Tess walked into the office the next morning feeling peculiar was the only word she could think of to describe it, and she usually never had a shortage of words but things were changing, and a little too quickly for her taste. She was in a daze, yet her senses were picking up everything. Colors were more vivid. Lines sharper. And hearing keener. It was exhilarating.
But more than anything it was scary. Because she knew what this was without a doubt. And last time she had been betrayed in the worst possible way. This was love. Over time, since Oliver left everything lost its sheen. Even when she saw him again she had forcefully dulled the colors, hazed the lines, degraded her hearing. But it still all ran together. All because of some man she didn't even know the real name of.
Thus far, her suspects, which consisted of people she'd seen that day because just like her lungs her memory seemed incapable of doing its job to its full extent, so her suspect, was exclusively Clark, and that was only physically. Because emotionally he and Lois were so far caught up in their own emotional whirlwind that he can't focus on anything else even when he's being payed to focus on anything else, and she can't imagine how that storm evolves outside of work.
So this left even Clark was out of the question, leaving her right where she started, nowhere. Left with endless possibilities of who could be her knight in shining armor. Besides, even if logically Clark was a possibility, she just didn't get any feelings remotely like that around him. Sure, he was attractive, but any female could spot that from a mile away. But she just didn't feel it. And as much as she hated to admit it, that was the biggest lead she had to go on.
She trusted her gut of course. It was only that her gut had little to do with this. Everything was relying on the heart that she had so forcefully repressed for so long. But if he was able to awaken that in her once. She had to hope he could do it again. Even if by some form of magic.
She turned the corner and walked to her office, utterly exasperated at the hole she dug herself so deeply into. She opened the door and her heart dropped. Any high spirits the event of the previous night had left her with disappeared at the sight of the blond billionaire leaning up against her desk with a cocky smile plastered all over his face.
Colors went vivid. Lines sharpened. Hearing focused.
Her eyes closed in what she hoped looked like annoyance, but was actually a frustrated inner battle. When she opened her eyes, they locked on two big brown orbs and her defenses went up as she prepared for battle. "Hi," is how he started off, a simple two letters that seemed so taunting to her and desperate to him. Both just wished he could take that word back already because even if he just left without saying anything, at least she could convince herself that he didn't care so neither did she. But he did. And she did. She was just forcefully oblivious to both facts.
"So we're back to pleasantries," came the immediate and regrettable response. Already, without any real provocation she was ready to attack. And she hated it. She didn't know why she was like this with him. She wasn't like this with everyone, but there was something about him that put her on edge in the most demeaning, uncomfortable, heart-wrenching- No, she couldn't do this. Once she lets the heart get involved it always goes downhill.
She didn't really know why she cared in the first place. That was the problem that every other one sprouted from. She cared.
"Now, that was uncalled for," his smile broke for a moment, and her heart along with it, realizing that maybe, just maybe, he cared too. And that's why she made him falter like Lex never could. But is smile was quickly replaced and with his momentary frown her stray emotions were reeled back in and stored away for her to deal with later. Because they would most assuredly be back. They always come back, especially when it comes to him.
"Oliver, I'm not in the mood to battle with you," she sighed, getting up the gumption to finally make a move to go and sit in her desk. The motion taking much more effort than it should've. Of course it could have had something to do with the fact that her lungs did seem to be working in the first place due to last night's encounter. This on top of it made it so that gasps of oxygen were a rarity.
She dropped some files down with a smack that sounded vaguely like the sound of her hand on his cheek that fateful night. She forced the memory back with those stray emotions and sat, turning to face Oliver, cold facade in place once more. Oliver turned, looking her dead in the exactly the opposite of so many peopLe who were simply afraid to for fear that she would turn them into stone. "I was hoping you'd say that," he smiled that charming smile that sent many women head over heels. She would not be one of those women,
Tess shot him a glare that clearly stated nor am I in the mood for this. His smile broadened and her will threatened to break but she reinforced it and forced her way forward, face not showing an inkling of her inner battle. His face turned serious in an instant, eyes melting with emotion. That little switch was almost enough to make her lose the minuscule restraint she had left. They stared at each other until the questions begging to be asked physically hurt and nearly pushed them back away from each other, which she would have gladly taken the opportunity, if only it didn't appear to be working in quite the opposite way.
But she was good at pretending. And even if she had really already lost what she had worked three years for. She wouldn't let hI'm know that. "Why? Why are you doing this, all of it?"
