So, I had my MRI yesterday. It went better than I thought it would. Now I just play the waiting game as to finding out the results. I should know by the end of the week (hopefully.) Whenever my doctor gets the results, and then lets me know as to what is going on. So, I'll try to post something to let everyone know what's going on when I do find out, so keep your eyes open for that.
And I really wanted to post something last weekend, but I was too stressed, and my muse left on vacation. Please forgive me?
NESSAANCALIME6913: Thank you hon! It's the waiting game now.
xHowlx: Thank you, hon! I'm feeling better than I was last week, so things might be looking up. Until I find out the results. That could go either way.
SilverShadowWolf46: Thank you, sweetheart! The MRI went better than I expected, which is a good thing. I just hope the results are better than I expect as well. I tend to think of the worst in most situations.
x XRoweenaJAugustineX x: Thank you, hon. I hope for a clear MRI as well. That would be a big relief, and a little stress release.
CJ/OddBall: thank you for the hug, dear! I really needed it.
Brittney-xx: Thank you, hon. I'm doing better than I was last week, and even yesterday. I hope good news won't ruin it!
Alice-Ann Wonderland: Thank you for your review. Don't be afraid to admit that you like it. I somewhat enjoy writing it, so don't be ashamed. I'm glad I could offer some insight into PTSD and what goes on in a rape victims mind. But not everyone is the same, and some people have different reactions. A lot of Olivia's were mine when I went through the same thing. It's horrible, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I do pray occasionally, probably not as much as I should. I used to all the time, but not so much anymore. I'd probably feel better if I did. And thank you, I'll keep that in mind. I might word vomit on you occasionally. :)
Guest: Thank you, hon! I'll feel a little better once I find out what's going on, and get the results back.
Lady-Finwe: I'm glad you're enjoying it! Steve is making his appearance very, very soon. Very soon.
babycakes10121: Here you go, hon!
Enjoy!
"You want to do what?" I stared up at James like he was crazy.
"I want to throw you across the street." I gave him a look. "I just want to make sure it will work in case…" He sighed, trailing off.
"You're sure I'll make it?" I said, looking at the rooftop across the street.
"I'm sure. I'll overthrow just in case." He said, making sure the backpack on my back was secure. "You remember how to land?"
"Tuck and roll. Watch my head." I said, looking down at my feet.
He cupped my chin, lifting my head. "I promise I won't let you get hurt." His thumb ran down my jaw.
I looked into his crystal blue eyes, nodding my head. "Okay."
I turned towards the edge of the balcony, taking a deep breath. James grabbed the backpack, turning slightly, lifting me off the ground with his metal arm, before I was flying. It felt amazing for a moment. Freefalling through the air like that, until I remembered what I was doing.
I sighed in relief as I looked down, passing over the edge of the building across the street. I tucked myself into a ball, rolling as I hit the concrete. It hurt, but I'd had worse. I rolled to a stop, taking a moment to breathe, before sticking a thumbs up into the air. I laid there for a moment, before there was a thud, and a grunt next to me. I looked over, James getting to his knees beside me.
"You okay?" He breathed, looking over at me.
I nodded, taking the hand he offered, letting him pull me onto my feet. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we walked to the fire escape.
"Please tell me that's the only time you need to do that." I said, looking up at him as he waited to cross the street.
"I won't make you do it again...unless we don't have a choice." He said, taking my hand as we crossed the street to our building.
"James...why did you want to do this?" I asked as we climbed the stairs.
He paused, swallowing thickly, before shaking his head. "No reason." He said quietly, moving to continue up the stairs.
I didn't push, but I had an idea what had brought this on. Just a few nights ago, James had woken up to a nightmare. I had woken up, getting bumped on the side as he thrashed in bed. I tried to wake him, but he was lost, deep in his subconscious. I had barely enough time to roll onto the floor before his fist came down right where I had been laying. He froze there, breathing hard, and had refused to tell me anything. Neither of us slept the rest of the night. Nor did we speak.
James still refused to tell me what it was. He'd been on edge since the dream, but that was something I had gotten used to. We'd been in Romania nearly two years, and we hadn't had any signs of HYDRA, or anyone really hunting us down. James was starting to get antsy, waiting for the day it happened, and in turn, I was getting antsy as well. I couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. And happen soon.
James and I fell between the sheets that night, James taking control, getting all of his anxiety, stress and worry out. He collapsed against my back, his elbows holding his weight, both of us breathing hard. James leaned his forehead against my bare shoulder, his breaths cooling my heated skin. He wrapped his arm around my waist, rolling us over, slipping out of me at the same time. He settled against my back, his metal arm slipping under my neck. I grabbed his flesh hand with mine, lacing our fingers together as he sighed. I felt him nuzzle against my hair, pulling me closer subconsciously.
"I love you." I murmured, my eyes fluttering shut as sleep started to take me.
"I love you, too." I heard him murmur, right before I drifted off.
If I would have known what was going to happen, I would have basked in that moment longer. Taken more time to enjoy having James with me. Beside me. Being in his arms, protected. Because everything was about to fall apart, and neither of us knew it.
