Nestled in Bobby's arms with her head against his chest, Alex listened to the steady beat of his heart. Lulled by its steady cadence in perfect sync with the rush of air in and out of his lungs, she started to doze.

Bobby played with her hair and murmured, "It's still working, you know."

Roused by the rumble of his voice, she nodded and her hair tickled his chest. "I know, but for how long?"

"No one has that answer, Alex. No one knows when."

"I do," she replied without looking up at him. Her voice dropped to a whisper, barely audible. "It will be too soon."

He didn't have a response for that. She was worried, but she showed it in subtle ways—discretely holding his wrist, stroking the underside of it as she felt for his pulse or snuggling close with her ear pressed against his chest so she could hear the steady beat of his heart.

"I could tell you to stop worrying," he murmured, kissing her head. "But I know you won't. I could try to convince you that I'm no good, but you always saw right through that and all it got me was a worried and angry wife. Not a good combination."

"No, not really. I'm not waiting for your heart to stop beating, Bobby. But it will change, and I want to listen to this heart beat for as long as I possibly can. After all, I'm the reason that it's failing. This big, loving, wonderful heart took a bullet for me, and now...now you're paying the price for it."

"The new one will beat stronger...and longer," he whispered, expressing an optimism he didn't necessarily feel.

"I know. But I'll miss this heart," she said, stroking his chest to emphasize her point.

"Alex..." he began, wanting to reassure her, but not knowing how. So he opted for a simple, direct truth. "I love you."

She turned her face up toward him, her eyes bright with unshed tears. He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Don't cry," he replied, his voice as soft as hers as tears pricked his own eyes. "I'm not going anywhere,d baby. I promise."

"How can you promise that?" she asked sadly.

"I know how I feel. I'm still on the job. We still have time. How much? No one knows that. So let's not waste what time we have, whether it's six weeks, six months or six years."

He slid his arms around her and held her close. She snuggled against him and rested her head on his chest. Before long, she was asleep.

Bobby couldn't sleep. His chest felt tight and he was restless. Alex had rolled onto her side and was no longer asleep on him, so he slid out of bed, careful not to wake her. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, socks and sneakers and dug the little box she had given him from his suit pants pocket. He went downstairs and retrieved a lighter from a drawer in the kitchen. Zeus came down the stairs after him. With a smile, he ruffled the puppy's ears and went out onto the back deck with the growing pup.

He watched Zeus chase snowflakes and run around the yard as he smoked, feeling more relaxed as the tightness in his chest eased. It was cold and breezy, and the snow blanketed the world in a muffled silence.

Once he was done, he called to the puppy and they went back into the house. Zeus returned to Maggie's room as Bobby went to his own. After undressing, he slid back into bed. The cold he brought with him woke Alex.

"Are you okay?" she asked sleepily.

"I'm fine," he assured her.

She smelled the pot on him and reached out to caress his chest. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I'm okay. I'm good."

She slid closer to him, pressing her body along the length of his, and she hugged him tight. He returned the embrace, uncertain. Lightly, he rubbed her back.

"This may seem wrong," she said softly, her voice muffled against his chest. "But I like you this way."

He pulled back so he could see her face and gave her a confused look that melted her heart. "What way?" he asked.

"Like this. You're so much more at ease. You're calm and so much less irritable."

"You like me stoned?" he asked, still confused.

She sighed. "Yeah, I guess I do."

He rested his head back and gave that some thought as he absently caressed her side. She leaned in and nuzzled his ear. "What are you thinking?" she asked.

"Is it that much different...when I'm drunk?"

"It's very different. You're unpredictable when you drink. But stoned...you're a lot more steady, calmer, not angry."

He nodded his head. "Okay. I get that."

Deciding to change the subject, she stroked his chest. "It's cold outside."

He laughed softly. "It's snowing. Of course it's cold. But it's not bad. The snow, uhm...insulates."

She snuggled closer and he stroked her hair. She kissed his chest. "My love," she whispered. "My brilliant, quirky, aggravating, gentle love."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "I don't always know what to say," he replied. "I don't always say or do the right thing or the best thing at the time. But never, ever doubt that what I say and what I do...always it's with love. That's always the bottom line, Alex. I love you."

