The Big Surprise

"And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry"

Regina Spektor- The Call

Lily's mother gave her youngest daughter what was probably the fifteenth bone breaking hug that day. Petunia was standing next to her, rolling her eyes demonstratively.

"Take care now, honey" Mrs Evans said and Lily's eyes widened as she realized that her mother had tears in her eyes.

"Don't cry, mum" she exclaimed. "It'll be Christmas before you know it!"

"I know, I know..." Her mother wiped her eyes and gave her daughter an apologetic smile. "I honestly don't know what's gotten into me, I'm just so sensitive!"

"Lily will be all right" Lily's father said, putting her hand on his wife's shoulder. "Won't you Lils?"

"Of course I will, dad" Lily said, hugging her father as well. "And I'll miss you all so much"

She had actually been very surprised when finding out that Petunia would accompany them to King's Cross Station. Of course, she'd said that it was only because she was having lunch with Vernon in London an hour later but Lily had a feeling that she actually wished to say goodbye to her.

Now, she gave her older sister a small smile.

"I'll miss you too, Tuney"

Lily could see from the corner of her eye how her parents exchanged some sort of excited look, probably hoping that their daughters would finally start to get along again. Petunia seemed very uncomfortable and her mouth was set in a thin line as she nodded towards the Head Girl badge on Lily's shirt.

"Good luck with that"

"And promise to write as soon as you find out who the Head Boy is, we are so curious!" Mrs Evans said, right as the whistle blew.

Lily knew that this meant that she was running out of time and so she grabbed her trolley and started walking towards the train. Before she climbed on board she turned around to face her family one more time, raising her hand in farewell.

James

"You know, people have an awful habit of staring when they're not supposed to"

James' aunt rolled her eyes and looked truthfully annoyed when glaring at two boys who didn't look to be much older than eleven. When passing her and James by, they'd both started whispering excitedly and it was obvious that even people that young had read The Prophet this summer.

"Just ignore it" His aunt's voice was soft and yet firm. "People only gossip as long as they think that someone actually cares about what they're saying. Pretend like you can't even hear them"

James nodded slightly. He tried to give his aunt a small smile, but it felt more like a grimace.

"I already am"

Judging from the look on her face, she was not convinced. James thought that the best thing about returning to Hogwarts would be that he wouldn't have to endure that look. At least not from her.

"Are you oka.."

"I'm fine"

He took a quick look around the platform, only so he wouldn't have to meet her gaze, and it didn't take long before his eyes landed on Lily Evans. If it was even possible, she looked even more beautiful than she when he last saw her. Her dark red hair seemed to have grown slightly longer during the summer and her bright green eyes twinkled as she hugged her parents goodbye...

He looked away.

"Where is your Head Boy badge?"

His aunt's worried voice brought him back to reality and James could have sworn that she thought that he might have left it at home. Truth to be told, he had considered it...

Sighing slightly, he dug his hand into his pocket and pulled it out to show her.

"It's right here"

His aunt raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Why aren't you wearing it?"

Because it shouldn't even be mine. Because people stare enough already. Because I don't deserve it.

"People usually don't put it on before bordering the train" James lied quickly. "I haven't even changed into my robes yet"

His aunt furrowed.

"Hm... That's not what I remember from back when I was a student..."

But she drifted off as the whistle blew, indicating that the train was soon about to take off. James' aunt gave him a quick smile before hugging him tightly.

"Promise to write" she said. "And you know that if you need someone to talk to, about anything..."

"I can always talk to you" James filled in.

They'd gone through this at least ten times a day during the past week. His aunt nodded seriously.

"Absolutely. Now have a great term and I'll see you soon"

James nodded. He waved at her before grabbing his trunk from the trolley and heading towards the Hogwarts Express. He was just about to heave his trunk onto the train when a voice he hadn't heard in what felt like a really long time said:

"Hello Prongs! Long time, no see!"

Sirius grinned at him, looking like Christmas had arrived four months early. And James knew that he should be nothing but happy to see his best friend again, and yet he could feel his heart starting to beat uncomfortably fast.

