Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing ^^ it really cheers me up :)
So... this chapter is unsually angsty. I really don't like angst, but the story demanded it at this point. It won't last long, since I think it'll be only a few more chapters before the fic is finished, sadly.
I hope you enjoye it anyway! Sorry if I make some of you suffer x) I suffered writing it too.
P.s. I don't own glee.
P.s.2. I don't have much time to write anymore. So this chapter is a little shorter than usual. Sorry!
Around 10 p.m., Kurt knew he would be spending that night over Sebastian's too. It was quite refreshing, spending a whole day in bed with such a great lover, even if it was only physical. But Kurt knew it wasn't. Sebastian had admitted himself that it wasn't. So… what was it?
Kurt was not even sure how he had managed to keep a straight face when Sebastian told him that having sex with him had made him feel somewhat closer to Kurt. It wasn't only about a statement of such kind, but about the boy who made it. Sebastian. The same guy that used to get extremely serious when Kurt opened up to him. Well, maybe 'used to' was a strong expression, considering that everything had barely started two months ago.
Kurt wanted to scream and tell the world how crazily happy those words had made him feel, but he'd keep it for himself for now. He'd scream once he was home, safe and sound on the privacy of his curtains.
There was only one very particular issue Kurt hadn't been able to bring himself to talk about to Sebastian, and that was Blaine. For starters, the fact that Kurt knew Sebastian had met Blaine, acted strangely and failed to mention it. And, to continue, the fact that Sebastian was aware now that Blaine knew about Kurt and him. Yet, the issue didn't come up.
Every time Kurt tried to approach the subject, they ended up somehow joking or making out. Well, that happened mostly with almost everything they talked about, to be fair.
Yet it seemed to Kurt like he needed to talk about it. Something inside him kept telling him that he needed to tell Sebastian how little Kurt thought about Blaine lately. But why? Would Sebastian even care? And what would that imply, that Kurt thought about Sebastian instead? What if Sebastian didn't like that?
"Why so serious?" Sebastian asked him, closing the bathroom door behind him. It was almost midnight, and his briefs were the only clothes Sebastian had worn all day. It was quite a pleasant view, to say the least.
Kurt startled, realising he had let himself go a little too far by his inner monologue. He smiled at Sebastian. "I was thinking about this summer… and Lima" he said – that could not be considered a lie. Kurt was certain that somewhere in between his doubts he had thought briefly of his new job at Vogue. And also, Blaine and Lima walked by the hand.
"What about it?" Sebastian asked, laying down on the bed again.
Kurt looked at him surprised. "Oh – I believe I haven't told you yet" he stated, cheerily. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, suspiciously. "I got my Vogue job back" Kurt told him excitedly, patting Sebastian's forearm. "Well, not exactly my old job, but… I'll be at Vogue again!" he repeated, equally excitedly. Who cared about the details, right? Kurt wasn't delusional – he knew he'd have to work real hard to get back to where he was when he had to leave Isabelle's wing.
Sebastian casted him a bright smile. "Not even the best sex you've ever had can beat that, right?" he joked, cheekily.
Kurt slapped his forearm again. "I regret so much telling you that" Kurt lied, his smile giving it away.
Sebastian chuckled quietly, grabbing Kurt's hands to stop him from slapping him. "Seriously, though – congratulations, gayface" Sebastian said, locking eyes with him.
Kurt felt a shiver, locking eyes with those emerald piercing ones. It didn't matter how kind Sebastian could be, there was always a slight glint of fierceness on them. Maybe that was not a bad thing. It simply meant Sebastian had a strong nature.
"Thanks" Kurt side smiled at him, then observed his hands, which were still trapped by Sebastian's. "So – that basically means I'm not going back to Lima this summer, which just feels so good, you know?" Kurt ranted, "Not awkward encounters with Blaine" Kurt let slip, intendedly, but Sebastian didn't blink, "not lame coffees at the Lima Bean… and above all" Kurt stopped to create suspense, "I'll have the loft all for myself!" he giggled amused, then sighed, happily imagining the next two months with no roomies around.
