Hello, dear Readers. The schedule of posting every wednesday and saturday is still on. Sorry I was a bit late today.

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Have fun!

Chapter 9

She had slept only a couple of hours when she woke up with Garrus by her side. Now, after making love with him for what felt like the last time, Shepard lay in bed, her brain being overrun by memories. He was lying by her side fast asleep, the sound of his breathing a soothing, lulling, low hum. She turned on her side to look at him.

She had rescued him all those years ago, saved more than his life. When she had found him on C-Sec, he was reckless and borderline vigilante. His thirst for justice blinded him, and he was going down a path that would lead to either his death or the death of innocent bystanders.

Back then, she was already seasoned, and the wisdom from her battles was crucial to guide him, help him find focus and the north to his moral compass. His fire also awoke a drive in her to seek justice; to not only do the mission, but go beyond the bullets and take the situation as a whole.

Two years later, at Omega, she saw the warrior he would become. He was passionate, but never careless. Shepard was proud to see him grow like that. He is so strong. I don't know where my strength is any more. I lost it.

Shepard got out of bed and took a shower. She dressed and then kissed the hard warm plate on his forehead before leaving a note telling him she was going to the base's office to try to find her father.

She didn't know what to do. The memory of the Conduit, that child looking AI explaining to her she had three choices. She could control the Reapers by uploading her consciousness to them and die in the process; synthesis, where she would choose for trillions of life to integrate human and machine into a hybrid life form that also would result in her death; or destroy, and with that she would wipe out all AI in the galaxy and maybe, just maybe she could survive. Blue, green and red.

She chose her life above all others. She didn't want to die. She had a say this time, and she chose to live. She chose love and a chance of a future without war. She was selfish, she destroyed the red cables that connected the Conduit, the AI that controlled the invaders. With that, the whole place shone red, and she was no more... until she woke up on earth, surrounded by debris and dogs barking.

Walking out of the Normandy, thankfully only bumping into repair crews, she requested her father's location from the personnel office. Walking as fast as her body would allow, the pain in her leg an infuriating background noise from her movements, she braved the long distance to the office he was occupying while his ship was being prepared.

oO0~0Oo

Rear Admiral Plinius Shepard had woken up early to finish the bureaucratic nonsense required to start the aid mission he was planning to coordinate with the surviving Elcor leaders. He was at a temporary office with too many data pads on his desk.

He heard a knock.

'Come in.'

'Hi, papa.'

Plinius couldn't believe his eyes. His daughter was really here, in front of him. He stood up to his full height and, with large steps, went to hug his daughter.

'3 years sweetie, three years! It's too long. I lost you, and now you are back.' He hugged her tight. In the back of his mind, he couldn't help but notice how slight and fragile his daughter was.

'I'm sorry, pap. I had an assignment.' She hugged him back as tight as she could.

'That is the understatement of the millennia! How are you, Joan? I'm so proud of you.'

'I'm all right, healing...' - she smiled, raising her cane – 'Hackett placed me on leave and now I have 60 days to get better before going back to active duty.'

'Hackett is a wise man. You and the Major are one of the highest cards the Alliance have at the moment, and if he doesn't loosen up the reins on you two it would be easy to run you into the ground.' He pointed to the small sitting room in the corner of the office.

Sitting across from each other, her father's deep voice was a balm to her frayed conscience. As long as he didn't ask too many questions, that was. Shepard's father had always been her best friend. While her mother was demanding and authoritarian and sometimes downright vicious, he kept the balance. Their personalities were so alike that he always understood her, sometimes without even having to ask. They spoke about her missions, killing Saren, and her time on Cerberus. He was surprised at how much freedom she had with those terrorists.

'So you could have just simply taken that ship and come back straight to the Alliance, and they wouldn't have much to do about it?'

'Something like that. The Illusive Man would have been beyond enraged, and there would have been some type of retaliation, but basically, yeah. The whole crew was hand-picked with no previous affiliation, apart from Miranda and Jacob who, later on, decided to leave Cerberus as well.'

Continuing talking about the last mission, uniting the galaxy and the final battle, Shepard was apprehensive, and her father always read her so well.

'So you woke up on Earth.'

'Yes, I completely blacked out. Maybe the console I used to activate the Crucible beamed me back. Well, it could have been only that, I don't see another explanation.'

'I see.' He looked intently at her. 'I also see something else happened. You are not the same.'

I need to make this believable. I have successfully lied to him before. 'I'm tired of all the death. You know I've never been as ruthless as mother. Leaving Earth while it was being torn down, watching Palaven burn firsthand and witnessing the entire planet being decimated. Thessia was on its way down the same path, and I was there; I lost a battle there. You know losing never stopped me from doing anything, and at the end, we won. But now, I don't know. I need a break, and when Hackett told me I had a shore leave of 60 days, I could not believe my luck. I've been fighting nonstop for 2 years.' – she gave a tired sigh.

'I understand, kid. I hear your cottage's area is still functioning. Are you going there?' Relief washed through her. That was it, she could bury what happened and move on.

'Yeah, I've got provisions there. Do you have any news from grandma and grandpa?'