And her will broke. She shook her head slightly and looked at the ground, unable to meet his eye. There was so much she knew she should've done, so much she shouldn't have. And she wanted to say it didn't matter. But it did. It caused her the hurt she had been trying to avoid. Now he was disappointed in her. And she couldn't blame him. She was disappointed in herself. She hurt people, herself included. "I don't know," was all she could muster.
He was bringing down her walls one by one. Making her be honest with not only him, but herself. And that hurt more than being honest with anyone else. She looked back into his eyes that had no anger in them, like she was used to. She knew anger and could fight it well. But what was in his eyes was disappointment and restrained longing. No, it was more like a longing that he had experienced before, and he was seeing someone who looked like the person he was longing for but the person that was in front of him just looked like her. And it broke her heart. She wanted that look to be for her. But she was a different person now. And he didn't want that person. She didn't want to be that person so she couldn't expect him to want her.
"I wanted to help. I didn't want to be hurt," she whispered, unable to form the words louder than that.
The look in his eyes was too much again. She looked down at nothing, or anything as long as it wasn't him. She expected him to shout, say that she was lying. That that's not possible because if it is she would have done things differently. She expected it because that's what she would have done. That's what any sane person would have done. That's what she deserved. Her answer didn't make any sense, not even to her.
She prepared herself for a new wave of heartbreak. She was ready to steel herself at any moment. He walked over to her, around the desk and in front of her turned chair. He surprised her. He lowered himself to her eye level and grabbed her hand. "You won't be."
She looked him in the eye and it connected, the long stored up passion, the emotion. It exploded. In one swift movement they were up, Tess was against the wall and they were kissing. His arms were snaked around her waist and up her back keeping her close. She grabbed his neck and pulled him closer.
They were lost. The familiarity of it. The constantly unexplored passion. So many days he used to show up at her office for the need of her. And she would give in without a fight. It would end with a snarky remark and he would go on his way. Neither questioned it.
But when he was with Lois he never felt the need for spontaneous visits. He never wanted to. He didn't want to interrupt her work. And for a while he thought that meant that he got it right. That his insane need for Tess wasn't it, it wasn't love. He thought that his respect and care for Lois was what he was supposed to have for the rest of his life.
He knew the world needed him more than Lois did. And if he was honest, he would admit that he hoped he would see Tess somewhere along the way. The irony was, when he did see her again, it was at home. And it was pain that changed her too. It made him more responsible and her, just different.
Stronger was the word she wanted to use, but neither was sure. How do you define strength? Was it the ability to store away emotions at a moments notice? If it was then she was right. But he didn't believe that was it. It was as he said. She was now just...different.
A need for air broke the kiss. But the need for each other flooded the rest of their body. Then a sudden realization came rushing up to Tess. Green Arrow. Somewhere along the line, her hands had shifted to his chest, clutching his shirt. She steadily released her grip and averted her eyes. His hand moved to cup her face. She pulled away slightly, as though his touch burned her. "Mercy, what's wrong?"
He turned her face to look at him. "What's wrong?" He repeated, this time more forceful.
"I need some time," she said, giving the weakest excuse she had ever given him. She pushed his arm away, freeing herself. She moved away and crossed her arms over her chest, facing away from him. "Really?" He says attempting to restore the playful banter.
After there was still no response he tried again. "What? It's not you, it's me?"
"Really it's not either of us," she answered vaguely.
"There's someone else?" Slightly outraged, and a little appalled, he stormed over to her and stood behind her. "You can't tell me you didn't feel that just now." He was feeling protective, he'd admit that. He was protective and more than willing to fight for her. This whole time he had been holding back on her account. He thought she didn't feel it anymore. Now that he knew she did, he was going to fight with everything in him.
"I'm not going to lie to you. I felt that. And I've been wanting to feel that for so long. But I have a chance to start over. Last night, it was thrilling. And it's a chance to start over." That's when Oliver realized she was cheating on him with him, if it was even considered cheating. Now he felt kind of embarrassed. He was worried that this other guy would hurt her. But he wouldn't hurt her so he had no need to be worried. Actually, no matter what he did he hurt her. Unless he let her make the decision and then he told her. Oliver had to appreciate Clark's situation, it was a lot more complicated than he had expected.
But he still had this need to fight. He didn't know why. But logic overruled. "Ok," he said. Then he turned and left without another word.
Tess felt her heart break a little. She had wanted him to fight for her, but he hadn't. The passion was there, but maybe that's what all the other girls thought. For a second he sounded protective, but maybe that was forced. It didn't matter. The point was he didn't fight for her. And there was no point in denying what her heart already knew.