She nodded. "I know. I just...wish you weren't so...driven, so compelled to protect me all the time. I don't need to be protected as much as you think I do."

"It-It's what I do. If something happened to you, or to one of the kids, on my watch..." He shook his head to banish the thought. "It's what I do," he repeated.

"I know. Never stop protecting the kids," she encouraged. "But it's annoying when you protect me all the time. Now you've got Cutter starting to do it. What did you tell him?"

"Me? I didn't tell him anything."

"You intimidate him."

"I never tried to. I-I didn't mean to..."

She smiled. "I know. You didn't have to try." Her smile turned to a soft laugh. "I got mad at you one time and he heard me tell you off. When I got back to my desk, he had this look on his face. When I asked him what was up, he asked me if I was afraid of anything."

Bobby laughed with her. "Well? Are you?"

She poked his belly and he laughed again. "I told him that you are the father of my children and at heart, you're a big teddy bear. I don't think he believed me. I assured him, in the hands of a little girl, all the scary goes away and you're just a big softy."

"My girls know how to, uh...how to handle me."

"It's more than that. A lot more. Especially for Maggie. She...She's just...She's so special. She's smart and spunky and honest...and she simply adores you."

In the dim light cast through the window by the reflection of light off the accumulated snow, she saw him soften even more. That was what Maggie did to him. She softened him. Alex ran her fingers lightly up and down his side.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked.

"Of course."

"I have been in love with you...for a long time, but you didn't know, until it was too late and you had already married Ricky. Right?"

"Yes. If I had known...things would have been very different."

He nodded slowly. He hadn't handled things well back then. He should have let her know, but disclosure of his emotions had always been difficult for him. "Uhm, the night we, uh...my-my birthday, the first year you were married to him...the first time..."

He trailed off, looking guilty. The night she'd violated the sanctity of her marriage with him because he had been too damn drunk to tell her no...

Very quietly, she said, "The night Maggie was conceived."

"Yes...that night...you...remember, uh, what happened, don't you? All the details?"

"I always have."

He refused to meet her eyes, rolling slowly onto his back to look at the ceiling so he didn't have to look at her while he discussed that night. He was still ashamed of himself for giving in, for being weak. "I...still don't."

"Bobby..."

He made a motion with his hand that silenced her protest or explanation or whatever she was going to say to try to soothe him. "Tell me about it," he implored.

She hesitated. Just knowing what had happened that night—without the details—caused him guilt and pain. "Bobby..."

"Please."

"Are you sure?"

He hesitated. Was he? Finally, he nodded. "Tell me about it so I will feel like I was there."

"You were there. There's no way Maggie would be here if you weren't."

"But I don't feel like I was there. I don't remember it, so for me, it's like I wasn't. I...I don't like that."

"You feel guilty enough..."

"Knowing the details won't make me feel any worse. It happened. I slept with you while you were married to another man. Knowing more about it won't mitigate my culpability."

She sighed and slid against him, draping her arm across his midsection. "I had no idea you were that drunk. I would never have slept with you if I knew."

"I know. I don't, uh...you...you were drunk, too."

"Yes, but I knew what I was doing and I wasn't so drunk that I don't remember that night, every wonderful second of it."

He still looked guilty so she stretched up and kissed him tenderly. He placed his hand on her hip until she pulled back from the kiss. "We've reenacted that night many times since then," she assured him.

"I still wish I remember that night."

"Okay," she whispered. "Let's recreate it right now."

"How..."

"Trust me." She moved away from him and sat on the edge of the bed, coaxing him to sit beside her. "You remember Logan's old place."

He nodded as he settled beside her. "I spent many nights on that couch."

"He took the couch that night. Tell me what you remember."

"I remember the bar, playing pool. I remember it was Logan's idea to play for shots." He scowled. "Not one of his best ideas."

"You went along with it. We all did."

"Against my better judgment, yes, I went along with it. I got stuck in a vicious circle that night."

"How so?"

"We'd already had a couple when you got there. You caught me off guard. I didn't know you were joining us so I had no time to prepare myself. I let myself be distracted, so I missed a lot more shots than I normally do. I know Logan was delighted, but I was kind of spinning out of control."

"It was your birthday. We wanted you to have fun."

"I did have fun. It was a good birthday for me. Most of the time, I try to forget the significance of the day, but that particular birthday..."

