Thank you for reading and your reviews! I'm really glad you guys liked so much last chapter.

Let's see how things go now... ^^

P.S. I don't own Glee! I wish.

When several minutes passed and they were doing nothing but remained still, body against body, on the same exact position, Kurt started to feel uncomfortable. They were no longer kissing, nor caressing each other – they were simply together, and Kurt didn't know what to make of that. Not that Sebastian's body didn't feel great anymore on top of his own – it was his haunting thoughts and doubts what troubled him.

Sebastian looked pleased with the situation, though, but Kurt's insecurity made him wonder if maybe the other boy was too polite to kick him out. Sebastian didn't strike him as someone who would spend more time than necessary with 'a good random fuck', so… what were they doing, then?

When Kurt couldn't take it anymore – it probably hadn't been more than ten minutes – he got up abruptly and started looking for his clothes. Sebastian casted him a confused look, grabbing Kurt's forearm to stop him.

"Kurt" the boy stated, with that implacable tone only Sebastian could pull off. Kurt had no choice but to turn around and face him. The worst part was… he was still naked! Oh dear Gaga… let me at least get dressed, Kurt thought.

Kurt met Sebastian's eyes, which looked displeased. "Where do you think you're going?" the boy asked, and Kurt knew there was no valid answer.

"Um-" Kurt made, feeling really stupid. Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "I was just- going to go and- you know" Kurt almost whispered, pointing to the door clumsily.

Sebastian looked astonished. "Why?" he asked, then rushed to add "I mean- do you want to?" Sebastian said hesitantly.

And Kurt realised he wasn't the only one feeling vulnerable. Maybe Sebastian was as clueless as he was about the whole situation – maybe not. But one thing was for sure: Sebastian didn't want him to go. Kurt smiled, relieved.

"Not really" Kurt admitted, chuckling awkwardly, then run a hand through his hair nervously.

Sebastian's expression got softer. The boy sighed, amused. "Let's go to the room" he said, getting up and throwing Kurt his boxers. "To cover your shame" Sebastian snorted, smiling.

Kurt caught the boxers and put 'em on. He followed Sebastian to his room, protesting: "I don't mind being naked, meerkat! I just… prefer being dressed" he stopped when he reached the door, since Sebastian was changing into some clean underwear.

"Sure" Sebastian said sarcastically, getting under the covers, then observed Kurt, who was still standing under the doorframe. "Well, come here, sweet cheeks" Sebastian shook his hand, calling Kurt over.

Kurt approached the bed timidly and got under the covers too. Sebastian observed him with amusement. "Make yourself comfortable" the boy said, placing some pillows behind his head. Kurt mimicked him and tried to relax. They had never slept together on purpose. The time they fell asleep while watching a movie didn't count for Kurt – he hadn't intended to, and he doubted Sebastian had.

Sebastian laid an arm over Kurt shoulders, bringing him closer. "You have an amazing body, Kurt" he whispered.

Kurt blushed. "Oh- thank you" he answered, feeling somewhat overwhelmed by Sebastian's proximity. The other boy had placed one hand on his thigh, as usual, and he was caressing it calmly.

"So, what do you want to do?" asked Sebastian, rubbing his nose against Kurt's neck. "You up for a second ride, babe?" the boy asked suggestively.

Kurt froze. He was still trying to regain himself from earlier! "N-now?" he stuttered, nervously. His body went rigid.

Sebastian probably noticed it, because the boy stopped caressing him. Kurt turned to look at him, but then he felt Sebastian's arms around his torso. Two seconds later, Kurt's head was placed on Sebastian's shoulder and Kurt's upper body was over Sebastian's. Sebastian had embraced Kurt with his hands and was now caressing Kurt's torso.

It was a different perspective – not having Sebastian's eyes locked with his, but now Kurt had Sebastian's arms around him, and he could feel the boy just as attentive. And it made him feel safe. Safe? Kurt wondered.

"Next time, then" Sebastian said, casually. Kurt smiled, grateful, and relaxed at the touch. As weird as it might seem, he wanted to thank Sebastian for the patience the boy was showing him. Unable to stop himself, Kurt turned his head to the side, looking for Sebastian's neck, and placed a lingering kiss there once he found it.

Once Kurt broke the kiss, he caught a glimpse of themselves on a wall mirror placed right beside Sebastian's closet. What Kurt saw shocked him. They looked pretty much like a couple. Then Kurt remembered that, according to Sebastian, there was also intimacy on 'free, consented sex'. So maybe they just looked like two guys who had just relieved each other. Nothing else. Kurt struggled to come to that conclusion, though.