James was gone when I got home from work the next day. I didn't know where he was, but I didn't stress too much about it. It wasn't too unusual for him to be gone when I got home. But when a hand reached out, closing around my mouth, a sharp pain bursting through my head, the nonchalance flew out the window as my world went dark.
I groaned when I woke back up, my head pounding. My vision was blurry when I opened my eyes, and I was slightly relieved to see the ceiling of the apartment over me still. Though that relief quickly went out the window when a face appeared in my vision.
"She's alive." I was yanked into a kneeling position, a hand on my shoulder keeping my steady. My vision swam at the movement, my headache getting worse, making me want to hurl all over the floor. Or maybe that was just the dread filling me. "Remember me, sweetheart?"
His face was scarred, but it still held the perverted smirk I recognized. "I don't know...you look like Brock Rumlow...but also like a burnt piece of steak."
I bit back a cry as he gripped my jaw in his hand tightly, lifting my face a little. "No less snarky, are you. You haven't lost that, yet. You know, I was a little surprised when I heard he'd dragged you along when he ran. The Asset has a little crush." He released my jaw, leaning on his knees as he squatted in front of me.
"He has a name."
"Oh, he remembers that too? I'm shocked, honestly. He was such a good little soldier. Oh well. It was only a matter of time." He smirked, but I didn't have a chance to ask him what he meant when the door burst open.
I went to cry out, but a knife pressed against my throat, the hand on my shoulder tightening painfully.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Prince Charming." Rumlow said, standing so he was facing James.
"Let her go." He growled, his metal fist clenched, ready to spring at any moment. Takle Rumlow and bash his face in.
"Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast." Rumlow said, pointing a gun at me. "One wrong move, Asset, and she's gone."
"That's not my name anymore." James growled, his body tense, ready to pounce at any moment.
"So I've heard. You know, I saw your little boyfriend a couple days ago. He intercepted me as I was retrieving something important. But I managed to slip away at the expense of a couple of my men. It's amazing what desperate men will do. What they'll die for. All I had to do was say your name. 'Bucky.' That was all it took, and I got away. Slipped out of the great Captain's grasp, just like that." I could see James tense even more. "So you do remember him. After everything. Well, they say 'true love never dies.' And now you're trying to replace it with this?" Rumlow looked down at me. "Not really a step up, is it." I could see James bristle a little. "Tell me, Bucky," Rumlow spat out his name like a curse word. "Is she really worth it? Did you mean it when you told her you loved her last night? Or are they just empty worse, trying to replace a love you'll never find again? Was it worth it, travelling all this way to die, when you could have ended it quickly?" Rumlow looked between us a couple times. "It's hard, you know. Deciding which one of you to kill first. I could shoot her first, then you...Or I could shoot you first, and make you watch as I torture her to death, and you'd have to watch, incapable of doing anything." He pointed the gun at James. "Yeah, I like that idea better."
I glanced at James, meeting his eyes and he nodded just a fraction. I brought my hand down on the foot of the man that was holding me, driving my elbow into his ribs as he bent forward slightly. I could hear James and Rumlow fighting as I stood, the man that had been holding me stumbled back a little. I grabbed the cast iron skillet that had been sitting on the stove and swung it, knocking the man out, along with a couple of his teeth. I turned to see James leaning over Rumlow, who was bleeding on the floor. He had the gun in his hand, ready to shoot.
"James!" I called, putting my hand on his. "No." I shoved him away, the gun in my hand. I knelt over Rumlow, looking down into his eyes. I pointed the gun at his head, the barrel resting on his forehead. "You deserve so much worse than this. You deserve to suffer for everything you did to him." I nodded in James' direction. "To me. But at the same time, the quicker you die, the faster you burn in hell for everything you've done."
Rumlow smiled sadistically up at me. "Hail H-"
The sound of the gun rang in my ears. My hands were shaking, my head spinning. I swore my vision went white for a moment. Nothing felt real. I was flying through the stars, lost somewhere else. Anywhere but in the present moment. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt James' hand on mine, pulling the gun from my grasp. I finally saw Rumlow, a bullet hole in his head, blood pooling around the wound. I let out a strangled cry, letting James pull me off of him.
"Get yourself cleaned up." He said, shoving me towards the bathroom.
I stumbled weakly, falling into the door, fumbling with the knob a few times before I managed to get it open. I shut the door, standing in the dark for a moment. It was peaceful in there. There was no blood, no dead body. Nothing. No Rumlow. No other man I knocked out with a cast iron skillet. No gun. But they were still in my mind. Choking me. I fumbled for the light switch, flipping it on, the harsh fluorescent light burning my eyes. I stumbled into the shower, stripping out of my clothes on the way. I didn't want to feel anything. My skin was crawling. I had just killed a man. I had just killed Rumlow. I shot him. I should have felt good. I had killed my tormentor. The man who had ruined me. Broken me. Tried to kill me. Would have killed me. I kept James and I safe for a second. But what if there were more? What if our safe haven wasn't as safe as we thought it was anymore?