He smiled and she understood. She slid her hand into his. "What happened by the cue rack?" she asked.

"Are you saying you don't remember?" he teased.

"Oh, I remember. I just want to see how much you remember."

"I remember that. You kept interfering with my shot, so I chased you down and caught you by the cue rack."

"And then?"

He leaned toward her, but she moved suddenly, rising and stepping away from the bed, beyond his reach. He smiled and pursued, catching her by the window, against the wall, like he did that night in the pool hall. He drew close to her, his eyes slowly scanning her face, committing every detail to memory. He said nothing before leaning in to close the short distance between them, capturing her in a kiss that evoked memories of that night for both of them. She slid her arms around him, returning the kiss, passion for passion.

He broke the kiss with reluctance, stepping away. He touched his lips and said, "I remember that."

She nodded, catching her breath. "I see that."

"My memories of that night are...surreal, foggy...but that moment, that kiss...it's crystal clear in my mind. It's about the only thing from that night that is."

"What else do you remember?"

"I couldn't sink a ball to save my life after that. It's kind of a miracle I was able to function at all when we left the bar. I think I told Logan I was going to punch him if he ever suggested playing for shots again on a work night."

She laughed. "Are you saying it wasn't a good night?"

"No, but I wish I remembered more of it."

She moved to stand in front of him and she placed a hand on his chest. "If you hadn't been that wasted, would that night have gone differently between us?"

"Meaning would I have slept with you?"

"Would you have?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and turned away from her. Pushing the curtains aside, he looked out into the back yard. The snow was falling heavily and had covered over all the snow disturbed by Zeus' romping. As his breath fogged the glass, he forced his attention back to her question. "It would have been different," he admitted. "I wouldn't have slept with you."

"Do you regret it?"

"How can I? That night gave us Maggie."

She stepped up behind him and placed her hands on his waist. He turned into her arms and folded her into a hug. "What else do you remember?" she asked.

"I remember leaving the bar and heading to Logan's place...and that's it. I don't remember anything after that."

"Did you really drink that much or is your mind still protecting you from the memory of that night?"

"I don't know. I did have a lot to drink. Maybe it's a combination of both?"

"We all had a lot to drink that night, but you're the only one who doesn't remember it. Yet, you seemed to be...functioning."

"Yeah, well, I have a high threshold. I can drink a man under the table and then walk out the door and make it home. Just because I appear to be functioning and can carry on a conversation doesn't mean I'm not drunk off my ass."

She took his arm and led him back to the bed. She sat beside him again and said, "When we got to Logan's, we sat down on the couch."

She reached out and gently played with his ear. He closed his eyes and softly groaned. His body began to respond to her again. "Alex..." he whispered.

She touched his lips with her forefinger and continued her recounting of what had happened between them on the couch. "I said 'happy birthday' and I kissed you. I only meant for it to be a brief kiss, but you responded and it became so much more."

He forced his eyes open and looked at her. "On the couch? Did Logan...watch?"

"Would that have been more of a turn-on for you?"

"Maybe, at some point, with some woman, but not with you. I never wanted to share any part of our relationship with anyone, ever...until the kids came along."

She believed most of what he said. "Well, that's where it started, on the couch. Logan and Barek didn't waste any time getting us to the bedroom before something happened that they really didn't want to see." She let her hand slide down to her lap. "I stopped you once," she admitted.

"And I stopped?"

"Of course you did."

"Why-Why did you stop me?"

"Because you told me that you loved me."

His brow creased in confusion. "That made you want to stop?"

"I didn't want to, Bobby. But...that made me realize I was taking advantage of you. That confession reminded me of your condition, and I felt guilty about it, so I asked you to stop. But then...then you told me you'd do whatever I wanted. God, that cut right through me. You always know what to say to make me love you more, as if that were even possible. After that, I couldn't let the moment pass. You promised me you wouldn't feel guilty and I gave in."

"To me?"

"To me. I was the one who pushed for it that night, and you let me have my way."

"I gave you Maggie and I never even knew it."

She smiled. "You've given me three children, all conceived in love."

He returned her smile and she moved to straddle his lap, catching his mouth in a searing kiss. He parted his lips for her probing tongue and let her lead the dance.

