Previously on Participant:
We walk up onstage to thunderous applause and I meet Snow's eyes. The man gives me a tight smile, raising his glass in salute.
What does that mean?
Am I safe? Are we safe?
Or is a nightmare about to begin?
oOo
Participant
By FanficAllergy
oOo
Chapter Five
oOo
The following morning, I say goodbye to my sister.
I've been dreading this day ever since I first found out about it all those months ago. Now that it's here, the dread is replaced by despair. There's nothing I can do to stop this. Nothing at all. And it hurts.
Prim's trying to keep a brave face, but I can tell she's close to tears. She's barely holding herself together. I sense Haymitch and Effie's hand in my sister's demeanor. It wouldn't do to seem ungrateful to the Capitol, and Lyta's here with us, watching Prim's every move. I wish she weren't here so we could say our farewells in private. Even tributes in the Games are afforded that courtesy, but not us. Not Prim.
The girl seems harmless... innocent.
But her grandfather isn't.
"I promise we'll have lots and lots and lots of fun!" Lyta vows, her voice filled with excitement and nervousness. "We'll go to museums and shows and movies, and I bet I can even get us into the premieres! They're always sending Grandpa invitations."
Her eagerness is telling. She doesn't have any real friends and desperately wants Prim to like her. She's just not sure how. I don't know what I can say to her. So I say nothing.
Thankfully, Effie is there to smooth things over. "That sounds lovely, Lyta dear," she says with a bright smile. "I'm sure your new friend will love it!"
It's the right response, because Lyta perks up. "I just can't wait to introduce you to everyone, Prim. They're gonna love you!"
"That's right, Little Duck," I tell her, smoothing a few wisps of her hair off of her face. "They will."
"But I wanna go home," she whispers so only I can hear.
I struggle to keep my emotions from showing. It wouldn't do to break down crying, not now, not in front of all of these people. "I know. And I want that too. But… smile. This is good. This is good," I repeat, more to convince myself.
Peeta steps forward, wrapping his arms around the two of us, shielding us from Lyta's gaze. "I'm gonna miss you, Prim. But we've got a phone, you can call us anytime, day or night."
"Really?"
"Yup. And your mom's got a phone too," he says in a voice loud enough to carry. "I'm sure Lyta will be happy to let you talk to us as much as you want." He looks over at Snow's granddaughter pointedly.
"Of course! I mean, I'm sure you're sad 'cause you're gonna miss your family and all, but I promise you're gonna have the best time here! Cross my heart and hope to die!" She makes an 'X' across her chest to punctuate her words.
All of us from District Twelve stare at her in shock. No one would say such a thing out loud. We'd be too afraid someone would overhear and take us up on it.
Like the girl's grandfather.
The silence becomes awkward and Lyta's eyes dart back and forth between us nervously.
"And I'll be here, Primrose, dear," Effie soothes, covering for our lapse. "If you ever need anything, just give me a ring. And I've got lots of people who are just dying to meet you! People like Beetee Lee or Finnick Odair. They're often here in the Capitol, you know. And they'd be good friends to have. After all, next year, you're going to be a mentor."
"Oh! Can I come with you to meet Finnick?" Lyta's eyes light up, all earlier uncertainty gone. "I love Finnick Odair! He's so dreamy…"
Effie smiles down at the girl. "Sounds like someone's got a crush."
Lyta blushes. "Maybe a little. But he's not as cool as you, Prim! You're the best!"
Prim looks up at me, her eyes asking 'what do I even say to this?'
"That's kind of you to say so, Lyta," I answer for her. "I agree with you. Other than Peeta here, Prim is definitely the best."
Lyta beams at me.
"Now, my dears, since this is my final duty as your escort, I wanted to do something to commemorate our bond." Effie rummages around in her large handbag and pulls out five small boxes. Carefully, she checks each label, before handing them to each of us, giving me one extra. "For Willow. She's part of this team too."
