Diagon Alley

"There's a bird that nests inside you
Sleeping underneath your skin
Yeah, when you open up your wings to speak
I wish you'd let me in"

Counting Crows- A Murder Of One

James could tell the minute he came down to have breakfast on Friday morning that his aunt had something on her mind- something that she wanted to talk to him about. Bracing himself for whatever news she might have, he sat down and grabbed a piece of toast without a word.

"I was doing some cleaning in your bedroom the other night..." she started, avoiding eye contact by pouring herself some tea. "... And I happened to see that letter Remus sent you"

James was just about to ask "Which one?" since he knew that Remus, Sirius and Peter had all sent him what felt like at least a hundred letters this summer. But then, he came to think of what Remus' last letter, the only one he'd actually read, had been about.

It was obvious where his aunt was trying to get.

When he didn't reply she raised her eyebrows somewhat.

"About Diagon Alley? Today?"

"I don't want to go"

Judging from the look on her face James' aunt was not at all surprised by what he'd just said. Instead, she gave him that look that he'd seen so many times before. The one he hated when people gave him.

"But wouldn't it be nice to see your friends again?"

"I'll see them once I go back to school, won't I?"

He barely felt prepared for that and therefore, going to Diagon Alley today was completely out of question. His aunt sighed and slowly put her tea cup down to be able to look her sister's son right in the eye.

"James... I know you have been going through a lot this summer..."

You don't say?

"... But I think it might be good for you to do things that you did before... before..."

"Why? So I can pretend like everything's fine?"

He interrupted his aunt mostly because he didn't want her to finish that sentence. James hated how his voice trembled and he dropped her gaze. He knew that looking into her eyes, which resembled his mother's so much, would only make it worse. He swallowed twice before continuing:

"Because it's not. It's not fine"

"I know that" His aunt placed her hand on his arm. "But this behavior of yours, spending all days up in your room or outside running all alone... It's not healthy"

What annoyed James the most was how she acted as if he didn't know. As if he wanted this and considered it normal. If he'd ever been normal, he sure as hell wasn't anymore. Nothing was.

But what could he do about it?

"I'm worried about you"

"Don't be"

He stood up, abandoned his half-finished piece of toast and prepared to leave the kitchen. To say that he'd lost his appetite was an understatement and he didn't want to ruin the entire day by listening to this. He felt guilty enough as it was and he didn't need his aunt's worries on top of it. However, he didn't make it very far before she stopped him by saying:

"I'm supposed to send you off to Hogwarts in only a couple of weeks. How am I supposed to know that you'll be okay if you keep this up?"

He was on the verge of losing it. James stood with his back facing his aunt and his eyes closed, trying to take a deep breath. But his heart had already started to pound faster and he could literally feel the anger build up inside of him. The only problem was, he couldn't tell exactly what or who he was angry with.

"Going with your friends to Diagon Alley might make you feel just a little..."

"DO YOU KNOW THE REASON WHY I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE?"

This time, James managed perfectly fine to ignore the look of surprise on his aunt's face when he interrupted her and raised his voice. He was so upset he was shaking.

"BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE PERSON PASSING ME BY WILL STARE THEIR EYES OUT! IT WAS ON THE DAILY PROPHET'S BLOODY FRONT PAGE! AND I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME BECAUSE I DON'T DESERVE IT AND I DON'T WANT PITY, CAN'T YOU JUST GET THAT?"

It was nice, getting it all out like that. When James had finished yelling he was out of breath, but the look on his aunt's face made him wish he hadn't spoken up in the first place.

"I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to..."

She didn't deserve this. She'd taken him in, abandoned her old life to help him when he needed her the most. She had been there for him, every single day since they passed away. And he was an idiot for treating her this way.

"No. Don't apologize for admitting how you feel, James" his aunt said softly, shaking her head. "I want you to be honest with me and I was wrong trying to convince you to go to Diagon Alley. I'll do your shopping for you, if you want"

James could only bring himself to nod. It was difficult to describe the relief that washed over him and yet he knew that it wasn't a good thing that he was still this weak. He should be able to tackle it and accompany his friends to Diagon Alley by now.

But he simply wasn't ready. Not yet.

"Thank you" he finally said, his voice low.

His aunt nodded and gave him a small and yet sad smile that James wished he could return.

"Of course"

Lily

"Ugh! I knew seventh year would be tough but I never expected this!" Alice grimaced as she handed over all the books that she was going to buy to the lady working in Flourish and Blotts. "How much do you think these weigh?"

"I'm more worried about whether they'll fit in my trunk" Lily replied, panting slightly as she put all the books that she'd already paid for in a bag. "It wouldn't be very fun if all we could bring to Hogwarts this year was books, and nothing else"

Alice laughed.

"And it'd be even worse for you, since you won't even sleep in the same room as the rest of us anymore"

During the past couple of days Lily had been thinking about how strange it'd be not to have Alice in the bed next to hers. Of course, she'd still spend a lot of time in the Gryffindor common room but she'd have her own room to sleep in and she and the head boy would have a common room all to themselves...

"Speaking of which" Alice interrupted her thoughts as they exited the shop. "Did you figure out who's head boy yet?"

