God, writing this was like giving birth to a very heavy baby. I don't mean it in a bad way, but... it was exahusting, really! Their chemistry, their perspectives, their reasonings... aaah everything took a lot of work. But I feel like if I don't leave it here and post it now, I never will. So I hope it turns out to be enjoyable and credible for all of you and that my effort was not in vain!
I know there're still some questions that need to be adressed. Like Andy, Adam, and what exactly happened that night. Everything will be explained on next chapter. But rest easy, nothing terrible happened! Haha I'm just commenting this because I got a little worried with your reviews... Kurt just got drunk and couldn't put a face to the blond guy he kissed... that happens, lol! Or maybe I've had too many bad experiences with alcohol idk...
Ps. I don't own Glee.
Ps2. Sorry for the spelling, grammatical mistakes. I'm sure there'll be tons, but I'm just sooo tired to check the text again...
At first, Kurt thought it had to be an illusion. He'd been so emotionally stressed out that day that this was the mean, cruel way his mind had to pay him back.
But then Sebastian smiled right at him, and Kurt's body just melted. That smile was unreal, that much was true. But it was Sebastian's, so it was actually real. Did that make any sense?
Kurt slowly returned the smile and approached him, feeling like a human bunch of nerves about to collide.
"Hi" Kurt said, feeling dumb enough. He stopped just two steps away from the other boy, not sure of how he should greet him. It'd been one month and a half. And it'd been two rough weeks.
Sebastian smirked, amused. "Wow" the boy made, chuckling. "I mean, when you said: 'won't I be enough?' I thought: sure, you'll do. But now… I'm not so sure" he said, then stared right at Kurt playfully.
It took Kurt exactly two seconds to realise the boy was joking. He felt himself relax and chuckled briefly too, scratching his nape awkwardly.
They locked eyes, both excited yet uncertain, and Kurt's instincts naturally took charge once again of his free will, making him wrap his arms around Sebastian's on a hug – and taking Sebastian by surprise. He hid his nose on Sebastian's clavicles and inhaled softly, letting his body be overwhelmed by a feeling of belonging Kurt would've never expected to experience. He was hugging Sebastian, and somehow it felt like home.
Sebastian returned the hug just as warmly, closing his arms around Kurt too. He stroked Kurt's back gently, then slowly pulled back to face him.
"Hi there" the boy said with a small smile.
Kurt took a hold on Sebastian's shoulders, and tried really hard not to care about how badly his cheeks were burning. So he had blushed. Who cared? Sebastian knew him already.
"I missed you" Kurt said cheerily, rather than sadly. He was floating on cloud nine.
Sebastian looked just as animated to Kurt's eyes. The boy even came forwards and bit Kurt's nose, making Kurt giggle.
"Oh, it's been a while since my poor nose was attacked" Kurt joked, rubbing his sore skin.
Sebastian looked quite proud. "Your nose can take it" he said playfully, then kissed Kurt's cheek.
Kurt sighed, all love-bird-like. Had he missed Sebastian's affection. Had he…
"You're hungry?" Sebastian asked then, and they started to walk. Aimlessly for now. "Or thirsty?" he smirked.
Kurt shook his head. "Oh, dear, no" he giggled awkwardly. "My body's sworn off alcohol for a while. It's really pissed at me."
Sebastian shot him a curious look. "Wild summer, Hummel?" he asked, mockingly.
Kurt couldn't help but gulp nervously. Just one damn night, he thought. He settled for smiling discreetly. "I'm a bit hungry, though. And I'm gonna need the food to digest how jealous your tan is making me feel."
Sebastian actually laughed, and it sounded so clear and truthful that it made Kurt shiver. How could that little sound affect him so much?
"Let's have some proper food, then" Sebastian said, directing Kurt to a street-cross, all gentleman-like.
/
They ended up somehow on their Irish pub. Kurt felt a little awkward when ordering a Diet coke, but forgot all the awkwardness when he saw how yummy his burger looked like.
So far, Sebastian and he had burnt out all the small conversation topics there were available: Edna, Vogue, Rachel's crazy TV-show and the basics about Marseille, where apparently Sebastian spent almost every summer.
The boy answered a little evasively, though.
"That'd be my mother's father. He's the one who's French" the boy nodded, informing Kurt.
Kurt was trying really hard not to feel like he was interrogating Sebastian, but every time the boy looked away while answering, Kurt felt almost forced to change the subject to some silly anecdote of Isabelle or Sam.
This time, when Sebastian eyed the bartender while talking about his grandfather, Kurt decided he would dig a little further. If Sebastian couldn't even bare this level of "personal", then how could he stand a conversation about their feelings?
"Mm… is the grand-père a nice man?" he asked tentatively, giving Sebastian a small smile.
Sebastian shrugged. "He's okay" the boy said smiling back, though briefly. "He's better than my other grand-father, that's for sure" he mumbled.
