Ok, Dear Readers. Seventh chapter. I'm going to post every wednesday and every saturday. Here's some steamy bits... ;)
Feedback is always appreciated :)
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Have fun!
Chapter 7: Once upon a time
Major Kaidan Alenko sat through the 5 long hours of updating Hackett and the rest of the commanding officers. He reported everything that happened from the moment the Normandy raided the Cerberus base, then arriving on Earth before the last battle until they left for Commander Shepard to stealth a last push to the Beam and then to the Citadel.
All questions were asked and answered, and he was given a choice; to stay as Commander Substitute of the Normandy during Shepard's absence – She's alive... – or take a leave of absence for a few weeks to shake off the strain of the battle. He chose the latter, he needed to look for his family and get his bearings on this new reality.
Kaidan was in his quarters gathering up the few emergency supplies he got at the Citadel after leaving Earth in a rush. There was going to be a transport shuttle bound to Alliance Headquarters in a few days, and he needed to be ready. But all he could think of was that she was alive... and she was probably with Garrus right now. The turian left the moment the Normandy docked.
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Earth, soon after the Collectors were defeated, 8 months ago.
Kaidan had been tasked to accompany Shepard to the countless hearings she had been summoned to attend that day. She had been under house arrest since she dutifully surrendered herself and the new Normandy to the Alliance after destroying the Collector home world and saving the human race, again. She was the strongest, most goal oriented, iron willed woman he had ever met and fell in love with. But that was over, he destroyed any hope of a relationship with her, and now she was with Garrus.
He went to her apartment in the outskirts of Abbotsford to pick her up and escort her for the day in downtown Vancouver.
'Come in.' The voice came from the depths of the apartment.
'Commander?'
'Don't call me Commander, I'm on probation, and for the duration, I'm relieved of my duties. Did they trick you into babysitting me today?' She kept her voice terse and matter of fact from the shelter of her closed bedroom door. Shepard couldn't believe of all people Anderson could have sent, he chose Kaidan. She had forgiven him but hadn't forgotten what he said at Horizon, and hearing his voice brought back memories she still cared for but would rather have forgotten.
'Yes, Anderson requested for me to escort you.' A memory bubbled up in Kaidan's mind and he turned his back to her door and tried to distract himself. Looking around, he saw a concise space, a small living room with an open adjacent kitchen; the place was wrapped around with a full glass wall giving way to a small landing pad for a skycar. It was a nice place to stay in between missions.
'Thank you, Lieutenant.' He heard the door opening completely. 'I like to keep the windows and doors open and let some air go through the room after I take a shower and before I get dressed.'
Kaidan remembered that. Back in their days at the Normandy, she would always have the internal ventilation system on high every time she finished showering. He also remembered her walking around her quarters with nothing on, picking out her uniform and laying it on the bed, and then brushing and drying her hair to tie it back in a bun before dressing. He loved to just sit there and watch. It was such a private moment between the two... His throat was dry.
'So, we have three hearings today: one in 2 hours, at 08:00, another at 11:00 and a final one at 14:00.' She stated.
'Yes. Maybe it's time for you to start to drink coffee.'
'Maybe, Lieutenant, but you know I've never been much of a fan of coffee.'
'I remember...' He gave a low answer under his breath.
She came around him dressed in a turquoise silk chemise cinched at the waist and long enough to go down to the middle of her thighs. She was wearing boots so long that he wondered if they stopped at the top of her thighs or if they were actually pants attached to shoes. It overlapped under the hem of her chemise making her look disingenuously covered. The thought of her in nothing but those boots clouded his mind. She would be lying down on the bed, while he kissed her down her spine... tickling her with his breath all the way to the top of her bottom..
'What? Okay, I'm ready.' She picked up her black leather messenger bag and threw it across her shoulder, the strap resting nicely under her side swept braid, nestling down between her breasts and hugging her right hip.
Startled, Kaidan looked at her face, and his heart skipped a beat. She was more beautiful than ever. She wore almost no makeup, just something to frame her brown eyes, and the dusting of freckles on her skin was still there, just as he remembered. The healthy flush of her cheeks underneath it combined with her full, slightly shiny lips, answered the question if he still loved her. Yes, I do.
In his skycar downstairs, she sat on the front seat to his right. With the seatbelt clasped and holding on to the last of his wits, he ordered the vehicle to go to the first hearing place.
The first two meetings were back to back. He waited outside, passing time by reading or playing games on his omni-tool. When she came out, he noticed how serene she looked. 'So, I'm thinking everything went alright.'
