First Day

"You said that you've never been
But all the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away"

Oasis - Don't Look Back In Anger

"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!"

Lily was running around her new bedroom like crazy, trying to get ready as soon as possible so she'd make it down to breakfast in time. Considering the fact that she'd been made Head Girl, one could easily guess that Lily was quite good at keeping track of things. However, getting out of bed in the mornings had never been one of her talents and it had always been Alice's job to make sure that Lily didn't oversleep and missed the first lesson of the day.

And that couldn't happen this very morning, Lily thought as she silently cursed her wand for not drying her hair faster. This was the first day of her last year at Hogwarts and she didn't want to miss a minute of it.

Once she was finished and had grabbed all the things she needed, Lily hurried out of her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her. After all, she didn't want Potter to come in there snooping...

Speaking of Potter.

For a split second, Lily stopped and took a quick glance around the common room. It was deserted, looking exactly like it had when they both went to bed last night. James' bedroom door was closed.

He probably got up on time, Lily thought angrily and started running as she dared to look at her watch. Unless she wanted to bring her breakfast to their first lesson she really had to leave now. She didn't even have time to say good morning to Godric Gryffindor, who called something after her as she set off down the ninth floor corridor.

As Lily finally reached the Great Hall she noticed, to her big relief, that most students were still seated. She also managed to get eye contact with Alice who waved, indicating for her to come and sit down. It wasn't until Lily did, and had greeted all her friends good morning, that she noticed that the Marauders were sitting only a few seats away.

Great.

"Couldn't you have chosen some other place to sit?" Lily muttered under her breath and grabbed a piece of toast.

Alice raised her eyebrows at her and then, following Lily's angry glare, realization fell upon her face.

"Oh" she just said. "I take it that you two couldn't even put your differences aside now that you're actually working together!"

"Did you get into a fight?" Amelia asked curiously, leaning slightly closer to Lily while casting a quick glance at James who kept poking around in his food.

"No..." Lily shook her head slowly before taking a sip from her pumpkin juice. "No, we couldn't possibly fight since he barely spoke a word to me all night"

"I thought that's what you wanted?" Alice pointed out, looking truthfully confused. "Haven't you wished for Potter to leave you alone ever since... what, first year?"

"I know and I should be enjoying this but it's just..." Lily drifted off, grimacing slightly. "I don't know what to make of it, you know? How do I act around him, what do I say? He's like a ticking bomb that might explode at any second!"

"You know what, it actually sounds as if you're worried to hurt his feelings" Rebecca said and she, Alice and Amelia all smirked before exchanging a meaningful glance that Lily had no idea what to make of.

She snorted loudly.

"That's the stupidest... I don't worry about him! I just..."

"I suggest you finish that piece of toast if you want to get to class on time, ms Evans"

Lily was interrupted by Mc Gonagall's stern voice and as she looked up at the older witch she could see that she was carrying a bunch of timetables. She handed one each to Lily and her friends and informed them:

"Your first lesson is History of Magic. Now, remember that this is your NEWT-year so listening to professor Binns might actually be a very good idea"

"That's easier said than done..." Alice muttered under her breath, but Lily didn't hear her since she was busy eying Mc Gonagall who had now reached Potter and his friends.

As she was handing James his timetable a look of worry fell upon her face and her forehead creased.

"Are you all right, Potter?"

It was not until then that Lily noticed the dark circles under James' eyes; he looked like he hadn't slept at all.

"Yeah, I'm fine"

He obviously pretended to be very interested in the timetable only so Mc Gonagall would leave him alone sooner. However, she didn't seem to be done just yet:

"I certainly hope so, for I have always been told that the beds in the Head dorms are the most comfortable ones in the entire cast..."

"I said I'm fine!"

James hadn't raised his voice, but his words still caused some people to turn around in their seats. Interrupting Mc Gonagall was not something one usually did but surprisingly enough, James didn't look even the slightest remorseful and the Transfiguration teacher didn't look angry.