'Yes, they are alive. Their region was far enough away to buffer out the brunt of the attack. Terra Nova will recuperate faster than any other human colony. Their size and organization were a big factor.'

'There are cargo shuttles bridging Alliance headquarters and this base. I believe there is one to Vancouver in four days.'

'Thank you, papa. Will you come visit me?'

'I don't know, sweetie. I'm taking a group of ships to aid Dekuna. The Elcor lost all their forces, and they didn't have much to begin with. But I'll see what I can manage.' The military officer disappeared when he talked with his daughter. In that moment he was just "pappa" and the worry in his eyes could not be hidden by years of military hardening.

'Thank you.'

She stood up, and they embraced one last time. Walking out of her father's office, Shepard looked down at her feet and decided that this first step she would take would symbolize a new life. Everything that happened before would be filed away, and she would never go back there again.

oO0~0Oo

Kaidan woke up with a start. He was saying goodbye to her again while bullets were flying everywhere. Shaking the memories of his dream away, he gathered his things and hit the showers. He didn't have much to do until the shuttle to the Alliance headquarters left in four days. There was a small village not far from the base which was still intact and was a temporary home mainly for the workers in the mines and some of the more permanent staff from the base. Setting his goal, he dressed in his civilian clothing and took the course to the transport bay.

Walking down the corridors, his mind was swarming with plans to find his mother once he reached Vancouver and then their orchard near Revelstoke, his parents had a home there. And he would be glad to find out where his father was deployed to, so he could at least have some peace.

He almost lost his balance. The soldier he ran into had a cane, and it hit him in the shin. Ouch, that hurt! He had to hold the person up because clearly he... no, she, had been seriously injured, and if it wasn't for his help the woman would have been on the floor.

'Kaidan!' Shepard was breathing heavily, face contorted in pain.

'Shepard! What, how...? You're here?' He had his arm around her waist, holding her tight and flush to him so that, what he first thought was a random soldier, could find his or her footing and balance. But then he softened his stance and welcomed her in his embrace. She was tense but when she said his name, probably because she only recognized him then, he felt her body relaxing, becoming soft and warm. The pain was gone and colour blossomed on her cheeks.

'Kaidan, hi...' - She placed her hands on his shoulders. – 'Well, this brings back memories...' - she laughed and winced at the same time.

With a secret smile on his lips, he spoke with his raspiest bedroom voice. - 'You're hurt. Here, let me.' - He lifted her up in his arms and walked her to a nearby sitting room. He saw she looked beaten but feeling her in his arms worried him. She was so light.

With her cane dangling from her arm strap, Shepard was fully aware of the Major's strong arms enveloping her. A small part of her heart tightened in her chest.

'Always the helper. Thank you, Kaidan.' He sat her on the couch.

'Ahm, yeah. You're welcome. So I think this means you are alive and well. Mostly well.' Kaidan's heart was racing. She was there, in the flesh , alive and kicking. His shin would have the proof of that for the next few days.

'Yes, and I see you are also well and probably leaving?'

'Oh, this? Yeah, there is a small commercial centre in a dome nearby, and I was going there to pass the time. Hackett placed me on leave, and the shuttle back to Earth leaves in a few days.'

'You and me both. Got the whole "take care of yourself and come back good as new" speech from him too.'

'So, you are stranded here like me.'

'Yes. I'll probably go see if my apartment is still standing and then go to my cottage near Lake Bear.'

'Wow, that is pretty remote. Don't you worry about supplies?'

'Nah, after I finished with Cerberus, I hired Kassumi to resupply both places. They are packed to the brim. The apartment I don't know about, but the cottage definitely is. There is a fallout shelter there.'

'You don't take any chances, huh?'

'As long as it is within my reach and control? No.' She laughed.

'I know. I'm basically doing the same. Vancouver, then Revelstoke.'

'The orchard. Did you get any more news from your mother?'

'You remember...? Yeah. She said things are pretty quiet over there. Normal, as far as the situation allows it. Did you have any news of your father? Grandparents?'

'They are all ok. Actually, I was leaving my father's office when you ran me over.' - She mock rubbed her head. – 'You should have headlights so people can see you coming!'

'I'm sorry, my mind was somewhere else. But hey, wanna tag along?'

'To the village?'

'Yeah, get your mind off things. Have you had breakfast yet?'

'No, I haven't. Isn't it too early in the day cycle for that?'

'Nah, I bet they have it every quarter cycle. You know, for the different mine shifts.'

'Makes sense. Well, let's go then.'

oO0~0Oo

Joker had been sitting in the same pub chair for the past 2 days. With a glass of scotch in his hand, his eyes were dead, not looking at anywhere specific. His mind was questioning the sanity of his feelings. Was he stupid enough to have fallen for a robot? An AI? His heart kept answering no, he wasn't. He loved her even before it was a she. Her voice kept him company at all hours of the day at the helm. He was always mostly alone there. They would trade jokes and just talk about everything. Then she became a physical being. She had a face, and he could touch her. She could experience him and he her as man and woman, and he was complete. With her gone, he lost part of himself.

