Joe's Note: You're probably noticing that I scrapped Tara's stutter here. To be blunt, to write an effective stutter you need to come up with consistent rules and I lacked the time to A.) rewatch Seasons 4 through 6 to see what the writers did and/or B.) create rules based on real world speech impediments and possibly impose them if the writers had fucked up. Which they probably did, since Whedon and his minions are notorious for their lack of research. So if you really want it, I wrote what she's saying. Just add a little back in like she had in canon and enjoy. And if the lack of s-s-stutter really affects the readability of her scenes that much to you… I'm probably doing something wrong.
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Eric, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.
September 27, 2014
Sifting through yet another rack of costumes, Tara sighed. While she still had over a month to go before Halloween, not knowing what she wanted to dress up as was turning their trip to Los Angeles an exercise in futility, at least as far as she was concerned. How could she go about looking for the right costume when she didn't even know what she was looking for? Her mother had offered several suggestions but none of them seemed quite right for her. None of these costumes seemed right either. Maybe she'd be better off just staying home on Halloween and helping hand out candy?
This was the last store on the block and her mom had directions to two more stores a few minutes away before they called it a day and headed home. But if anywhere was going to have something that caught her interest, Tara thought, this would be it. Not only did the store have the regular assortment of cheaper Halloween costumes available for purchase, but they also offered a consignment service so that smaller costume makers could enjoy the benefits of a physical storefront in the weeks leading up to Halloween without the massive investment of time, money, and effort. Which meant that not only were there the cheap, mass produced licensed outfits but also things that looked like they'd been stolen from the set of a television show or movie. If the right costume for her wasn't here… did it even exist?
Dismissing the last Lord of the Rings costume in the fantasy section, she moved onwards to the science fiction area. Pausing as she heard a familiar voice, Tara poked her head around the end of the aisle and saw Cordelia Chase of all people standing in the superhero section admiring… unless her vision was suddenly failing her, Tara was pretty sure that was Catwoman's current costume. Or at least it was the costume Tara remembered the character wearing as of when her father had threatened to cut her brother's allowance if he didn't stop wasting it on 'those faggoty picture books of his'. Thoughts of her former home life were abruptly and thoroughly shoved from her mind as the mental image of the cheerleader as Catwoman popped into Tara's head. Wow. She was going to look so sexy. Not that she didn't look sexy most of the time, but black PVC definitely trumped both Cordelia's normal clothes and even her cheerleading uniform in the sexiness department.
In an effort to keep herself from devolving into a Homer Simpson-worthy droolfest, Tara pushed those mental images away and moved onward towards her destination. It was her secret shame, and a rather surprising one given she'd grown up without cable or a decent local movie theater: she was a sucker for all things sci-fi. Her eyes swept back and forth, easily cataloging props and costumes from assorted television shows and movies. Nearest to her was a bayonet-equipped laser rifle from the original Battlestar Galactica, followed by a few copies of the Colonial Warrior uniform worn by Apollo, Starbuck, and Boomer, which in turn hung beside a mixture of uniforms and flight suits from the 2003 remake and even one very blushworthy red dress waiting for someone daring enough to dress as Six for Halloween. They'd also managed to assemble a complete costume for Chiana from Farscape - clothes, wig, body paint, the works - along with several others from that series and most of the mains from Andromeda. But they were just a small fraction of what the store had to offer, serving as a buffer between Fantasy and the multiple aisles of Star Trek and Star Wars products.
After a quick game of 'eeny, meeny, miny, moe', Tara decided to start with the Star Trek half of things. She was pretty sure that her costume, if it even came from this store, would come from the other side of the sci-fi section but it never hurt to explore all one's options. Even given their consignment service, how the place had gotten there hands on fairly authentic Borg and Klingon Defense Force costumes, Tara had no idea… but neither was available for women making it a moot point even if she was interested in them. They did have Bajoran militia uniforms for women - mostly red like Nerys's but also some grey and brown - but if she was going to put the effort into any sort of fancy prosthetic makeup, it'd be for more than just a slightly funky nose. And she didn't have enough holes in her right ear to pull off a proper Bajoran earring.
