A/N: Ugh, I'm so sorry to have been absent for so long. Just haven't been feeling the muse. But, here's something! Thanks for reading, loves.

Seds

It was the pungent aroma of roast boar that did it.

Funny how smells could trigger a memory—open a door and transport a person through time, depositing him squarely in the middle of another day. Or year. Or life.

This particular aroma took Loki back to a feast, one dedicated to the newly-named king of Asgard. To the moments before Frost Giants invaded, turning everything on its ear and changing his life forever.

For a moment, he was there, in the great halls of his father's, no, Odin's palace, filled with resentment. Back then, he felt small and insignificant, always second, always lacking, nothing but a trickster in his father's eyes. Well, he'd thought, he'd use the very talents his father scorned to bring his brother's ego down to size, and do Asgard a favor in the process.

Which, in one way, he supposed he had.

But, everything that came after... He hadn't realized at the time what he was throwing away. His mind hadn't been working right, rational thought overshadowed by anger and his newly-triggered mind sickness. Now, seeing his former friends, smelling the scents of home, seeing his mother, seeing Sigyn—Gods, he knew. He knew exactly what he'd thrown away, what he could never reclaim. For a horrible moment, it made him sick.

He had to get out. He needed to be alone to let regret and shame wash over him in private, away from Tony. He'd only be hurt if Loki told him what was on his mind; he'd never understand that what Loki was feeling had nothing to do with him, or with the love and gratitude Loki felt for him and their baby, or his hopes for their future. No, this wave of emotion was about his own failures, and he needed a moment away from other people's eyes.

So, Loki artfully slipped along the perimeter of the room and made it into the hallway without anyone taking notice. Ungainly as he was with his pregnant belly, he was still good at ninja-like disappearance, even without magic. Once he was in the hall, he straightened his shirt and smiled in satisfaction; his skills remained, enough to outwit both Midagardian and Aesir alike.

He strode down to Tony's office and silently closed the door behind him. He went to the window and looked out on the city, finding calm in the busyness going on below. He took a deep breath and drew on the techniques his mind-healer had taught him, centering himself and focusing on the positive things in his life, the good he'd done, the love he finally had. It helped, but still, memories rushed and tumbled through his mind.

He'd been through so much, and he'd worked so hard to crush the sentiment in his heart that he rarely thought of the old times—his early crush on Sif; his later dalliance with Fandral. The fun of listening to Volstagg's riotous stories around a camp fire. Afternoons spent sparring with Hogun, evenings spent drinking and laughing, yes, laughing, with Thor.

Making love with Sigyn.

And, later, ruining himself in her eyes and being called a worthless cad, not fit to darken Sigyn's doorstep ever again.

That particular memory caused a catch in his throat and he shut his eyes, seeing her in his mind as clearly as he had the day it happened. It had hurt then, and it hurt now, even though her response had been exactly what he'd deserved—and exactly what he'd intended.

Just then, the door opened.

He squeezed his eyes tighter. "Sigyn," he said without opening them. Her delicate scent was unique; the graceful shift of her silken gown, unmistakeable. He composed himself and turned to face her. She smiled awkwardly.

"I'm sorry. I know you came here seeking solitude." She went to stand by the couch, running a hand along the smooth leather. "I don't blame you, you know. It must be difficult, seeing everyone, after..." She let the thought drop, and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "But, I was afraid I might not have another chance to speak to you alone... well, ever."

"Oh, Sigyn. Why did you come here?" he asked wearily.

She crossed her arms, chafing herself as if she were cold, buying a moment before she spoke. "I have something to tell you."

"And what is that?"

Sigyn drew in a breath. It was harder than she'd imagined, being in the same room with the man she'd loved, still loved. Her sweet, mischievous boy. She looked at him searchingly—ah, she thought, yes. He was still there, she could see him under the harsh planes of his face, swimming in the deep green of his eyes. A shot of electricity went through her as she remembered how it had felt to be in his arms, breathing in his scent. His lips on hers as he thrust inside her, his warm voice murmuring endearments as they moved together... She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't cry in front of Loki, no.

Loki of Asgard did not deserve her tears. But, her throat was on fire with pushing them back.

"Oh, Loki," she finally rasped. "The last time I saw you..." Loki could see her forcibly get a hold of herself before she continued. "...the last time I saw you, I was so angry. I should not have allowed my emotions to subjugate my reason, but I did, and I have suffered for it. Once I finally regained my senses, you were—lost to me. And, I have regretted it ever since."