Sebastian smirked, his eyes turning darker, "Is that an indecent proposition?" he asked, suggestively, while his hold on Kurt's hands got loose.
Kurt chuckled amused. "Oh, don't flatter yourself" he said cheekily. "This is my summer" Kurt emphasised, jokingly. And there was some truth to that. Kurt was finally feeling like he was on the way back to himself, if that made any sense.
Sebastian pretended to be outraged. "Cute, real cute" he protested amusedly, letting go of Kurt's hands.
It took Kurt two seconds to be all over him. He scratched Sebastian's upcoming short beard. "Meerkat…" Kurt said softly, observing Sebastian's perfect features. "You know? Sometimes I find myself struggling to remember what was the whole 'meerkat' thing about and I cannot quite place it" Kurt commented, distracted by the calm expression Sebastian's face had acquired. The boy had closed his eyes, relaxed by the touch of Kurt's fingers on his throat. "You look nothing like a meerkat."
Sebastian snorted, his whole face moving and his lips adopting the curve it was needed for a chuckle. "Well, thank you, Kurt" the boy said amused, looking right at Kurt now.
"You're welcome" Kurt replied smiley, playing along.
"Well, this is awkward" Sebastian said then, scratching his neck and casting Kurt a condescending look, "but you actually do have a gay face" Sebastian added, bursting out laughing just two seconds later.
Kurt punched Sebastian's ribbons somewhat resented, then looked away and pouted, half-jokingly. "Jerk" he bit back.
Sebastian grabbed him from behind, bringing his hands to stroke Kurt's torso gently. "Shh" Sebastian made, still grinning from the laughter. Kurt tried to get rid of his hands but Sebastian held him tighter. Plus, his strokes were too simply too good and Kurt was only human. "I was kidding, babe" Sebastian said, close to Kurt's ear. "Plus, if you did have a gay face, then I'd be the one who liked it, wouldn't I?"
Sebastian's breath was all over Kurt's neck, and Kurt couldn't contain a shiver. Sometimes his body had a funny way to react towards arousal. Sebastian planted a not-so-innocent kiss on Kurt's cheek then. It lingered.
Kurt's hands were suddenly over Sebastian's forearms. He hadn't planned on that, but once he placed them there, there was no way to take them back – his fingers had started to feel Sebastian's skin.
Sebastian broke the kiss. "You're my gay face, okay?" the boy asked, and there was something about his reassuring tone that made it all about the my and not about the suggestive peck he had just given Kurt – at least that's how Kurt saw it.
"Okay" Kurt consented more cheerily than intended, but he relaxed a bit between Sebastian's arms anyway. "I guess I don't really mind that" he added, letting himself go by Sebastian's strokes.
"Mm, of course you don't" Sebastian whispered somewhat suggestively, more mouthing than kissing Kurt's cheek now. "You like me too much to complain" the boy stated cockily, and there was something about that statement that just unsettled Kurt. What was it? Oh, right; that it was completely true. Still it made him feel vulnerable that Sebastian knew that much. Then again, was Kurt doing any attempt to hide it?
Kurt couldn't help but get a little rigid. His fingers stopped and just held tightly Sebastian's forearm. "What are your plans for the summer?" he asked instead, changing the subject and totally killing the mood.
Sebastian's hands stopped too and his breathing became quiet. "I don't know" he said first, honestly. "Europe, I guess" he said casually. Kurt rolled his eyes for himself – yeah, everybody's regular holiday was a freaking trip to Europe.
"I really envy you" Kurt lamented, but squeezed Sebastian's arm affectionately – it was his way to let the boy know that everything was okay and he could keep caressing Kurt's torso, if he still wanted. "Europe. Wow. Someday I'll be able to afford that too" he joked.