"Psst. Tara." Jumping a bit, the black-haired girl looked over to find that her mother had somehow snuck up on her and was holding out a very familiar blue velour minidress. "What do you think of Nurse Maclay? Or…" Digging through the rack of costumes, she emerged with a red version. "Yeoman Maclay? You could even add some pointy ears like that waitress's… 'not wanting to be my friend would be illogical'. Or you could add green skin to that black hair and be an Orion. Oh! Or you could be really unrecognizable… we could do blue skin, a white wig, and use magic to make some animated antennae for you."
Tara tried to picture herself as an Andorian but couldn't quite manage it. An Orion wasn't any better, while the Vulcan had some potential but again fell into the same category as a Bajoran: work for not much result. As for the uniform itself… "Um, do they have any of the uniforms from the two newest movies?" Her mother nodded, jerking her finger back over her shoulder. "Can you see if they have a red one in my size? As a maybe option for if we don't find anything better?"
Shrugging, Rebecca returned both the blue and red minidresses to the rack before eyeing Tara critically. "I'm really starting to feel like you're not taking this seriously, Tare-bear. But that's fine. Just remember that handing out candy is a one-woman job. Costume or not, party to crash or not, I'm tossing you out on your witchy little butt for the night. So either figure out a costume so you can follow the little plan we came up with or… well, Frank runs kitten poker nights on Fridays. Doubt he's gonna cancel because it's Halloween. You can go spend the night with him if you want."
As her mother walked away, Tara shuddered. Any naïveté she might have harbored about the fate of those kittens had been shattered in one nausea-inducing conversation with Frank. Straightening up, she marched towards the Star Wars section with renewed determination. Because while the idea of dressing herself up and trying to force her way into the school's social scene still scared her, the idea of playing poker for kittens was so much worse in her book. Upon reaching her destination, though, she found herself faltering as her determination melted away to be replaced by unadulterated awe. They had everything a Star Wars geek could ever want here: latex prosthetics for a number of different alien species, an army's worth of blasters, lightsabers, Jedi robes, and dozens of assorted pieces that an enterprising person could use to cobble together a costume to wear along with the blaster or prosthetics they picked up here. "Holy crap. I just hit the mother lode."
"You're not wrong." Even after being spooked earlier by her mother, Tara still couldn't keep herself from jumping at the sudden voice behind her, spinning around to discover that Cordelia of all people was standing there looking… almost bemused? "It's why we're here. Specifically the prosthetics. I could have ordered one of them off of Etsy, but Kat wanted to see things in person before asking me to spend that kind of money. The story behind them is kinda gross; Kat got to hear it all when the guy who makes these was trying to chat her up online." Brushing past Tara, Cordelia reached out and picked up one of the Twi'lek headpieces. "He made the first set of headtails because he wanted to bone his girlfriend while she was a blue alien girl, then figured out that he could make more of them and sell them for a profit. And then he realized that the Togruta and Twi'lek are really similar, and decided to expand his offerings. Not sure why he made the squid people and don't really care, to be honest. Feel kinda weird knowing that I'm buying something that a geek designed as part of a kinky sex thing, but Kat says it's the best intersection of price and quality so… guess I'm stuck."
Eww. Tara had actually been pondering buying one - while getting into costume would involve considerable work, the payoff would probably be worth it as opposed to the Orion or the Vulcan - but after hearing that… wait. Cordelia was here to buy a Twi'lek headpiece for Halloween? The dark-haired girl watched as Cordelia turned the prosthetic over in her hands a few more times before returning it to the shelf and grabbing a Togruta headpiece instead. Okay, same question, species swapped. Between this and what she'd seen Cordelia eyeing earlier… had she stumbled into some bizarre, Twilight Zone alternate universe where being nerdy was suddenly cool? "So, um, Cordelia. Catwoman or a galaxy far, far away? Neither really seems very… you. No offense."
Cordelia groaned, rolling her eyes as she turned to face Tara. "It's not. But Star Wars is Kat's thing, or at least one of her things. And since I want to make her happy, I'm going to bite the bullet and…" Trailing off, she narrowed her eyes at the dark-haired girl. "Wait a minute. Do I know you?"
