Big thanks to L'Oubliee for following.

Cow-Lover2214 – Yeah but at least he's an adorable idiot. But he will soon realise he was in the wrong here.

Rachetg – Yeah Thorin will take some time to calm down I think. I didn't want the others to hate her as I felt it would be going against their personalities a bit.

Nice Egan – I loved writing that bit I won't lie! And yeah I felt it would be too boring for Dwalin to hate her…I want to uncover more of his sensitive side.

An Apology May Be Too Late

It only took the company two weeks before they found themselves at the foot of the Misty Mountains. In all of that time Fira hadn't bothered to acknowledge Kili's existence – instead sticking to the company and Bilbo and Mithiel. The dwarves had tried to find out what was wrong. After all the day before leaving Rivendell the pair had admitted they loved each other and now it was as though they loathed each other. But neither Kili nor Fira had told the others anything. Only Fili knew the reason behind it all and he wasn't going to say anything.

Fira rubbed her injured shoulder with a sigh. She had been told to keep it clean and use the healing cream Llamryl had given her. But recently her mind had been filled with so many other things that she had forgotten. She had spent the past two weeks trying to either forget about Kili or forget about Thorin. Neither of which was easy to do. The dwarf king shot her glares at every opportunity. He never spoke to her by name and more often than not Fira found herself with more and more of the company's workload. She would always be on the longest watch and would always have to get firewood. But what annoyed her more was the way the others sat back and did nothing but give her sympathetic looks. If they really did care about her then surely they would step in and help her? Fira bit her lip. Kili had tried to help twice but each time she had shot him back down. Maybe she was over reacting now. She had been angry and hurt yes. But this was ridiculous. Each night a horrible ache in her chest stopped her from sleeping and forcing food down her throat was becoming a huge chore. In truth she was surprised Fili was still speaking to her. She had sworn not to hurt Kili and now she was doing just that. But given he knew he reasons Fira guessed he too was feeling guilty.

"Fira?"

At Mithiel's voice Fira quickened her pace to walk beside the elf. Despite her race and the elves sharing nothing but hatred Fira was willing to give her a chance. After all she had saved Fili's life and she hadn't done anything to her. To be honest Mithiel and Bilbo were the only people Fira could stand to be with right now. As for the others they simply acted like the elf didn't exist. Well most of them did. Balin and Bofur spoke to her along with Ori and Oin. As for Fili and Kili…well Kili often smiled at her whilst Fira noticed it was all Fili could do to watch where he was going instead of gazing at Mithiel. Wincing as her shoulder pulled Fira glanced up at Mithiel who gave her a small smile.

"How are you doing?"

Fira nodded before looking over her shoulder. She could make out Fili and Kili walking together near the back of the group. As she gazed at Kili's mournful face the ache in her chest grew. Before she broke out into tears Fira turned back round. Mithiel rubbed her back.

"I don't understand why you have to keep ignoring him like this?"

"Well I don't understand why he was going to just leave me?" Fira shot back. Running a hand through her hair she sighed.

"I know I might be taking this too far but….oh look you won't understand!"

"Try me," Mithiel said softly. Fira took a deep breath.

"I have been in love with Kili since I met him. He saved my life you know. But I always assumed he had a girl back home. I mean look at him! And then, when I found out he was a prince I told myself to forget about him. I could never be good enough. So to know that he was in love with me? It meant the world. He swore nothing would separate us and then he decides to just leave me at Rivendell without so much as a goodbye."

Fira blinked back her tears, "You know? It's not even the being left behind that annoyed me. It's the fact that he wasn't going to tell me. That he was perfectly happy for me to wake up and find him gone."

Mithiel opened her mouth when Fili's voice could be heard. Pausing Fira glanced over her should in time to see Fili insert himself between the two of them. As ever he flashed Mithiel a soft smile before looking at Fira seriously.

"May I talk to you please?"

Fira wanted to shake her head. She didn't want this conversation about Kili. However, Mithiel was already moving away and she knew she had no choice. Nodding she allowed Fili to link arms with her.

"I overheard what you said to Mithiel," he whispered. Fira shot him a look.

"So everything I say is to be listened to now then is that it?"

Fili shook his head, "No I…"

At the hurt in his eyes Fira relaxed, "Oh Fili I'm sorry. I didn't mean…that was wrong of me. It's just with the way Thorin is acting around me…look I'm sorry. What were you about to say?"

Fili nodded, "I just wanted to say…you're wrong."