"What is it?" Prim asks, turning the box around in her hands.
"Open it, open it!"
We do. Inside each box is a small bracelet made of sturdy gold links. Unlike most Capitol jewelry, these pieces look like they won't break if someone sneezes.
"It's lovely, Effie," I say, glancing over at Haymitch. "But I'm not sure Haymitch is the jewelry type." Or me or Peeta, I add silently.
"Oh but we must! Why I have one!" She holds up her wrist, shaking it to reveal her own bracelet. "And I picked out each charm special! Haymitch has a fifty to commemorate his winning of the Fiftieth Hunger Games, while we all have a seventy-four, since it was the defining moment in all of our lives. Darling Willow here has a pacifier, while you, Mom and Dad, each have a pair of baby shoes."
I study my bracelet and see she's telling the truth.
"The bracelet tells a story," she continues. "Our story. And it shows that we're a team that worked together to achieve great things. And I'm going to miss you all!" She dabs at her eyes with a lacy handkerchief. "I'm going to miss you all so, so, so much!"
"You don't have to leave, Miss Trinket, if you don't want to," Lyta says, her voice uncertain. "I'm sure my grandfather could say something on your behalf."
"Oh no, my darling girl, you mustn't." There's a hint of panic in her tone that I hope Lyta doesn't pick up on. "I'm ecstatic about my new role! I just wish that there were two of me so I could do both! I'm sure you understand."
Lyta nods her head.
It's a brilliant deflection, and Effie follows it up with another. Glancing down at her wristwatch, she says, "I'm sorry, dears, but I'm going to have to cut this short. Schedule to keep and all." I can tell from her tone Effie is truly sorry.
I give Prim one more big hug.
Prim runs over to Lavinia, who's holding a sleeping Willow, and takes the infant in her arms. "You be good, little one," she says to our daughter. "Auntie Prim loves you. I'm gonna miss you so much."
"Oh, that's right!" Lyta turns to one of her waiting attendants. "Give me the thing I brought!" Her whole demeanor changes. I'm reminded once again of just who she is and the power she wields.
The woman holds out a slender box to Snow's granddaughter.
The girl takes it before bouncing over to Peeta and presenting it with a little flourish, all trace of her imperiousness gone. "For you, good sir!" she says, curtseying.
"Um, thanks?" He takes it, confusion etched on his features. "What is it?"
"It's the next generation JobsPad. Beetee invented it," she explains. "It's got a camera and a video recorder and virtual mail and access to the Capitol libraries and it all's wireless and best of all, it's solar powered. All you need to do is stick this little thing," she digs around in the box and pulls out a card-sized plastic thing, "on one of your windows and plug it in here," she points to the wire that's hanging down from the side of it, "and it'll never run out of power! I've got one for Prim back at my house. That way you can send her pictures and videos and stuff. It's even better than a phone!"
Effie shakes her head. "They don't have wireless in Twelve, Lyta."
"Oh, I had Grandpa take care of that!" the little girl says with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I mean, he said you're gonna have to go to the Justice Building to send things to Prim, but he made sure that there was wireless installed in Twelve. I think the Mayor's house has it too," Lyta tells us. "Oh, I can't wait to see all the cute baby pictures!"
I see Peeta make a face and I struggle not to do the same. Great. I'm sure this is a plan of Snow's to see if Peeta and I are following his instructions. I'll have to check with Madge to see if her father's house has this wireless thing Lyta's talking about, because there's no way I'm going to the Justice Building if I can avoid it. The place is full of bad memories. My father's death… the Reaping… that horrible clerk...
"Thank you, Miss Snow," Peeta says with no trace of the annoyance and trepidation I'm sure he's feeling. "I'm gonna have to figure out how to use this, but we'll do our best to send as many pictures as we can. But that just means that Prim will have to take lots of pictures of all of the fun you have here."
"Oh, of course!"
