Participant

by Fanfic Allergy

Forced to marry at the end of the the 74th Hunger Games, Katniss & Peeta face an uphill battle to convince Panem their love is real. A battle compounded by President Snow. With help, they try to forge a true marriage in the face of a new baby, broken promises, and a burgeoning rebellion. There's a quarter quell coming. But that's not the only thing in air. Sequel to Spectator.

3. Chapter 3

Previously on Participant:

I don't dare say anything out loud. And really, what could I say to make things better? Instead, I just hold him closer and wish we lived in a world where Peeta's and my family could be safe.

oOo

Participant
By FanficAllergy

oOo

Chapter Three

oOo

The day of the Victory Tour arrives. As much as I'm tempted to spend the first part of the day hiding out in the Meadow or my old house, I don't want to miss Prim's last few moments at home. After this, she'll be spending most of the year with Snow's granddaughter Lyta as her paid friend and companion. It's not the ideal solution, but at least it keeps her out of the Victor prostitution ring.

Prim was understandably devastated when she found out, but she seems resigned to it now. She's been spending the last few days holding Willow or Buttercup for comfort. It's almost like she thinks she'll never see them again. Which is ridiculous, because Prim'll be back in late May for the Reaping. And what's more, Willow, Peeta, and I will all be accompanying her on the Victory Tour.

The change wasn't that much of a surprise. Both Finnick and Haymitch hinted at it when we were in the Capitol. Snow confirmed it when he delivered his ultimatum.

Prim looks up from the couch where she's cradling Willow. "Do you ever think things will go back to the way they were?" she asks me, her eyes filling with tears.

Instead of answering her, I sit down beside her. Wrapping my arms around them both, I tell her, "We can't go back, Little Duck."

"I wish I'd died in the Games," she whispers brokenly.

"Don't say that!"

"Why?" She suddenly pulls away from me. Jumping to her feet with Willow still in her arms, she starts pacing around the room.

I feel my heart give a little lurch of fear. I know Prim would never hurt my daughter, but I can't stop the instinctual pull to try to get my baby back. "Prim-"

She doesn't let me finish. "It would've been better than having them change me, make me into something I'm not. I killed someone, Katniss!"

Prim's anguished exclamation startles my daughter and Willow lets out a loud wail.

I rise to my feet, trying to figure out who to comfort first, before deciding on my sister. "You can't know that."

"But that's what they said!" Prim says, tears springing to her eyes. "And it feels right. I know I killed him. I know it! I just wanted to get away! I just wanted to come home. And I killed him!"

She seems to register Willow's tears, trying her best to comfort the screaming infant. But Willow's scared, and nothing Prim does seems to calm her.

"I'm a monster, Katniss. Even the baby hates me." She sounds so broken, my heart clenches painfully in my chest.

I don't know what to say. Peeta's always been so much better at dealing with Prim when she's like this. I'm not good with words. Instead, I start to hum the old lullaby that my father sang to Prim to try to calm her down. I approach my sister warily, gathering my daughter into my arms.

Willow calms almost immediately and begins rooting around for my breast. Even though it's not time for her to eat, I let her nurse. It's a comfort to both of us.

Tugging on Prim's hand, I lead her over to the couch.

She lets me.

When we're seated, she lays her head in my lap.

I finish the lullaby and start in on the Valley Song. The same song my father used to sing to us when we had nightmares. Behind me, I hear Peeta's footfalls. I sense him stop in the doorway, taking in the scene, but I don't stop singing.

When I reach the end, Peeta clears his throat. "Sorry. I didn't want to interrupt. I thought you'd like to know they're here." 'They' refers to Effie, Portia, and Cinna and their prep teams, along with whatever camera crews they've brought with them. Effie mentioned they were also going to send someone to help with the baby. I'm not sure what kind of help that will be, but I know better than to argue.

Glancing down at my sister, I stroke one finger down her tearstreaked face. "Time to get ready, Little Duck."

"Do we have to?"

I nod my head.

She sighs and gets up, stopping briefly to clutch at Peeta before heading upstairs to spend time with our mother. She's not going to see her again for a while and I know Prim's going to miss her.