'To a point, yes. They finally saw that even though I was with Cerberus, my practices were still Alliance, and there wasn't anything in my actions to prove it otherwise.' She looked pointedly at him and began walking. 'Let's go find somewhere to eat. I'm starving.'
His heart took the punch, but he already knew he had been wrong. Quietly, he fell into pace beside her, and they went to a restaurant nearby. Lunch was quiet; they ordered steaks and traded nonsense about the days of raiding Geth bases. After that, they left for the final and probably the longest hearing of the day.
Again he stood in the halls and waited for 6 more hours. By the end of the wait he was emotionally drained. He had grinded and re-grinded everything he had told her at Horizon. Sometimes changing the scenarios, sometimes she slapped him, sometimes she kissed him and a couple of ones he shot Garrus between the eyes.
Around 20:13 the door opened and Shepard came out with a triumphant look on her face. Her solid steps took her to him and she said. 'It's over. We can go now.' She didn't give him any sign she was open to elaborate on the subject.
They walked in silence and in the car he hesitated, his tongue burning with the question. 'So, you mean you have been cleared?'
She looked at him and there was a little light of defiance in her eyes, a little I told you so. 'Yes. That part of my life is closed. I've finally been cleared.' She took a deep sigh. 'I'll still be watched and monitored. They want to see if they can catch Cerberus trying to contact me, and I'm ok with that. I believe I'll probably be reinstated in a few months.'
'That is good to hear, Shepard. So you have more freedoms now?'
'Yes. I can come and go as I please to a point, but I cannot leave the city without requesting an escort and only for urgent matters. All my communications are still being monitored...' She gave a laughing sigh. 'The Illusive Man will never contact me again. I tried to explain it to them, but they were stubborn. Well, it's their time and money, not mine, they are free to monitor until they are thoroughly satisfied.'
'Would you mind if I take you home through a different route?'
'Alright, I guess my somewhat freedom can take that.' Her voice had a lighter tone.
He punched a route on the car's panel, and they took off. The ride was quiet. Shepard kept looking outside her window and taking deep breaths every now and then.
'Is everything alright, Shepard?'
'Yes, Lieutenant.' With every Lieutenant she spoke, his heart ached a little more.
They arrived at a park, Stanley Park according to the sign. Kaidan got out of the car and opened Shepard's door. She had a puzzled look on her face.
'I thought you would like to come here.'
'It's a nice place, Lieutenant.' She conceded a small grateful smile and entered the park, leaving her bag behind.
They reached one of the gardens. It was late at night and the bustle of people was long gone. There were only a couple caretakers here and there. They took a narrow stone path which Kaidan knew would take them to where he wanted to show her.
After a short silent walk with Shepard's eyes drinking in the lush surroundings and Kaidan watching her every move, they arrived at a gently illuminated lakeside. It was surrounded by soft sloping grass that ended in a shore of small pebbles leading to the water. Shepard stopped at the sight. It resembled her grandparents' place.
She got off the path, walked a few metres and sat in the middle of the grass, still warm from the day's sun. Kaidan approached her and sat beside her. Not too distant, but close enough to still feel the heat of her skin. Shepard felt safe, not alone, familiar and furious over what she still felt for him.
He broke the silence with his bedroom raspy voice. 'Yeah, I remember. You spoke about your grandparents' home with so much longing that it stuck with me. Today I saw an opportunity and seized it.'
'Thank you, Lieutenant.' Her voice was cold but breathless, maybe a little shaky. 'I haven't been there in years. Maybe when all this is over I can go back there.'
'Shepard... Joan... will I ever hear you speaking my name again?'
She looked at him, and the hurt and confusion he saw in her eyes rivalled the look she gave him in Horizon. She had to still feel something for him to look at him like that. It was all or nothing, so he took the chance.
'I'm so sorry, I was beyond wrong.' He lowered his head in self admonishment. 'I judged you, and all my words were filled with my grief of losing you. I was lost without you, and it took me a long time to get myself functioning again.'
'I can understand that, Lieutenant. I forgive you.' She really did. It was his choice and although she would never have done the same to him, it was his choice and his opinion. She had to respect that. Yes, but how could I ever?
Kaidan's heart sank at hearing his title again. After a long silence, he was startled when she spoke again.
'I was lost without you too. I woke up at a medical facility, and I felt like I had the most tiring deep sleep of my life. I was disoriented, the place was under attack, and I had to fight my way out of there. My face was scarred and still healing; I could see the red lights of my ocular implants in my eyes.' She looked away from him.
Kaidan remained still, afraid that if he moved he would scare her and he would never know what happened.