"Edna's husband?" Kurt asked, confused.
Sebastian chuckled. "One of them."
Right, Kurt thought. It suited Edna. "I can't believe I'm asking this but… she didn't have any more kids… did she?" Kurt doubted for a moment.
"Oh, no, you're crazy?" Sebastian snorted. "I mean, I love her – but she could barely take care of my father" the boy smiled, awkwardly.
Kurt nodded, letting that sink in. He had touched a sore spot.
"I haven't visited her in a while…" Kurt thought out loud, while finishing his burger. "I would blame my crazy schedules, but… I think I've just been careless" he admitted, with embarrassment. Those poor old ladies, Maggie and Edna. How could he forget?
Sebastian shook his head amused. "You? Careless? Kurt, you're literally the most caring person I know" Sebastian said straightforwardly, surprised. Then he looked away nervously. Like he had said something wrong. But he hadn't!
Kurt kicked Sebastian's leg, playfully. "Well, thank you, you" he joked.
Sebastian rolled his eyes but smiled. "Just one hour I already sound as cheesy as you" the boy mocked him, but Kurt didn't care.
"Hu. You wish" Kurt eyed him cheekily while he stole a couple of fries from Sebastian's plate. Sebastian let him.
"So…" Sebastian observed Kurt's empty plate, "shall we go to my apartment?" he asked, with a malicious smirk that promised nothing good.
Kurt gulped. The moment of truth.
"Um-…" he distractedly scratched his neck, and bit his lip so hard it hurt him. "Could we… I mean, you'd like to…"
"Stay a bit longer? Sure" Sebastian cut him, and got up nervously, not looking at Kurt. "I'm gonna uh- get a refill" he murmured while grabbing their glasses.
Kurt's stomach twirled funnily. Oh, God. Sebastian was even more nervous than he was. Kurt took a deep breath and grasped the table firmly. Relax. You only have nice things to say. Relax.
But that wasn't true, was it? What about the unsolved Andy incident?
"Here you go" Sebastian said, planting a "fresh" glass of Diet coke in front of Kurt.
This is not gonna help my nerves, Kurt mentally lamented. "Thanks" he whispered, then took a long sip anyway. He had a lot of nods to swallow down.
Sebastian wouldn't look at him, and Kurt wondered for how long his own body could bear this agitated state.
"Meerkat?" Kurt asked, tentatively. Sebastian stared right at him then, kind of fiercely. "I- I-" Kurt stuttered briefly, but enough to feel unable to follow. He closed his mouth then, and just smiled awkwardly.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him. "You okay?" the boy asked, concerned.
Kurt was feeling a little nauseous, and he was pretty sure that he looked pale. "Not really" he admitted, taking another discreet deep breath.
He suddenly felt Sebastian's hand over his own, even though he hadn't caught the movement. But it was there, warm and firm, and it soothed him.
Kurt observed the hand briefly, then raised his eyes to meet Sebastian's again. "I have to tell you something" Kurt finally said.
"Okay" Sebastian nodded, somewhat calmly.
Kurt nodded too. "Okay. Um-" Just say it. Say it. "Look. Up until two weeks ago, I would've come here and said that I just had nice things to say. I really would have, but now-"
"It's okay, Kurt. I get it" the boy cut him, taking his hand away and his expression turning incredibly serious now. Sebastian stared at the floor.
Kurt frowned, suddenly so confused that the tension of his shoulders seemed to vanish momentarily. "What? What do you get?" he asked, truly puzzled.
Sebastian gave him a brief look. "Whatever you're feeling. I get it" he shook his head, coldly.
"How do you know what I'm feeling? I haven't even told you" Kurt protested, somewhat annoyed.
Sebastian casted him a shocked look then, clearly not expecting Kurt to protest. "But you did, you- you just said you thought it would be all nice stuff, but as it turns out, you've realised it's not. It's okay. I knew you'd come to your senses sooner or later" the boy explained nervously.
The boy in front of Kurt didn't even look like his Sebastian. He looked so insecure and vulnerable that it almost made Kurt's heart ache a little.
"Bas, that's… that's not what I was gonna say. At all" Kurt stated, regained now, emphasising his last words and grabbing Sebastian's hand again. "Really, it wasn't" Kurt insisted.
Sebastian looked a little taken aback at first. "Oh" he made, insecurely, but he smiled briefly.
Better than nothing, Kurt thought.
"What I was gonna say, actually, is- that I-… I did something stupid the other night" Kurt bit his lip, embarrassed. Granted, he wasn't entirely sure of what had actually happened that night. But he did remember kissing someone, and his instincts had told him from the start that it had been Andy, so Kurt preferred Sebastian to hear it from him than from Andy. Plus, it had been just a few kisses! That much he knew, and Sam had assured him they got him home safe.
