me. And when you were in surgery, I was so terrified. But, Paul was still here. I didn't want him to go."
Sonny's face dropped, heart plummeting.
"What are you saying?" Sonny asked.
"That's it, Sonny," Will said. "I don't know. Because you were, you could have died and you didn't know I loved you. Paul was here, though. He was with me and I felt safe and, and I don't know. He took care of me. And I know it's wrong, okay. I do. My husband was dying and I was holding Paul's hand. But Sonny," Will scooted closer once again. "I was so scared. I didn't know what to do.
"Then you were alright and I was so relieved," Will said. "And everyone kept saying I knew what to do. That I knew what my choice was but I didn't. And Paul-," Will cut himself off.
"Paul, what?" Sonny questioned, feeling nauseous.
"Paul told me he was in love with me," Will confessed. "He said he loved me but I was never going to pick him over you. Before I could say anything, he left. And then everyone was here and you were waking up and it all got so confusing."
"That's why you said you were with me," Sonny realized.
"I didn't mean to jerk you around," Will rushed to explain. "I didn't. I thought, I mean I was so confused, and I know I'm a mess. It's just, nothing makes sense to me anymore. It's all jumbled together and whenever I try to figure things out it gets even worse."
"Why did you yell at Paul?" Sonny said. "When you ran into him at the river?"
"I was angry," Will admitted. "I didn't want him making a choice for me. I do love you, Sonny. You know I do. But I resented that he said I'd never pick him. I'm just, I'm so sick and tired of everyone telling me what to do, how to think. I get that it's ironic since I can't seem to make any decisions at all. This is something I have to decide on my own, though. I can't let fate or you or Paul or anyone make it for me."
"Do, um," Sonny looked up at the ceiling, anywhere but at Will. "Do you love Paul, the way he loves you?"
"No," Will said gently. "I don't love Paul. But I'm intrigued by him. He's, he treats me different than you do, did. I know I shouldn't care about him at all but I can't help it. Why would someone like him find me interesting?" Will shook his head, trailing off.
It hurt. It hurt Sonny in so many different ways to hear Will admit that.
"Why wouldn't he love you?" Sonny asked. "You're beautiful and sexy and smart. You're unpredictable and so ridiculously loyal. And Paul? Paul doesn't have anything on you. He never did."
Will scoffed, cheeks pink.
"That's one of the things I regret the most," Sonny confessed in a far-off voice. "I did so many terrible things but I made you think you weren't worth anything. When really, you're worth everything.
It pained Sonny but he had to say this. He needed to say it.
"You deserve to be with someone that treats you the way Paul does," Sonny admitted. "You deserve someone that won't cheat on you. Someone that won't break you apart. Someone that won't abuse you the way I did."
"Sonny," Will frowned.
"I love you, Will," Sonny held his gaze, eyes shining with unshed tears. "I love you and that's why we can't be together, not yet. You're not ready. I'm not ready. If we're meant to be together we will be. I can't force it.
"You need to learn to love yourself before you can commit to anyone," Sonny continued. "And I need to learn to love someone besides myself."
"What are you saying?" Will asked, eyes watering.
"I'm saying that I love you but you deserve better," Sonny clasped Will's hand, squeezing. "If that's me, great, if it's Paul, I'd hate that, but I'd accept it. Whatever is best for you, that's what I want."
"I don't know what's best for me," Will sighed, letting his tears fall.
"You'll learn," Sonny promised. "But for right now, I think we both need time to heal."
"What happens now?" Will sniffled, wiping underneath his nose.
"We both figure ourselves out apart," Sonny said with a sigh. "And hopefully, one day, we'll learn how to be together again."
Sonny finished by kissing the top of Will's hand and letting it go. Letting Will go.
Will, arms wrapped around himself, stopped in front of an office door and knocked. He didn't know if she'd be there but he had to talk to someone. He had to go somewhere safe where he could collapse in peace.
"Will?" Dr. Lynn Rivera, Will's psychiatrist, opened the door to her office. "I didn't think you had an appointment until next week."
"I don't," Will said, lips trembling.
"What's the matter?" Lynn questioned, appraising Will. "What happened to your eyebrow?"
Will opened his mouth and it all spilled out.
Following her advice and trying to imagine life without Sonny. Trying to cut Paul out of his life completely only for Tori to happen. Seeing Tori and John together over and over. Learning the truth, knowing John was Paul's father. Finding out his mother, grandmother, and cousin were all conspiring against Sonny and Paul. The article coming out, everyone knowing the truth. Sami blackmailing Tori. Victor sending armed men to accost Will. Sonny getting stabbed, watching him bleed out. Paul's confession. Sonny letting him go.
"Can I come in?" Will asked afterward, chest heaving with the force of his sobs.
"I'll cancel the rest of my appointments," Lynn ushered Will inside, pushing him toward her couch.
Author's note:
I tried to decipher Tori and John's history and gave up and wrote my own. I hope it makes sense.
This story is winding down. There are going to be 42 chapters. So, only two more chapters after this.
Thanks for the continued support and feedback!