I stand up, adjusting Willow in my arms, repositioning my shirt so I'm not exposed. Our daughter's fallen asleep. Good.

I smile at my husband. "It's been a tough day," I tell him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. None of this is." In a way, what Snow's forced us to do has made us stronger. We're in this together.

I reach out to take his hand, and together we head to the front hall.

Standing there, watching us, is Cinna. The stylist smiles at me. "Have you missed me, Katniss?"

"I haven't had time to miss you," I reply, giving him a small smile.

"Now that I can believe. So, introduce me to this little lady," he motions to the baby in my arms.

Dropping Peeta's hand, I tilt the baby out so he can see her a little easier. "Cinna, meet Willow."

The man leans forward, smiling. "She looks like her mother. Beautiful."

"Thank you," Peeta says.

"And how are you taking being a new father?" Cinna asks.

"No one ever told me about the lack of sleep," Peeta replies with a light laugh. "I'm sure I have huge dark circles under my eyes."

Cinna makes a show of examining my husband's face. "They're not bad," he says with a smile. "I'm sure Portia and her team can take care of them for you."

I shift uncomfortably. "Um, is Portia dressing me?"

"We talked about it," Cinna says, "and we agreed to let me be in charge of your wardrobe. We both assumed you would prefer working with someone you already know."

"Thank you," I say with some fervor.

We say goodbye to Cinna, bundling up against the cold before heading to our house.

We don't make it far.

"Oh, Katniss! Peeta! Just the two I was looking to see!" we hear the unmistakable tones of Effie Trinket in full escort mode call out to us.

We pause, waiting for the Capitol woman to mince her way over to us in her absurdly high heels.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Effie," Peeta greets. "You look… well."

"Oh? Really? Such a kind thing to say!" She pats her hair. "Why, I had my wig done special for the Quell, and since this will be my last time being with you lovely dears, I wanted to go all out!"

The wig the woman mentioned is an odd confection of multi-hued orange and gold strands that try to mimic fire, but don't fully succeed. Her outfit is one of those odd Capitol suits that's so tight and confining I don't know how she's not falling over. The only thing I can think of is that she's practiced this facade for so long that she can do it in her sleep.

I frown, thinking about Effie's new job as Caesar's co-host and announcer for the Hunger Games. I miss the real Effie, the woman who mentored me through my time in the Capitol and made sure I understood just what I was getting into.

"Well, it really shows," I say, trying to look as sincere as I can.

"Thank you, Katniss. I can see your manners are as charming as ever. Now dears, I know you aren't expecting it, but I wanted to bring you a little gift." She reaches into a gaudy handbag and pulls out a brightly wrapped box with a metallic gold bow stuck on top. She hands it to Peeta with a flourish.

Peeta looks at it in confusion. "Thank you?"

"Oh come on, open it!"

"No, really, Effie, this is far too nice." He shakes his head. "I don't want to - the paper, the wrapping, it's just so beautiful."

She waves his protests away. "Oh don't be an old stick in the mud. Go on, go on!"

Careful not to tear the paper, Peeta gingerly unwraps the package, revealing the treasure inside.

"Is that…" I trail off, my eyes going wide when I realize just what she's given us.

"Of course it is, dear! Why, I know that you'll get good use out of them. I even got you the largest box I could!"

Inside is an economy size box of Trojan condoms.

oOo

There's another pleasant surprise when we get on the train. Lavinia's there. She's been assigned to us to take care of Willow when Peeta and I aren't able to.

I feel like I'm a horrible mother. I hadn't really thought that far ahead. I'd assumed Willow would be with me the whole time, especially since I'm still breastfeeding.

But at least I know I can trust Lavinia with my child. I sense Effie's hand in this. She probably knows most of the Avoxes who are assigned to the Tribute Center. I know I never told anyone, other than Annie, about Lavinia, but it's possible, even likely, Annie told Finnick, and Finnick passed it on up the chain.

I'm grateful she did.

The train is richly appointed, and there's an extra car to house Prim's flower arrangements and larger versions of the art from our books. I think it's a little absurd.

Our first stop is District Eleven, and I know that's going to be especially hard.