Sebastian casted him a confused smile then, slightly curious. "O-kay?" he asked, seeing that Kurt was silent.
Kurt scratched his neck. "I don't even remember it. It's kind of a blur" he let slip, then forced himself to put his shit together. "I mean- it's not even important. Not for me, anyway" he promised, even if Sebastian wouldn't exactly understand that was what Kurt was doing. "I think something happened with Andy. We probably made out, or… kissed, I think" Kurt's trembling voice said, and for a moment Kurt thought it was someone else's.
Kurt didn't know when, but somewhere in between his speech, his hand had lost Sebastian's. He went mute then, desperately waiting for some kind of sound to come out of Sebastian's mouth, but the boy was silent too. Kurt observed him, and his lips were no longer relaxed or smiling. They were puckered and tense.
Sebastian looked incredibly serious. And pissed off. "What do you mean you don't even remember?" he asked finally, when the silent stare became unbearable.
Kurt gulped, slightly scared. He recognised that fierceness. Only, that he used to witness it in bed. And it was quite harmless. Now… it was something else.
"I was really drunk" Kurt admitted, biting his lip hardly again. "It's not like I don't remember anything, I do remember some stupid kiss and… well" Kurt caught a glimpse of Sebastian, who was shaking his head slightly, upset. He felt nauseous. "Nothing more happened, Sebastian. I went home alone" he added, hoping that piece of information would sooth Sebastian.
Sebastian snorted. "I'm gonna kill this guy" he murmured, covering his mouth with his hand and not even looking at Kurt.
Kurt's eyes went wide with shock. "What-… why?!" he asked alarmed, looking for Sebastian's eyes.
"Are you kidding me, Kurt?" Sebastian asked rhetorically, eyes full of rage. "The creep took advantage of you. He probably was the one who get you wasted" he accused Andy, convincingly, but Kurt was not so sure.
"Sebastian, I- I-" Kurt babbled, nervous just because of how unsettled Sebastian looked. "I don't think he did. I probably just- mixed something I shouldn't-" Kurt tried to explain.
"You did shots?" Sebastian cut him, not even listening to him.
Kurt froze. They did. But he did shots all the time. "Why?" he asked, confused.
"Did you, or did you not?" Sebastian repeated, somewhat irritated.
Kurt just nodded, not even sure of what to think anymore.
Sebastian smirked, bitterly. "Of course. He does that all the time. I already stopped him once, you know? That night at Loud 4. You were a mess and yet when I saw you, he had bought you a beer, remember?" Sebastian sounded almost frantic.
"Oh" Kurt made. He had to give that to Sebastian. But that didn't really prove anything. "Look, Sebastian, it doesn't really matter. I just wanted you to-"
"Of course it matters, Kurt. You matter" the boy cut him again, this time frustrated.
That silenced Kurt.
They stared at each other for a couple of seconds, silently. Kurt felt partially awkward, but also unable to pull back his eyes from Sebastian's.
"I'm sorry" Kurt said at last, even if he wasn't really sure what he was sorry about. He just was. He lamented Sebastian's sad look, mostly. "What I meant is… that I wish it hadn't happened. Mostly, because I thought you guys were friends-" Sebastian snorted, and Kurt had to ignore him, "but ultimately… because that ruined my goal, which was… only having nice things to say to you" Kurt fidgeted with his napkin, nervously. He wanted to say more, much more, but the tension was still there. How could he ignore it? "I still have them, though, and I- I'd like for you to hear 'em. Look, could we go somewhere quieter?" Kurt asked then, pliantly.
Sebastian simply nodded and got up, poker face-like. Kurt gulped and got up too, feeling like an idiot. Sebastian pointed towards the exit and let Kurt walk in front of him. It was stupid, but Kurt could not see the moment when they were outside the pub walking next to each other. Then, as he was picturing that, he felt Sebastian's hand on the small of his back, barely holding him – and he felt revived.
"Where do you wanna go?" Sebastian asked, still somewhat coldly.
"Oh, I was thinking… maybe your apartment? I mean, it's five minutes away" Kurt said, even though it was a risky move.
Sebastian regarded him with curiosity, but he nodded.
They walked to Sebastian's quite silently, and Kurt felt suddenly grateful to live in such a noisy city, because it made it less awkward.
When they reached Sebastian's, the boy thankfully looked calmer, although he still didn't lock eyes with Kurt very often. Kurt felt a thousand questions burning wildly on his mind, and had the sudden hunch that Sebastian wouldn't answer all of them. Not tonight, at least. He sighed and sat on the couch, tiredly.
"You think you could handle a glass of wine?" Sebastian joked harshly.
Kurt bit the inside of his mouth, trying hard not to feel hurt. "I think I'll pass, thank you" he answered somewhat annoyed.
