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Disclaimer: I do not own Castle
Chapter 9
"He really woke up?" Alexis' overjoyed voice woke Avril from her sleep and she saw her elder sister entering her room, talking on the phone, signalling her to wake up. She sat up and looked at her through squinted eyes. She mouthed the words "Dad woke up"
and Avril was on her feet and beside her sister in a jiffy, listening in on the conversation.
"Yea, we'll be right there"
she hit 'end call' and then looked at her younger sister.
"He woke up twice last night, and he'll probably be in a more conscious state today"
Avril hugged her tight.
"I can't wait till we can bring all three of them home"
"I know" Alexis whispered with joy.
At the hospital,
Kate was being wheeled towards his room. He was awake they told her, as soon as she woke up. And she insisted that she be taken to his room. She needed to see him. And the minute she came in the doorway to his room, the crowd around his bed parted.
And there he was, awake and looking on at her. And a small smile donned his face. Contagious that it was, it reached her lips too, but along with it came tears. These little drops have been her best friends these past few days.
She saw his lips move and he whispered her name "Kate"
he was weak, he sounded weak, and he looked a little broken, but not in spirit. Because the love in his eyes was still there. Avril rushed out to bring her mom in. and the closer Kate got, the harder it became for her to speak.
"I think we should leave you two alone for a moment" said Martha, and all of them left the room soon after.
Kate reached out to touch him to caress his face. And the slight stubble that had grown on his jaw, poked her skin a little, but nothing would stop her from touching this man. This sweet man who saved her life by risking his own.
He slowly lifted his own hand to hold hers and he brought her wrist closer to his lips where he placed a soft chaste kiss against her skin. His eyes were closed.
"Rick..." she spoke on a sob.
"You're alive" he said to convince himself.
"Because of you…"
he kissed her hand again, atop her knuckles this time.
And she pulled her hand back, confusion almost over took him, but he realized she was getting up from her chair
"Kate, be careful"
"I'm alright. I just don't think I can be so far from you any longer"
She slowly laid down beside him, snuggling into his side, being very careful not to upset any of his newly stitched wounds or make him feel uncomfortable.
He let his one arm wrap around her to pull her closer. And before she knew it, her tears were staining his hospital gown.
"Shhh" he said. "Why are you crying?"
"Why did you save me?"
"Why are you asking me that?"
"I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I owe my life to you Rick for what you did. But after everything I put you through that day, i never listened to your care's for our baby, I was so stubborn. Those bullets were for me, not for you. I deserved them"
"I couldn't imagine what I would have gone through, if I lost you and our baby" she felt his arm softly squeeze her upper arm.
"I figured you falling to the ground, would cause less damage to either of you, than if you took a bullet. I had no time to avoid the bullet myself though"
"Oh Rick…I'm so sorry" and she kissed the skin of his neck that was so close to her lips, he felt the warm tears roll down onto his skin.
"Kate, please don't cry. I'm alright"
he kissed her head softly, whispering re-assurances into her hair, that everything was okay now.
After a few minutes he asked with a huge smile on his face
"Tell me what she's like Kate"
she looked at the tiny designs on his hospital gown and traced them with her finger. She knew what he was asking. She just wasn't sure how he'd react to her answer.
"I mean, they were all telling me about how cute she is, and how tiny she is and how she's got tiny blue eyes that resemble mine, and a little nose just like yours.."
"Rick..."
"Tell me Kate… cause I know, through a mother's eyes, you see her differently. You see her as something made from our love. I want to hear you describe her."
He sounded so joyful, it broke her heart. How was she supposed to tell him that she, the mother of his child, was so scared, too coward to go close to her own baby, that she felt more like a monster than a mother?
"Rick…"
"Hmmm" he waited excitedly. She could feel his excitement to hear what she had to say, she could feel it in the soft heart beat against her palm, she could feel it in his breath, softly washing against her forehead.
"Don't hate me" she whispered
"why would I hate you?"
She didn't answer. And he knew something was wrong
"Kate? What aren't you telling me?"
"Rick, I can't see her"
"What, why won't they let you see her, everyone else has. You don't have any illness that she can catch. Let me talk to the doctors"
"No Rick, it's not that"
"then what is it?"
She took a deep breath and finally spoke her heart out.
"I haven't been a good mother to her. I put her life on the line. I almost killed her. I can't find it in me to face her. I feel like I don't deserve her, like I've betrayed her. She was entrusted into my care and I let her down. My body proved so dangerous for her, she had to be taken out 3 months earlier…"
She was trembling, talking between sobs.
"I don't deserve her… she's probably the most perfect looking child, but I can't find it in me to go close to her, I don't deserve to be a mother, I'm not fit to be a mother." The last words becoming more of a struggle to leave her lips.
Castle was silent for a moment. And then he spoke "So you don't want her?"
It took a second for his word's to register in her brain and when they did, she gasped and looked up at him
"What?"
He looked at her with the most serious look she had ever seen.
"What? No! Rick! No!"
She sat up a bit, twisting a bit, to still be able to face him.
"No, no never. Rick she's my baby... our baby. Why would you think that?"
The look of panic in her eyes told him everything.
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