Lily rolled her eyes at her best friend in a playful sort of way.

"No! I already told you, the letter didn't say"

"Well, as long as it's not a slytherin..." Alice started but drifted off, probably realizing that that was still a touchy subject with her friend.

As they continued walking down the main street in silence Lily's thoughts drifted off to Snape. Dumbledore never missed a thing, so there was no risk he'd made Snape head boy. Right? And if he, against all odds, had been chosen, would Lily be pleased or angry about it?

Angry, she told herself firmly. The less I have to see of him this year, the better.

As she and Alice walked into Eeylops Owl Emporium, where they both planned to buy some treat for their owls, Lily felt like it was time to say something and so she muttered:

"Apart from a slytherin I think I can handle pretty much everything, unless one counts Potter"

Alice furrowed in a way that made Lily think that she almost looked worried.

"Yeah... But there's no chance Dumbledore has chosen him, is there?"

"No!" Lily exclaimed.

She'd spoken a bit louder than she'd intended to and a witch standing only a few meters away, examining a really shabby looking cat, gave her an annoyed glare. Lily lowered her voice somewhat as she continued:

"Of course not! Potter is the last person on earth who deserves that badge! I think it could be Remus, though..."

They paid for their owl treats and exited the shop. This time, Alice seemed to be the one lost in thought and it wasn't until they'd passed by Ollivanders wand shop that she spoke up:

"I feel really sorry for him"

Lily furrowed.

"Who, Remus?"

She was confused. From what she could tell, Alice didn't seem to know anything about the secret the "good" marauder had trusted Lily with several years ago.

"No, James"

Lily had been so lost in her own thoughts she'd barely realized that she and Alice were now standing inside Slug & Jiggers Apothecary to buy some new potion ingredients. Once the latter realized that she had her friend's full attention she added:

"I mean, he watched his parents die, didn't he? Even people like Potter must be having a hard time after that"

Lily came to think of the article in the Daily Prophet again. There hadn't been many details in there and she wondered what had really happen that night and what James had had to witness. How he'd survived.

"He's an only child" she mumbled, absentmindedly touching a vial filled with clear, green liquid. "I wonder who he lives with now..."

"His aunt"

Alice's reply came so fast Lily was caught off guard for a moment and she raised her eyebrows as her friend's cheeks turned bright red.

"How do you know that?"

"I... Well... Franktoldmeandhe'dspokentoBlack"

Alice's reply came out as a low mutter but she spoke so fast Lily could hardly make out any of it. She caught the word "Frank" though, and grinned at her friend when asking:

"Sorry? I didn't catch that"

Alice sighed, hitting her friend on the arm when realizing that she was teasing her. Once they'd paid for their ingredients and left the shop she explained, still blushing somewhat:

"Frank wrote to me and said that he'd spoken to Black. Apparently, Potter hasn't replied to any of his letters all summer"

This piece of information came as a surprise to Lily. Of course one could easily guess that James wouldn't be in the greatest mood right after his parents' deaths, but he and Sirius had been best friends since first year. If James didn't even speak to him, then things must be really, really bad...

To get her mind off it, off him, she smiled widely at Alice and exclaimed:

"Frank wrote to you? Tell me everything!"

The two girls spent the next twenty minutes going through every single word Alice and Frank Longbottom had exchanged during the holidays and eventually ended up in Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. Ordering two chocolate ice creams they sat down by a table, enjoying the August afternoon sun.

After having spent a great deal of time laughing, they both became serious again when Alice laid her eyes on one of the many WANTED-posters that were taped to the door on almost every shop in Diagon Alley.

"My parents are really worried..." she told Lily quietly. "Yours are not the only ones who think it might not be a good idea to come back this year"

Lily nodded slowly but then said:

"But we have to. There would be no reason for a dark wizard to attack my family if I'm not with them. The best thing I can do to protect them is to stay away"

It sounded horrible and sad, but they both knew that it was the truth. What had happened to the Potters was only one of the many killings one would never expect anyone to be capable of.

"I think things will be different this year" Alice said softly, absentmindedly stirring in her ice cream whilst she spoke. "People will change and realize what's really important"

"Well, at least some people will" Lily replied, finding it hard to keep the edge out of her voice. "Others, like Potter, will always find a way to turn everything into a huge, pathetic joke"

But to her surprise, Alice didn't agree or even smile. In fact, she looked deadly serious as she stated:

"I'm not so sure about that"

"Yeah, neither am I"

The two girls both jumped at the sound of the voice, seeing as it obviously belonged to someone who had been eavesdropping on their conversation. As Lily turned around in her seat she found herself staring right back at Sirius Black, who was standing only meters away with Remus by his side. None of them had bought any ice cream and she narrowed her eyes.

"Don't you have something better to do than sneak up on people, Black?"

It was funny how she, without even thinking about it, always sounded so harsh when talking to him, James or Peter. These days, she never even gave them a chance but always took for granted that whatever they were about to say or do was something mean, annoying or stupid. And when seeing him standing there, looking almost angry with that cocky expression on his face, all Lily could think of was how they'd always bullied Snape to no end...