In fact, she looked even more worried than before.

"Very well" she said quietly and then, after having given Sirius, Remus and Peter their timetables, she continued her walk down the Gryffindor table.

"He's gone mental, that one"

Rebecca's voice was low but Lily could still make out every word. And she was starting to wonder whether her friend's words were actually true.

James

"Wow mate, you should be lucky you didn't get into any trouble for that" Sirius said as soon as Mc Gonagall had left them, but James simply rolled his eyes.

"Why? Since when is it a crime to be tired on the morning of the first day?"

Sirius was quiet for a second but then seemed to summon up the courage to point out:

"Well, you actually do look quite ill and..."

But he drifted off and James pretended not to notice the look that Remus gave Sirius. The one that said "Just leave it". Even though James was grateful that Remus convinced Sirius to drop the whole matter, he didn't appreciate that his friends were discussing him behind his back.

He hadn't asked for any of this.

Feeling like he needed some sort of distraction from all of it, even professor Binns would do, he stood up and swung his bag over his shoulder.

"Let's get to class or we'll be late"

Remus smiled.

"It seems like I might have had a good influence on you, after all" he said, following James' lead. "Since when do you care about getting to class in time?"

Since everything in between classes became nothing but a waste of time.

James shrugged slightly and was just about to turn around and leave the Great Hall, when he found himself staring right into Lily Evans' bright green eyes. She looked right at him, furrowing slightly as if she was trying to figure something out.

As if she was trying to figure him out.

James looked away - this was the last thing he needed right now.

James

Having spent six entire years at Hogwarts, James was ready to say that this was the worst day so far. History of Magic in the morning had been okay - his classmates had only stared at him when first entering the classroom and spent the rest of the lesson half asleep on their desks.

Herbology, their next subject, was worse. James knew that professor Sprout had given them loads of homework during the holidays to prepare for their NEWT-exams, and he hadn't finished any of it. Therefore, it was not very easy to keep up and working with Peter, who wasn't exactly the brightest person on earth, didn't make it any easier.

"Oh no Potter, hold it like that and it'll bite off your fingers!"

Professor Sprout grabbed the plant firmly and seemed to make sure that James and Peter hadn't caused it some permanent damage. Sirius, who worked with Remus who was obviously an expert on how to treat the plants, seemed to find the whole thing hilarious. Once the lesson was over, and James and his friends were heading up towards the castle for lunch, he had lots of dirt under his fingernails and his arms ached like never before.

Also, the pompous Hufflepuff student Nigel Finch-Fletchley had walked up to him and said "No one blames you for not treating that plant right, James. After everything you've been through it's completely understandable that Herbology is not your first priority". Perhaps Nigel meant well, but Remus still had to stop James from hexing him from behind.

He didn't want people's sympathy.

Even though James, as usual, didn't feel very hungry lunch was definitely the best time of the day. At least it wasn't a constant reminder of how much he'd missed when skipping his homework and how much trouble he'd probably have passing his NEWT-exams.

On the afternoon they had Charms with the ravenclaws for over two hours and James spent most of the lesson trying his best to laugh at Sirius' jokes and figure out why he suddenly had trouble handling a simple summoning charm.

"It's only because you haven't practiced it in a while" Remus said kindly but James ignored him, muttering:

"Yeah? Then how come you still got it in you?"

By the time all today's lessons were over and they'd had dinner in the Great Hall, James felt like he hadn't slept in days. He needed to be alone and so he turned down Remus' offer to spent some time in the library, studying.

"Come on Remus, we've only been here a day and you're already studying?"

Sirius shook his head in disbelief.

"But this is our last year and in case you don't remember, we got homework from Binns, Sprout and Flitwick!" Remus pointed out and James felt sick - more schoolwork he needed to attend to.

Somehow, Remus managed to convince Sirius to join him in the library but James stood his ground.

"I... I have to send my aunt a letter and then I think I'll just go to bed"

It didn't take too much to convince them and once he'd said goodbye James left the Great Hall, and headed for his and Lily's new living quarter.