Sebastian's hands restarted its rubs, but they moved from Kurt's torso to his waist, and its touch became more affectionate than suggestive. "Someday you'll even be paid to go there" Sebastian said, with an incredulous tone. Kurt was surprised to notice that the boy wasn't mocking him – actually, he had stated it like it was obvious.
"Why?" Kurt asked, not following.
"Um, Paris? Fashion?" Sebastian asked rhetorically, amused. "Aren't you supposed to know about that stuff?" the boy joked.
"Oh" Kurt made, puzzled. Not because he hadn't thought of that – but because Sebastian had. The boy seemed to think Kurt would even be paid to go there. Wow. "That's very kind of you" Kurt said, tentatively. "But I'd be lucky enough if they let me be the coffee guy" Kurt added, feeling awkward.
Sebastian slapped his waist, playfully. "If that's how you already picture yourself, sure" the boy said, and Kurt realised Sebastian was telling him off for not dreaming big. It was kind of cute.
Kurt giggled quietly. "You're right" he conceded. "They'll be lucky enough to bring my coffee" Kurt said, even if he didn't believe that. "And one day I'll randomly meet you in Saint-Tropez, where you'll be taking a break from filming some modern, classy French independent movie, right?" Kurt played along.
"Been there" Sebastian said, cockily. "Saint-Tropez is not that great. Santorini, maybe" he said casually.
Kurt slapped his forearm. "Don't brag, meerkat" he said, and Sebastian chuckled against his neck. Kurt stroke Sebastian's arms.
"I'd like to spend some weeks in the city first before taking off, though" Sebastian added, after a few, quiet minutes. Kurt's heart skipped a beat. "I feel like I haven't even properly seen the city, you know? It's so big and… busy" Sebastian commented, resented, and Kurt's hopes deflated like a punctured balloon.
Kurt sighed. "Yeah – I've been here for two years now, and still haven't even seen Chinatown" he joked. He was totally not picturing Sebastian and him going sightseeing together. Not at all.
"I'll let you know if it fits in with my schedule" Sebastian told him playfully, biting Kurt's nose.
Kurt had to bit his lip not to grin like an idiot. Then he giggled. "I remember one day I tried to make Blaine come with me, but he's just so scared of little Asian kids. He's watched way too many horror films" he laughed now. Sebastian snorted, amused.
"Speaking of…" Kurt added fast, taking the chance to finally bring up the subject. "I saw him the other day" Kurt said before he could back down.
"Oh" Sebastian made, uninterestedly. Kurt gulped, nervously, and turned around slightly to face Sebastian, without breaking their hold.
"Yeah, and- well, that's actually why I've been a mess this week" Kurt explained bitterly. "I didn't want him to hear about us from someone else, so… We met, and- well; let's say he wasn't very understanding" Kurt said subtly, giving Sebastian an awkward smile.
Sebastian's façade turned inexpressive. Poker face-like. Kurt observed him, frowning. Why was Sebastian's reacting coldly again?
"What did you tell him, exactly?" Sebastian asked straight ahead, tone unaffected.
Suddenly their hold felt somewhat forced. Kurt was taken aback by Sebastian's attitude.
"Not much" he answered honestly, trying to read Sebastian's eyes. "Just that… this happened, and- well." He looked away, unsure.
"Kurt" Sebastian said then, getting his attention. "His reaction was quite understandable" the boy stated. "You shouldn't have told him" he said, breaking the eye contact.
"Why?" Kurt asked quickly, puzzled.
"Because you don't inform your ex-boyfriend of every single hookup you have" Sebastian explained, somewhat exasperated, like that seemed uncomplicated to him. "Much less if the hookup is me, but even if it wasn't – you just don't. It's not that important, and he doesn't need to know."
Kurt trembled – not visibly, but on his inside. It's not that important? He wondered, bitterly. Sebastian's words made him feel like he had overthought and taken things out of proportion.