Sirius voice was surprisingly cold as he replied, arms crossed:

"Hello Evans. Alice" He nodded towards Alice who, to Lily's great annoyance, gave him a small smile. "Did you have a nice summer?"

Lily quickly greeted Remus who seemed to be willing to let his friend do all the talking, and then glared at Sirius again.

"I did, until you showed up"

"You know, Evans, I don't understand what I ever did to you..."

Lily snorted loudly, staring at him as if she couldn't believe her ears.

"Did you honestly just say that? Because I don't even know where to start..."

"How about you start with why you sit here, talking about my best friend behind his back?"

Lily was taken a bit off guard by Sirius' comment and exchanged a quick look with Alice, who glanced down, before she started:

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Oh you know perfectly well what I'm talking about, Lily" Sirius snapped. "Surely someone as smart as you reads the Prophet on a daily basis. And given thought of what happened I can assure that James is the last person on earth who'd find a way to 'turn everything into a huge, pathetic joke'"

Lily hated it, but there was something in Sirius' voice that made her think that he was right. She really had no idea what James had been through and despite everything he'd ever done, she had no right judging him now...

"You were not supposed to hear that"

Really? Was that the best she could come up with? That, if something, was pathetic...

"Well, I did. And James has never done anything to offend you, so lay off him all right?"

Sirius seemed to be in a really bad mood and perhaps it had something to do with the fact that James hadn't written to him all summer. Perhaps he was just worried. Lily couldn't even imagine what it'd be like if Alice's parents died. How would she react to something like that and what would she feel other than helplessness?

Because there was nothing Sirius could do to change what had happened. Nothing.

Even Remus seemed to think that it was time for his friend to calm down and so he grabbed Sirius' arm and muttered:

"Sirius... That's enough"

Probably just to ease the tension, and get both Lily and Sirius to focus on something else and stop glaring at each other, Alice asked Remus:

"So... Are you the new head boy, Remus?"

He shook his head and from what Lily could tell he was not at all sad about it. She couldn't help feeling slightly disappointed, though. Having Remus as head boy would, in fact, be really comfortable since she already knew him and they were friends.

"No" he said, shrugging slightly. "I have no idea who got the badge. Are you head girl?"

He turned to look at Lily who nodded shortly. The heated discussion with Sirius was still fresh in her mind and she couldn't bring herself to smile at the moment. There was a short silence before Remus cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Well... I guess it's time for us to go"

He gave Sirius a meaningful look and the latter, somewhat reluctantly, turned around to leave the ice cream parlor. Once they were both out of sight and earshot Alice stated:

"Wow... That was intense"

"He was right" Lily mumbled, earning a look of surprise from her friend. "I had no right saying those things about Potter after everything he's been through. But I... I can't just forget about everything he's ever done to Sev and..."

She drifted off. Couldn't bring herself to continue since she didn't know exactly what she was trying to say. However, Alice, being the best friend she was, simply put her hand on Lily's arm.

"I know" she said, and something in her eyes told Lily that she really did. "I get it"

James

James was in the middle of sorting the letters he'd received all summer when there was a soft knock on the door leading into his bedroom. He put the letters into two piles; the ones worth saving and the ones he planned to just throw away (most of these came from relatives and old friends of his parents who expressed their sorrow and condolences).

"Come in" he said and turned around in his chair to face his aunt.

She was holding a great number of books, robes and potion ingredients in her hands and he hurried over to her to grab some of it. These things were all his school supplies that she'd bought in Diagon Alley the same day.

"This all reminds me of my last year..." James' aunt said, grimacing slightly as she took a look at the books. "Way too much studying for my liking"

Good to know. As if I don't have enough to deal with as it is.

James packed The Standard Book of Spells Grade 7 into his trunk and pointed out:

"You didn't have to buy me any new robes..."

But his aunt simply snorted.

"Of course I did, I don't think you realize how much you've grown this summer"

It was true that James was now a lot taller and more muscular than he'd been during his previous years at Hogwarts, but with everything else going on he hadn't exactly paid his appearances much attention...

There was a short silence and since his aunt didn't leave the room, and continued to eye him worriedly, James knew that there was something else that she wanted to say.

"So... Only three days to go now"

He was glad that he had his back facing her, for he had a feeling that the expression on his face mirrored what he felt inside. Worry. Exhaustion. Anger. Guilt. Even panic.

Three days was nothing.

"There is still time to change your mind, James" his aunt reminded him softly, as if it'd make things any easier. "If you're not ready..."

"There's no reason why I shouldn't go back"

He could see the look on his aunt's face from the corner of his eye and it seemed as if she wanted to oppose, but stayed silent anyway.

"Just remember I said that"

At first, all James could do was nod but as his aunt was about to exit his bedroom again he suddenly regained his ability to speak. His voice was surprisingly clear when he said:

"Thank you. For everything"

And he meant it.

Now, his aunt was the one nodding in silence and then, before closing the door behind her, she replied:

"Don't worry about it"

Author's note: The next chapter will, mostly, take place on the Hogwarts Express and James and Lily will finally see each other again. I'm really looking forward to writing Lily's reaction when she realizes that James is head boy, haha.

Please review! :)