Sirius

"I'm worried about James"

Remus looked up from his already half-finished essay at Sirius' words and sighed heavily.

"Who isn't?"

Sirius had long ago abandoned his own homework and absentmindedly played with his quill while staring out the library window. It was all dark outside, a reminder of that autumn already seemed to have arrived. From this point everything would be colder. Darker. Heavier.

"I mean, of course I knew that all this that happened with his parents would change him but... Not like this"

When Remus didn't reply Sirius exclaimed:

"He's like a completely different person, Remus!"

"I know"

"It's like we've never even known him!"

Another sigh.

"I know"

"So what do we do?!"

Now that Sirius had posed that question he almost wished he hadn't. For he was afraid that Remus, who always had the answer to all of their problems, wouldn't know what to do in this situation. Perhaps he'd just say that there was no way they could have this "new" James replaced by the old one. His best mate that Sirius missed so much.

"Well, for a start we need to keep him away from the slytherins" Remus said seriously and Sirius furrowed.

"Why? Did they do something to him?"

Lately, he'd felt more like James' older brother than his best friend. Sirius almost considered it his job to protect James from the outside world and all the things that could make him feel even worse than he already did.

"No, not that I know of" Remus replied, shaking his head slowly.

He, too, seemed to have forgotten all about professor Binns' essay by now.

"But we all know how much they've always hated James for everything that's happened between them in the past. Don't you think Snape would be willing to make a mean remark about Mr and Mrs Potter as soon as he got the chance?"

Sirius remained silent for a moment, contemplating his friends words. It was true that Snape, if anyone, would want revenge on James for everything that he'd done. Also, Sirius was pretty sure that Snape blamed the Marauders for the fact that he was no longer best friends with Lily Evans. But it was not like James was the one who'd called her a mudblood...

His thoughts were interrupted as Remus continued:

"Come to think of it, how do we even know that none of their parents did it? Take your cousin Bellatrix Lestrange for instance..."

Sirius grimaced.

"Her parents are death eaters, aren't they?"

"Yeah"

"Well, how do we know they're not the ones who killed James' parents? I guess the odds are quite small but it still could be!"

Remus was right and even though Sirius had practically no contact with his family whatsoever, he felt horrible knowing that some of his relatives might have caused the death of James' caring and loving parents. The bare thought made him feel sick.

"Maybe that's the thing..." he said absentmindedly, staring at nothing in particular as he spoke and Remus furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

Sirius leaned slightly forward in his seat and made sure that no one was eavesdropping on him and Remus before he started:

"James has always been that kind of person who hates talking about his feelings, right?"

"Yeah, apart from when it comes to Lily..."

"But even then he's always talked about her!" Sirius exclaimed impatiently. "It was always describing Lily's looks and Lily's amazing personality, he never talked about what he truly felt!"

Remus was quiet for a short while and then nodded slightly.

"I guess you're right..." he said slowly and Sirius continued, willing to prove his point:

"And so we've always taken for granted that James doesn't want to talk about any of this, right?

"Right"

"But what if he does? We never even bothered to ask..."

Remus looked doubtful.

"I'm sorry, but I just find it hard to believe that James would actually be willing to open up and..."

"Fine, let me rephrase" Sirius said quickly. "Maybe James doesn't want to talk but I'd bet you anything he needs it!"

To his great annoyance Remus raised his eyebrows.

"So what's your plan? Walking right up to him and say: 'Hi James, fancy a little chat about what actually happened that night your parents died?'?"

Unfortunately, Sirius had no answer ready for that particular question.

"I'm still working on that one..." he muttered, grabbing his quill again to continue with the essay. "And I'll figure something out. Eventually"

Lily

Come on Lily, you can do this. It's not like it's that strange, knocking on Potter's bedroom door. A year ago the mere thought would have made him squeal out of happiness...

But not anymore.

