Hello Dear readers. Here's another one. My schedule will be off a little, there probably won't be a chap this next saturday nov. 8th. But next wed will definitely be another one.

Love you all! Have fun!... aaaaand leave some feedback. It's always welcome!

Chapter 16

Shepard stood up and made her way into the guest bedroom first. She felt her chest constricting, and she knew it always felt better when she was alone. Setting up to organize her things, she entered the bedroom and was welcomed by a big but still comfortable room. It had peacock blue walls and gold accents on the wood in the dresser and a large couple's bed. It had a soft and plush white cover detailed with floral curlicues that reminisced the gold details of the furniture. The night stands were just as delicate and had beautiful white marble tops.

Shepard's soldier's eyes feasted on the colours presented to her, the softness and the welcoming feeling the place gave her sat strangely comfortable within her. She have always been utilitarian with her things, and although her decoration skills were colourful, she was never able to go beyond a simple design. I guess years of war and battles haven't beaten everything out of me yet...

If she was going to spend 3 days there, she needed to set a few of her things in place. Thankfully she had packed a quick pack for a week's worth of clothing. Her initial plans were to arrive home and just be there for a few days before even thinking of unpacking.

Her clothing choices were for her alone time and the few dresses, basic underwear for sleeping, and not too many other choices made her consider braving into one of her packed footlockers. But the work it would take to go through them to find more modest and casual clothing made her bristle at the mess it would make.

Tooth and hair brushes in place, her next change of clothing set on top of the dresser Shepard felt ready to explore the grounds. She felt oddly at home but knew this was just a phantom feeling. Sooner or later the flashbacks would make an appearance, and although she didn't need any more reminders of how terrible she felt, her brain managed to keep bringing those memories back, torturing her relentlessly. Over and over again.

Oo0~0Oo

Stepping outside the front door, she found her skycar parked to the side of the main house - Kaidan must have moved it - a light breeze picked up the leaves on the ground and Shepard took in the full majesty of the place. The adobe home stood proud surrounded by bushes that still kept some of their green even in the face of the coming autumn.

Shepard took the left gravel path and went in to the garden which spanned most of the property. The crunch of the small rocks resonated with the rustle of the leaves. Most birds would have probably flown south by now. That is, if they hadn't been caught in the crossfire. Preservation laws in the late 2070's helped to save and repopulate several species but now… I murdered for this…

Shepard kept walking. The bushes and dormant flower beds slowly gave way to taller trees. Some trees were new, thin and elegant, they cast delicate shades and the dwindling sun languidly played with their leaves.

A few more metres in, Shepard came up to an old big and thick maple tree. It was a curious one because it didn't stand straight up from the ground. It twisted here and there, its branches reaching far with its red and gold leaves. Looking at it Shepard felt small, young, and insignificant. That tree was probably planted not long after the house was built. The mossy trunk hid and showed its bark in an intricate pattern of greens and browns.

The plethora of autumnal colours flooded Shepard's mind, the smells of earth and green and the faint sweet maple perfume enveloped her being and it took her back to the days when everything was easier, swimming in the lake near her grandparent's home. Soaking wet, walking barefoot through the grass at the end of the day, back to her home for the summer to have dinner.

Shepard continued walking aimlessly through the property, taking her time, taking in all the colours and details. She was right. Solitude was the best way to deal with everything that have happened. Her mind and heart were at peace and the countless AI voices that screamed at her inside her head were silenced. Edi's face didn't bring as much pain as it usually did when she remembered it.

'Ahumm. Shepard... Joan?' Kaidan called her with a soft voice.

'Hmmm... Yes, Kaidan?' Shepard was still bathed in the calm she found. Her mind still swimming in that lake.

'We better get inside, it's freezing out here. The weather here is a lot colder than in the city.' A spark of worry lit inside him.

'Hmmm?'

'Joan, your lips are bluish and you're paler than ever.' What happened to you?

Shepard raised her hands to look at them and noticed that the sun had set. The only light source was a lamp post near her and some scattered garden lights here and there. She was wearing a thin long sleeve t-shirt. Not much of a barrier to protect her from the elements.

'Don't worry, I can handle the cold quite well.' Shepard looked at Kaidan and turned to look back at the dimly lit landscape in front of her.

'Joan, please come. It's late.'

Shepard started walking towards the house. Kaidan fell into step next to her. - 'You better take a bath when we get inside, to take away the cold. I'll show you how to fill that bathtub. That thing is old and temperamental...'

Walking in silence,Kaidan could see that Shepard wasn't really there. If he didn't know her well, he would swear she was on drugs or something. He took her inside, to her room and went straight to the bathroom to ready a bath for her. After fighting with the big tub, the old relic started to fill with warm water. Kaidan dropped a spoonful of vervain oil in it.