He was not used to this. Being the old, carefree James Potter without a single problem in the entire world. The one playing pranks and laughing at Snape for his greasy hair and dirty underwear. The person Sirius still might expect him to be.

But James could never be that person again. In fact, he felt like he could never even be happy again.

"Hello Sirius" he replied as they got on the train together.

What else was he supposed to say? "Sorry that I didn't reply to any of your letters?" "Sorry that I'll probably be the most boring person in the entire school this year?"

No words were enough. And yet, Sirius didn't seem to think so.

"We've really missed you, mate" he said, looking into each compartment that they passed by, obviously trying to catch a glimpse of Remus or Peter. "Remus and I did some really funny things this summer that we're dying to tell you about... Here they are!"

Sirius slid the door leading into the compartment open and stepped inside, James right behind him. Once he'd closed the door and turned around to greet his two other friends, Remus gave him a wide smile.

"Hi James! It's so good to see you!"

Was it really? Or was this all just an act, since none of them really knew how to behave around him anymore? Peter looked slightly nervous and gave James a smile that didn't feel real.

"H... hello James. How was your summer?"

The reaction, to a question that only months ago would have seemed so natural, was immediate. Before James had time to even think that Peter's intentions were good, he felt like a bludger flew right into his stomach and made it impossible to breathe. Sirius and Remus both looked at Peter as if he'd gone mental and only seconds after he'd uttered the question his eyes widened in horror and James could have sworn that he was about to cover his mouth with his hands.

"I... I'm sorry..." he stuttered. "I didn't mean..."

"It was okay"

James was amazed by the fact that his voice carried and he actually managed to look right into Peter's eyes as he sat down opposite him.

"How was your summer, Peter?"

The train soon started moving and it didn't take long before the landscape outside the train window started changing. During the next thirty minutes James took part in some of the conversations his friends were having but even though it was obvious how hard Sirius and Remus both tried, he couldn't bring himself to laugh once.

He hadn't laughed since that day.

When the other three discussed things he really couldn't care less about anymore, James remained silent and stared out the window, focusing on every little detail outside only so his thoughts wouldn't start wandering.

However, he was brought back to reality as Remus stood up:

"Well, I guess it's time for me to head to the prefect carriage"

Sirius grimaced.

"Why don't you just tell Dumbledore that you don't want that stupid badge anymore?"

During the past couple of weeks, James had been so busy thinking about how much he didn't deserve the Head Boy badge, that he hadn't even considered what his friends might think about it. Sirius wouldn't believe his eyes, that was for sure...

"It's not that bad" Remus said, shrugging.

Sirius leaned slightly backwards in his seat, yawning.

"Well, at least we should be lucky you weren't made Head Boy. Right Prongs?"

They all turned to look at James who, for a split second, felt like he'd lost his ability to speak. Then, he simply stated:

"I'm Head Boy"

The compartment fell silent. Remus stared, Peter gaped and Sirius burst out laughing.

"You know what, for a second there you almost had me... That would be great, wouldn't it? You and Evans running the school together, even sharing a living quarter..."

"I'm not joking" James said shortly, and could feel his heart skip a beat at Sirius' words. "Evans is Head Girl?"

Of course, that was nothing but what he'd always expected. But somehow he'd still managed to hope that he'd be wrong.

"Yeah, we ran into her and Alice in Diagon Alley a couple of weeks ago" Remus said slowly, eyeing James curiously. "She told us. Are you really Head Boy?"

"Of course not!" Sirius exclaimed, still grinning.

But as he turned to look at his friends, and realized that none of them were laughing with him, he asked James:

"You're not, are you?"

James felt like he was about to lose his patience and rolled his eyes demonstratively before he showed them all the Head Boy badge. Sirius grabbed it and started examining it closely, almost as if expecting it to be fake. James didn't blame him.

"You've got to be kidding me..." Sirius muttered under his breath and James replied, his voice low:

"I wish"

For a moment, none of the four marauders said anything and then Remus cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Well... In that case I guess you're accompanying me to the prefect carriage, James?"