We arrive there the same day we leave Twelve, but our presentation to the district isn't scheduled until the following morning. Peeta, Prim, and I, along with Effie and Haymitch, suffer through a stilted and uncomfortable dinner with the Mayor of District Eleven, their Head Peacekeeper, and their Capitol Liaison.

The conversation naturally turns to the Games, despite Peeta's and Effie's efforts to find other subjects.

The Head Peacekeeper, a grizzled man going gray at the temples, growls, "I lost a lot of money on you two. I knew the McIntosh boy. That kid was real strong, a fighter. Coulda won it all."

I blink, unsure of how we're supposed to respond to that. Does he want Prim and Peeta to apologize for being alive? Does he want them to acknowledge that Thresh was a contender? Just what is he trying to do?

Peeta seems to take it better than I am, because he says, "I've seen the tapes, and it was just bad luck what happened to Thresh. If I couldn't bring Prim and myself home, I wouldn't have minded knowing that Thresh and Rue would win."

The Peacekeeper grunts, dissatisfied, but I sense approval coming from the Mayor. I hazard a glance towards Haymitch and see him shaking his head, motioning for the waiting servant to pour him another drink.

That night, Peeta's nightmares are bad.

But they're nothing compared to Prim's.

My sister stumbles into our bedroom, pale as a sheet, tears streaming from her eyes. I don't say anything, I just hold up the covers, indicating that she can come join us.

Prim doesn't hesitate. She climbs into the bed, wrapping her thin arms around me, burying her head against my chest. Her body shakes and I start humming underneath my breath, trying to soothe her.

"Why, Katniss? Why'd they have to die?"

"Shhhh." I don't have a good answer for her, so I settle for stroking her hair and continuing my song. Before the Games, this would've been enough, but now I sense my attempt isn't working.

Peeta rolls over and says, "Come here, Prim."

My sister scuttles across my body, nestling herself between Peeta and me. "Why, Peeta?" she wails. "Rue was sweet and good! She didn't deserve to die! None of them did!"

"Shh, Prim. I know. I feel the same way," my husband soothes. "It's not fair," he says, "but I know Rue wouldn't want you to beat yourself up like this. She'd want you to be happy. She'd want you to live, for her. I promised Rani I'd do that, and you've gotta do the same."

"I wish I'd died in the Arena."

"Don't say that," I murmur against my sister's neck, pulling her closer to me. She's said variations of this ever since we got back. All of us have done our best to comfort her, and I try yet again, "I don't think I would've survived if you'd died, Prim. I would've become like Mom after Dad died. And… I was already in bad shape. Probably would've lost the baby and myself." I realize as I'm saying them the words are true. I probably would've turned into my mother and ended up losing the baby. So as much as I hate what the Capitol's done, I'm still happy that my sister... and Peeta... came home.

"Can I sleep with you guys for the rest of the night?"

"Of course you can. For as long as I'm able to, I'll always protect you," Peeta says.

"Both of us." I echo the sentiment. "Always."

oOo

Prim sleeps with Peeta and me for the next few stops along the Victory Tour. Ten is especially hard for her, because of Clint. Seeing his family glaring at her throughout her speech is almost her undoing.

As complicated as the logistics may be, I'm glad the Capitol insisted on having Willow with us. Seeing Willow alive and knowing that her sacrifice was worth it allows Prim to keep it together.

With Effie's urging, Prim eventually heads back to her own compartment. The former escort gives me a pointed look and says to Prim, "As much as I'm sure your sister and Peeta are happy to have you, they're married now. And married people tend to want to sleep alone."

It's a reminder that Snow's given Peeta and me an ultimatum. We have to convince him, as well as all of Panem, that we're desperately in love with each other, and that's definitely not going to happen with Prim preventing intimacy.

That night, on the long train ride between Districts Eight and Seven, Peeta lies in my arms. "We're going to have to do it on the tour," I tell him.

"I know. Just… I don't think I'm up for it tonight."

I laugh. "It's okay, I'm not either. Frankly, I'd rather hold off until Willow is a little older. I'm not sure going through a pregnancy again so soon would be good for me." I've seen what happens to women who have too many pregnancies too close together. They often die young in childbirth.