'I was taken to a Cerberus base, I went along with it. I was at a complete disadvantage and wanted to know what was going on. I think it was the same one we raided before going to Earth, and it was there where I met the Illusive Man. He explained to me what was going on, and in simple words, told me he would give me all the resources I needed to take down the Collectors and stop the Reapers.' Shepard took a deep breath... I can't believe I'm opening myself to be judged by him, again...
'In a way, I'm thankful to him.'
Kaidan was taken aback. 'Really?'
'C'mon, look at me. He gave Miranda all the resources, spared nothing, and I'm here intact. Myself, plus a few extras... but still, the same person who fought at Elysium, defeated Saren, who...' Shepard averted her eyes, looking at the reflexions of the surrounding leaves on the rippling water.
'In a way, yes. I'm alive, because he believed he could bring me back. Otherwise I wouldn't even be rotting. The Collectors would have gotten my body, and I can't even imagine what they would have done to it. I would have been dead. I don't feel like I owe him anything, what business we had is over. But yes, I am.'
Kaidan was completely surprised with what he was hearing. But now, his perception wasn't coloured by grief anymore. He understood her point and this time, he was at peace with what she was saying and maybe a little thankful too...
'Hm.' Shepard gave a quiet laugh... 'People can say what they want about him, and he IS a monster, but he knew how to delegate and get the best to achieve a goal. After the wild goose chase the Council and the Alliance put us through after the Citadel attack, I weighed the odds and decided to go for it.'
'I don't know if I would have been capable of doing the same.'
'I know.'
'But today, I respect your choice.'
She looked at him. 'I had a good team, and when Garrus and Tali joined me, I knew I could take anything down.'
'I'm sorry I didn't believe you when we met in Horizon.'
'Yes... I'm sorry for you too. After that, I knew I needed someone who would not only fight alongside me but would walk in to hell itself by my side regardless of the uniform I wore.'
This punch made his guts freeze. With a hoarse voice, he answered. 'Garrus...'
'Yes.' She stared at the quiet lapping ripples of water in the lake. 'He made me feel safe. I knew he would always have my back. I already respected him as a soldier, but then I trusted him completely. I opened myself to him, and he helped me to pick up the pieces.'
Now it was Kaidan's turn to look at the lake. He had lost her. I lost her... and his heart broke all over again.
They sat there in a companionable silence for a long time. In the gap between the two, the weight of how things ended between them thickened the air. Each in their own skin, wondering what could have been. One moment, Kaidan felt her looking at him. Her eyes were fierce, and the fire he saw in them burned him from inside out. 'Joan...'
He kissed her, and with all of her, she kissed him back. Angry and needing, she drank him in as parched desert soaked water, and he lost himself in it. His hands went to her waist, and he held her so tight she lost her breath.
Her fingernails were digging in his shoulders then up to his hair pulling it hard, she was making him hurt while feeling all of him. She kissed along his cheek and bit the place where his neck met his shoulder. 'I hated you so much... I loved you...' She breathed on his neck.
He knew he would have her teeth marks there for a day or two. He didn't care about the hurt. Each scratch and pull exorcised a little of his guilt and pain away. 'I'm so sorry for what I did...' he breathed back to her lips.
'Kaidan.' His name was a moan he swallowed as he found her lips again. He crushed his body on hers, and she lay down on the grass.
He followed on top of her. Her legs parted of their own accord, and he found his place there, now closer than ever, pouring out the hunger he had bottled for her. His kiss was demanding and possessive; her hands were on his back, legs locking with his, anchoring him to the planet with her. He started kissing her cheeks, neck, ear... she was so sensitive behind her ears... down her neck, reaching her cleavage and inhaling the scent of her.
Sheppard's head was reeling with nostalgic lust and waning anger. Everything about him was both new and familiar. She surrendered to him, and while he was making way down her neck, she held him so close her nails were probably leaving a path on his back, under his clothing. He is so soft...
Sheppard froze. Garrus... She still loved him, and when they parted, they had made plans to meet up again and continue what they had. She couldn't do this to him, to her. I love him.
For that small moment, she had completely surrendered to him. 'Kaidan, please... stop.' She was breathless. Her clothing was skewed, hair disheveled and lips swollen from his kisses.
Kaidan stopped immediately. Searching her eyes, he didn't see the grief and anger anymore, but he could guess what had made her stop. He leaned his forehead on hers. 'Decide what you want, Joan, I'll be waiting for you. I love you with everything that I am, and I won't go anywhere.'
After that fateful encounter, a short quiet ride took them back to her apartment, he left her there and went straight home. Seeing himself in his bathroom mirror, he touched the marks she left on his skin, on his back, his neck. They were proof that it really happened, proof he still had a place in her heart. And he would wait for her. One day, he would have a chance to get her back.
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