September 12, 2014 – And now that the Season is over and done with, it's time for Anne and Darcy to meet at Pemberley and discuss a possible future.
Chapter 12
A thunderstorm the day before had brought relief from an unusually warm spell of weather. The rain had refreshed the vegetation, and all around the aroma of damp soil and grass reinforced that this was the countryside.
Darcy found Anne sitting on her horse on the other side of the valley from Pemberley. The early morning light illuminated the great house to best advantage. It was Darcy's favorite time of the day for his favorite view of his beloved Pemberley. He urged his horse up the hill.
"I have never seen a place so well situated," she said when he was next to her, looking out over the valley. Their horses stood relatively still allowing the riders to converse.
"Neither have I. Though I admit to being completely biased."
"To be master of such an estate must be a great responsibility."
"It is one I take very seriously, as do you for Rosings."
"My steward manages the estate. I have nowhere near the burden you carry." Darcy did not reply. What Anne had said was true.
"You were very wise to insist I have a Season free of commitment."
"I did hope you would enjoy yourself."
"Yes, but not as much as I hoped, and you are to blame."
"How so? I stayed away."
"It did not matter. I found that, whether I wanted to or not, I compared every man I met to you. Do you have any idea how that reduced the pleasure of receiving the attention of men who wished to admire me? No one was tall enough, intelligent enough, had as wonderful an estate. It was all so vexing."
Anne watched as comprehension dawned on his face.
"No one compared favorably?" the left corner of his mouth lifted in a semi-smile.
"None in all things. And that is another reason why I am irritated with you. Mother would crow over me if I ever admitted that to her!"
"You have resisted the idea of a match between us because it was your mother's idea? I do not see why this is such an issue. She is your mother and she wants what is best for you."
"She hates to be wrong."
"Nevertheless, she is your mother and is due your respect."
"I do respect her." Anne sighed. She knew it was important that he understood her relationship with Lady Catherine; unfortunately, it was hard to put into words.
"Ever since I was a child, Mama has tried to mold me into her version of the perfect daughter and the perfect woman. I suppose this would have been much less traumatic for both of us if I were compliant in nature. Unfortunately I share my mother's strong personality and the desire to have my way. Our similar natures often result in clashes of wills, with neither of us wishing to surrender to the other.
"After I learned that it was my mother's favorite wish that you and I marry and combine our two estates, I have fought against such an alliance. For nearly five years it was my sworn purpose to resist her plans. Now that I am contemplating what I avowed never to do, I find myself not wanting to give Mother the satisfaction of gloating."
"Anne, I do not understand why it bothers you to admit your mother's hopes for you are what you might desire. Aunt Catherine may have plotted and planned our eventual union, but it has always been left up to the two parties, you and I, to bring it to fruition. Neither of our parents made any legal arrangements."
"You are correct, it is our choice. I do not know. Perhaps it is the thought that I am surrendering to the inevitable that causes me such… perturbation. Have I ever had a say in the matter?"
"Of course! You can say no right now and that will be the end of it. But I hope that is not your preference—it is not mine."
He said the last with such conviction that Anne's head snapped to the side to look at him. What she saw elicited a quiet gasp. She reached over to squeeze his hand, their horses still close to each other. Then she smiled a gentle, guilty smile.
"Oh Fitzwilliam, I am a fool," she replied softly. "I sit here and tell you of my struggles with my mother, selfishly ignoring the fact that by doing so I bring her between us. I am sorry. I will not allow any resentment of my mother's actions and words to influence my feelings towards you either way."
"Then tell me what you want from me. I think I now know what I want from you."
Anne turned her head to look out at Pemberley House again. "Ride with me a little more," she said, spurring her horse toward a path that would take them back to the house. Darcy immediately followed and soon they were riding side by side, neither ready to speak.
The path leveled out in a small clearing with a stream running through the middle. Anne stopped her horse, dismounted, and led her horse to get a drink. Darcy did the same. They left the horses to graze and wandered over to some wildflowers growing there.
"I find wildflowers charming," she remarked.