He observed Sebastian moving around the living room, putting some order, and wondered if the boy actually had some right to be mad at all. If they were not dating, why the hell was he so upset? But the fact was that he was, and that only proved that their relationship was now clearly confusing for both of them.
Kurt cleared his throat. "Would you sit here with me, please?" he asked, when he could no longer stand Sebastian ignoring him.
The boy casted him an uncertain look, but sat down. Reluctantly.
Kurt sighed. "This is getting really confusing, Sebastian" he let slip.
Sebastian frowned. The boy opened his mouth, but then just puckered his lips and looked away. "What is?"
Kurt took a deep breath. "Everything…" he mumbled. Then he reminded himself that evasion was not an option. Not now. "You – leaving so soon for France, not wanting to talk to me… and now this, getting so pissed for some stupid kiss."
Sebastian looked taken aback, then his expression got somewhat harsh. "So it's just me the one acting confusingly" he stated, coldly.
Kurt damned himself. He moved a little bit closer to Sebastian on the couch – as closer as his vulnerability let him, which wasn't much right now. "That's… not what I meant" he rubbed his forehead, insecurely.
"Then what did you mean?" Sebastian asked, straightforwardly.
Kurt felt cornered, but he didn't feel the need to run away. If something, he felt the need to set things straight. "I meant that we agreed to say something when things got too confusing, but we haven't. I- I know I haven't" he admitted, breathing somewhat unsteadily.
Sebastian regarded him expectantly. "Why?" he asked, on a whisper.
Kurt looked at the boy in front of him. The answer was standing right in front of him, and he was wearing such a scaring expression. He looked defensive, fierce, and yet receptive. It was… well, confusing.
"I was scared" Kurt let slip. Sebastian's eyes got somewhat softer. "I was scared that what I was feeling- what I am feeling, might… freak you out" he joked, awkwardly.
Sebastian came closer then, and left one hand on Kurt's knee. Just one piece of his skin over the fabric of Kurt's trousers. Just one gesture. But that gesture told Kurt they were okay. That they were doing okay for now.
"I don't want you to ever be scared of me" Sebastian told him, regretful.
Kurt observed him, a little surprised, but soon enough a warm wave gradually crept up his lungs, chest and throat to finally reach his lips and become a smile.
"I'm not scared now. I promise" Kurt told him, softly.
Sebastian gave him a small smile, a genuine one. And Kurt's breathing became somewhat steadier again.
"As long as you're not scared either…" Kurt added, because there was still much more to talk about.
Sebastian smirked bitterly, pulling his eyes away. "You think I am?"
Kurt sighed. "I might be wrong, but… yes" he admitted.
Sebastian wouldn't return his look. The boy got silent again, and looked visibly uncomfortable.
"Sebastian…" Kurt started, tentatively placing his hand on the other boy's arm. "Sebastian, I- I wasn't lying. I can only say nice things about you" Kurt mumbled, his voice barely steady now. "I think you're… wonderful" he let slip, then looked down, feeling unbearably vulnerable.
If Sebastian was looking at him, Kurt could no longer tell it. Kurt was too distracted by the pattern of Sebastian's shirt. He wouldn't dare to Sebastian's reaction just yet.
"What?" Sebastian asked then, tone full of suspicion and doubt. "You-… you really think that?" the boy rephrased, incredulously.
Kurt met his eyes then, and just nodded.
Sebastian looked astonished. He wouldn't stop babbling. "You… you think that" he repeated, shocked. "Bu- but why?" he said then, with sad intrigue. "Why would you think that? I mean-…" the boy turned around to stop facing Kurt while he brought his hands to his own hair.
From all the possible reactions, that was probably the last one Kurt was expecting. It was almost ridiculous that Sebastian would not believe him.
Kurt was suddenly hit with a crazy idea. "Bas?" Kurt asked, tentatively, and mostly to put the boy out of his denial. Sebastian looked at him then, still puzzled. "Would you- join me… in your bedroom?" Kurt got up, not even waiting for a response.
Maybe it was stupid, but Kurt thought they would communicate better in bed. There was just something about the place, about what it represented, that made it the perfect encounter point. A place where Sebastian would feel calm, and safe, even if they didn't actually do anything. They could use it just to adapt to each other's needs, and find a way to express what each of them felt. That was what Kurt imagined, anyway.
Kurt took off his shoes and sat in the middle of Sebastian's bed. He looked around, his eyes greeting one of his favourite places on Earth.
Sebastian stood under the doorframe, a little sceptical.
"I thought you wanted to talk" the boy said, confused.
Kurt patted the bed, inviting Sebastian to sit right next to him. "I do. But we can continue it in here" he explained, trying to shake the upcoming self-awareness away.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him, looking curious, but approached the bed eventually. He stood in front of Kurt, looking down at him, eyes studying eyes.