Loki rubbed a hand over his forehead. "You should not. When a woman catches her intended in the arms of another man, she has a right to send him away from her. Forever."

Sigyn gave a rueful huff."Ha! Fandral—what was he but a passing butterfly, alit on your shoulder? Did you really think your dalliance worthy of ending our love? No. But... my mother?" Sigyn's eyes narrowed. "Insult on top of betrayal. How could you, Loki?"

"Insult?" Loki spread his arms apart entreatingly. "It was nothing of the sort. I was quite drunk, and she, like you, is quite beautiful by firelight. Having your grace and coloring, it was a natural mistake. I—"

Sigyn rolled her eyes. "Oh, am I not even worthy of one of your more intricate lies? Even now, you make no effort to appease me?"

Loki gave her a brittle smile. "And, what would be the point of that?"

"I, uh..." The lovely blonde stared past Loki, searching for words. Finally, she sighed. "How stupid I am... I still have hopes that we might share a future together."

"What?" A dismayed look came over Loki as he stared. He sputtered through a few random syllables, and Sigyn raised her hand defensively.

"Please, now that I've started, I might as well finish. Just listen." Sigyn licked her lips, appearing to wish she could just disappear, but she continued, resolute. "You see, I've found a home with some distant relatives on Vanaheim. It is a pleasant realm, untroubled by the politics of Asgard, and you are not banned from there. I was thinking that you—you could come with me, Loki. We could start over, you and I, and with your child, we could become a real family."

With Loki still dumbstruck, Sigyn glided over to stand before him. "I never stopped loving you, you know, even as I despaired over you. And, while your mother tells me you've found happiness here with your mortal, I can't help but think perhaps you've settled for something... Something less than your worth, something you feel is all you deserve. But, you are a god, Loki, you are Aesir, no matter what the circumstances of your birth may have been." Sigyn carefully pressed forward until she could lay her head on Loki's shoulder. "I've missed you every moment since we parted, love. Haven't you? Surely you didn't just forget me...We belong together, we were to be married, and if I hadn't let my foolish pride overtake me, we could have—"

Loki's mind finally cleared and a dark look crossed his face. He grasped her arms and pushed her back so he could look at her. "Stop." Loki held her gaze, letting his eyes burn into her. Finally, he asked, "Did it ever strike you as strange that you found out about me and Fandral at all... much less your mother?"

Sigyn's brow wrinkled. "What do you mean?"

"Do you really think if I'd meant to keep my dalliances from you, that you would have had even so much as an inkling? Ever?"

She didn't answer, just kept staring into Loki's eyes. He pursed his lips and then went on, an edge of cruelty in his voice.

"I thought after Fandral, you'd have ended things summarily. But, no. Your ridiculous loyalty steals your good sense—you took me back with little more than a word of reproof. That's why I had to bed your mother, I knew that would be an outrage even you couldn't look past. I—"

"Wait—you wanted me to hate you?" she asked incredulously.

Loki shrugged. "I wanted you to leave me."

"But, why?"

For a moment, Loki was tempted to crush her, once and for all. But, she stood before him, still so gentle, still so damnably trusting, and he softened. He took a deep breath. "Well. I was... filled with anger and disappointment about my brother taking the crown. Then, I learned the truth of my birth. Before long, my soul turned black, and I could feel myself slipping away as I began to work against Thor. But, even in my madness, I couldn't bear to bring you down with me. I thought it better to—to cause you to put an end to things by your own hand. Before it was too late."

Loki broke his gaze. "I had to leave you because I knew your love would blind you to the rotting of my heart, until I caused you pain beyond mere heartache. I'm so very sorry for hurting you, Sigyn, I am. But, knowing what I became, the things I did—wasn't it for the best?"

He looked up. "Was it not kinder, to let you end us on your own terms?" He studied her trembling lip, her blue eyes shadowed with hurt, and silence fell over them for a long moment.

"You trickster," Sigyn said at last, a slow grin of admiration working its way to her lips. "You were protecting me. A hell of a way to go about it, but... Well." She hastily wiped away tears with a silk handkerchief. "But, you are well again, I know this. Perhaps—"

"The madness has left me, yes, but I'm not the boy you once knew, and never will be again. You need to go on, my dear. Start again, find happiness with someone worthy of such a pure and passionate heart... I am not, if I ever was."

Sigyn stared at him, absorbing his words. At last, she nodded sadly. "So, I have made a fool of myself yet again, coming to you with my delusional offer."