"You okay?" Sebastian asked, then Kurt realised his body had gone rigid – again.

"Yeah" Kurt added quickly, while ordering his body to stop it.

He wanted, more than anything, to enjoy the moment – but something kept telling Kurt that this, what they were doing now, was a little bit different than the intimacy they had shared before on the sofa. This felt different, and yet, just as natural.

"Actually, no" Kurt said, bringing his hands to rub his own eyes. He sighed. He needed to ask Sebastian or he would not be able to enjoy any of this at all – whatever this was.

Sebastian said nothing, waiting for Kurt to explain himself. "Sebastian" Kurt started, retreating his upper body from Sebastian's and lying beside him instead. He needed to lock eyes with the other boy, but something about the movement, about losing body contact, made him feel cold. So Kurt turned to the side and rested a hand on Sebastian's chest, timidly caressing it. "Is this- normal for you?" There, I said it, Kurt thought, breathing out with relief.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Kurt. "What do you mean?" he asked, sincerely.

Kurt bit his lip. Dammit – now he had to explain himself. "I mean… this" Kurt lifted his hand, looked at Sebastian, then rested it again on the other boy's chest, to keep touching him. "The touching, the cuddling… is it?" Oh my Gaga, why won't you stop talking! Kurt damned himself. A really small, annoying part of him knew he was doing the right thing – for himself. But he also knew he was making things awkward – and there was a huge chance he'd regret it. "I'm just trying to be honest – because I'm really confused right now" Kurt continued, lowering down his tone. "This is not how I pictured one night stands" Now – that's how you screw things up, you idiot! Kurt sighed.

Kurt expected Sebastian to panic and get up screaming 'I don't do relationships, Kurt – get out!' or something equally dramatic. Or to laugh at him. Anything. But the boy remained still, quiet – and he even kept the visual contact. Which was making Kurt incredibly uncomfortable after what he'd just said, to be honest. Kurt's hand even left Sebastian's chest.

Finally, Sebastian opened his mouth. "Kurt" he started, "why would this be a one night stand?" Sebastian asked, with that blunt honesty he always managed to transmit. Kurt envied that about him.

Kurt rubbed his forehead. "Look – I'm not saying that I'm looking for something more than that" he gulped, "I'm really not. I- I don't think I'm ready after all the… Blaine drama" Kurt explained. "I'm not looking for anything, really" he said, honestly.

"Neither am I" Sebastian agreed, shrugging.

"Good" Kurt nodded, not exactly feeling relieved – but he doubted anything would put him at ease right now. He frowned. "You didn't answer me, though" the doubt was like an itch Kurt scratched desperately, never finding relief. "Is this… normal- for you?" he repeated, slowlier and way more insecure than before.

Sebastian shifted his lying position on the bed, and directed his eyes at the ceiling now. Kurt observed him. Sebastian didn't look as comfortable as he used to. Maybe I'm pushing this too hard, Kurt regretted. "God- forget what I just said, please" Kurt lamented, rubbing his eyes again. What was he doing? He was about to spoil whatever he had with Sebastian!

Kurt sensed Sebastian shifting his position on the bed again, then felt the other boy's hand on his thigh, patting it. "No, it's okay" Sebastian assured him. Kurt looked at him, with incredulity. Sebastian chuckled. "Jeez, Kurt, relax" the boy said. "You've only had one, very long relationship and you're confused – I get it. It's not a crime" Kurt smiled at him, relieved.

"When did you become so understanding?" Kurt asked, trying to hide his amazement behind a chuckle.

"Hey" Sebastian protested, amused, narrowing his eyes at Kurt. "May I remind you – we're starting to know each other now?" he mimicked Kurt, with a cheesy tone. "Your words, not mine" Sebastian smirked. Kurt blushed hard.

"You idiot" Kurt bit back, turning his back on Sebastian to avoid looking at the boy. He felt like a little kid.

Sebastian chuckled and approached Kurt's back, putting his arms around Kurt's, trapping him. He bit Kurt's neck. "I'm messing with you, gayface" Sebastian said, playfully.

"Oh, I know" Kurt said somewhat resented, but felt immediately better the moment Sebastian's body was pressed against his own. This cannot be good, Kurt feared, thinking about the soothing effect the other boy seemed to have on him.

