I wrote this instead of doing my workout...I'm horrible.
Ashes2Dust18: Yup. I never actually decided who's it was...so I guess just whoever you wanted it to be.
chibichibi98: I hope it didn't almost kill you! That would be horrible...but I'm glad you like it!
Guest: Something horrible.
Guest: Yeah, I didn't originally have that in there, but a reviewer (I don't remember if it as on here, or Ao3) suggested it, and I needed drama, so I threw it in there. I never actually decided who's it was, since I really wasn't going to go that deep into it.
Tiphanie: Lots and lots of fluff. I can't stop writing fluff! And I had to throw some 40's flirting in there! How could I not? And I know what you meant. I get you. Olivia's the stability in James' life. And having her taken away would cause more harm than good at this point. So he's scared that if that happened, he'd end up in more trouble. They're very protective of each other.
Farbeyondthegrave: Eventually I plan to get into Civil War. I'm going to change some things up, especially the ending, but I do plan on getting there eventually.
hateme101: They're very protective of each other. Almost to the point of being possessive.
NadsKers12: Well, get your tissues ready because there's more feels coming your way! And you're welcome! They're growing in their relationship, and James is getting really sweet. I couldn't not put that in there!
lemonadepup14: Aww thanks! I'm glad you like it!
DarylDixon'sLover: They won't. Not for a while. Olivia and James aren't going anywhere.
Enjoy!
"Life was simpler back then. Or, at least it feels that way now. I grew up in Brooklyn with my parents, and a little brother and two little sisters. I met Steve not long after starting school, after I saved him from bullies trying to steal his lunch money."
"People actually did that?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Yeah. It doesn't sound like such a big deal now, but back then it was almost as bad as starting a fight in school." He sighed. "I was a ladies man. Had all the dames falling over me. Took a few of them home, but nothing ever came from it."
"James Barnes, you player." I smacked his arm lightly.
He just laughed. "Steve wasn't so lucky. He wasn't very tall, and he was skinny. I was always scared he'd break when he stubbed his toe. But the kid could take a punch and get back up. We were best friends."
"'Till the end of the line' right?" I asked.
"How did you know that?"
"You mutter it in your sleep sometimes." I shrugged. "You mutter a lot, but most of it's in Russian. And I've picked up Romanian pretty well, but I'm still clueless with Russian. So I'm not help there."
"Sometimes I don't want to remember what happens in my sleep." He shook his head, flipping another page in his notebook. "I remember getting drafted...being on the front lines when a tank like I'd never seen rolled up. Our entire unit was taken prisoner. We were sent to work at a weapons facility. My first interaction with HYDRA. We were beat, forced to work for hours on end." He turned a page in his notebook, and I could feel him tense. "They took me to a lab, and did experiments on me. Ran tests, injected me with things. I don't even remember how long we were there."
"But then Steve came, right? Freed you and the other prisoners from HYDRA."
"Yeah. Read that in a history book?"
"And had several discussions on whether he was right to do it or not. And then the Howling Commandos were formed."
"Yeah. Hell if I can remember who came up with that name." James shook his head. "We took out HYDRA base after HYDRA base until I fell." He swallowed thickly, his grip on the notebook tightening. "I remember being cold...the Soviets found me. I'd lost my arm, but I was alive. They turned me over to HYDRA again, and kept me prisoner until the doctor...the one who'd experimented on me the first time came back. Experimented on me...built me this." He said, moving his left arm.
I took it, laying it across my lap as I moved my fingers over the metal plates. I knew what he was capable of doing with it...how much strength was behind it. It truly was an incredible work of technology.
"They experimented further, trying to use mind control. They did it so much I forgot everything. I was nothing more than a weapon. They froze me after every mission, but I still dreamed. I remembered things, who I'd killed, what I'd done. But they'd wipe me right after they unfroze me. Keep me from feeling. They called me the Winter Soldier. I don't remember who started it, but they started calling me that. Or just Soldier."
"Do you remember...all of the people you killed?"
"I remember some. Every time I get a memory it seems like the body count keeps getting higher. I don't want to remember sometimes, but other times, I want to know. Confess my sins and all that." He shook his head. "I was under Soviet control for a while, and they implanted the code words into my head. They...they made me..."
I took his metal hand in mine, squeezing it, though he probably didn't feel it. "It's okay." I said, wrapping my other arm around his shoulders. "You don't have to tell me everything right now."
"I thought it was just a nightmare." He shook his head, looking down. "But then I dreamed it again, and I knew it had really happened." He was silent for a moment. "I killed Howard Stark."
"What? N-no, they died in a car crash..."
"I staged it. Shot out their tires. They were carrying something HYDRA needed. I killed them both, made it look like an accident." He shook his head, his voice cracking. "I murdered them."
I just managed to slip my hand from his, before it closed into a fist, which would have surely broken my hand. "James." I said calmly, shifting on the couch so I was kneeling next to him. "James, look at me."
He was shaking, his fists clenched, his metal arm whirring as plates shifted right in front of me. Things were going to get ugly if I didn't do something quick. I moved his arm, straddling his lap so I could cup his face.
"Bucky." I said, cupping his cheeks, trying to get him to open his eyes. "Bucky, look at me." They finally opened, the blue flecks in the grey of his eyes visible with how close we were. There were tears building up, ready to fall. "It wasn't you. You were being controlled. I know you. The real you. And you wouldn't have ever done it, had you been given a choice. But you didn't have a choice. You didn't know better."
He leaned forward, his head resting in the crook of my neck, his arms wrapping around me. I held him tightly as he cried, running my fingers through his hair. I didn't blame him. He didn't have a choice in the matter. That was the Winter Soldier. A mindless HYDRA assassin who was being controlled. This was James Barnes. A victim, a prisoner of war who was subjected to horrors no one could imagine. I knew he knew that as well, but he still felt guilty. Like he had some fault in it because he carried out the orders anyways, even if he didn't know better. But I'd seen a different side of him. A caring side. He was capable of feeling. The fact that he was crying into my shoulder, getting my hair and my tank top damp was proof.
I didn't move until he calmed down, knowing he deserved as much comfort as he offered me. He kept his head there, breathing against my skin, trying to steady himself again. I kept running my fingers through his hair, enjoying the way the soft strands slid through my fingers. In all honesty, I could have stayed like that for a long time. But he eventually moved, sitting up straight again, wiping his face with his hand.
"You okay?" I asked, looking at him. "Given the situation?"
"Yeah." He sniffed, staring down at me.
"You know it's not your fault." I said, cupping his cheeks. "I don't blame you. Sure, some people might, but they can go shove a big, fat-"
James shoved a cookie in my mouth, cutting off my sentence. "That's not very ladylike."
I took a bite from the cookie. "Do I look very ladylike to you?"
"No." He said, cupping my cheeks, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Not really. Women are so different now." He shook his head. "But none less terrifying. If anything, you're more terrifying."
"Well, times change." I said, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
He tugged me down so my head was leaning against his shoulder, his arms wrapping loosely around me. I yawned, snuggling closer to James' warmth. I relaxed back against the couch, his arms tightening just slightly around me as I drifted off to sleep.