"There are certainly many around Pemberley. The Darcys have long preferred to let nature choose how the grounds are presented. Of course, the gardens adjacent to the house are more tamed, but I think I prefer this to whatever man can devise."
Anne stooped down to smell a blossom. "What is your favorite flower, Fitzwilliam?"
He thought for a moment before answering. "I do not think I have one, but I like roses best, I suppose."
"I adore daffodils in the spring. Yellow is my favorite color. Did you know that?"
"No, you have never before stated your preference to me."
They started to amble through the clearing. Absentmindedly, Darcy swiped at the grass with his riding crop.
Anne sighed. "Yet Georgiana would know. She knows many things about me that you do not."
"You have been a friend to her since our mother died."
Anne bent over and plucked a blade of grass. "I thought she needed one. We know it is not always easy to grow up privileged. Our station forbids us many playmates."
"And those we are permitted do not always stay true." They both knew he spoke of George Wickham. Anne stopped walking; they turned and faced each other. The horses were nibbling the grass at the opposite side of the clearing.
"My point though, is that while we are cousins, we are not friends. Do you not find it odd that we consider a courtship when your sister knows us better than we know each other?"
"But Anne, I do know you."
"No, you may think you do, but you do not. Fitzwilliam, I cannot consent to become your wife and lover before I become your friend."
"I asked you before what you want. Will you tell me now?"
Anne made a point of looking him in the eye before she spoke. "I want time to become your friend."
"Does that mean you do not wish to enter into a courtship?
"I do not yet know. I want to postpone this decision once more. Mama proposes that we stay at Pemberley for a month before we return to Rosings. You will be bringing Georgiana to Kent soon after. Why can we not use this time to form a friendship? Do this for me and I will give you my answer before you must leave Kent."
Darcy wasn't pleased, but he admitted that Anne's logic was flawless. They would put off a decision yet again. He tried to take her hand, but she quickly pulled it away.
"Please, do not touch me." Darcy look horrified. Anne saw he misunderstood her response and immediately set to put his mind at ease with a confession. "Do not go jumping to conclusions, Fitzwilliam. I am not indifferent to you. I find you… very attractive – sometimes too attractive."
"I could say the same of you."
Anne gave him a wry grin. "Will you wait? I could give you an answer today, but I would feel much more confident in the rightness of it if you would allow me to know you better."
"Your reasoning is sound. I consent." He did not sound happy, but Anne was relieved.
"Thank you." They started back to reclaim their horses. "I believe this time will be just as beneficial as my Season. You were right to insist that I needed to experience one without any entanglements. I learned much about myself."
Darcy, interested in what she had to say, prompted her. "Such as?"
Anne smiled ruefully. "I fear I am not as good a judge of character as I thought I was. I allowed my first impressions of two gentlemen in particular to cloud my judgment. The first man was Matilda's brother, Mr. Harris. At first I allowed myself to be flattered by the man, thinking him charming but too beneath me socially for me to accept. He was rather persistent in his pursuit. I soon came to see that while he found me and my opinions amusing, he was more interested in my fortune and connections than in my merits as an individual. I am very glad I shall not meet with him for many months."
"I am relieved you were able to discern his motives. But you mentioned a second person."
Anne smiled. "Sir John Whitby."
"Sir John? I thought you did not like him."
"At first I admit I was rather… put off by him. But as I continued to encounter him, I came to see that he is, in essentials, a very good man. I like him."
Anne saw her cousin look at her as if she had gone mad.
"Really! I admit he does go to extreme lengths to make up for his short stature, and his breath can, at times, be offensive." Darcy snorted. "But I have discovered that a little wine works wonders and have told him so myself."
"You discussed this with him? How on earth did the subject ever come up in conversation?"
"Yes, we discussed it and he thanked me for the advice. I also encouraged him to give up the awful shoes he wears. He's rather light on his feet when he wears his normal shoes."
Darcy shook his head. "Only you, Anne."
They reached their horses and Darcy helped Anne mount hers before hoisting himself back into his saddle. It was time to return to the house. The path again allowed the two to ride side by side.