Sebastian kissed him on the spot he'd just bitten. "To answer to your question" the boy said, changing abruptly the subject. Kurt tried to turn around, to face him, but it was pointless. Sebastian's body was trapping his. "I don't always behave like this with- uh, you know… the guys I hook up with" Sebastian admitted. Kurt noticed the confident tone was gone, and he wondered if maybe Sebastian had trapped him on purpose, to avoid Kurt's gaze while opening up to him. "But also- it's not like there's a standard attitude I adopt with my hook ups. Me or anybody, really" he continued, regaining himself. "Sometimes a guy brings out a part of you that other people just… don't – sometimes it's just about sex. It's unpredictable. And I like it that way" Sebastian stated.

And it sounded quite logical. Kurt couldn't argue that. He actually understood Sebastian's perspective. Except that the guy was now him, Kurt Hummel – gayface, sweet cheeks. Right.

"That… makes sense" Kurt admitted. But he knew things weren't so logical or simple. Life wasn't. "But I wanna be honest with you too. There might come a moment when… things just won't be logical or reasonable for me anymore."

Sebastian caught Kurt's hands and held them tight with his own, using the hold to embrace Kurt. "Okay" the boy agreed.

"Right now I'm okay, though" Kurt rushed to assure Sebastian. He wanted to be okay. "I just… I can't speak for my future self" Kurt giggled, awkwardly. "He might get clingy, and I know you don't like 'em clingy" he tried to joke, but Kurt wasn't sure that was one of his finest comments. Scratch that. He knew it wasn't.

Sebastian chuckled, though. "I get it, Kurt. You're looking out for yourself – I respect that."

Now Kurt really sighed with relief. He had spoken up his doubts, and they had sort of come to a deal. And Sebastian had really listened to him. He smiled. Sebastian was quite a good listener. But then he realised. Why did it had to be him the one who might get clingy? Why was Sebastian not looking out for himself? Somehow, that didn't seem right. Did that make Kurt weak, or something? He didn't like that thought.

"And, you know- the same goes both ways" Kurt added, tentatively. "I mean- if things get… complicated- for you" he stopped, uncertain "in a future, I mean" Kurt emphasised, "then- well." Kurt knew there was a big chance Sebastian would burst out laughing at the mere thought of him, Sebastian Smythe, having troubles to separate intimacy and feelings. But Kurt risked it. Out of pride, probably.

But the boy didn't laugh at him. He actually got kind of serious. "Kurt, how hypothetically are we talking now? Are you really talking about some hypothetic future? Because, if that's the case, then I think you're getting ahead of yourself, and it's useless" Sebastian said, turning Kurt around to face him. Now you wanna look me in the eye, Kurt thought bitterly. "I just wanna know- how do you feel now?" the boy added, staring at him attentively.

And Kurt felt again, for the second time that night, like there was just no right or valid answer to that. How was he feeling? Was he really talking about 'a future self'? He was full of doubts already, for God's sake.

Kurt avoided Sebastian's eyes, tiredly. "Sebastian I-" he sighed, sitting up. "I'm not sure I can separate intimacy and feelings. I've never had to do that before." Kurt admitted, feeling incredibly vulnerable while saying it, but also incredibly relieved once it was out.

Sebastian sat on the bed too, and searched for Kurt's cheek with his hand. He caressed it. "Who says you have to?" the boy asked. Kurt looked at him, astonished.

"What?" Kurt asked, incredulous.

Sebastian took back his hand, and run it nervously through his own hair. "I'm just saying- you should always be free to feel whatever you're feeling. It just- comes with some risks, I guess" the boy said, and his eyes turned somewhat colder.

"Some risks?" Kurt asked, not really sure if he wanted to know the answer, judging by Sebastian's tone.

"I'm also free to feel anything, Kurt" the boy said, fiercely. "And that might not be the same you're feeling. That's just how things work." Sebastian said, looking away.

Sebastian's cold, logical way to speak his mind didn't cease to shock Kurt. Was this cold guy the same person that'd been holding Kurt tightly only two minutes ago? How could Sebastian seem and feel so different now?

Kurt sighed. He knew Sebastian was right. Either he, Kurt, wanted to take the risk or he didn't.

"Can I ask you something?" Kurt said, feeling like he had nothing to lose now. Sebastian looked at him again, coldly, and nodded. "Does it come with- some risks for you too?" Kurt asked, but it felt weird to formulate the question with the same cold, bold words Sebastian had used. Those weren't Kurt's. "I mean- do you ever feel like you're taking a risk?" Kurt reformulated it.