"…you're kidding, right? Out of eight classes this semester, I sit near you in three of them. And we have phys ed together." Tara groaned as Cordelia stared at her blankly. "The really stupid blonde girl you hang out with thinks it's funny to call me 'Tara No-lay' because she thinks I'd have to pay a guy to pay attention to me?" Not that she wanted a guy to pay attention to her, much less do things with her, but that was none of Cordelia's business.
Scoffing, Cordelia waved her free hand dismissively. "You say that like you think any of us actually listen to what comes out of Harmony's mouth. Now that you mention it, you're kinda familiar but…" Cordelia snapped her fingers and then pointed at Tara as comprehension dawned. "The Not-Really-a-Goth Girl. We've been trying to figure out what your story is since you showed up but since none of us want to actually come and talk to you, we haven't gotten too far with that."
Tara's lips quirked upward at that. "You're talking to me now."
"Well yeah, because you're right here in between me and what I need to look at. I can be a titanic bitch when I want to be, but even I draw the line at shoving you out of the way and then ignoring you. And I could ask you what your story is now, but I can think of better uses for my time. Like…" Cordelia trailed off as a pale hand came down on her shoulder, her lips curling upward in a remarkably warm smile as she peered back at the hand's owner. "Hey. Find anything you liked?"
"Considering that we're supposed to be going in coordinated costumes and I literally just reached the Star Wars section, what do you think?" Even as Cordelia made an exasperated noise, the taller girl let her hand trail along Cordelia's shoulders slowly before sliding down as she wrapped her arm around the brunette's waist. Tara furrowed her brow, trying to place the girl before realizing why she couldn't: she was too old to be one of their classmates. Not by much; Tara would have put her in her early twenties at most, maybe a junior or senior in college. But she definitely wasn't a high schooler. She was pretty, though, with pale skin and big blue eyes and brown hair that hung halfway down her back. The girl stared back at Tara just as curiously, looking her up and down slowly before finally turning to Cordelia. "Making a new friend?"
Cordelia appeared to consider that for a few seconds before finally shrugging and gesturing in Tara's direction. "Kat, this is Tara Maclay. Evidently she's in more of my classes than I realized this year. Tara… this is Kat McKee. My girlfriend."
Opening her mouth to respond with a generic pleasantry, Tara found herself coming up empty as her brain tried to wrap itself around those last two words. Cordelia was… the head cheerleader, the most popular girl at her school was… "I, uh, assume you don't mean that in that appropriative, popular girl, 'just gals being pals' sort of way?" The look she received in response reminded her so much of her mother's 'I know I didn't raise someone that stupid' look that she actually look a step backward. "Huh. Neat. Welcome to the winning team, I guess?"
"If we're a team, I'm pretty sure that I'm the captain and you're that one player who spends every game riding the bench." Cordelia paused as Kat cleared her throat loudly before amending that statement. "Okay, I'm the co-captain. The dateless wonder burn still applies." Even as Tara bristled a bit at that - while Cordelia certainly wasn't wrong in saying it, she really didn't enjoy having her social pariah status rubbed in her face - the brunette pulled away from Kat and closed the distance between them, leaning in and lowering her voice as her lips brushed against Tara's ear. "My friends know about Kat but nobody else does. If the rest of our classmates find out, I'll know who told them and I will end you."
The outright malice in Cordelia's voice made the hairs on the back of Tara's neck stand up, the bone skewers embedded in her arms slowly sliding outward in response to the threat. Before she could do something that she would regret once her fight or flight instinct faded, though, a hand grabbed Cordelia by the ear and pulled her out of easy stabbing range. "I swear to God, you are the most uncivilized rich girl I've ever met. Not that I know many, but still. With social skills like that, no wonder you have minions but no real friends." Releasing her girlfriend, Kat shot Tara an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, she was raised by wolves. Really rich wolves."
Tara found herself giggling softly in spite of herself as Cordelia let out an indignant huff before stalking off to look at costumes, the Togruta prosthetic tucked under one arm as she went. So assuming that she hadn't simply forgotten she was holding it when she attempted a dramatic exit, Sunnydale High's head cheerleader really was headed to the galaxy far, far away for Halloween and in very eye-catching fashion at that. That made Tara feel a lot better about her own plans for the night; if Cordelia was doing it, then people wouldn't be able to mock her costume without indirectly insulting the most popular girl in school. Nice. "It's okay. I'm used to it."