"Wrong? Fili I overhead you two! How can I be wrong when your brother was perfectly willing to abandon me without a single word of goodbye?"

Fili sighed, "No I didn't mean that! I just meant that, whatever you might think I can promise you that Kili was far from happy about leaving you. He wanted to keep you safe because – let's be honest – chances are this quest is going to be dangerous. But, at the same time, he believed that you were safest when you were with him! When he saw you the morning we left he was happy! He had planned to hurry to your room and wake you up so you could come with us. Fira he only planned to do what he did because he loves you. If anything happened to you he..?" Fili closed his mouth and Fira sighed.

"If you really did overhear my conversation with Mithiel then you'll know that I'm not angry at being left behind. I wake up each morning expecting Thorin to throw me out. But what did hurt was the fact Kili was going to do this behind my back. He even left me a bloody note!"

Fili didn't blink, "Have you read it?"

Fira shook her head, "No I…"

"The maybe you should," Fili unlinked his arm, "Just….Fira please don't hold this against him. Yes he should have told you. I'm not going to make excuses for him. But this is hurting him as well as you, you know."

Fira watched as Fili turned and hurried back down towards his brother. With a small sigh she ran her hand over her jacket pocket where the letter and her hair clasp sat safely. In truth she had tried to read Kili's letter on several occasions. But she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Thorin shouted something up ahead and as she glanced up Fira saw the company stopping. Rubbing her eyes she peered at the sky. It had only seemed like dawn a few hours ago. But now the sun was setting and she forced her aching legs to move. After all, Thorin would need firewood and she knew he wouldn't ask any of the others.

Sure enough she hadn't even dropped her bag when Thorin asked her for firewood. With a roll of her eyes Fira had nodded before rubbing her arm. She hadn't looked at it in a while but she knew it was getting worse. She should have been using the cream but she couldn't do it. She couldn't explain it but she didn't want to do anything anymore. Kili's wish to leave her behind had hurt her far more than she would ever willingly let on. She hadn't been able to help but feel like he didn't really love her. How could he when he clearly didn't want her on this quest?

"You!"

At Thorin's voice Fira jumped. The king raised an eyebrow and she remembered that she was meant to be getting firewood. Turning she caught several of the others shooting glares at Thorin's back. Flashing them brief smiles in return Fira hurried into the woods. She knew as they carried on climbing firewood would soon be hard to come by and she considered picking up some extra to take as they walked.

It was still fairly light and as she came to a huge oak tree the curiosity that had been building in Fira's mind grew too much. Sinking to her knees her shaking hands reached into her pocket and pulled out the letter. Wiping her eyes Fira gently traced Kili's writing on the front before opening it out.

My dearest, darling Fira.

I know when you wake and find yourself back in your room you'll know what has happened. And I know you'll be angry with me. You might even hate me. Believe me a small part of my heart is screaming at me right now. Telling me not to be an idiot and to let you come with us. But I just can't. You mean more to me than my own life ever possibly could. For the last few months I've wanted to find a way of guaranteeing your safety. But I knew if I tried I'd end up revealing my love for you. But now the truth is out I don't have to worry about that.

Lord Elrond and the others will take good care of you. And when we reclaim Erebor nothing is going to stop me from running back here to get you. Hold onto that one thing Fira. No matter how angry you are at what I have done just know what I have not abandoned you. I will return and I will bring you to Erebor.

Stay strong my love, and never EVER forget that you are the one mistress of my heart.

Forever yours,

Kili

Fira couldn't stop herself. Burying her head in her arms she allowed every single raw emotion to come pouring out of her.

"Lass?"

Jumping at Dwalin's voice Fira looked up and hurriedly wiped her eyes. The warrior dwarf flashed her a sad smile before sitting down beside her.

"How are ye doing?"

Fira nodded before shaking her head. Dwalin paused before putting an arm around her shoulder.

"About Kili…"

"Please Dwalin don't. I just…I don't want to hear it."

He nodded, "I was just going to say he's a good man Fira. But at the same time he can be a complete idiot. He thinks with his heart and not his brain – especially about you."

Fira had no idea if she was supposed to feel better or not and she simply shrugged.

"I have never belonged anywhere. I've always been the mutt that people spit on. But when I was in this company I felt wanted. I felt like I had friends for the first time in my life. I had someone who loved me! I've never been loved in all three hundred years of my life. And now? Now it feels like someone's ripped that away from me."