Prim cuddles Willow one last time before handing her back to Lavinia. Throwing herself into Peeta's arms, she says, "I'm gonna miss you."
"I'm just a phone call away."
"It's not the same."
"It's for the best," he says.
Prim nods her head and moves to say goodbye to me. "I'm not sorry I volunteered for you, Katniss."
"I'm not sorry you came home," I tell her. "I hope you'll be happy here."
I hold my sister close, trying to memorize everything about this moment. I have this horrible feeling I'll never see Prim again.
I hope I'm wrong.
oOo
The train ride back is somber. Without Effie or Prim there to add a spot of brightness, Haymitch spends all of his time trying to drink his fill of the Capitol liquor. Peeta and I spend our time playing with Willow and watching the countryside roll by. There's not much of interest, just fields upon fields of grain.
Eventually even Peeta has seen enough and says, "I'll be glad to be home."
"Me too."
"I'll bet," he says. "It'll be nice to sleep in our own bed. I've missed having the window open."
"I haven't. It's freezing outside!"
Peeta smiles at me. "I'll keep you warm."
"I think you sometimes do that on purpose," I tease.
Peeta's smile fades, and I realize I've made a mistake. He's always been worried about pressuring me, knowing I never wanted to get married. He's tried hard to be a good husband even though I know it breaks his heart at times that I can't return his feelings.
I place a hand on his arm. "I was just teasing, not-"
"I can stop if you want," he says, glancing down at our daughter.
"I was just teasing, Peeta," I tell him. "It's fine. I've gotten used to sleeping with you."
Peeta grunts.
I realize I'm continuing to say the wrong thing. "Peeta, it's okay. I like sleeping with you."
"Mmm." He doesn't sound convinced.
"No really. I do. I'd probably have a hard time sleeping without you," I admit.
"You don't have to lie to me, Katniss, just to make me feel better."
"I'm not lying."
"It's nice of you to say so," he looks over at me, his eyes shining with unshed tears, "but we both know that's not true." He stares down at Willow again.
I don't know what I can say to make him understand, so I don't say anything. Instead, I take his face between my hands, tilting it up to look at me. Then, very deliberately, I kiss him on the mouth. This is for us. For me. It's the only way I can think to comfort my husband right now. "Come on," I say. "It's getting late. Willow's already asleep, and we should be too."
Thankfully, Peeta doesn't argue with me.
He follows me, carrying Willow, and places her in her crib.
"I don't think I'm up for anything tonight," he says, mostly for the bugs.
"It's okay. I'm not either. We can just sleep."
It turns out I'm being far too optimistic saying that. It's a bad night. Peeta's nightmares are worse than they've been in a long while. He keeps calling out for Prim, and despite all my efforts, nothing I do seems to be able to shake him out of it.
He's shivering, crying, and my heart breaks. This poor, gentle man has been destroyed by the Capitol.
I hope Prim's having a better night, but somehow I suspect my sister's being wracked with nightmares too. I wonder how she'll handle it with us not being there. If she'll climb into Lyta's bed, looking for any form of comfort. I worry about her as I sit in the darkness, staring at the red numbers on the bedside clock.
Around midnight, Peeta wakes up. "Katniss?" he says, his voice hoarse from his crying.
"I'm here," I soothe him.
He clings to me. "I'm glad. I dreamed they took you away from me."
"We're a team, you and me. Only death can separate us now," I say, trying to cheer him up.
"That's what I'm afraid of."
oOo
I hope life will calm down for Peeta and me once the Victory Tour is over, but fate, as usual, has other plans.
Peeta's brother Bing decides this January is the perfect time to get married to his fiancee, Iris. Since they're both merchants, the celebration is elaborate by Twelve's standards. Peeta's mother goes all out for her eldest child, even commissioning a new suit for the groom. Most of the time, we just wear whatever we can find, but Mrs. Mellark seems to be on a rampage, constantly muttering about how she was deprived of attending her baby boy's wedding. She won't be slighted like that again.