"I wasn't aware there was some sort of universal way to proceed with these things, or something" Kurt disagreed, looking away. "But that's not how I handle things" he defended, regaining himself. Blaine had been both his boyfriend and best friend for three years. To Kurt's mind, the boy deserved an explanation. Much more if the guy was Sebastian – someone he knew. "Maybe we don't share the same view here."
Somewhere in between that, they had broken the hold.
"The same view about what?" Sebastian asked, somewhat lower, but they were close enough to catch every word the other said.
Kurt had to meditate that. The same view about relationships, or about what they, Sebastian and he, had? "About relationships" Kurt answered, locking eyes with the other boy again. "I still want Blaine to be my best friend. Being honest with him, though painful, it's a must if I really want to maintain that friendship" Kurt explained, hoping Sebastian would get him. Kurt accepted that Sebastian was entitled to have his own opinion on the matter… but he would not be lectured by someone who 'didn't do relationships'. Come on.
Kurt looked at Sebastian's eyes, and, for a moment, he felt even pliant. Why did he want Sebastian so desperately to agree with him? Didn't he enjoy Sebastian's fierceness when sticking to his points? Well, maybe not so much when it was about Kurt's choices.
Sebastian sighed, reluctantly. "Kurt" he started, placing his hand on Kurt's shoulder, "look, it's not that you don't have a point" he said, nicer but still somewhat detached. "But I think you're being naïve. I think both Blaine and you are gonna need more time to get back to that point. Meanwhile, you're both entitled to play around. Trust me, everyone does it. It's a given. So you really didn't really have to tell him about your hookups-"
"Would you stop calling yourself just 'a hookup'?! And quit the plural" Kurt cut him, annoyed, "you know I'm not seeing anyone else and I don't intend to" he added, unable to stop himself.
Sebastian looked slightly shocked. Kurt sighed. Okay, so he had taken it off his chest, but now he had screwed it up.
"I'm sorry" Kurt mumbled, a few seconds later, rubbing his temples. He couldn't bring himself to look at Sebastian. "I'm so embarrassed- I don't even know why I screamed at you" he ranted.
Thankfully, Sebastian caught his hands, uncovering Kurt's face, and that simple contact put Kurt's whole body at ease. "It's okay… being annoyed, you know?" he commented, kinder than before. Kurt looked at him, grateful, but he couldn't quite see Sebastian behind the cold emeralds yet. Something was off.
"Bas, I- um…" Kurt whispered, knowing this was the moment to come clean. He preferred honesty to this strangeness. "Although I was unnecessarily high-pitched, I meant what I said. It shouldn't come as a surprise, should it?" Kurt asked him, and wondered if that was sincere enough. "I mean… I like you" Kurt added, looking right at him.
Sebastian scratched his own neck, visibly struggling. Thankfully, he had stopped looking indifferent, but he looked uncomfortable instead. Kurt felt like an idiot. Somehow, he had come to think that he would never make Sebastian feel uncomfortable with his own skin.
"Please don't say you respect that" Kurt added, before Sebastian could say anything. "That would suck even more" he joked, bitterly and looked away.
"You know I like you too, Kurt" Sebastian said then, cupping Kurt's chin with his hand. "We're just… we're overthinking things. Way too much" the boy casted Kurt a tentative smile, running his thumb over Kurt's chest, gently.
There was nothing Kurt wanted more than to end the tension. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable" Kurt sighed, coming closer to Sebastian. Something told him he was backing down somehow, but… did it really matter when he was centimetres away from feeling Sebastian completely again?
Sebastian rubbed Kurt's arms, gently. "Kurt, it's okay" he repeated, smiling genuinely now. That smile meant the world to Kurt, who leaned into the touch. "What are you apologising for?" Sebastian asked, sort of rhetorically, because then he came forwards and placed a long, soothing kiss on Kurt's cheek.
