Woke up stupid time this morning and started writing this. Amy is scared of what she might be feeling again towards Karma. Scared of what that might mean about her and Kate. In this chapter Amy has to decide what to do? To read or not to read...that is the question! As ever, it's so nice to receive a review if you are enjoying this story. Or any feedback you might have. Am I stretching it out too long?
Amy practically ran to the bar. It didn't matter that it was only early afternoon. She needed a drink. Correction. She needed lots of drinks. By the time Shane arrived at the bar 20 minutes later she had already finished one glass of red wine and had started on the second.
"Wooooah" Shane said as he hugged Amy who had positioned herself on a bar stool "that bad?
"Worse!" Amy responded "...karma kissed me!" Amy confessed
"WHAAAAAT" Shane responded as his mouth dropped open.
"I know right!" Amy replied in-between mouthfuls of wine.
"What the fuck Amy! When did this happen? I thought you only got back last night?" Shane said still shocked by the news "does she not know about Kate?"
Amy blushed slightly as she thought back to the embarrassing phone sex misunderstanding. "Oh trust me...she knew about Kate. It happened this afternoon. We met for coffee." Amy decided to leave it at that. She knew Shane would have a field day if he knew the whole story about the phone sex mix up.
Shane ordered himself a drink and then plonked himself onto the barstool next to Amy.
"So she knew you had a girlfriend and she still kissed you? Wow - I can totally see that Karma hasn't changed much! Still out for herself."
Shane's words, whilst partly true stung Amy a little. For some strange reason she found herself feeling a bit protective over Karma. Shane however was not holding back.
"Seriously...is it not enough that Liam is broken hearted, she now has to try and mess up your love life."
He paused took a large gulp of his drink and then turned to face Amy "WAIT! You didn't kiss her back did you?"
Amy answered immediately
"NO!" Amy responded firmly "I..I pushed her away and said that she wasn't thinking straight and that we would put it down to grief and that we would never mention it again."
Amy left out the bit about her seriously wanting to kiss her back. With the help of some alcohol inside her, Amy totally acknowledge the feeling she had had when Karma was kissing her, it was like the past five years had never happened...she felt like she was 15 again. The kiss had maybe lasted a whole three seconds, but it had been enough to mess things up.
Shane looked Amy straight in the face "Ams...is there something you are not telling me?"
"YES!" Amy blurted out...relieved that she had been rumbled. she needed some support here, she needed Shane to tell her what to do because she sure as hell couldn't work it out!
"Oh god Shane I'm like totally confused." Amy took another gulp of her wine before telling Shane everything she was feeling.
Shane remained silent as he listened to the story.
"I...I just don't know what to do Shane. I feel like I could probably walk away from things now, and just put it down to nostalgia. Seeing Karma again has stirred some old feelings, but that's it. When I go back to New York everything will be forgotten"
"BUUUUUT" Shane added sensing Amy's hesitation
Amy closed her eyes and sighed "BUT...a part of me...really needs to know what Karma feels about me". Amy confessed
"I'll tell you what Karma feels about you. She feels like you're happy and she not and so she's gonna mess your head up! Amy she doesn't care about you, she's just using you. She didn't fancy you back then..."
"Errr..." Amy interrupted "..thanks for the reminder!"
"Well it's true. What makes you think she fancies you now?"
Amy thought back over the moments she had been with Karma for signs.
"But why did she kiss me then?"
Amy asked confused, the wine finally starting to kick in.
"Why? Who knows! Why did she kiss you the first time? To be popular by pretending to be a lesbian. Why would she kiss you now? She'll have a reason. There's always a reason when it comes to Karma"
Shane finished his drink and then ordered them both a new one.
"Wow..." Amy said "...you REALLY don't like her do you?"
"I hate the way she treated you back then. I saw how painful it was for you, and it was horribly standing on the sidelines watching, knowing that the only person who could make it better was the one who was causing all the pain to start with."