I feel sorry for Bing and Iris, but part of me can't help thinking better them than me. I barely can stand to have the woman as a mother-in-law, and she feels the same. She's never even been in Peeta's and my house. Only his brothers and father have made the trip out to Victor's Village.
Unsurprisingly, Mrs. Mellark quickly gets into an argument with Iris's mother. Peeta's mother feels that Iris's parents should buy a new wedding dress rather than renting one. But no one buys wedding dresses in Twelve. The tailor makes most of his money by renting outfits as opposed to selling them. Besides, renting the outfits has become a tradition in Twelve, one little girls and boys indulge in by staring at the windows of the tailor's shop.
Thus begins the battle of the parents.
According to their mothers, Iris and Bing have to have the best, most elaborate wedding cake, and of course Iris's bouquet and flower crown would bankrupt even the most comfortable of merchants.
Peeta pulls his brother aside and asks, "Do you really want all this?"
Bing shakes his head. "No. If we'd had any sense, Iris and I would've just gone to the Justice Building and signed the papers and eloped. I never thought Mom would do this."
"So what are you looking forward to the most?"
Bing shakes his head. "Honestly? The wedding night. Do you think you can convince Katniss to sing the wedding song?" Bing pleads, knowing I'm listening.
Peeta looks over at me.
"I'd be happy to," I tell him. It's the least I can do to help make his wedding day special.
"Is Dad making you the toasting bread?"
Bing shakes his head. "I think he's forgotten. Mom's got him working on that cake."
Peeta makes a face. "I'd be happy to make your bread for you."
"Thanks, Peet," he says, an expression of relief on his face. "You're a lifesaver."
A few days before Prim's birthday, Iris and Bing get married. The wedding goes off not quite without a hitch. Mrs. Mellark sees to that. Although she sneers at me when I sing Twelve's wedding song, apparently my voice isn't good enough for her, but at least Iris and Bing seem happy.
It's as much as you can ask for in Twelve.
oOo
Winter passes.
And it's a harder winter than usual.
Right after Iris and Bing's wedding, our district is wracked by a blizzard which lasts for three days. Unfortunately, the horrible weather means I miss Prim's birthday phone call, because the phone lines are down. We don't get an actual chance to call her until almost a week later, when service is restored. Even Lyta's promised wireless in the Justice Building doesn't work.
When we finally talk to her, she seems overly cheerful, like she's trying too hard to put her best face forward. I wonder if someone's told her that the phone lines are bugged. There's a guarded nature to her that I haven't heard before.
A point which is driven home at the end of our conversation, when she says, "I hope everything's going well for you guys in Twelve. There haven't been any problems with the shipments, have there?"
I assume she's referring to the monthly Parcel Day shipments. "No, thank goodness. I think if something had happened, a lot of people would be in trouble."
"Oh that's good." There's relief in her voice. "I accidentally mentioned my concerns to Lyta, who brought it to her grandfather's attention. President Snow promised he'd do his best to make sure that Twelve was taken care of."
Those words sound vaguely ominous.
"Well, tell President Snow thank you from me, and on behalf of Twelve."
"Oh I will! I'm certain he'll be happy to hear of your gratitude. He wanted to know how you and Peeta were doing."
"Peeta and I are fine. I think we both have a case of cabin fever, but you know how it is in the winter. At least we have each other," I say for the benefit of whoever's listening in.
"Yeah. I do. So I like my school," she changes the subject abruptly.
I'm left wondering just how much she knows now.
We talk about inane things before Prim wraps it up. "Thanks for calling, Katniss. I appreciate it. I appreciate everything you've done for me, and I do mean everything. You've always looked out for me. I guess, I just didn't realize how much."
I make a face, wondering who talked to my sister and just what they told her. "Hey, it's no problem. That's what big sisters are for."