Kurt felt a warm wave invading his insides, and closed his eyes momentarily, feeling Sebastian's lips closed on his cheek. "I don't even know" Kurt admitted, closing his eyes and forgetting about the world. But Sebastian was right. Kurt shouldn't apologise for disagreeing with Sebastian on something. "How do you manage to be so wise, meerkat?" Kurt asked him fondly on a whisper, timidly running his hands along Sebastian's sides, then he kissed somewhere around Sebastian's neck.
Sebastian hummed against Kurt's chest, wetting it now with his mouth. "I'm really not" he said suddenly, breaking the contact and looking into Kurt's eyes.
Kurt casted him a disbelieving smile, then stroked Sebastian's hair. "I beg to differ, sir."
Sebastian puckered his lips while he studied Kurt's expression, resting his chin on Kurt's chest. "Sometimes it amazes me- how fast you forget that I'm a jerk" the boy said then, slowly, but honestly.
Kurt narrowed his eyes at the boy, and his hand froze on Sebastian's hair. He looked away, taken aback. "I don't. I just think you're not a jerk" he defended, his tone somewhat low.
"But you used to think I was" Sebastian replied, sarcastically. Kurt locked eyes with him then, and wondered where this was coming from. That bitter look on Sebastian's cold eyes.
"I did" Kurt admitted, more regained now. "That was before I got to know you better, Bas" he explained, tentatively moving his fingers again to comb Sebastian's hair.
The boy shook his head and made an almost imperceptible snort. "You got me right the first time, Kurt" he said, bluntly. "Maybe my sexual skills are somehow clouding your judgement."
And there it was again; the coldness between Sebastian's eyes. Kurt felt a sting of pain threatening him to pierce his chest harshly. Sebastian wasn't kidding; he really thought he was a jerk and, just like any time the boy was making a point, he got somewhat fierce. But the worst part was that he had somehow implied that Kurt's only interest on him was physical.
Kurt startled a little, and wondered if trying to talk Sebastian out of it was really the best idea. Sebastian jumped off him then and laid beside him instead. His eyes didn't look bitter or harsh anymore, though. He just looked conflicted. Kurt tried to lock eyes with him but he looked away. Something was going on with him, all of a sudden, and Kurt was failing to figure it out.
Kurt decided he would give himself no longer than five seconds to react. No matter how frozen he was feeling right now, he would order his body to do something, because one of the most wonderful days he had ever had was suddenly turning dark, and he needed to stop it.
So he did; he turned to Sebastian's side, and timidly placed his hand the other boy's hipbone, ordering his thumb to stroke Sebastian reassuringly. "You're my jerk, then" Kurt said eventually, and when Sebastian looked at him, Kurt casted him a side smile. Thankfully, Sebastian returned it.
The boy turned to Kurt's side too, and faced him completely. Whatever the strange phase the boy had just gone through, it was over now. Not because Sebastian wasn't feeling conflicted anymore (Kurt could still see it in his eyes), but maybe because the boy was just too tired to fight Kurt's affection. Kurt didn't mind that.
Kurt acted instinctively and grabbed the sheets to cover both Sebastian and him. Then, he came closer and caressed Sebastian's face.
He wanted to feel closer to Sebastian. To tell him how much the boy meant to him. And how he had started to like him long before they had sexual relations. But Kurt's mind was blocked. His body, instead, seemed to be able to express it better. His lips captured Sebastian's cheek then, on a long, soothing, gentle kiss. Kurt felt Sebastian's body reacting to him, getting looser, peaceful. Then Sebastian capture Kurt's hands with his own and held them tight, his thumbs giving soft strokes.
Kurt made the mental resolution to tell Sebastian someday. Sometime soon. One day he'd give a damn about repercussions and would tell the boy how much he was worth it. Just tonight Kurt wasn't feeling brave enough. He had Sebastian on his arms now and there was no better feeling in the world. He wouldn't risk to lose that.