Kurt sat on his knees then and moved to the edge of the bed, his eyes now meeting Sebastian's chin. His self-awareness level reached its highest.
"I thought you might feel more comfortable here…" Kurt added, nervously. "It was a stupid idea – we'll go to the living room…" he mumbled, stepping one foot out of bed, but Sebastian sat down then, and caught his knee.
"It wasn't. I like it here" Sebastian told Kurt, giving him a small smile.
Kurt smiled back at him, feeling at ease, then witnessed Sebastian's hand coming closer to his cheek, barely stroking Kurt's skin with its thumb.
"Sebastian..." Kurt decided he'd start talking now, before things could get physical too son. "If I asked you to talk is because I don't precisely have all figured out" Kurt told him, feeling an urge of sincerity. "I'm a mess. Only now I'm starting to learn how to take care of myself."
Sebastian listened to Kurt in silence, attentively. Kurt mentally thanked him, also because the boy looked somewhat calmer now.
"But I do know that I- I just can't keep pretending I can handle this" Kurt breathed out. "This constantly hiding what I feel for you."
Sebastian's lips trembled, almost imperceptibly; then he sighed, regretful. "Dammit, Kurt. This is only gonna get worse" he blurted out, rubbing his temples. "I didn't know this was how you were feeling, I mean- maybe I sensed something when I left, but..." he shook his head, "I thought none of us were looking for... something serious" he gulped down.
Kurt locked eyes with him. Sebastian was right. None of them were... at first. Was Kurt now? "That's what I'm saying, Bas... I don't even know what I'm looking for-"
"I think you do, Kurt" Sebastian cut him, with a tone that denoted both impatience and harshness.
It took Kurt a few seconds to react to the unexpected harshness. "I... I just- I just want to be with you" Kurt said, but felt like words were getting poorer somehow. Unsatisfying.
"What are you asking from me here?" the other boy simply asked, eyes and tone heavy, conflicted.
Kurt couldn't help but feel hurt for Sebastian's lack of cooperation. Did the boy have nothing to say? At all?
"Well, for starters, I'd like to know what you feel about me" Kurt exploded, unable to contain it anymore. "Because I think you do have feelings for me" he ranted, annoyed. Then saw Sebastian's widened eyes and felt shocked too. "I mean..." Kurt gulped, nervously, looking anywhere but at Sebastian, "the night before you left... I also sensed something – there was something going on with you... and I think I had something to do with it" Kurt added, tentatively, then finally dared to look Sebastian in the eyes.
"You meant what you meant" Sebastian commented, coldly. He couldn't look more unwilling. He got up, and started to pace the room frantically.
"I just needed some air, Kurt. I would've left eventually anyway, so…" Sebastian mumbled, more talking to himself than to Kurt. Kurt had the feeling that the boy had failed to catch that air. "Look, I don't know what I'm feeling, okay?" Sebastian finally exploded, frustrated. "This is new for me, and I don't think I can do this" he told Kurt, with an overwhelmed expression. "You're right. We agreed to do this until things got messy. And they've gotten too messy now. Maybe it's time we- stop" he added, more lowly.
Kurt felt a sting of pain falling upon his chest. And he would have let himself feel that pain if it hadn't been for Sebastian's defeated expression. Coward, even.
Kurt could not believe that, nor could he accept it. "I think you're just scared" Kurt said then, determinedly.
Sebastian snorted, a mix of bitterness and actual scare on his tone. "Scared?"
"Yes, scared" Kurt repeated, just as firmly. "Scared because you don't think you're worth being loved." Sebastian's eyes got wide with shock then, but Kurt wouldn't drop it there. "But you are, Sebastian" Kurt told him pliantly now, with all the strength that he had. "You deserve to be loved, and I'm just asking you to let me do it" Kurt whispered.
Sebastian listened to Kurt's words with an expression of alarm, but he didn't move an inch from his standing position. He appeared to be speechless, moved even, and his eyes kept moving frantically from Kurt's eyes to his lap, uncertainly.
The fact that Kurt was sitting and Sebastian was looking down at him didn't help either. It made Kurt felt small, mostly, but ultimately it made him feel away from Sebastian. Distant.
"Kurt..." Sebastian barely murmured, eventually. "I'm scared, yeah... but I'm scared to hurt you" the boy said, almost trembling. "Not intentionally, but..." he looked insecure now, "inevitably. You're setting such high expectations of me... I don't think I can live up to that" Sebastian said, sincerely.
"But I'm not" Kurt protested, tiredly, with the last inch of determination he treasured. "I'm not asking for anything in return" he murmured, fidgeting with his own sleeve.
Kurt felt like an idiot. How many times did he need to hear Sebastian rejecting him? He couldn't keep asking Sebastian to let him in while baring this utter feeling of being unwanted. He just couldn't. He had so much energy, and it was fading fast under Sebastian's conflicted expression.