Amy reached for her glass "You make a fair point! So why are you here? If you hate her so much why did you come home for the funeral?"
"I don't HATE her, and what has happened is like really sad. I just think she is a selfish person..and you my lovely..." He leant over and planted a kiss on Amy's cheek before continuing "..are one of the nicest people in the world!"
Amy didn't feel particularly nice right then. If she was a good person, she wouldn't have considered kissing Karma back. She wouldn't have been thinking about touching Karma...they were not actions a good person with a living girlfriend should be considering!
"Besides..." Shane continued "Liam and you both asked me to. So I'm kinda her for you two more."
Amy smiled "well I sure am pleased you are here..." She raised her glass to do a toast, Shane followed her actions "...I mean who else would be happy to help me get drunk at 4pm in the afternoon!" Amy winked at Shane as they clinked their glasses.
They spent the next hour gossiping and catching up. Shane filled Amy in on his various boyfriends and how he hadn't met anyone yet who he wanted a steady relationship with. He felt at there age it was about going out and having fun at college...not sitting in and watching tv together. Amy smiled at the thought of Kate and her snuggled up on the sofa watching House of Cards or a documentary. To Amy that was what she wanted with someone. She wanted the closeness and security to be able to pull on your comfiest clothes and veg out together. She wanted a best friend as well as a lover. That was what she had wanted five years ago...that was what she wanted now..what she felt she had with Kate...but maybe Kate was just a substitution for Karma
Maybe what she wanted was waiting for her in the envelops on her bed?
Amy had made her mind up...she needed to know what Karma wanted her to know. The feelings Amy had felt again for Karma since she had been back were too strong to deny...even though that made Amy feel like a bad person. Even though it would only make things more complicate. The curiosity was just too great for her to fight.
Amy downed the remains of her drink, grabbed her coat from the chair
"Woah...what's the rush?" Shane asked.
"I'm sorry...I...this...this really helped me...I've just got to find out what's in those letters." Amy kissed Shane goodbye and then started running home.
Amy burst through the front door to find her mum was home. Amy realised that she was a little bit tipsy now and tried her best to act sober.
"There's my girl!" Her mum cried out as she walked over and hugged her.
"Hey mum" Amy replied
"Why don't you look lovely. What have you been up to?" Her mum asked
"Oh you know..catching up. I just met Shane."
"Listen sweet I am so sorry I wasn't able to pick you up last night. Did you get a taxi?"
"Err actually I got a lift. Off Karma!"
"Karma! Well how did that go? How is she holding up?" Her mum asked with concern.
"Not great to be honest. She's in a bit of a messy place right now."
"Well I'm sure she's happier for having you back".
Amy answered the question silently "well that's what I'm trying find out!"
"I guess" Amy answered out loud.
"Well I think it's lovely that you came back to support Karma."
Amy smiled weakly as she listened to her mum talk. "I know her parents were a bit alternative, but it's such a tragedy"
"I know" Amy replied.
"Mum do we still have that old CD player?" Amy asked out of the blue
"What? Ummm Well I guess. I think it must be in the garage somewhere."
"Great" Amy replied as she headed out the room
"Dinner will be in a couple of hours" her mum shouted out towards Amy.
"I'm not hungry" Amy cried back as the door closed behind her.
After 20 minutes of searching she finally found what she was looking for. Heading back upstairs, she stopped via the kitchen and poured herself another glass of wine.
Amy plugged in the CD player and then sorted then started opening the envelops.
There were birthday cards, Christmas cards for the past five years. There were photos of the two of them over the years that Karma had made into postcards. There was even one of the two of them dancing to Paula Abdul at her mums wedding. Amy had never seen that photo before. She ran her finger over Karma and the tears started to form.
In each card and on the back of the photos were the same words: To my darling Amy. You are me. All my love Karma x
Amy picked up the CD as she opened the cover a folded piece of paper fell out. Amy unfolded the paper and read the opening line.
Dear Amy. If you are reading this, then it means something has happened that has finally given me the courage to tell the truth...