Never Have I Ever…shared a bathroom
When I was single, getting up in the morning and getting ready for the day seemed a lot easier.
First off, I didn't have to deal with all the temptations that a married man has to. There was no cute girl hugging me in her sleep and forcing me to stay in bed for an extra five minutes, and there certainly was no urges to kiss said girl even if she was unconscious and couldn't kiss back.
Furthermore, I didn't have to share a bathroom with anyone.
As I grumble to myself and think these thoughts, Rio trudges out of the restroom and into the bathroom I sneak a peek out of the corner of my eye to take in a glimpse of the farmer.
She's as cute as ever with her hair sticking up all over the place and a sleepy look on her face. Her blue eyes are half closed, a sign that she's not fully awake yet. As she moves to her place next to mine and leans against the bathroom counter, I take in her sloppily tied bathrobe and smile a bit at how different she looks now compared to when she's fully awake.
There's something actually kind of adorable about her sleepiness, not that I'd ever admit it to her. When she begins her morning routine though, I look away and focus on brushing my teeth.
I will never, ever, understand how women can put so many lotions and creams and have such a meticulous way of doing certain things so early in the morning. For the most part, Rio doesn't care much about being super girly (I've seen her wearing guys' clothes around town before like she could care less that she's basically cross dressing) but when it comes to all her stuff in the bathroom she really becomes feminine.
I figured that there's no way her skin could be so smooth and clean looking without SOME sort of treatment, but all the same it's beyond me how she manages to remember what to do every morning.
Me, I can barely remember to brush my teeth sometimes.
I'm cleaning around the house when I hear a knock on the door. For a second I'm confused, until Rod pokes his head in and grins broadly at me.
"Hey, Neil," he greets me, as energetic as ever. "How's married life treating you?"
"Don't leave the door open, you'll let dust blow in," I gripe, and Rod closes the door behind him before all but skipping over to me. With admiration in his eyes, he exclaims, "Wow, you look just like my mom with that apron on and that duster in your hand…"
"Shut up," I threaten, waving the duster under his nose and causing him to sneeze. "It's Saturday so I told Rio to go hang out with some friends and leave the house to me. She's always working so hard, so I figured the least I could do was clean up the place a bit…"
I grumble under my breath as Rod just smiles at me knowingly.
"Well I can help," he offers, and without my consent walks over to Rio's closet.
"Hey what are you-"
"I'll just borrow one of her aprons like I always do and help you out!"
As he opens her closet door carefully, I watch him go to the drawer marked 'aprons' before he blushes and turns around holding one of Rio's entirely-too-strappy swimsuits in his hand.
"Um Neil, I think she put this in the wrong drawer…"
I march over to him and snatch the material out of his hands, my own face crimson as I throw the apron I'm wearing over his face and say, "Just go start cleaning, I'll get another apron!"
Side by side, the two of us stand in front of the bathroom door before Rod looks at me and asks, "Well? Are we going to clean in here too?"
"Of course we are," I snap, before sobering up a bit saying, "I just think I should warn you."
"Warn me about what?" Rod asks innocently, and in answer to his question I push open the door and watch as his eyes get wide taking in all of Rio's beauty products. They practically draw a line between her side of the bathroom counter and mine; all I've got is a bar of soap and some shaving cream. The mug that holds our toothbrushes is in the middle space between her side and mine, along with the toothpaste but for the most part it's very obvious what belongs to me and what belongs to her.
Rod takes a step into bathroom carefully, before turning around and coughing, "Are you sure it's okay for me to be in here cleaning this with you?"
"You help out with the whole house even though I've been telling you to get out the entire time, and NOW you bail on me?"
"Okay, okay! But still…well…damn, I had no idea girls needed so much to look good." For a second he seems to think about something before wondering aloud, "I hope Tina doesn't have as many products as this or I might actually think twice about proposing…"
Jostling him with my elbow, I head over to my side and studiously wipe down the counter before muttering, "I'm sure she has three times as much as Rio does. And I don't even want to think about how many Michelle has."
"Girls are so complicated…"
"Yeah."
"They're like aliens," Rod continues. "Does her face really look that different during the day than it does at night?"
He stares at me, waiting for an answer and I shrug before saying, "Rio doesn't really look that different to me. I think she just uses these to keep her skin soft or something. I don't know."
For some reason this gives Rod an idea; his eyes light up and without thinking he reaches out to grab the nearest bottle of cream. Before I can stop him, he squirts out a huge blob of light blue cream before slapping some on his face.
"ROD! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" I hiss, trying to tug the bottle out of his hand. Resisting me, Rod scowls and says, "Well I want to have soft skin too! Besides, it can't hurt…"
Ignoring him, I yank the bottle out of his hand only to see him reaching for another bottle. Leaning away from me, he reads off the back, "Feel fresh and wash away dirt and grime for a cleaner you! Become touchably irresistible!"
The last three words make me pause in my haste to snatch the bottle away, and Rod asks the same thing that I'm thinking, murmuring, "Become touchably irresistible…huh? Hey, do you think this means you become irresistible?"
"Don't say something so stupid. I don't think it's that simple," I point out, but Rod waves a hand at me and says, "No, no, no, wait, hear me out. What if this kind of cream is what makes girls have such soft skin and makes them smell good? That's why you like Rio, right?"
"I like her for more than that," I mumble, trying not to blush at the thought of how soft her skin is.
"Yeah, but…" Rod pauses for dramatic effect. "What if WE tried this? Then maybe we'd become…what was it…touchably irresistible too?"
As much as I hate to admit it, it's not an entirely bad idea. The thought of having Rio pounce on me instead of the other way around is tempting enough that I cautiously hold my hand out for Rod to squirt some of the bottle's contents into my hand.
Cautiously, I sniff at the lotion and when a flowery scent hits me I begin to have second thoughts when Rod puts a hand on my shoulder and looks at me with the most serious eyes I've ever seen from him.
"Neil," he tells me. "Faint heart never won fair lady."
"Unlike you, I'm married," I reply scathingly, but he ignores this and gives me an encouraging smile.
When I still hesitate, he tells me, "We can try it together, if you're nervous."
Giving him a look, I grumble, "Why are you acting like we're about to jump off a cliff together or something?"
He doesn't answer, and finally I sigh and say, "Okay, at the same time. On three?"
"On three," he reassures me.
"One…two…"
"What are you guys doing?"
When Rio's voice interrupts us, both Rod and I look up to see Rio standing in the doorway with Tina peeking out from behind her. Her hands on her hips, my wife stands glaring at us with an intimidating look on her face that instantly has me nervous.
As she and Tina look at us, waiting for an explanation, I sigh and glare at Rod who just grins back at me sheepishly.
Next time, I'm cleaning the bathroom by myself.
As much as I hate to admit it, I use quite the number of beauty products in the morning and at night to keep my skin (mostly) acne-free and keep it smooth. It's just a part of life for me, and one time a friend of mine peeked into my bathroom and saw all my lotions and creams and stuff. He jokingly told me that he wanted to try some too to become beautiful like a girl and I smacked him for it but all the same I feel like he thought my stuff was like some magic potion.
It's not. XD It's just lotion and face wash XD
But anyways, it gives Neil and Rod something to think about :P Rio isn't going to be leaving her beauty products out in the open anymore...
Until the next update, thanks for the reviews and reads! Requests are welcome :)