He dreamed that night, but the nightmares stayed away for a change. Instead, he dreamed of love, of a night of passion and pleasure, freed from the deepest recesses of his mind to frolic through his subconscious for a little while. He dreamed of the heat of passion, the pleasure of release, the depths of the greatest love he'd ever know. Amid the sweat, the heavy breathing, the groans of pleasure came the spark of life, the moment when two bodies, conjoined in pleasure and in love, created a life.

He sat up suddenly, his body coated in sweat and throbbing with need. He turned toward her side of the bed to find it empty. Twisting at the waist, he looked at the window. The world beyond was still illuminated by the whiteness of the falling snow, but it wasn't daybreak yet.

Sliding out of bed, he checked the bathroom adjoining their bedroom. Empty. He pulled on his boxers and a pair of sweats and went into the hallway. He peeked in on Maggie, Harry and Tom, all sleeping peacefully. As he approached Molly's room, he heard the soft melody of Alex's voice, singing a lullaby to the baby. He found her voice as soothing as Molly did. Slowly pushing the door open far enough to poke in his head, he watched Alex kiss the sleeping baby and lay her in her crib. Stepping back, he waited for her in the hall.

Alex backed out of the room, pulling the door closed as she left. When she turned around, she caught her breath sharply in surprise as she walked into Bobby. "Dammit, Bobby!" she chided. "Don't do that!"

"Do what?"

"Lurk in the hallway like that!"

"I wasn't lurking," he said with a smile and he pulled her to him. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"I thought you were sleeping."

"I was, but a dream woke me up and I missed you."

She stepped from his embrace and tucked her hand into his, leading him back to their bedroom. "Another nightmare?"

"Uh, no. Not this time."

"No? Then what?"

He released her hand and closed their door. "Uhm, it was...a good dream," he murmured, pulling her back against him and sliding his arms around her.

The dream had been vivid enough that he still remembered it, which was rare for him. Good dreams rarely stayed with him upon awakening. The memory of this one reignited his passion and he pressed himself against her.

She softly laughed. "Oh, it was that kind of dream."

He nuzzled her hair and leaned down to kiss her neck. His hands sought her breasts and she melted into his touch. Happily, he guided her to the bed and settled in to reenact his dream.

As he loved her, his mind chose to release the clamp it had held on the past, opening his consciousness to memories long buried. Words, emotions, sensations...it all came rushing back to him, hitting him hard, like a tidal wave as he climaxed within her. He was overwhelmed.

Alex felt her own climax wash over her, unaware of what was happening around her. She came back to her senses slowly, relishing every moment of it. Beside her, Bobby lay on his stomach, eyes closed. She rolled toward him and caressed his back. "So...you want to tell me about that dream?" she whispered.

He didn't respond.

"Bobby?"

She turned on the bedside light. His breathing was easy and his color was good; he didn't seem to be in distress. She shook his shoulder. "Bobby?"

He groaned softly and his eyelids fluttered then opened. Lifting his head and squinting against the light, he looked up at her. "What?"

"You weren't answering me. Are you okay?"

He rolled onto his back and looked up at her. "I'm fine," he assured her.

She gave his shoulder a shove. "Don't do that to me!" she demanded. "When I talk to you, answer me!"

"I...I'm sorry," he replied, baffled.

In his mind, he had answered her when she called his name, and he wondered why she hadn't heard him. She grabbed the blankets and stretched out beside him, resting her head on his shoulder as he took the blankets from her and covered them.

Settled, she asked, "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean something happened to you just now. Talk to me."

He gave it some thought, focusing on memories that were once lost to him. "I think...my mind decided it doesn't have to protect me anymore. I...I remember...what happened...that night."

She twisted so that she could see his face. "Seriously?" He nodded. "No regrets?"

He gave her a gentle smile. "How could I regret the best birthday present I ever got?"

She slid her arms around him and hugged him hard. As much as he frustrated her, she found new reasons to love him every day. She kissed him and then snuggled into his embrace. She listened to his breathing as it became steady and deep.

Resting her head on his chest, she listened to his heart beat. She understood what Bergman had explained to them. Chances were slim that they would find a compatible donor in time. The doctor was doing everything he could, but they were racing the clock. She couldn't imagine her life without Bobby and she didn't want to try. Silently, she prayed for a miracle.