Thanks for the follows. This chapter is about the internal battle within Amy. Karma has messed with her head again and she just doesn't know what to do.

Back in the safety of her house. Amy was relieved to find that her mum wasn't home. She ran upstairs and closed the bedroom door, threw the package that Karma had given her onto the floor and fell onto her bed. "Fuuuuuuck!" Amy screamed into her pilliow. What a fucking mess!

Amy replayed the kiss and argument with Karma trying to make sense of it all. What the hell was Karma playing at? You don't go round kissing people you haven't spoken for five years! Especially those that used to be in love with you...AND had girlfriends!

Amy let out a groan of frustration as the guilt then started swimming around her head.

Had she been too hard on Karma? Her parents had just died after all. Should she have cut her some more slack? She was clearly messed up and Amy had said some pretty harsh things. This always happened whenever Amy lashed out...it felt great at the time, but then the guilt always followed.

It had, after all, been Amy's decision to come back for the funeral. She could have ignored Karma's voicemail message or sent her condolencies, but just explained that they weren't friends anymore and that she wasn't sure what it had to do with her. She hadn't done that. She had rushed back to try and support her childhood friend.

If being around Karma was bringing out insecurities or even worse...repressed feelings, then Amy had to take some responsibility for that. She had wanted to believe that she was over the way Karma had rejected her, ended their childhood friendship, but she clearly wasn't as 'healed' as she had thought. So much for all that therapy!

Amy rolled over onto her back an stared at the ceiling trying to put things into perspective. Trying to work out what she was feeling...aside from completely and utterly confused.

Karma's words bounced around her head "I have to know Amy if you honestly don't still feel something for me". As Amy laid there she reviewed the evidence as if it was a court case.

The case AGAINST having any feeling towards Karma
This was simple. The evidence why Amy no longer had feelings for Karma was the fact that she was with Kate. They were happy and Amy loved spending time with her. Their life in New York was pretty great and Amy was excited about how things were going. They had fun together, had loads in common and had great sex.

The case FOR Amy still having feelings towards Karma
Amy sighed as she tried to answer this question. Where to start? The way she dropped the glass on the floor at merely hearing Karma's voice. The sweaty palms, the racing heartbeat, the electricity she felt when she had brushed Karma's naked shoulder, the inability to deny the sexual attraction not to mention the split second when Karma was kissing her when Amy felt an explosion inside her before she pulled herself together.

Amy was the accused, the defendant AND the judge in this case. Summing up the evidence, Amy concluded that seeing Karma again had caused a number of feelings to bubble up to the surface. Sexual attraction being a key one. Amy admitted to herself that she was attracted to Karma, but that that was OK, but she was only human. It was possible to be attracted to other people and not act on these feelings. People did it all the time.

Amy also knew that Karma's behavior was undoubtedly affected by the recent death of her parents. She had admitted herself that she only felt like she belonged here when Amy was back. That was not healthy behavior and Amy suspected that Karma was confusing her feelings. You don't just change sexuality like that. Amy had spent a good year of her life wishing Karma would, but as the therapist had pointed out, if it was going to happen it would have happened naturally.

But then Amy thought about Liams drunken words and Karma's comment about Amy not really knowing her...what was that all about? Amy looked down at the envelop on the floor and weighed up the risks of opening it. She could just throw it away. She could give it back to Karma and tell her that whatever was in there she didn't want to know. They were where they were for all kind of reasons and thats how it should stay. She could go to the funeral tomorrow and then never see Karma again. That would be possible. That would be the sensible option.

Amy stared at the package and as her head tried to convince her to do the sensible thing...to ignore what her heart was telling her, she knew deep down that there would be only one outcome...since when did Amy do the sensible thing? She reached down off the bed and picked up the envelop and started ripping open.

Tipping it upside down onto the bed the contents scattered out. There were at least 40 letters all addressed to Amy, stamped and sealed and unsent. There were dates written on the back of the envelops and as Amy spread them out over the bed she saw they started from the day after the wedding. There was also a CD with a date on it dated 4 years previously. Amy recognised her own handwriting and saw that the letter she had sent to Karma after the truth had come out about Liam was also there...completely unopened! Amy couldn't believe that Karma had never even read her letter. Had never even considered hearing her out. She felt tears start to form in her eyes. Maybe if Karma has read her letter, maybe she would have understood why Amy had slept with Liam, (rejection and drink), understood how much she regretted it (massively) and how much she missed her best friend (with all her heart).

As the tears started to fall down her cheeks Amy felt like she was mourning five years of lost friendship that could have been saved if Karma had wanted it to...if she had bothered reading her letter. Amy had poured her heart out into that letter and seeing it laying there unopened five year on was another kick in the heart. Why? Why did Karma not open it? why did she forgive Liam, but not Amy? WHY?

Amy needed to get out. She needed some space...and some alcohol!
She grabbed her coat and walked out of the bedroom leaving the letters scattered all over her bed. She would decide what to do with them later. If she was going to read them, she had decided she needed some dutch courage. If she was going to bin them, then she needed to have the excuse of being drunk. She picked up her phone and texted Shane. Bar - 15 minutes! Emergency! X

What would you do if you were Amy? Read or throw? Let me know x