/
Kurt knew something had changed. There had been only a day since he left Sebastian's apartment, but he could feel it on his bones that something had happened to Sebastian on their last night, and Kurt had failed to stop it from happening, being left alone with a feeling of unbearable impotence.
He hadn't heard from Sebastian since then, and something told him he wouldn't in a while; that next time they met, it would be Kurt's doing.
Next Friday came along and the nod on Kurt's throat was becoming unbearable. Thankfully, the week had been quite busy and distracting. He had now officially finished his sophomore year at NYADA, and next Monday he'd be working at Vogue, so Kurt decided he couldn't let anything stop him from enjoying that. Theory was easier than facts, though.
Rachel had left for L.A. to work on that TV pilot and, although she would not admit it, to run from the feelings Sam had started to awake on her. She didn't need to tell Kurt that, he knew it and wouldn't stop her. Sometimes feelings could make you feel in danger, rather than safe.
Santana would leave next week, so it was only a matter of days before Kurt had to face this new turn his life was taking. He just hoped it didn't have to be without Sebastian.
Plus, dared he admit it? He was feeling hurt. He kept repeating himself that things couldn't be so simpler, but every time he remembered things had gone weird with Sebastian the same day they had finally had sex, he felt a wild, unpleasant tickle on his belly that made him feel cold and unsafe.
But Kurt would not acknowledge the hurt. Not yet, at least. That would be too dramatic, wouldn't it? It was only Friday, after all. And if Sebastian didn't call him, Kurt would. It was that simple.
Kurt spent all the afternoon just preparing for it. He showered, gave himself a hair masque, a facial masque, and a body scrub. He dedicated an entire hour to style his hair thoroughly, then another hour fixing his outfit.
At eight o' clock he cooked himself an elegant dinner, then calmly did the dishes and caught up with his DVR. It was still too early.
At half past nine, Kurt decided it was time to get dressed. Then he got to the fire escape and sat down. He took a deep breath and dialled Sebastian's number.
"Hello?" Sebastian asked, although his voice was hard to hear with all the noise and music that seemed to surround the boy.
Kurt frowned. Had Sebastian not checked the caller ID? "Hey, meerkat" Kurt greeted him cheerily, anyway. "What's up?" he asked, trying to sound casual.
"Oh- hey, Kurt" Sebastian greeted him, surprised – at least Kurt thought he sounded surprised, although the loud music was really getting in the way of his perceptiveness. "God, this is so loud, I can barely hear you" Sebastian chuckled.
I haven't talked that much, Kurt thought, but shook the thought away. "Yeah, sounds like you're having fun" Kurt commented.
"I am" Sebastian agreed, cheerily. He sounded tipsy.
Kurt wouldn't let that discourage him to ask Sebastian to meet. It didn't have to be right now, so… yeah, he'd just let Sebastian know he was available. "So… um" Kurt started, nervously, "you wanna meet later? I'm also going out tonight" he lied, "maybe we could meet afterwards" he suggested. Short and to the point, he congratulated himself.
"Oh" Sebastian made, and that single sound told Kurt he wasn't delighted by his proposition. "I kinda have plans, babe" he said cockily, and that 'babe' made Kurt feel patronised. "If you know what I mean…" Sebastian added, chuckling idiotically.
The boy was definitely tipsy, but it hurt Kurt anyway. "Oh, right" he said, nervously. "I wouldn't want to hold you up, then" Kurt added, feeling bitter. "Have fun."
"I will" Sebastian said suggestively, then hanged up.
Kurt contemplated the cell phone on his hand. Did that really just happened? He wondered, frozen. Then he observed his trousers, and his shirt, and felt ridiculous.
What went wrong? He couldn't stop himself from wondering, that same unpleasant sting of pain piercing through his bones. Had he abused Sebastian's time? Of course he had, that had to be it. Idiot, Kurt said harshly to himself. He couldn't expect Sebastian to always be free and available for him, could he?