Loki gravely shook his head. "No. I don't believe love is foolish. It takes great courage to... to try." He thought of himself, turning up in Tony's kitchen, in his living room, in his bed. He thought of Tony, saving him, saving him... He raised his eyes, a tiny smile pressed on his lips. "It takes courage, and it takes faith. Those are fine qualities to have, Sigyn. Be proud of them. Never call yourself a fool."

Sigyn started, her mouth open as if she were about to release a great torrent of words, but she swallowed and stood still. Finally, she said in as light a tone as she could manage, "And, you're truly happy, you and your little mortal, here in this backwards land?"

"I am." Loki went to stand in front of her. "Tony Stark is my match. I've found my place beside him. We're different, yes, but in a strange way, we're very much the same. He understands me..." He glanced down at his stomach. "I can't say it wouldn't have been nice to have someone else in the predicament of bearing my young," he said with a wry chuckle. "But, you and I... I would have only brought you misery. Believe me—it's better this way."

Sigyn shifted uncomfortably, avoiding Loki's eyes. "I will never believe that, but it doesn't matter. I see the truth now. Thank you, I will leave you in peace." She threw her head back, her mouth twisted in a crooked smile. "Come, let's return to your party and celebrate a new life. Mine, included."

Loki lifted her hand and pressed it to his lips. "I hope the best for you in everything, you know. Truly."

Sigyn nodded, and gestured toward the door. "Shall we?"

"You go ahead," Loki said gently. "I'll be there shortly."

"All right." She turned and went back to the shower in search of a tankard of mead so large that even Volstagg would struggle to down it completely.

Loki gave Sigyn a head start while he took a moment to sort his thoughts. Until the moment he'd seen her in the living room, he'd been certain she'd never want to lay eyes on him again. It was a little disconcerting to find that she still cared for him; she'd been the one person besides his mother who'd loved him unconditionally, and it had taken a lot out of him to break her trust so completely. Knowing he'd managed to fail at even that was depressing. He sighed, and then strolled down the hall to the party.

As soon as he entered the room, a scowling Tony was upon him.

"Where the hell have you been, Houdini? I've been looking all over for you. And, who's the blonde bombshell? Don't tell me you were doing her on my office couch, 'cause that's totally not cool. I eat sandwiches there."

Loki gazed quizzically at Tony, his head cocked sideways in amusement. "Stark! Is that your jealousy face? Not so attractive as I had imagined it to be. Although, I'm quite pleased to discover you want my attention only for yourself."

"Who. Is. She."

"Oh, please. You don't ask questions you don't already know the answers to."

"Yeah, fine—she was your girlfriend!"

"Umm, ex-fiancee, actually..."

Tony's eyes widened. "Wait—you were going to get married?"

"Yes. We broke up before the announcement had been made, but yes."

Tony soaked up that information for a moment, looking as if he was going to blow a gasket, but then his expression turned to one of sheer curiosity. "So, what happened, Romeo? You screw it up somehow?"

"Of course I did," Loki said tiredly. "It's ancient history, and I'd rather not go into it now." He looked longingly toward the snack table. "Can't we get some food? I'm very hungry."

"Not until you tell me what you and Juliet were up to."

"There was nothing nefarious about it. I just needed a breath of air. Seeing people who would have once cheerfully slit my throat gathered all in one room put me in bit of a mood." He saw the annoyance on Tony's face turn to concern, and he smiled. "I'm fine now, though. As for Sigyn, she wanted to... tie up some loose threads, I suppose. All that's fine, too." He took Tony's arm. "Come, feed me, please. It's so rude to faint at your own party."

Tony stared at him, knowing he was getting nowhere near the complete story, but he realized that, since Loki wasn't bothering to concoct an elaborate lie about it, it probably wasn't that big a deal.

"Well, okay. I could use a nosh myself, although I think Pep's trying to poison us with healthy snacks. Why don't you talk me through the Asgardian munchies? Some of that stuff looks great, but I can't identify it. Might not sit well with the ol' Midgardian constitution."

Loki laughed affectionately as he led the way to the considerably reduced piles of food on the snack table and they helped each other navigate through the selections. They then found a place on the couch to sit and eat, and slowly, the guests began to mingle, taking time to chat jovially with Loki, letting him know he was no longer regarded as an evil villain, not even by the SHIELD agents.

But, as Loki watched Sigyn stand silently by the window, he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to regard himself as anything but.