For right now, she had a choice in front of her and there was one deciding factor. Green Arrow was a new start. The question was did she want a new start? Did she want to have to relearn all his little quirks and sensitive topics when she already had someone else already in front of her that she new inside and out? But that goes both ways. Oliver knew everything about her, when Green Arrow knew nothing of the things she had done. Maybe Oliver was the Green Arrow. "That's your dreams talking, Mercer," she reminded herself.
She decided she would go up tonight and tell him what happened and she'd leave it up to him to decide. Maybe in this case honesty was the best route. Or it just ends up hurting her both ways. That wouldn't surprise her.
For the rest of the day she considered lying but kept coming back, wanting to move away from the deceptive person she had been. It had caused her to be alone. No one wanted to help. When the time came she went to the roof.
He wasn't there so she took a seat facing the door she had just walked through, knowing he wouldn't walk through there, but maybe he was the type to like to surprise. "What if he doesn't come?" She thought in alarm.
"He'll come," she whispered to herself. Though if he didn't it would make her choice that much easier. Her choice. The choice of whether to start over or to have another go. The choice between the hero and her hero. What does she want? "You look deep in thought."
"That's an understatement," she replied without looking up.
He walked over and sat beside her. "What are you thinking about?"
She shook her head. "I kissed someone else," she admitted, going with the honest route like she planned.
"Ok," was all he said too. She winced, thinking that neither man would fight. That neither man cared enough.
"I'm sorry."
"I can't decide on that aspect of your life." Her face slackened. It really was a one time thing. And that's why he was here, to tell her that.
"Right," she said, not confirming, but just as something to fill the empty void and awkward silence.
"What did you feel last night?" He asked.
"Confusion, conflict, and complication," she found herself lying again. That's not what she felt last night. That's what she felt today.
"Then you want to forget about this?" He asked, staring at her with covered eyes.
"I didn't say that." Normally she wouldn't have said that but apparently once you decide honesty is the best policy, it bleeds out into surrounding matter and statements, which was not something she was comfortable with.
She still wouldn't look at him. She looked everywhere but him. She appeared to be interested in the graffiti on the wall, or the birds in the sky, or the power lines cutting the two into separate pictures. It didn't matter as long as it was anything, but him.
"Tell you what. I'll come back here in two days, same time, same place. And if you want to continue this you can show up, if not, it's an easy out."
Now, she met his eyes. "Why are you doing this?"
"If I knew, I'd tell you," he laughed. With that, he zip lined to the next building and ran off, leaving her staring after him again.
She walked back down into the office and found that Lois was the only one left. Again. "Lois, go home. Get some rest."
Lois leaned back in her chair and fixed her with a glare of disbelief. "What's the matter? Someone finally return your heart?"
"No, I just finally took off the blinders." Tess surprised herself by saying that. Darn honesty. It's like a parasite, feeding off your supposedly eternal store of sarcastic and icy comments. But, albeit resignedly, Tess realized Lois knew the situation better than anyone. And right now, she needed advice. "How do you deal with it, Lois?"
"Deal with what? The incessant work load, the evil boss..." Lois quipped.
"How do you do the constant tango between Clark and the Blur?"
"Someone got a superhero crush of their own?"
"Can I trust you not to tell anyone?" They danced through the conversation asking a question only to get another question in return. This is how they always communicated, but now it was more serious. Something in the air had changed and both women noticed it. Neither would lie, and in that moment neither felt like betraying the other. There were some things you just don't share, not even with a particularly nosy cousin, and one of those things were affairs of the heart.
Both understood that if it came down to it the other would probably be there for the other. It was just the day to day things that were a little more difficult.
Lois leaned forward and nodded. "Not a single soul, living or not." With this town you never knew.
"Yes, I do. But there's someone else too. And I don't know how to choose. Sometimes it feels neither cares at all. But then moments where it feels like it's all they care about."
"Let me guess. One's an idol and the other's someone who won't judge. You feel like with all the darkness inside you, you don't deserve someone who goes out every night to save people. While he does say he cares, you know he does. And the other understands every little quirk. He knows you inside and out and doesn't care about the deep, dark corners of your mind. And your heart's telling you to take both, but you know if you do that you're cheating and you can't do that to either because they've both treated you so well."
"Exactly." Lois knew what she was talking about. She had been on every road of this little journey and knew exactly what she was thinking because the same thoughts had run through her mind, though probably with cruder language.