"Sometime you'll have to let me look out for you."
"Never gonna happen," I say.
"Never say never."
oOo
Midway through February, winter lets up and there are several bright sunny days in a row, perfect weather for winter hunting. My fingers long to draw my father's bow and Peeta offers to watch Willow for the day so I can scratch my itch.
I kiss him on the mouth. "Thank you."
He stares up at me. "If I'd known that would be my reward, I would've offered it sooner."
"You're just saying that so that I'll kiss you again."
"Maybe."
"Peeta," I say, taking his face between my hands, "you don't have to wait for me to initiate things all the time."
"I just don't want to pressure you, Katniss," he tells me. "You've already given up so much. I don't want to take away any more."
"You're not taking anything from me, Peeta."
He reaches up to my face and pulls me closer until our lips touch.
The kiss he gives me is serious, nothing like the little pecks he gives me to say good morning or good night. This is more like the makeout sessions we used to have before Snow gave us his ultimatum.
I've missed them.
I wrap my arms around him, pulling Peeta closer. I feel the hunger inside me grow. I want more. All thoughts of going out into the woods are forgotten as I press myself against my husband, feeling his hard body under mine.
He feels so good.
I feel something I haven't felt in a long time well up inside me. Desire. I deepen the kiss, my tongue flicking out to tease at his. He tastes of freshly baked bread and cinnamon tea.
His hands skim down my sides to play with the edge of my sweater. I want nothing more than to pull it off so I can feel his hands on my flesh.
"Peeta…" I moan against his mouth.
"Tell me to stop, Katniss, and I will."
"Don't stop." I grind myself against him, trying to satiate my hunger. "Please, don't stop."
As if my words flip a switch inside him, his kisses become more animalistic, as if he's lost all control. That's okay; so have I.
I pull my sweater off, tossing it behind me. I shiver when the air brushes my skin, but it's not from the cold, it's from Peeta's heated gaze.
Our lips crash together once again. His hands finally find the gap between my undershirt and pants, sliding upward to cup at my breasts.
I want this. I want him.
The sound of someone pounding at our door intrudes into my consciousness.
I want to ignore whoever it is but I can't when they call out, "Damn it, Katniss! I know you're in there! I can see you through the window! Stop making out with your husband and open the fucking door!"
Gale.
I tear my lips from Peeta's and blink at him, dazed. This was more passionate than we'd ever been before.
"You should probably get the door," Peeta says, regret evident in his tone. He glances down at himself. "I should probably go, uh, someplace else. Let you and Gale talk in private."
"No, Peeta." I place a hand on his chest over his heart. "Stay. You're my husband. We shouldn't have secrets from each other."
He nods his head, awkwardly walking toward the sitting room.
I watch him go reluctantly, wishing I could just send my best friend away so we could pick up where we left off. But I know Gale wouldn't come out here unless it was important. We've been careful not to publicize our former closeness.
For our daughter's sake.
Gale's smirking at me, his arms crossed, when I finally open the door. "Took you long enough."
"Shut up, Gale," I snap, pulling on my recovered sweater.
The smirk broadens. "What, aren't you gonna invite me inside?"
I step to one side. "I suppose."
"Look, I don't mean to be cockblocking you," he says, holding up his hands. "I thought I should visit you, as a friend. Give you some friendly advice."
"Why don't you tell us this friendly advice where we both can hear it?"
Gale nods. "Fair enough."
We join Peeta in the sitting room, where he's holding a pillow in his lap. Gale raises an eyebrow. "No need to stand up to say hello. I've been there."
My husband ignores my best friend's words. "So what brings you out to Victor's Village, Deputy Assistant Mayor?"
"That is one hell of a mouthful, isn't it?"
"I wouldn't know, Deputy Assistant Mayor."