James avoided Sirius' gaze when standing up and, pretending to be busy examining the floor, he told Remus:

"Yeah... Yeah, I'm coming"

The last thing he heard before Remus slid the compartment door shut behind them was Sirius telling Peter, his voice full of disbelief:

"Well... This is unexpected"

Lily

"Okay, promise to report back to us as soon as the meeting is over!" Alice looked really excited and almost jumped up and down in her seat. "I'm almost as curious about the new Head Boy as you are"

"Honestly Alice, I think you're more curious" Amelia Bones said, shaking her head while smiling at her friend. "Good luck Lily. Don't be too hard on the new prefects!"

As Lily slid the compartment door shut behind her she could still hear her friends continue the discussion on who this year's Head Boy might be. She rolled her eyes, smiling to herself as she started walking down the train corridor. Of course, she was far more excited about all this than she'd ever let on.

And even though it was a bit embarrassing to admit, she was also nervous. Before meeting up with all the prefects, she and the Head Boy would have a short "private meeting" in one of the compartments in the front carriage.

What if he was a Slytherin, one of Snape's friends? Or what if he was some really boring Ravenclaw that she would have absolutely nothing in common with?

Calm down, Lily told herself firmly, as she finally reached the right compartment. It can't be that bad. Because honestly, nothing would be as bad as...

"Potter?"

Lily couldn't even bring herself to scream, or sound angry, when saying the word. She was left standing in the doorway, motionless, staring at him. Was this some kind of sick joke that he and Sirius had come up with after what had happened in Diagon Alley? If it was, it sure as hell wasn't funny.

"Hello Evans"

Lily swallowed. Since she felt unable to speak, she spent a short while thinking that there was something different about his voice.

It sounded hollow. Empty. Perhaps also slightly darker. Not at all like the annoying and sometimes almost desperate sounding voice that she knew as James Potter's.

Then, she took in his appearances, and what she saw almost made her flinch. He was more muscular, broad-shouldered and his always so messy hair was slightly shorter than she remembered. He was also quite pale, but what struck her the most was his eyes. He had dark circles under them, indicating on lack of sleep, and just like his voice his brown eyes seemed... empty.

They contained none of that spark she was so used to find there. It was a really strange feeling.

Lily didn't know for how long they'd been standing there, eyeing each other in silence, when she finally managed to ask:

"What... what are you doing here?"

Without a word, James started digging after something in his pocket. Oh no. Please no. Please don't let it be... It was. The Head Boy badge. With his initials, J.P, on it.

This had to be a nightmare.

Lily wanted to yell at him. Scream that he didn't deserve this and that he should go straight to Dumbledore's office once they arrived at school and tell the headmaster that he'd made a mistake. She wanted to ask him why he of all people had been chosen. What had he ever done to deserve it?

But she couldn't. When looking into his eyes, that seemed to contain nothing but exhaustion and grief, she just couldn't. Should she say something? "I'm sorry you had to watch your parents die?" That would only make it worse...

The thoughts kept spinning through Lily's head and meanwhile, James opened his mouth to speak:

"Just so you know, if you want to handle this prefect meeting on your own I don't mind. I'll let you do all the talking"

She stared at him. James Potter would remain silent in his seat and let her take over? No jokes or tries to make people laugh? No mean or witty remarks? Had she arrived in some sort of alternate universe?

"Uhm... Yeah, sure" she said lamely. "If that's what you want"

James nodded and Lily noticed that he looked almost grateful.

"Yeah... That's what I want"

There was a short silence. Lily stared at the badge in his hand, silently wondering why he didn't put it on. Did he even want this? From the looks of it, the answer was no. Perhaps he'd tell Dumbledore that as soon as they arrived at the school?

"We should go" she said, finding it strange that she was actually having what could be described as a completely normal and civil conversation with Potter. "The prefect meeting is supposed to start in five minutes"

James nodded slowly, before once again slipping the badge into his pocket.

"Right"

And in silence, they both exited the compartment and headed for the one where the prefect meeting would take place.

Lily

Half an hour later, once the prefect meeting was over and Lily and James were both heading back to their compartments, Lily was too flabbergasted to even think properly. That meeting had, without doubt, been one of the strangest ones she'd ever attended.