Peeta tightens his grip around me. "As much as I hate what Snow's done to us, I don't want to lose you, Katniss."

"You won't lose me, Peeta," I reassure him. "I'd be happy to consider having another child, but not until I'm sure it's safe."

Peeta gives me a pointed look. It sounds like something he'd say, a bit of double-talk, and it is. I'm talking about our current precarious situation, not dying in childbirth.

Being around Effie has caused my Games persona to kick in. It's not the usual blunt me, and Peeta always seems disconcerted when she comes out. I know it bothers him, a lot more than he's willing to say, but it's safer for all of us if I don't accidentally say the wrong thing to the wrong person. We're already walking along the edge of a cliff; one wrong move could spell disaster.

Districts Seven and Six pass uneventfully. The most exciting thing is when Peeta is introduced to Johanna Mason for the first time.

The woman saunters up to us, dressed to the nines, and says, "Hey Brainless, how's it hanging?" She regards Peeta with a gleam in her eye. "So this is your pretty boy. Not bad, not bad. I could definitely go for those hot buns of yours."

I don't bother trying to hide my grin. "Nice to see you too. I've missed you."

"Same. Phones suck. You never know who's gonna be listening in. I should take Haymitch's advice and just rip my phone off the wall, but then again, if I did that, who would I have to talk to?" she asks what I think is rhetorically. "Let me tell you, trees are not the best conversationalists. I should know."

"No, but they can be soothing at times," I say with a laugh.

"That they can." She turns to Peeta. "So, Hot Buns, how's married life treating ya? Is Brainless here wetting your whistle?"

The blood drains from Peeta's face at Johanna's teasing.

I step forward to whisper in Johanna's ear. "Not a good subject."

The cocky Victor falls away, replaced with the real Johanna. "Aw, shit, I just stepped in it, didn't I?"

"Uh-huh. Big time."

"Snow?" It's not really a question.

I nod my head again.

"Fuck," she says. "He give orders?"

"Yeah."

"Fuck," she swears again. "I'm sorry, Peeta. I didn't mean anything by it."

The fact that Johanna's dropped the insulting nicknames tells me more than anything that she truly is sorry. I hope Peeta picks up on it, because I genuinely like the abrasive woman from Seven.

Peeta sizes her up, taking in her contrite expression and lowered voice. "It's alright," he says after a while. "It's not you I'm mad at."

Johanna's eyes widen. "Damn, Loverboy. I like you!" She slings an arm around his shoulders. "You're gonna make him pay."

oOo

District Five is an odd district. Unlike the other districts we've been to, District Five doesn't have a fence or walls around its main town.

It doesn't need to.

The desert is enough of a deterrent to keep the population from defecting.

The only signs of lushness and greenery are around a huge, man-made lake formed by the largest dam I've ever seen. The technology is definitely pre-Cataclysm, but, surprisingly, it's still working.

Off in the distance, I can see the twinkling of something, while on the tops of several nearby mesas sit what I can only describe as huge farms of windmills. District Five is known for providing power to Panem, and now I'm starting to see just how they do it.

District Five's people are clearly divided into two classes. One class is red-haired and pale, while the other has straight dark hair and an almost golden skin coloring. I wonder which one of these is the more elite. Redheads are uncommon, and to see so many tells me, more than anything, that they're likely all descended from the same small group of people.

The Peacekeepers are out in force in District Five. More than I've ever seen before in my life. I wonder why.

I get my answer a little later when the Head Peacekeeper, Romulus Thread, greets us. "President Snow's concerned about your safety," he explains. "There's been several terrorists taking out strategic locations. We caught one of them trying to blow up one of the solar farms not too long ago." There's an underlying menace in his tone, like it's not the terrorists he mentioned that we should be worried about.

"Oh dear!" Effie twitters. "I'm ever so grateful that Snow has you here to see to our well-being!"

Thread gives her a dismissive look. "That's what I'm here for. My job is to protect the interests of the Capitol."

"I'm certain we're in good hands."

Peeta and I share a look at Effie's obvious lie.