"The point of this, Fitzwilliam, is that I failed to see the man behind the peculiar habits. I though him ridiculous, I am ashamed to say. My opinion changed, though. He was very helpful when Wickham approached Helena and me in the park. He was determined to see the cur away."
"I did not know you met that man in London. Will we ever be rid of him?"
"You know I know the history between you. He is too much of a coward to face you. I would not worry about him."
"Hmph. But Sir John was with you when Wickham approached you?"
"Sir John happened upon us just after I met Wickham. He noticed my agitation and quickly ascertained the cause. I thought it very nice the way he tried to protect Helena and me. I think that was when I realized I had been too hard on the poor man. And now we are friends."
Anne looked at Darcy again; he was frowning.
"There is no need to look so cross. I said 'friend'. Stop acting jealous. I would never marry Sir John."
"Ah, but will you ever marry me?"
"If you forced me to choose today, I know what my answer would be."
"Dare I ask?"
"You may, but I am not obligated to answer."
Anne's coy words spoke volumes. They both knew she would say yes.
~~~/~~~
More often than not over the next several weeks, Darcy and Anne could be found together. Georgiana often accompanied them on rides about the estate. She was a good, if naïve chaperone. Darcy was convinced she came for the pleasure of their company; Anne was not so convinced, but she suited their purposes and both truly enjoyed Georgiana's presence in their conversations.
Two chaperones were conspicuous in their absence. Lady Catherine had granted Mrs. Jenkinson's request to visit her family while the de Bourghs were in Derbyshire, thus she was safely out of the way in Somerset visiting her relations. Lady Catherine herself often left her daughter alone with her cousin, doors remaining discreetly open, of course. Both Anne and Darcy laughed at the obvious machinations of Anne's mother. There was no doubt Lady Catherine hoped the two would hurry up and come to an understanding, and she was doing everything in her power to facilitate it, short of orchestrating Anne being compromised.
The idyllic days spent in Derbyshire were drawing to a close. Darcy and Anne's friendship grew and they were both disappointed by her impending return to Kent. It was Georgiana who provided the idea of how to nurture their newly-won closeness. Georgiana had pledged to write Anne in the interim between her cousin's departure and her own visit to Rosings. Darcy fastened on to her intentions and requested that as Anne's cousin, he too be allowed to write. It may not have been entirely proper, but Lady Catherine saw no reason to withhold her consent.
The subject of the letters may have surprised Lady Catherine, had she been successful in purloining them, for they wrote mostly of estate matters. Darcy recounted the progress of the harvest and Anne asked for his opinion on proposed improvements to some of the tenants' cottages.
Such topics may have appeared inconsequential, but for the two correspondents, they were of great interest. Darcy and Anne learned they held many of the same views and convictions about how an estate should be administered and the responsibility of the owner to those who lived there and worked the land.
~~~/~~~
The Darcy and Fitzwilliam families arrived at Rosings in anticipation of Anne's eighteenth birthday. The earl and countess watched with interest the burgeoning rapport between Anne and Darcy. As at Pemberley, the two spent a great deal of time together, often taking long walks through the park.
The family was not alone in observing these events. Mrs. Stuart had a difficult time curbing the gossip below stairs; she had an even harder time not participating in it herself. Miss Anne de Bourgh was blossoming into a young woman before her very eyes. And Maggie saw what no one else could; Anne was falling in love with her cousin. Nothing else could explain the new way Anne held herself. She was no longer a girl, and soon would be a woman in every way. Of this Maggie was convinced, though she kept those thoughts to herself.
Anne's birthday came, and when the festivities were over, the Fitzwilliam clan departed, with the exception of Darcy and Georgiana. They had always planned to stay a few days past the rest of the family. Arthur de Bourgh had also made an appearance, and Anne was delighted to see him, but he was anxious to return to Town and Miss Simpson. He could not fail to notice Darcy's possessiveness of their cousin, and so he left before that gentleman misconstrued his friendship with Anne for flirting. There would be time enough later to show he was never a rival. Arthur had his own woman to win.
~~~/~~~
Once the rest of the party had left, by an unspoken understanding, Anne and Darcy met the following morning in her favorite grove.
It was time. Darcy would not leave without an answer.