"You shouldn't be, though. Maybe it's because I've been out of school for a few years, but it all just seems so… unnecessary. I get that people don't like people, that's just human nature. But if I don't like someone? I avoid them. I don't go out of my way to bother them." Kat thought for a few seconds before shrugging and then beckoning for Tara to follow her as she went in the opposite direction of Cordelia, heading for the weapon props. "Honestly, I just can't be bothered to. Time wasted bothering people is time I could be spending doing something I actually enjoy. Like working on my cosplays. Or seeing Cordelia."
Eyes going wide, Tara stumbled and barely managed to avoid slamming into Kat as the lithe girl came to an abrupt stop in front of the lightsaber display. Kat cosplayed? Cordelia was dating a cosplayer? Okay, cheerleaders and cosplayers weren't quite the Capulets and the Montagues but as far as romances went, it was a pretty damn unlikely pairing. "I have so many questions I want to ask you."
Kat reached out to grab a pair of silver and black lightsabers with curved hilts, hefting them and testing their weight before pointing back over her shoulder with one. "Well, if you want to pick out a Star Wars-themed costume so that you can blend in with the rest of us? Cordelia and I are going to spending most of Halloween at the Bronze and her friends are… I swear that every time Harmony says something to me, one or two of my brain cells commit suicide. It'll be nice to have someone intelligent to talk to. And I'm pretty sure that Cordelia is better behaved around me than she is at school, if that helps any?"
The rest of them? Cordelia and her friends were all dressing up as Star Wars characters for Halloween? Or at least the friends who were close enough to hang out with Cordelia for the night were? That settled it, she was definitely in some kind of geek-friendly alternate universe… and she had no desire to find her way home. Offering a playful salute, Tara turned on her heel and then paused. She didn't know much about popular girls, but she did know one thing. "Um, maybe. Do you know who's going as what? I don't want to show up in the same costume, especially since they'd probably wear it better."
"Cordelia's going as a Togruta, obviously. Other than that…" Kat shrugging before bringing her fingers up to her lips and whistling sharply. Cordelia's head popped up over one of the shelves, and Kat nodded in Tara's direction. "She might be coming with us for Halloween. Can you tell her which one of your friends is dressing up as what? Because I'm going to be honest, the afternoon you all came over to plan things out? You were wearing that really low-cut purple blouse I bought you and so I really wasn't paying attention to the conversation."
"…that's fair. I do have amazing breasts, after all. I'd ask why the girl I just threatened is suddenly being included in our plans for the night but literally everyone else coming along is my friend and so I'd probably come off looking like a bitch if I tried to argue against you bringing someone." Cordelia made a beckoning gesture, and Tara hustled down the aisle and around the end before making her way back up the next aisle toward the brunette. Coming to a stop a few feet away, Tara eyed the girl warily; Cordelia had threatened her with bodily harm and hadn't exactly apologized for it… "Oh please, like I'd do anything to you where there are witnesses." Not helping! "Seriously, stop looking at me like that. Kat seems to like you, so you're safe. For now." Still not helping! "Okay, so, none of us are doing actual characters for Halloween; Kat had us pull slips from a hat because she thought it'd be rude to play favorites even though she's my girlfriend and so obviously I'm her favorite. I pulled Togruta, obviously. I'm really surprised that Kat doesn't remember at least one other, considering she made jokes and then had to explain them… Harmony is going as a Zeltron."
Tara bit her lip, feeling a little of her lingering unease drain away as she snickered softly at that news. "Harmony is a Zeltron. I… from what I've heard about her, that's very appropriate."