Kurt wasn't even interested in knowing if he, Kurt, implied a risk for Sebastian. Kurt was really talking in a general way – he wanted to know if Sebastian was always this cold.

Sebastian observed him with an unreadable expression for a couple of seconds. It seemed like the boy had forgotten he had just been asked something.

"It's very rare" Sebastian said, finally, with an unaffected tone and face. And Kurt knew Sebastian was being honest – so he had no right to feel disappointed at that. Although Kurt could do without the cold look Sebastian was giving him, truth to be told.

Kurt looked away, and nodded, bitting his lip. "Okay."

They fell in an uncomfortable silence. They were still sitting, frozen-like, uncertain as to how to proceed now.

"I respect whatever you feel, though" Sebastian said then, and Kurt's stomach made a triple jump. The tone was softer again, almost tentative. Kurt locked eyes with him and realised the coldness was gone.

Kurt nodded again, and laid down, just to keep himself busy. "Well- like I said, I'm just confused" he smiled awkwardly, hoping really hard for that to be temporary.

"You'll figure it out" Sebastian said casually – as if Kurt was confused about wearing a blue shirt or a white one. The boy laid down too, beside Kurt, but didn't touch him.

Kurt felt cold without the body contact. He sighed and turned to the side to observe Sebastian.

"Okay, meerkat" that caught Sebastian's attention. "I'll feel whatever I need to feel, but you'll keep being your natural touchy self" Kurt joked, hoping the other boy would take the hint.

Sebastian smirked maliciously and grasped Kurt's hips. "I thought you found me too touchy?" the boy asked cheekily. And just like that, the awkwardness was gone. Sebastian's playful side was out again. Kurt smiled at him.

"Mm" Kurt made, pretending to be considering it. "Not anymore" he said, biting his lip and remembering how attractive he found Sebastian – who was quickly on top of him, by the way.

Sebastian observed him excitedly. "Dammit, Kurt; if you really don't want a second round, then you better behave, babe" he said, amused.

Kurt giggled. "Okay, okay" he kissed Sebastian's cheek. "Let's sleep" he said, turning his back on Sebastian so the boy could embrace him with his arms again.

"Good night, Kurt" the boy said, kissing Kurt back on the cheek.

"Night, meerkat" Kurt whispered, squeezing Sebastian's hand.

/

Kurt decided it would be better for him not to see or talk to Sebastian for a few days. There was a decission he needed to make, and Sebastian's physical proximity would not help him to think straight at all. Luckily, or not so luckily, it didn't look like the other boy would be an inconvenience. Sebastian didn't text him or called him during the following days either.

Maybe he's waiting for me to do it, Kurt kept thinking, and avoiding to think.

Surprisingly enough, Santana had not brought up the subject, nor she had told anyone. Kurt kept waiting for something terrible to happen to him - but it just didn't. Everything was so freaking normal he was feeling completely out of place. He needed someone to talk to, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to open up. Mostly, because he didn't even know where to begin with. How could he justify any of the things he was doing or feeling to someone else, if he could not explain 'em to himself?

And he was feeling so much. That night had been so much. How could he deny it? He had felt something. It hadn't been just sex for him. The tenderness Sebastian showed him had been overwhelming for Kurt. But so had been the coldness. Sebastian's coldness was the risk Kurt had to decide if it was worth taking.

One week later, Kurt found himself watching Funny Girl with Rachel in their living room, with a bowl of cookies and a box of tissues.

"We were heading for something you couldn't have known how to handle" said Nick Arnstein.

"What makes you think I do now?" asked Fanny.

"If you don't... it's time you learned" Nick Arnstein replied.

Kurt gulped. But the difference is he ended up loving her! He argued with himself. Also, he didn't want Sebastian to love him. He just... oh, who did he want to fool? He had no clue what he wanted.

"Rachel, I'm screwed" Kurt said out loud, unable to contain himself any longer.

Rachel casted him a confused look, pausing the movie. "What?" she asked, tiredly. She looked exhausted, actually. And sad.

"We shouldn't be watching this, Rach" Kurt sighed.

"This is how I work, Kurt" Rachel said, yawning. "I'm too tired to practise, so... this is the second better option" she explained quietly.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "It's a Friday night, for God's sake. What are we doing, feeling this miserable?" Kurt lamented, dramatically.