Shepard came up to him as he was leaving the bathroom. She looked at her former lover and the memories of Horizon didn't bother her as they used to. She lifted her hand and looking into his lion honey eyes, caressed his stubbly cheek.

'Thank you, Kaidan.'

'You're welcome, Joan.' - Kaidan pressed her hand on his face with his own. - 'Your hand is like ice.'- The chill was stubborn, refused to go away. - Didn't she notice how cold she was? – He searched her brown eyes and she was missing something. A spark of life, it was as if she was hollow on the inside.

'I'll turn in after the bath. Please tell your mom I appreciate her hospitality.' She took her hand away.

'Yes, I will.'

Oo0~0Oo

The smell of rotting flesh assaulted his senses. The rhythmic fire of the AA guns at the drop site boomed inside his skull and the flood of adrenaline sharpened his senses.

'We need to disable those guns. Head east.' Garrus' unique voice steered his attention towards their goal.

Shepard was in the back, sniping the targets he snapped freezed and he Reaved the targets so Garrus could finish them off.

'Scratch one!' The turian kept yelling.

Through crumbled buildings and piles of corpses, they pressed on... All went dark, confusion, the horror of the battle pressing in. Kaidan stood at a corner in the camp area, - It was an honour serving by your side, Shepard. - saying a lacklustre goodbye to the love of his life. This was their final battle...

A new scene emerged and suddenly, Brutes came out of nowhere, first two then four, Banshees and Cannibals, the cannons were charging, waiting to aim at the reaper. Suddenly, weightlessness, piercing pain on his legs and arm, the metallic taste of his blood flooded his mouth. The deafening sound of gunfire faded into darkness.

'KAIDAN!'

Kaidan came to and heard Joan calling his name from afar. - Don't worry, Joan, the battle is over, we won. – He felt his helmet being pushed aside, he opened his eyes and saw on her face a mask of despair. – I'm alright, my love. You can let me sleep now. – Kaidan lifted his hand to touch her shoulder, her armour was broken and stained red in too many places. – Joan, we should take you to Dr. Chakwas. You're hurt.

'We've got 2 left, they're flanking us. I'll try to hold them back! Go get him!' Garrus prompted.

'Give me your doses of Medi-gel! We'll lose him!'

'Joan? What's going on?'

'Kaidan, sweetie, you're injured and you're bleeding. Stay still.'

Kaidan realized the battle was still raging on. Shepard's voice was eerily soft. considering what was going on around them. He felt a sharp pain on his neck, followed by a secondary sharp pain on the same spot. The medication ran in his bloodstream waking him up and repairing the damage on his arm and leg. He had been shot there, his head no longer hurt. He remembered, he had been tossed like a ragdoll and hit the side of a building.

'Kaidan! Kaidan... Look at me.'

Both helmets were open, he saw tears in her eyes and his heart broke at the sight. His awareness sharpened and Garrus' effective tactics had left them with one last enemy.

'Don't leave me, Kaidan. Please...' Kaidan could see her closing her eyes and opening them back at him. The love he saw in them was fierce and endless.

An eternity passed in the two minutes it took for the medi-gel to reach his whole body. He spent that eternity soaking in the new knowledge that she still loved him. She loved the Turian, yes, but she also loved him, and there was no denying that.

Kaidan stood up, with feet firmly planted on the ground, standing a hairsbreadth away from her, he took one of her hands and held it tight. He looked into her eyes and with a quiet voice he vowed.

'I will never leave you, Joan. I'm yours now and always.'

Oo0~0Oo

Kaidan woke up tangled in his sheets. His room was too hot. The damn old heater would always either freeze him to death or cook him until well done. Lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling, all he could see was the fierceness in her eyes. The life and bravery she used to have in her. 'She's broken...'

The notification's light on his omni-tool was softly blinking, catching his attention. The tool had always been set to turn on when he wakes up. There was only one message on the screen. 'What does Liara want?'

Oo0~0Oo

Shepard woke up still feeling dazed. A small part inside her noticed how she could alternate from desperation, to empty cheerfulness, and back to numbness. Hope sprung inside her, two more days and she'd be able to let herself fade into nothingness.

Ready for breakfast, the red t-shirt dress she was wearing did nothing to lift her mood. That piece of clothing had so many memories attached. Happy memories, something she didn't deserve to have any more. Then why did I pack it?

The mirror in front of her shamelessly lied. It showed someone she would never be again. A simple woman, with wild, long dark brown curls and eyes, pale skin on a fit but waining frame. Looking down at her leather riding boots, she craved the sound of gravel crunching under them.

But now, it was time to play a part. To be respectful and appreciative of Ms. Alenko's hospitality.

Oo0~0Oo