Kaidan and Shepard entered the pub and found it comfortably full. It was an Irish themed place in shades of old wood, silver and green. With a bar on the length of the right wall, the rest of the decently sized room was filled with tables which could seat from 2 to 6 people. It was still made from the same prefab materials any colony would, but it seemed the owner had made an effort to break the monotony.

There were many uniforms there. Some Alliance, some EAE uniforms (apparently the Eldfell-Ashland Energy reactivated their mines there), and some regular civilians. Kaidan and Shepard found an empty booth and parked there.

A waitress came to take their order.

'So, what are you having?'

'Hmm, I believe the lady wants a dark hot chocolate and I eggs and bacon on toast, and orange juice. Do you want anything else, Shepard?'

'Thank you, Kaidan. No, just this for now.' Shepard looked at the waitress and the woman left.

'Sorry, couldn't help it.' He had a cheeky smile on his face.

'Huhm, sure. So, tell me about this new planet you guys discovered near Sol.'

Breakfast came and they talked for a good hour. They traded stories about their first mission and about Kaidan's covert assignments while she was with Cerberus. Kaidan was very curious about some of her crew during her time outside the Alliance.

'Mordin, he was a piece of work. Never stopped and had an incredibly sharp mind. Sometimes I would enter the lab, and he would be singing. I tell you, you haven't lived until you witness a salarian singing!'

'You're joking! I would have paid to see that!'

'Wait, do you hear that?' Shepard looked to the back of the pub.

The old bartender was trying to reason with a customer . The man had his back to them and wore a black cap, simple black t-shirt, and denim trousers, but when he spoke they both immediately knew who it was.

'Sir, you've had enough. Please, let us arrange transport for you to go back to the base.'

'No! Please, just one more. I need to... one more...'

Kaidan and Shepard went to the bar to check on Joker and found a heartbreaking scene. His beard was beyond unkempt, his once beautiful green eyes were bloodshot and sunk, circled in a deep gray shade.

'Joker?'

'Commander! You are here... please command the kind bartender to serve me another shot?'

'Alright, Joker, I believe you just had your last shot.' He smelled like he had fallen into a vat of liquor and had forgotten to shower for days. Shepard's heart sank at the sight of him.

'But Commander, I need... her... I need sleep... see her...' He blacked out on the bar top, sleep finally taking over him.

Kaidan saw a tear threatening to escape Shepard's eye, but she looked away. 'I'll get him. Could you call for transport?'

'Yes. Let me first pay our bills, and we can go.' She paid theirs and Jeff's bill which was substantial. He opened a tab the moment he was given leave, and the amount showed Shepard just how much her friend was grieving.

They took a cab to the base and had it park on the dry dock near the Normandy. Kaidan carefully cradled Joker's fragile body, and they made their way to Joker's quarters. Getting out of the elevator, they ran into Garrus and Liara in a heated argument. The moment they saw who was in the elevator, they fell into silence.

'By the Goddess! What happened to him?'

'Grief. If you excuse me, I'm going to lay him on his bunker. Liara, Garrus.' Kaidan left with the valuable pilot. The whole crew loved him to pieces, and seeing him like that was a stark reminder of the ones they lost.

'Shepard, what happened?' Garrus had a guarded tone on his sub-harmonics.

'We were having breakfast at a pub on a dome nearby, and Joker was there. He was...'

'Poor man. I heard from the crew he took Edi's death too hard.' Liara had a sad tone to her voice.

'Yes, he didn't let us remove Edi's "body" from the helm. It was only when Admiral Hackett made a personal request to him that he allowed it.' - Garrus remembered. – 'We were all afraid for him, of the possibility he could have been officially reprimanded. The Admiral was very understanding.'

'I see. I wonder how the Quarians are handling the Geth's absence. I heard they were optimistic with the predictions about how long it would take them to fully readapt to Rannoch.' Shepard's defences were wrapped tight on her guilt. Even her body was rigid.

'The Quarians will survive.' – Tali approached the group. – 'Shepard, welcome back.' They embraced. Tali was like the little sister Shepard never had, and she loved the Quarian to pieces.

'We have survived for the past 300 years. It'll just take longer. Although, it feels like Legion died in vain.'

'He really grew on you, didn't he, Tali?' Liara asked.

'Yes, he shared some of the history stored in his databanks with me, some of it from before the rebellions. It was... interesting.' The sad cast on Tali's voice was undeniable.

Kaidan came out from the crew's quarters. 'I believe he'll sleep this off. But I would be less worried if Doctor Chakwas took a look at him.'

'You are right, Kaidan, I'll go find her. I'll talk to you later, Garrus.' Liara left for the med bay.

At that moment, Traynor contacted Tali. 'Tali, would it be possible for you to come here in the engineering room? We are having difficulties with the drive acceleration algorithms.'

'I'll be right there. See you another time, Shepard.' And she left.

Left in the hallway, Shepard, Garrus, and Kaidan looked at each other. The rivalry between Garrus and Kaidan seemed to be long gone, or so Shepard would believe.

'Well, I don't know about you two, but I have packing to do. If you'll excuse me.' Shepard made a quick exit to the cargo elevator.

oO0~0Oo