"You want a cookie?" Rachel offered him. Kurt snorted, but took it. "What do you mean, you're 'screwed'?" the girl asked. She obviously hadn't forgotten what had caused the interruption.

Kurt observed her. If he told her they had paused the movie over nothing, she would get pissed.

"I'm... seeing someone" he said nervously, covering his face.

Rachel jumped to his couch. "Oh my God, Kurt" she said excitedly. She didn't look a bit tired anymore. "Who is he? Do I know him? Does he attend NYADA? Oh my God, it's not Adam, is it?" she ranted.

Kurt cut her. "Oh dear Gaga- no!" he stopped her, frantically. Rachel had a way to make him anxious. "Stop it! You don't know him" he tried to assure her.

"Oh" she pouted. "Show me a pic?" she asked, pointing towards Kurt's phone.

"Oh, we're not Facebook friends or anything" Kurt lied. "I just met him" he added, to make it sound more convincing. Rachel nodded, disappointed.

"Do you like him?" she asked, and Kurt turned to look at her outraged.

"Oh no, not at all!" he argued, making Rachel look even more confused.

"Then why are you seeing him?" she asked.

Okay, I'm not making any sense, Kurt realised. "I guess I- don't really" he struggled to find the right words "know if I like him" Kurt gulped. "I sort of hated him- at first" Kurt told her, his mind wandering back to their senior year in high school.

"Whoa, lucky you!" Rachel slapped Kurt's shoulder playfully. "It's a I hate that I love you kind of relationship" she sang-song, childishly.

Kurt corrected her. "No, no, no- Rach, definitely not love. I told you- I just met him" he repeated, and wondered if that was entirely true. He was starting to know Sebastian now, but he hadn't just met him. Anyway, Kurt cut himself.

"Is he hot?" Rachel asked him, adopting an interrogatory tone. Kurt rolled his eyes at her but played along.

"You could- say that" he nodded, timidly.

"Uhu!" she giggled. "Cute?"

"Sometimes" Kurt answered rapidly.

"A good kisser?"

"Yeah" Kurt grinned like an idiot.

"Uhu!" Rachel made again. "How far did you go?" she inquired.

"Rach!" Kurt shushed her, even though they were alone.

Rachel giggled, pointing an accusing finger at Kurt. "Oh! You so got physical with him!" she laughed now.

Kurt punched her playfully, trying to contain a chuckle. "Shut up!" he shushed her again.

"Oh! And he's good, isn't he?" she asked suspiciously, narrowing her eyes at Kurt, but still amused. "Those are the best - the thin line between hate and love, Kurt! The tension! Oh, I'm so jealous!" she sighed, laughing, and lied down on the couch.

Kurt giggled too. "You may be right" he admitted. Sebastian and he had a pretty tense dynamic. For the better, and for the worse.

"Oh, you know what we should do?" she got up, excitedly, and it looked like she had just injected herself with a litre of coffee. "We're gonna watch Pride and prejudice!"

Kurt bursted out laughing - really hard. "Oh, Rach, you're so naive" he sighed, trying to contain his laughter.

"Why do you say that, Kurt?" she asked, with puppy eyes. "Don't be so-" she looked at him with disdain "negative, ugh!" she protested, pouting again.

"I think I told you that I'm screwed" Kurt commented, catching Rachel's attention. "He- doesn't do relationships" Kurt observed his own hands, trying to maintain a poker face. "Not that I'd want that right now, right? I mean, it's too soon" he smiled awkwardly.

Then he realised Rachel was giving him a pity look. "Hey, don't pity me! I'm okay with this!" he protested.

"I thought you said you were screwed" Rachel argued, going back to her sofa.

Kurt damned himself. "Oh- that" he sighed. They fell in silence, observing the frozen image on the screen. It was Fanny's, pondering Nick's words.

"I think it'd take the risk" Rachel said, still looking at Fanny. Kurt shivered at her choice of words. "But I might be biased, since I've been playing Fanny for so long" she explained, with that tone she employed whenever she dramatically empathized with Fanny.

"Mm" Kurt made. "I think I could empathize with her, too" he commented distractedly.

Rachel turned around and gave him a shocking look. "That bad?" she asked, widening her eyes.

Kurt realised what he had just said. "The attraction- you know" he giggled awkwardly.

Rachel looked at him suspiciously, but she was smiling. "Oh, I envy you" she said.