"We cannot stay much longer," he told her, as they walked along a path. "I need to take Georgiana back to school."
"Yes, I have discussed it with her. She is anxious to return to her friends, but I do not think she is too fond of her schooling."
"She has expressed some of those apprehensions to me. Georgiana is much more advanced in her studies than many of the girls. I think she is afraid of how she will be accepted. As you know, she does not like to be the focus of attention."
"No, she never has. You still believe she is better off at school than at Pemberley?"
Darcy sighed. "For now, yes. I could bring her masters to teach her, but then perhaps it would be better for her to live in Town. I am committed for one more year, and Georgiana has made friends there."
"Meeting girls my own age was a privilege rarely afforded me at Rosings. I agree that her schooling has given her other opportunities. Sometimes I envy her them."
"What she really desires," Darcy stopped walking and looked at Anne, who had her hand on his arm, "is a sister."
"I too have always wanted a sister."
"There is a way I could satisfy both your wishes." Darcy took a deep breath. "Anne, I have waited as you have asked. Will you not give me an answer?"
"You speak of a courtship?"
"Yes, though I think we are both intelligent enough to know that it is tantamount to an engagement."
Anne disengaged her hand from his arm and stepped a few paces away from him.
"You have asked me what I want." She turned and faced him. "Will you not answer me the same question?"
Their eyes locked, their expressions completely serious as the moments passed in silence. At last Darcy spoke.
"You." Anne inhaled sharply. "I want to marry you. I find myself amazed it has come to this. I have known you since you were a newborn child. As an adult, I have watched you grow from a child to an adult, always knowing you were intended for me and that you have resisted and resented it. Yet somehow you have overcome your longstanding bias against accepting my attentions and seem ready to have me. How can I not be flattered, how can I not be moved?
"In thus declaring myself, I realize we cannot return to the carefree familial relationship of the past."
"No, it is impossible. There would forever be an awkwardness between us," she agreed.
"Exactly… Anne, perhaps I have asked the wrong question today? I think the past six months have been a courtship, though neither of us was aware of what was happening."
"For us, maybe this was for the best." They both were silent again, standing on the precipice of great change.
"Do you have any reservations?" he finally asked. "We get along well together, we each bring to the match wealth and mutual connections. You would never want for anything."
"Even your affections?" Anne dared.
Darcy closed the distance between them and took her hands in his. "They are yours for the taking, Anne. I am convinced I would love you with a passionate regard, if you let me. It remains then to be asked, if you believe your heart could be similarly engaged."
A tear began to trace its way down Anne's cheek as she fought for her composure. Darcy reached up and tenderly caught it with his thumb.
"I should not have said so much; I have overwhelmed you. Forgive me."
"No, Fitzwilliam. If I am overwhelmed, it is because my heart is already yours. I have fought my feelings for you for so long, that now that I know you will treasure me as I will treasure you, my whole being bursts with joy."
With such a proclamation, he was filled with a happiness he had never known. Grinning, he dropped to his knee and reclaimed Anne's free hand.
"Dearest Anne, I have no speech prepared; I do not come before you with flowery words, but I would be honored if you would consent to be my wife. Please Anne, will you marry me?"
Miss Anne de Bourgh looked down at the man kneeling before her. Fitzwilliam Darcy looked up, eyes filled with hope. One word was all he needed. One word would seal their fates. How could three letters have so much power? Then Anne realized it was not the word, but the promises behind it that held such power. To have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer (though that was unlikely!), in sickness and in health, to love, cherish and obey. Until death would part them. One little word meant all these things, and now she understood with perfect clarity that this was exactly what she wanted. She squeezed his hands and laughed.
"Yes!"
She said yes! Feel free to "squeee" even if it feels weird to be happy that Fitzwillian Darcy is marrying 'Anne de Bourgh'. *cough*
One of the things I've learned as a writer is that there are times that it is appropriate to jump forward in time and not worry about the missing bits. This will not be the first time we do this in the story, as we will move fairly quickly for the next three chapters and then we slow back down again for most of the rest of the story.
For those of you still wondering if you have read this story someplace else before, yes, you probably have.