From the first moment, this man strikes me as cruel, an impression solidified as we pass the Justice Building. Out in the town square stands a long line of gallows decorated with the bodies of several corpses in various states of decay. The ground around the whipping post is stained red with blood, indicating it's been used recently and regularly. I think back to District Twelve, and note that our own whipping post hasn't been used in years. Cray never bothered and, through Gale and Mayor Undersee's work, Captain Miner hasn't needed to throw her weight around.

I'm suddenly grateful Captain Miner is as honorable as she is, seeing what's happening here in Five.

We wait inside the Justice Building, watching as the square fills. Peeta takes my hand while Effie talks quietly to Prim. This is going to be a hard stop.

I take Peeta's cue cards from his hands and glance through them. I'm grateful I don't have to say anything during these visits. My job is to stand there looking lovingly at Prim and Peeta, holding Willow up where all of Panem can see. I don't know what I would do if I were expected to speak. I probably would've screwed everything up back in District Eleven.

I glance over at Quark, the lone living Victor of District Five. The poor kid's shaking. He doesn't have to do much, but he still has his part to play.

Peeta glances over at me. "I don't know if I can do this, Katniss. They want me to ignore everything Rani did, make it seem like I was using her and manipulating her." His voice shakes in anger. "And I wasn't! I liked her, she was my friend. How do they expect me to lie like this?"

"You've just got to," I tell him, glancing over at Prim. "If it were just you or me, I'd say say what you need to, but it's not."

Peeta nods his head and takes the cards back from me, reading through them once more. Thread gives us the signal and we march out to take our places on the stage.

Right away, I notice there's a problem. In all of the other districts, the families of the dead tributes have been standing on these raised platforms out in the audience. And while that's true for District Five's male tribute, whose name I've forgotten, it's not true for the female. Rani, who officially has no family, is represented by the entire Community Home. Kids of all ages stand huddled on the large platform, flanked on either side by a pair of Peacekeepers holding weapons.

Peeta stiffens beside me, and I rearrange Willow in my arms so I can reach down to take his hand. He needs me right now, and this is something I can do.

Oddly enough, Prim isn't as shocked by Snow's display. But then again, I can't remember if she knows Rani's full story.

Prim goes first. Her speech is simple, recognizing Coil's existence and praising Rani's ingenuity and loyalty. She doesn't make mention of her sacrifice or any of her rebellious words.

And then it's Peeta's turn. My husband squeezes my hand before handing me his cue cards.

Oh no.

I want to say something to him, but I know I can't. It'll be heard, broadcast around the square and across Panem. All I can do is stare at Peeta helplessly and pray.

"People of District Five, I stand in front of you a debtor," he begins, his voice filled with conviction. "If it weren't for one of your own, Uranium Chee, neither Prim nor I would be here. Without her contribution and selfless sacrifice, I never would've been able to make it home. I would have never been able to become a husband or father." He glances over at me. "And if there's one thing I've learned from the woman I love, it's that you pay your debts.

"So I'm here to settle my debt to Uranium Chee. While she has no family for me to acknowledge, there are people who were important to her. I'm speaking, of course, of the people who were closest to her in life, the matrons and residents of the District Five Community Home. In recognition for everything that Rani sacrificed, I pledge a portion of my Victor's ration every month to the Community Home."

An excited murmur goes through the square.

"I hope this one small contribution is enough to settle my debt, and I wish to ask you to join me in a salute of honor to her memory." Peeta brings three of his fingers to his lips, then raises them up in the air in the old salute of District Twelve.

One by one, the citizens of Five follow suit.

I meet Haymitch and Effie's eyes and I see panic and concern in them. I was supposed to keep Peeta from saying or doing anything revolutionary.

I've failed.

oOo

AN:
Written: 9/20/15
Revised: 10/6/15
Revised 2: 10/24/15
Betaread by: AmelinaZenitram, ForFutureReference, & RoseFyre

Thanks to everyone who reviewed Chapter 2 - Nik1627, deltagirl74, hevaBeanXD, Guest, Emilee Amethyst, ReddWolf, sanne, catnip851, 4everKlaroline4ever, somewherenice.

Thanks for reading!

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