Dwalin squeezed her gently before kissing her on the forehead.

"Listen to me Fira. He loves you. We all do. You will always have a home with us I promise you right now."

"And Thorin?"

Dwalin's eyes turned dark, "What he did was wrong. He knows it and I know he'll come round in time."

Wiping the tears from her face Fira hurriedly folded the letter back up and slipped it into her pocket. Dwalin smiled before getting to his feet and holding out a hand. Fira shook her head.

"I'll be along in a minute."

Bowing he turned and left. Fira ran a hand through her hair. She knew she should feel better now. After all it was obvious Kili did love her. But she couldn't bring herself to admit it. What he had done – or planned to do – had still hurt her. Had he said these things to her that night before she had fallen asleep then maybe she wouldn't be so angry? But he had tricked her. And that hurt more than any threat Tharos and Sol could give her.

Kili toyed with his stew, only half listening to what Fili was saying. Fira had come back from collecting the firewood and even in the steadily decreasing light Kili could see the bags under her eyes. Her legs had trembled when she sat down and it was clear she was losing too much weight. Biting his lip he watched on as Fira refused the offer of food. He pushed his own bowl aside. If he knew he wouldn't get his head bitten off noting would stop him from running and giving her his own dinner. But every time she glanced his way he could see the pain in her eyes. Pain he had caused.

"Kili?"

Glancing at his brother Kili sighed. Fili reached over and took his hand.

"You need to talk to her Kili. And I mean properly talk to her. Show her you were wrong."

"Was I? Fee I just wanted to know she'd be safe!"

Fili swallowed the last of his stew before turning round so that he was sitting opposite Kili.

"I know you want her safe. But she has a point, you should have spoken to her about it. That's what's hurt her Kee, the fact you went behind her back."

Kili nodded, "There was no time. We were going the next morning! Do you think I wanted to leave her like that?"

He sighed before looking again at Fira. She had pulled her blanket around her thin body and as she shivered Kili blinked back his tears. Her skin had a sickly sheen to it.

"What have I done to her?" He whispered hoarsely. Fili frowned and Kili nodded.

"Look at her. She doesn't eat, she barely sleeps! Fee she's sick and it's all my fault."

Fili rubbed his shoulder comfortingly, "Get Oin to look at her in the morning. There's very little we can do now."

Kili nodded, watching how Mithiel sat down next to Fira and held her close. With a small glance at Fili he found himself smiling. As expected Fili was gazing at the elf as though she was the only person there. Cocking his head to one side Kili examined Mithiel. She was pretty yes. But Fira had a more intense look about her that the elf lacked. Kili pulled out his blanket. He wasn't going to begrudge his brother this. He deserved to find his One more than anyone Kili knew. If Mithiel was that girl then Kili wasn't going to try and stop them. Lying down on the ground he glanced at Fira one last time.

He would make it up to her. No matter what the cost was.

As expected Fira was the first to awake. Forcing her stiff limbs to move she sat up and rubbed her eyes to clear the sleep. The fire had died and she realised that the only other person awake was Thorin. He jabbed at the dying fire whilst Fira tried to ignore the blinding pain in her shoulder. Shoving her blanket into her pack she turned away from Thorin and pulled her shirt away from her shoulder. The skin around the bite had turned a dark purple and she could see where the wounds were now inflamed. Shuddering she covered her shoulder before glancing back over at Thorin who chucked a bottle at her.

"These will need filling up before we go."

Fira nodded, stifling a yawn at the same time. If this was how Thorin was going to punish her then she could live with it. Grabbing the bottles she turned and forced her shaking legs towards the small stream she had found last night. Reaching up with her hand to wipe the sweat from her forehead Fira couldn't stop her cry of pain as her shoulder pulled. Her feet stumbled on the ground and the water bottles fell from her hands. Blinking to clear her eyes Fira knelt down and reached for the closest one.

Black spots began to dance before her. Shaking her head Fira tried to sit up when the pain in her shoulder erupted. Crashing to the ground she tried to breathe but all she could manage were sharp rasps. She could feel her body shivering all over, but, as her head rested on the thick covering of leaves Fira couldn't help herself. All she wanted to do was sleep. The blackness began to grow whilst the pain intensified, moving down her arm.

She slept.

Yay another cliff-hanger! It seems to be my trademark with a lot of my fics doesn't it? But at least Kili knows he was an idiot. Plus always nice to see Dwalin showing us his sweet side. Let me know what you all think xxx