"Well, when I figure out what to do you'll be the first to know. But in your case I wouldn't be too worried. You'll figure it out."
Tess couldn't figure out what she meant by that but assumed that there was some secret meaning woven into those words. Lois was counting on her wits to get her to figure it out. Why was Tess' situation any different than hers, other than the fact that Lois' Prince Charmings were the same person. Tess decided that in thanks for the hint that Tess had to mull over she would return the favor. "Talk to Clark about your feelings for the Blur."
"Thanks, but I prefer to keep my relationship in one piece," she said leaning back over and back to work.
"Trust me," Tess said, turning and leaving.
And that left Lois pondering. Her immediate thought was Tess just wanted the upper hand. But then she thought of all the encouragements from Chloe and decided to do it. She would talk to Clark.
Chloe was not in the mood to be encouraging anything right now of anything. She was at Watchtower, looking into some criminal Clark dropped off.
The reason for her bad mood was Oliver. He didn't do anything wrong but, he was being so nice to her and it seemed as though there was something being forced between them that she had to say something. The question is, how?
That's not an issue she has often. So while that question would be difficult for most people to answer, she was having a particularly difficult for her, seeing as she had this leftover habit from her Torch days to just say what she thought. She could keep a secret but if it was an opinion all sensitive people in the area should cover their ears to leave because what's coming out next is probably not going to be pretty.
She had been trying to kick the habit, hence the awkward silence that hung in the car. Oliver seemed to sense it and attempted to ease out of it. "How was work?" Chloe had recently got a job at the Register so as not to crowd Lois and Clark, whom Chloe realized needed lots of elbow room to figure out whatever was going on between them.
"Fine."
"You don't think I'm picking up on the I don't know how to say this vibe? Believe me I've gotten enough of that today." He said taking off his vest and hanging it up since he didn't have patrol tonight. He just dawned the costume for his secret meeting.
"What happened?"
"I kissed the woman I had been pining after since I left her last night as Green Arrow. Then I saw her today and kissed her as normal Oliver. She broke the kiss and told me that there was someone else but she wasn't sure about her feelings and needed time. I got majorly jealous and was ready to sock someone but then I realized that the other man...was me," Oliver ranted.
"Thank goodness," Chloe exhaled.
"What?!"
"No, I just meant that that meant that I wouldn't have to say no way, Jose, because you're still day-dreaming about Tess."
"How did you...?"
She shrugged. "Reporters' nose never fails," she said with a tap to her nose. "So, why'd you kiss her as Green Arrow?"
"She was there, I was there, and BAM. Kissing."
"When did Clark start giving articulating lessons?" she joked.
"Funny," Oliver replied dryly, "what should I do?"
"Hallmark would say to go with honesty. But my gut's telling me she can't be trusted."
"Helpful," he muttered.
Chloe shrugged. "I've got to go. I'll catch you later," she said, grabbing her coat and heading to the Luthor Mansion. Tess is messing with his head, and while Chloe might not care about him that way, she wasn't going to stand by and let Oliver get hurt.
She got into her car and drove for about an hour before she made it to the mansion. She stormed in past the guards, who were growing used to her angry presence. Someone should probably tell Tess about that, obviously she wouldn't see as it working in her favor.
She pushes through the doors and sees Tess on her laptop at the desk. She hadn't changed out of her work clothes. When Chloe entered, Tess' eyes flicked to the bottom, right corner of the screen, where the time was located. Without looking up she said, "Took you longer than I thought it would."
She leaned back and looked at her intently before moving to get a drink. "What are you here for?"
"What did you mean?" came the evasive reply. She was ready for a war but always expected a game.
She smirked. "Now, we could do this all night, debating on who meant what but I'm tired and I'd imagine you are too, so if we are just straightforward about this then both of us can go to bed. The difference is, if you came here for a game of wits, my bed is right in there, you however drove all the way out here. I guess there is a reason for that. So why don't you tell me what it is you're so upset about."
"Oliver. You can't play him, not anymore. He doesn't need you. Get over it."
"I'm not playing him, Chloe. I have a decision to make and you're not helping. You're just taking up my time. So if you're done," with that she turned and walked away.
Before Tess had entirely walked away, Chloe asked, "Do you honestly care about him?"
Tess froze and turned back to her with a look of honesty on her face that Chloe had never seen before. "Yes." With that she turned around and left, leaving Chloe dumbfounded.
It was different maybe she was changing. Maybe she wasn't. Either way, she couldn't tell Oliver.