"God, I feel so stupid" Kurt mumbled, then got up abruptly. Sebastian casted him a shocked look, and Kurt just shook his head, feeling like crap. "I'm so sorry I put you through this…" he grabbed his shoes from the floor, "God, I'm making you feel so uncomfortable" he babbled, terrified with the realisation of what he had just done. He had ruined everything with his insatiable need for honesty. "You're right. I was out of line, and we should stop. I'm sorry" he mumbled one last time, then hurried to the living room to look for the rest of his things.
As soon as he put one step on said place, Sebastian's hand grabbed his arm tightly from behind. Kurt froze. He was so freaked out that he hadn't even realised Sebastian had followed him.
"Kurt, don't leave" Sebastian said affectedly, then rested his forehead on Kurt's shoulder. "Please" he added.
"Wh- why?" Kurt said, not daring to move a single muscle.
"Because I didn't get to tell you... anything" Sebastian whispered anxiously. Kurt got actually worried about Sebastian's anxious state then, and so he tried to turn around and face him, but Sebastian's hold on his arm got only tighter, as in asking him to stay right where he was. Sebastian's free hand found its way to Kurt's torso and stroked it. Kurt placed his hand over Sebastian's and held the boy closely to himself, reassuringly.
"No one's ever looked at me the way you do, Kurt. The way you smile at me? The way you just... enjoy having me around? The way you just... want to share your time with me, I-... I really don't get it, but... you do, somehow" Sebastian breathed out, unsteadily, but slowly calmer. "Please, don't go. Whatever you're doing… just don't stop it."
Kurt breathed out with difficulty too, feeling happy, confused and scared all at once. "I won't" Kurt promised. "As long as you want me to, I won't" he whispered.
Sebastian intertwined his fingers with Kurt's then, on both hands, and placed them on Kurt's chest, holding him firmly from behind. Kurt couldn't believe there had been a moment, not long ago, when he had felt unwanted by this man.
Sebastian kissed Kurt's neck first, slowly; then he just mouthed it, and kept moving aimlessly until he reached the corner of Kurt's lips, where he stopped, uncertainly. Kurt turned his head to the side, searching for Sebastian, and captured his lips carefully.
He barely brushed his lips over Sebastian's at first; then, as Sebastian's lips started to respond with intensity, Kurt kissed more firmly, and soon enough he had to turned around and wrap his arms around Sebastian's neck, urgently.
Sebastian groaned against Kurt's mouth, not exactly erotically, but in a way that seemed like the boy was putting everything he had into the kiss.
Kurt timidly searched for Sebastian's tongue with a tap on the other boy's teeth, and Sebastian deepened the kiss right away. Sebastian held the small of Kurt's back firmly, his fingers stroking Kurt's skin under the fabric of his shirt.
They broke the kiss eventually, feeling like they were running out of air. Kurt rested his forehead against Sebastian's then, and breathed agitatedly.
God, if only Kurt could find a way to tell this beautiful, very beautiful man how highly he thought of him. How fond, and proud, and happy Sebastian made him feel. How Sebastian deserved just the same in return.
"Do me a favour?" Kurt dared to say, probably because he was feeling intoxicated by the warmth of Sebastian's arms wrapped around him.
Sebastian nodded, almost imperceptibly, but they were close enough to even catch each other blinking.
"Stop thinking you're a jerk… please?" Kurt asked him, truly. He didn't intend for it to sound funny, or to break the tension, but somehow that was the effect his words had, because Sebastian breathed out warmly and side smiled, not taking it too seriously. "I'm serious, though" Kurt smiled, but his tone was more firm now. "Maybe I should've started with that…" he bit his lip, regretfully.
Sebastian arched an eyebrow at him, partially surprised, partially amused. "Why?"
"It's just- that… you said our intimate time" Sebastian's actual words had been 'sexual skills', but Kurt chose to rephrase it, "had somehow clouded my judgement and… now also, you keep saying you don't get why I want to spend my time with you… and I'm concerned" Kurt said, timidly. "'Cause, let me tell you…" Kurt casted him a pity look, "you're not that good in bed" he added jokingly, making both of them chuckle, and breaking the tension once and for all.
Now, that had been intended. Thankfully, Sebastian looked more approachable now.
"My point is… that you matter too, Sebastian" Kurt explained. Sebastian frowned, looking away, as if he was struggling to find a valid argument to discuss Kurt's reasoning. "Look. You once asked me to believe you when you said I was hot… Now I'm asking you to believe me when I say you're not a jerk. Deal?" he added, smiling coyly.
Sebastian bit the inside of his mouth, containing a suspicious smile. "Deal" he gave in, eventually.