Oh, God, I can't believe I'm being so stupid, Kurt thought, and stood up, going to his living room. What's wrong with me? When did I become so dependant? Kurt's train of thoughts became frantic. Sebastian can do whatever he wants… whoever he wants, Kurt added, bitterly. So can I, so can I… why can't I want to?
What's wrong with me, why can't I want to do other people? Kurt wondered, looking at himself on the bathroom mirror. He saw a tear running down his cheek, and contemplated it shocked. Why am I crying? God, I'm such a baby, Kurt told himself off. He undressed with ungentle movements, throwing his clothes away with anger, then got into the shower.
Maybe if he showered again he would feel less ridiculous. Like the whole thing never happened. Like he had never spent a whole afternoon preparing himself to see Sebastian.
Kurt turned on the hot water and let it fall upon his stupidly styled hair. He let his face be watered then, and soon enough the water drops mixed with his tears. Then, he couldn't hold it any longer, and sobbed. Kurt rested a hand on the wall, feeling suddenly dizzy, and sobbed again. This time, he let himself cry and finally acknowledge the pain.
I'm hurt, Kurt admitted to himself, and something decompressed on his lungs. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm entitled to feel hurt, Kurt repeated like a mantra, trying to calm himself down.
I'm hurt because of Sebastian, was his next thought. Once he let himself feel, his thoughts became uncontrollable. More genuine. Truer. Sebastian has hurt me, Kurt finally admitted, and strangely enough, thinking that made him feel relieved. Not because he liked that, but because he was finally being honest with himself. Sebastian is not ready for what I feel. I am. He's not, Kurt's inner monologue continued as he grabbed a bottle of gel and wrapped his soaped hands around his body, trying to wash away the loneliness he was feeling.
He did his hair after that, and took a few deep breaths. I let myself go recklessly. I had this coming, Kurt lamented, letting the water fall all over his hair again. Santana was right. Sebastian doesn't get what my cheesy bullshit is about.
He stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself around his long sized towel, hiding also his head on it. It was a matter of time. I just didn't want to see it.
Kurt put his pyjamas on and snuggled up to a blanket on the couch. Sebastian doesn't feel the same. God… why did I think he did?
More than hour passed, and Kurt remained still on his position, contemplating the turn-off TV and letting all of his thoughts run freely over his mind, until he felt physically unable to keep feeling miserable. He got up and served himself some ice cream. When he came back to the couch and saw his cell phone, an idea occurred to him. A crazy, desperate idea. Andy.
Kurt didn't even want to get dress right now. But he needed to feel better. First Blaine, now this… He really needed to stop giving himself to people like that. His heart would not be able to endure more pain. He needed to let himself be comforted. It didn't matter how. Or by whom.
Kurt grabbed his phone and started typing.
To Andy (11:13 p.m.): What are you doing tonight?
Kurt wasn't feeling like overthinking. That should be direct enough.
He sighed and observed his puffy eyes reflected on his cell phone screen. That's enough, Hummel, he told himself. He continued eating.
From Andy (11:21 p.m.): Heading over Seb's with a couple of friends. Not party, though. Want me to pick u up on my way there? ;)
Kurt had to read the text four times until he got it straight. Sebastian's. Not party. What? Sebastian had definitely sounded like he was out partying. That had been two hours ago, though.
But that was not the main issue. The main issue was that Sebastian had made it sound like he was getting some tonight. Andy's text was confusing.
To Andy (11:27 p.m.): I don't think I'm in – I'm on party mode lol. What's the plan, though?
Kurt read it and hit 'send', pleased with his own text. Andy didn't need to know that he was on his PJs and didn't have the slightest interest to party tonight. Nope.
From Andy (11:31 p.m.): Oh, that's a pity :( u sure? Just some videos for theatre club.. let me know if u change ur mind.. or wanna meet later ;)
Huh. Had Sebastian lied to him? Or changed his plans? Either way, Kurt felt a weight lifting off his lungs, then his shoulders. How could he find out for real?