The discussion continued into the topic of Vizards, and my involvement with them. Of course, this lead to the conversation of how I came to become one, how it would frequently pop into being and take over, and how I harnessed it and used it to my advantage. As the voices flew across, talking of my experiences fluently, I felt no need to provide input. Urahara was present when it began, Byakuya was on the receiving end of it's power, and Rukia and Ishida witnessed the trials I went through just to train hard enough against it. Ulquiorra took it in, Orihime listened and never looked at me once, but her eyes became clear every so often, as though the cloud was lifting for something to come forward. As I listened periodically, I felt ashamed. I felt ashamed, because I was no different. Of course, i'd controlled it before it caused any real damage; but what if I hadn't? What if I didn't become strong enough? With all these people around me, being who they were and as persistent as they were, how would i have coped without them? How would i have beat it without them?

Would Ulquiorra have been the same, with them, instead of without?

Of course, he was created in a world of violence and terror...he knew no different. Even when i tried to justify my anger and hatred for him, i felt the stab of guilt. It was like i was the lucky one, and now...i felt like a spoilt child. A spoilt child throwing his expensive toy at a homeless kid on the side of the street.

"Ichigo."

I shook my head, pushing them away, but i couldn't escape the guilt. The kind that made me want to hide into myself.

"Ichigo?"

I looked around to Uryu, a blank wide eyed stare. He watched me doubtfully, questioning me with his dark blue eyes. Despite his faults, and the long amount of time we'd gone without seeing each other, i still appreciated his friendship, the way he patronised me and how i wanted to strangle him one minute, the next defend him against a hollow he had no trouble defeating. I missed the brotherly way he knew if something was wrong, and have enough self reservation to not push for revelations.

I looked past him, to Orihime, who was watching curiously, pityingly. I was so used to everyone else giving her that look, it seemed as though it suited her face, her doe eyes.

Byakuya cleared his throat. "Ichigo Kurosaki, this meeting requires your first hand knowledge."

i looked across Yoruichi to Byakuya, still with his eyes closed in a thoughtful manner. Even he had helped, in his own way, and still, the respect i felt for him barely stretched over his status as a royal captain. Or so i thought. He had come through, become an ally and fought for his sister, his pride, and that i could only admire, and envy. He, at times when he needed it, had a power. Now, it was too late. The best i could hope for now was that Karin was in her own brand of happiness in the soul society. Again, the guilt washed over me. Containing me in the selfish little bubble i'd allowed to grow around me in the last few months.

I found Urahara's eyes, and nodded. "Yes?"

He blinked in surprise that I'd spoke, and laughed away the awkwardness. "You've decided to join us, Ichigo! We were just asking about how you felt at times, during your stuggles with your hollow."

He made it sound so much like a pet, i almost laughed. An unknown thought pattern lead me to imagine a small dog wearing a hollow mask with similar patterns mine had, and i allowed a smirk.

"I felt... unstable, sometimes paranoid, sometimes weak. I maybe forgot how much i needed and relied on those around me who helped me through it, helped me beat it...him. When i was weakened, it took over, and i usually let it, when i was too weak for my own powers to be effective. It was everything that i wasn't in those times...and at those times, something i needed to be."

Without my voice, the room was still. Each of the eyes around me had their own emotions. Thoughtfulness, intrigue, pride, interest, gratitude, sorrow.

"Is that...the same for you?" I aimed my question toward the former 4th espada. The ironic tears permanently on his face used to feel like a taunt to humanity. Now, they looked like an inner monster taunting the vessel, Ulquiorra.

Instead of nodding simply, like i knew he wouldn't, he met my eyes. "My emotions are not so intricately woven into my relationships with others. I feel weak, i feel...unstable. But you had the comfort of others to keep you grounded."

Of course, he was smart. That was an understatement; he read others like a book. And that meant he would see the situation as clearly as i could. He knew his situation; how it was and how it is. But now, things were different.

I stood, hoping to signal the end of the meeting. "As do you, now."

I wished Rukia was present then, and i couldn't understand why. I felt a slight sense of pride, and a strong sense of something shifting. Moving itself into the right place.

Orihime smiled and grasped Ulquiorra's hand in promise and knowledge of my acceptance. I knew why; i was that missing piece.

Urahara stood and tapped his hat up. He matched my height, his eyes meeting mine. They said, welcome back.