The corner of Cordelia's mouth quirked up at that. "From what I've read about Zeltrons? Yes. Yes, it is. Moving on, Lani got Twi'lek but traded it to Aphrodesia for Nautolan. I thought she was insane at first - sure, she's the captain of the swim team but she's not made out of money - but she set up a GoFundMe to pay for her costume and promised to do an in-water shoot after Halloween and send a print to everyone who donated more than ten bucks. Last I heard, she'd gotten enough money for the entire costume, extra body paint, two more bathing suits, she's renting the pool at the Hyatt Regency Westlake for an afternoon to do the shoot, and she's hired a professional to handle her fishgirl transformation that day. I think the next stretch goal is picking up two separate professional photographers to capture the action? It's ridiculous." Wow. A little. Also, she needed to see if she could borrow her mother's credit card when they got home; Hokulani Palakiko was hot with a capital H - and O and T - and Tara kinda wanted one of those prints. "Aura lucked out and pulled Zabrak, which is going to look great with her skin tone and hairline. Kat is a Miraluka, and you're… whatever you want to be."
"Kat's going as a Miraluka?" Tara found herself fighting the urge to make a terrible joke for a moment before giving in. "I can honestly say I didn't see that coming."
"Neither did she!" Cordelia and Tara shared a laugh at that, only to abruptly go silent as they remembered who they were laughing with, and then shrug it off and start laughing again. When both finally calmed down, Cordelia get Tara a slow and contemplative once-over. "You know, as far as weird wallflower goth girls go, you're really not that bad. Your fashion sense is a little monochromatic, but decent apart from that. You've yet to do something that gives me a reason to dislike you, or at least a reason that would overrule what Kat wants. And clearly you know Star Wars pretty well, although I admit that it doesn't take much to know more than I do. So… idea." Without warning, Cordelia thrust the Togruta prosthetic that she'd been carrying around into Tara's arms, making the smaller girl squeak and fumble to avoid dropping it. "You do Togruta, I do Togruta, and I'll pay for part of yours if you help me figure out a decently Star Wars-y outfit that's not one of these awful brown robes. Or evil. Because I told Kat that I had everything under control but I'm really worried that I'll disappoint her by looking like I'm from a mall near you instead of a galaxy far, far away."
On one hand, Tara had been pondering doing a Togruta for Halloween. Briefly. Before being distracted by Cordelia's story about the prosthetics' origins and then by Kat and then by Cordelia and Kat. It would definitely be fun even if it was a good amount of work, and having someone chip in some money now would leave her more for the rest of her costume. On the other hand… "Why the heck should I help someone who threatened me three times in the last five minutes? Even if her girlfriend seems kinda cool? Tossing me a backhanded compliment doesn't really make up for that, you know."
Cordelia pondered that for a moment before shrugging. "To be fair, I only threatened you once. The other two were simple statements of fact. Let's go." They seemed like awfully threatening statements of fact to her, but… fine. Tara had still been threatened once by Cordelia's logic, which was a perfectly good reason not to cooperate with her plan. But as indignant as Tara was, her longing to be accepted and included was far stronger and so she found herself trailing along obediently behind Cordelia anyway. The taller girl made her way back over to grab another Togruta prosthetic, turning around and holding it in one hand as she used the other to gesture to it excitedly. "Come on. It'll be fun. You can come to the planning sessions. None of the other girls are lesbians or even bi, but the scenery is top notch."
"…are you really trying to low-key pimp your friends to me? In exchange for my help? Especially after threatening me?"
"You can ogle me and Kat too if you want. I'm an equal opportunity terrible person when it comes to this kind of thing."
"Please don't bribe people using my breasts, sweetie. It's weird. And kinda rude."
Wow, Kat had ridiculously good ears if she'd heard Cordelia from all the way over there. Maybe she was like Tara in more ways than one? She didn't feel like a demon… but Tara hadn't realized that Jessica was a vampire until her mother said something, so clearly being able to sense her own kind wasn't something she was terribly good at. When Tara turned away from staring at the back of Kat's head contemplatively, she found herself sputtering in surprise at the sight of Cordelia leaning forward, the brunette's breasts pushed together between her arms. "Oh, for the love of… fine. I'll be a Togruta and help you with your costume too. But no more threatening me. And put those things away."
Straightening up, Cordelia huffed before reaching up to adjust the neckline of her shirt. "Are you sure you're into girls? Because seriously, my breasts are amazing."
…well, she certainly wasn't wrong about that…