They held the stare for a few seconds, although it was Sebastian's kind, almost shy smile what kept capturing the attention of Kurt's eyes. Sebastian took a soft hold on Kurt's neck, almost cupping his jawline, and came forwards to place a warm, lingering kiss on Kurt's cheek. That kiss was followed by another, now somewhat closer to the corner of Kurt's lips; that, by another, which played teasingly with Kurt's lower lip. Soon enough, Kurt found himself coming forwards almost unconsciously and kissing Sebastian again. He felt pulled like a magnet, and they got into a dance of kissing and biting each other's lips, lovingly.
At some point, Sebastian broke it, and Kurt rested his head on the crook of the handsome boy's neck. "Kurt?" he asked, tentatively, searching for Kurt's eyes.
Kurt dug up his head from Sebastian's neck skin, where he was inhaling discreetly. "Hm?"
Sebastian wetted his lips, and Kurt observed his pupils dilating. "Thank you" the boy said with a rusty voice.
Kurt narrowed down his eyes at him, surprised.
Sebastian looked away, visibly embarrassed. "Just thank you."
"You're welcome" Kurt wouldn't protest. He kissed the spot where he had been resting his nose just a few seconds ago.
"So… what happens now?" Sebastian asked, suddenly, scare all over his tone.
Kurt looked at him, doubtful. "What happens?" he repeated, a little insure.
Sebastian gulped down, and got a little rigid. "I don't really know what I'm supposed to do now" he commented, nervously.
Kurt was a little shocked to hear that. He suddenly got the feeling that he might be forcing something into Sebastian, after all. "Nothing you don't want to" he explained, tentatively. "Bas, I-… nothing has to change. I just needed to say what I feel… that's all" Kurt looked down, struggling hard not to choose the wrong words. "I promise. No pressure" he nodded.
Sebastian smirked then, somewhat calmer. He cupped Kurt's cheek, gently, and met his eyes. "Seems fair" the boy told Kurt, more regained now.
Then he broke the hold and grabbed Kurt's hands instead. The boy said nothing, but the way he stared at Kurt told him everything he needed to know. They started walking then, and soon enough they were in Sebastian's bedroom again.
Sebastian pointed with his head towards the bed, which was right behind Kurt, and slowly sat Kurt down on it, right on the edge.
Then, the boy got down on his knees, and parted Kurt's legs a little, just enough for him to place his arms over Kurt's thighs and have full access to Kurt. He run his hands all the way up Kurt's torso, until he reached the collar of his shirt.
Kurt just observed him at awe, unable to do anything else. Sebastian grabbed Kurt's collar and contemplated it with anticipation, but did nothing.
"Can I help?" Kurt asked then, giving Sebastian a small smile.
Sebastian shook his head, playfully. "I'm still trying to decide what I'm gonna do to you."
Kurt fell a shiver down his spine, but tried to keep a normal appearance. "Oh" he simply said, feeling kind of silly.
"It's been too long, hasn't it?" the boy commented, while taking off Kurt's shoes. He locked eyes with Kurt then, and probably realised Kurt's agitation, because an incredulous smirk graced his lips. "You know you have some calling here, right?" Sebastian said, amused.
Kurt blushed, feeling really clumsy.
"Hey…" Sebastian murmured. "How come I still make you so nervous, babe?" he asked, surprised and delighted at the same time.
Kurt puckered his lips, embarrassed. "Don't enjoy it so much" he told Sebastian off, still feeling like his cheeks might just explode any second.
"But I do" Sebastian protested, then scratched the inside of Kurt's thighs, suggestively. "I really do" he whispered, coming closer to Kurt's ear. "Can I tell you something?"
Kurt gulped, kind of fascinated by how comfortable Sebastian looked right now, when only ten minutes ago he had sounded so anxious. He nodded, anyway. When Sebastian left his ear, Kurt realised the boy didn't look as confident as he had supposed.
Sebastian sighed. "I'm looking for the right way to make love to you here, but I might need some help" he said, charmingly honest.
Kurt couldn't help but smile. "That's kind of sweet" he whispered, giving a side smile and rubbing Sebastian's arms.
"I can be sweet" the boy murmured, coming closer to kiss Kurt on the lips. Kurt welcomed Sebastian's mouth gladly, kissing him back just as warmly. He couldn't contain a moan.
"You don't need any help, though" Kurt murmured against his lips, "you're doing just fine" he added, and bit Sebastian's lower lip with want. Before he could realise it, Kurt grabbed Sebastian by the shirt and dragged him to bed, making the boy rest on top of him now. "Just be your natural touchy self" Kurt whispered jokingly on his ear before attacking Sebastian's earlobe.
Sebastian moaned, lowly, and started unbuttoning Kurt's shirt, urgently. "Fuck – I've missed this skin" he breathed out before planting his tongue on Kurt's chest, licking it relentlessly.
Kurt suddenly found himself arching up his hips to rub himself against Sebastian's, and before he could process anything, he was undoing Sebastian's belt.
Almost two freaking months.