And the reason for that was that James Potter hadn't said a single word, apart from his name when introducing himself. He barely seemed to have noticed the surprised and even annoyed looks on some of the prefects' faces once they realized that he was Head Boy.

But Lily hadn't missed the look on his face when Joanna Smith, a seventh year prefect from Hufflepuff, had looked at him with so much pity she might as well have held up a sign saying "I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, JAMES". And she was not the only one. In fact, some of the fifth years even whispered amongst each other when James first entered the compartment, something that caused Remus to give them an angry glare. He, on the other hand, kept sending James worried glances that the latter seemed to hate just as much.

Perhaps all the looks, pity and worry were the reasons why James had stayed silent during the entire meeting and didn't participate in a single discussion. Perhaps they were also the reason why he was now walking ten meters ahead of her.

Perhaps it was because of everything else that was going on in his life at the moment, that he hadn't asked her out yet. Honestly, Lily had expected it, considering all the chances he'd had. At this very moment they were the only people in the train corridor and yet he acted as if she didn't even exist.

It was... new. Liberating. And yet just so strange.

Her thoughts were interrupted as he stopped, and she caught up with him, just outside the compartment where her friends sat. James turned around to face her, and met her gaze for the first time since before the prefect meeting.

"See you, Evans"

And then he continued walking down the corridor, leaving her staring after him. Before she even realized what she was doing she called:

"James!"

When he stopped walking, and slowly turned around to face her again, she was too busy thinking about how awkward the whole situation was to realize that she'd called him by his first name. James looked at her, obviously waiting for her to say something.

Merlin, this was weird...

"I'm sorry. About your parents"

His face expression remained indifferent and for a moment she doubted whether he'd even heard her. Their gazes locked. Lily swallowed. And then, before she knew it, he'd turned around and left the scene.

And she was wondering whether what she'd just done was nothing but a big mistake.

Sirius

"How did it go?"

The somewhat triumphant look on Sirius' face vanished once he realized that Remus was alone. The latter slid the compartment door shut and sighed before telling his two friends:

"Before you ask, I don't know where James is"

Sirius rolled his eyes, thinking that it was typical Remus behavior to think that it might be a good thing to give James some time alone. But truth to be told, James had had enough time to himself all summer and now he needed his friends.

"How could you lose him?! You were at the same meeting, weren't you?"

"Yeah but he left after that, and he didn't say where he was going" Remus explained, sighing slightly. "And I don't blame him, considering how people acted back there..."

"What happened?" Peter asked curiously and Sirius filled in, his voice dangerously low:

"Did someone say anything about what happened to his parents?"

"No..." Remus said, shaking his head. "Not directly, at least. But they all gave him these looks... Either they were angry and surprised that he'd been made Head Boy or they just pitied him. I can understand that that became too much"

"People. Are. Such. Idiots" Sirius hissed, clenching his fists when thinking about everything that James had been through. "What about Evans? Considering what we heard her say in Diagon Alley I can only guess that she wasn't very nice to him, either?"

"They never spoke to each other, from what I could tell" Remus replied. "In fact, James didn't say anything but his name during the entire meeting"

"I feel really sorry for him" Peter muttered quietly. "And I was stupid enough to ask him how his summer was..."

"I'm sure James knows that you didn't mean it like that" Remus said gently, giving his friend an encouraging smile. "But we just... We have to remember that James might not be the same person he always has been"

Sirius didn't like the way Remus looked at him when saying this, as if indicating that he needed this explained to him. Of course Sirius knew that life would never be the same for his best friend again. Of course he knew that James would have trouble laughing, smiling and playing pranks as usual. Of course he knew that things had changed.

And he hated it.

Author's note: I have read many stories where Lily just loses it completely when realizing that James is Head Boy. And even though she might be really angry about it, I just don't think she'd be that hard on him after everything that he's been through. But of course, you can imagine what she'll tell her friends once she sees them again :P

It's difficult writing from Sirius' point of view. Luckily, none of my best friends have lost someone they really care about so I can only imagine how hard that must be, and how helpless one might feel at times.

Please review! :)