Lily cursed under her breath, thinking that she had to act soon. The situation would be even more awkward if James opened the door from the inside now, and found her standing there... As if it'd burned her, Lily let go of the door-handle and backed a few steps.

What was the matter with her? Since when did she even care what Potter thought? Was she afraid of what he might say? After all, he hadn't seemed very keen on talking to anyone ever since they returned to Hogwarts the night before. He'd probably just get really annoyed and slam the door in her face and...

And what? Lily asked herself. What's the worst thing that could happen?

Besides, it was not like she was the one who'd made him Head Boy. Still, it was Lily's and his responsibility to schedule the prefect meetings and with quidditch practises and everything else coming up it was good to set dates as soon as possible. Therefore, she wanted to talk to him.

She needed to talk to him.

Then do it, coward.

Lily ignored the voice in her head but took a step forward and bit her lip before knocking on James' bedroom door. It wasn't until then that she realized that he might not even be in there...

For a moment, Lily stood there in complete silence and waited. Then, as nothing happened she figured that she could always come back later. For some very stupid and annoying reason, that thought was a relief. She was just about to turn around and descend the steps when the door opened.

"Oh! You're here"

Lily jumped in surprise, but she couldn't tell whether it was because she hadn't expected him to be there or because he looked awful. If James had looked tired before, that was nothing compared to how he looked now. For an awkward moment they were left staring at each other and then Lily cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

After all, it was almost nine...

"No"

His eyes were empty and yet Lily couldn't help thinking that there was curiosity there, too. Well, she didn't blame him. Since when did she, Lily Evans, speak to James Potter unless he addressed her first?

"Um... You know, I was just thinking..."

Why on earth did she sound like a nervous eleven-year-old schoolgirl? James continued to stare at her and no wonder; she sounded pathetic...

"We need to schedule this term's prefect meetings"

He opened his mouth to say something but Lily quickly continued:

"I know that you don't want it to get in the way of the Gryffindor team's quidditch practices, being captain and all, so if you just let me know what days you have..."

"I haven't really put much thought to that yet"

Lily drifted off and hoped that she didn't look as surprised as she felt. Usually, nothing was more important to James than winning the quidditch cup. And now he had nothing at all planned for his team? How could that be?

"Oh" she just said.

There was another silence and Lily felt a strong urge to stay right where she was and walk away at the same time. It was obvious that James was exhausted and didn't want to deal with any of this right now and still, that was not her problem... She took a deep breath and started:

"Anyway, I think we're supposed to arrange three meetings during this term to discuss patrolling schedules and such. I was thinking we might have the first one next Wednesday because then..."

She was speaking fast, too fast, and yet James sighed before she was finished and she fell silent at once. He ran his fingers through his hair and as their gazes locked Lily felt almost afraid of what this new person, the one she didn't know, would do or say.

"Can we take this tomorrow, Evans? I have things I need to take care of"

What things?

At that moment she found the reason why he'd opened the door in the first place - he had a letter in his hand and he was probably heading for the owlery to send it with one of the school owls...

"Don't you have an owl?"

Okay, now it was definitely time for her to leave. So why was she still standing here, asking annoying questions? James raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Yeah, why?"

Lily nodded towards the letter in his hand.

"Why not use him instead of heading for the owlery at this hour..."

"I need some air"

For the first time he sounded frustrated and that was really all it took for Lily to nod shortly and step aside so he could get through.

"Right" she said quietly.

She watched in silence as he made his way through the common room, obviously keen on getting out of here as soon as possible. With his hand on the portrait of Gryffindor, ready to push it open, he suddenly said:

"Good night Evans"

And then he left. Lily stared after him, sighing and shaking her head out of confusion. Who was this person?

"Good night Potter" she muttered to herself, before she made her way up to her own bedroom.

It had been a long day.

Author's note: The only good thing about being home sick is that I get more time to write, haha. Thank you so much for your reviews! I can't believe 40 people are actually following this story now, it might not seem a lot to some of you but it is to me :P

Please leave a review if you liked it, I love reading them no matter what they say! :)