Sebastian left Kurt's chest then, and aggressively got rid of Kurt's shirt and his own. Kurt got mesmerised by the sight of Sebastian's naked upper body. "You're so beautiful" Kurt heard himself say, out loud, then blushed furiously.
Sebastian run his hand all over Kurt's skin, from his nose, to his crotch, where it stopped and massaged gently Kurt's hardness over the fabric of his clothes.
Kurt panted and closed his eyes, overwhelmed.
"If you could see yourself now…" Sebastian's breath was brushing his ear, too closely for Kurt to contain a shiver. "That's the definition of beauty" he said, with a kind tone, and Kurt opened his eyes then, almost violently.
Sebastian was looking right back at him, intimately, like they were just sharing a secret, and Kurt's emotions finally claimed for some space there in handling Sebastian's sweet, kind smile.
Kurt felt an uncontainable warmth spreading over his chest. How did Sebastian manage to make sex so… so little about sex?
Somehow, that slowed down the speed of the whole thing. Suddenly Kurt was slightly sat up, his back pressed hard against Sebastian's body, who kept stroking him and kissing him from behind, with smooth movements. It was immobilising, because he couldn't reach properly to touch or kiss Sebastian, but it was also overwhelming, since it was Sebastian the one covering him. Physically, but also metaphorically. Kurt had never felt more covered. More provided.
Soon enough they were on their briefs, panting calmly. Not as frenetically as Kurt would have expected after two months. It was like they were both taking their time to enjoy every second. Every touch, every inch of skin, mattered.
"I so wanna do you, Kurt" Sebastian said straightforwardly, with his aggressive, fierce sex manners. His voice was smooth, though.
Kurt could tell. Sebastian's erection constantly tickling his lower back didn't lie.
"O-kay" Kurt breathed out, expectantly.
"You sure?" Sebastian asked, capturing his earlobe teasingly, then continued grasping at Kurt's cheek with his lips. "I don't want you to think you can't top" he added, daringly introducing his hand under the fabric of Kurt's underwear and taking a gentle hold on Kurt's cock.
"I know, I know" Kurt said, then had to bit his lip, distracted by the sensation of Sebastian's fingers on his intimate parts and the thought of being the one topping. "I- I've never topped, though…" Kurt admitted, somewhat coyly.
Sebastian stroked Kurt's side with his other hand then. "You'll do it great… when you're ready" he told him, reassuringly.
Kurt relaxed. It didn't cease to amaze him how comfortable Sebastian found himself in bed. Comfortable enough to be that communicative, that generous. Sebastian's communicative skills were obviously more physical. Just like Kurt's were more verbal. And there was nothing wrong with that.
"Mm, my marble" Sebastian whispered, turning around to face Kurt, and lowering down Kurt's briefs until he got completely rid of them.
Kurt took the opportunity to make the boy rolled down on his back and sat on his thighs, facing him. He took a hold on Sebastian's briefs and put them all the way down too. Then, it was his turn now to cover Sebastian. He casted Sebastian a fond smile, looking down on him, and focused on covering the whole of his freckled torso with his lips. Freckle by freckle. Inch by inch.
Sebastian didn't even move during the whole process – only his hands to take a hold on Kurt's back. That was before their erections started brushing together, making both of them quiver. Kurt stopped kissing Sebastian's torso, terribly aroused. Then, after a brief, yet intense stare between the two of them, Sebastian sat up quickly to take a condom from the nightstand drawer. Kurt followed the movement with his eyes and took Sebastian's hands to help him put it on. Still holding one of Sebastian's hands, Kurt helped the boy locate his entrance, and took a firm hold on Sebastian's wrist while the boy took a couple of minutes to finger him.
Kurt felt too tight at first, and felt incredibly tempted to ask Sebastian for lube. It wasn't necessary though, because no long after, he felt himself relax and could start to appreciate the delicate movement of Sebastian's fingers inside him.
Sebastian sat up slightly then, and wrapped his arms around Kurt, covering his arm with kisses. "When you're ready" he whispered, stroking Kurt's sides for reassurance.
Kurt nodded, and soon enough Sebastian started thrusting inside him without breaking their hold, even though it got incredibly sweaty and heated up after a couple of minutes.
They kept the stare the whole time, sharing furtive, entranced smiles every now and then. Kurt came quite quickly, which wasn't exactly surprising for him. After all, he hadn't had sex for two months. But it did surprise him that Sebastian came not long after him, just as intensely as he had. Kurt wouldn't dare to comment on that, of course. Nor he needed to.
Kurt laid down then partially on top of Sebastian, to make sure he let the boy catch his breath. But Sebastian quickly grabbed him by the waist and placed him over himself, in a 'you're-not-going-anywhere' way.
Kurt smiled, then just relaxed by feeling the rises and falls of Sebastian's heated chest with his cheek.