"No, no, you've got a much more cumbersome title, Dual Co-Victor of the 74th Hunger Games and one half of the Star-Crossed Lovers of District Twelve," Gale says, a little glint in his eyes. "Makes mine look positively prosaic in comparison."
"Are you two teasing each other or about to fight?"
"I got no problems with Mellark."
"Same. I've got no problems with Mellark either."
"Smartass."
Peeta grins. "So you never answered my question. Why are you here?"
"Because I know Katniss, and I know that today'd be the perfect day to spend outside," Gale responds, sobering.
I cross my arms. "Yeah, and?"
"Just saying that you might want to rethink that," he says, his grey eyes serious. "And if you do, I'd make sure that your pest control permit is up to date."
I stare at him, trying to understand exactly what Gale's telling me. I fail.
Both of them must see it in my expression, because Peeta says, "Why don't we take Willow to your mom's and head into town to check on that? Gale can walk with us."
I nod my head. This way Gale can come out and say what needs to be said without fear of being overheard.
We bundle Willow up for the cold and hand her over to Gale to carry. Gale takes his daughter eagerly, nuzzling her little face and cooing at her. She likes her father. Well, actually, she likes both of her fathers. She likes Gale's voice, but she seems to prefer Peeta more. Maybe it's something in the way he smells.
I like Peeta's smell, too.
My mother is happy to take Willow, leaving Gale, Peeta, and me free to talk.
"So what are you really trying to say, Gale?" I ask as soon as I think it's safe.
"Miner's got the patrol out in force," he explains, keeping his voice low. "She got word from the Capitol that terrorists have been infiltrating other districts from underneath the fence, and so she's increased her patrols, but has left the fence uncharged in hopes of trapping dissidents."
"Is there any truth to these rumors?" Peeta wants to know.
Gale shifts uncomfortably. "Kinda? Madge and me met a family from Eight fleeing towards District Thirteen."
"Wait, they're going to Thirteen?" I stare at him. "But wasn't Thirteen destroyed?"
Gale shrugs. "They seemed pretty convinced it was still there. Frankly, I didn't have any reason to doubt 'em. I mean, why would you take your kid with you if you didn't think you'd end up someplace where it was safe?"
"So you think this is Snow trying to prevent anyone from fleeing?" I ask.
"Possibly. It's also possible that he's trying to prevent people from entering. It's not public knowledge, but there've been riots in Districts Eight, Five, and I'm hearing word out of Four that there's rebellion brewing out in the outlying fishing villages." Gale fixes me with a look. "Fire is catching, Katniss. We've just gotta be careful that we don't end up getting burned in the process."
I want to ask him more, but I can hear the sounds of clamor coming from town. The three of us exchange a look before quickening our pace.
Something's happening.
Something big.
We burst into the square to see several Peacekeepers erecting a whipping post in the middle. I haven't seen one of them in years, at least not here. Cray only used capital punishment when he had to, and Captain Miner hasn't seen fit to erect one.
I guess something's happened to make her change her mind.
I see her standing off to one side, speaking in low tones with several Peacekeepers. Hovering in the background, Mayor Undersee shifts from foot to foot, glancing nervously at the Justice Building.
"What's happening?" Peeta asks the nearest person.
"Someone got caught slipping under the fence," the man whispers back.
My heart pounds in my chest. That could've been me, and if it hadn't been for Peeta's distraction and Gale's warning, it probably would've been.
When the post is secure, Captain Miner motions for Darius and Purnia to fetch the lawbreaker.
I'm unable to keep myself from gasping when finally I see who it is.
Beside me, Gale whispers, "Madge. Damn it, Madge. Just what were you doing out there?"
oOo
AN:
Written: 10/24/15
Revised: 11/11/15
Revised 2: 11/21/15
Betaread by: AmelinaZenitram, ForFutureReference, and RoseFyre.
Hello butterfly effect, how you doing?
Also I hate writing 'and time passes' chapters. But this one was necessary. Stuff's being set up here. Lots of stuff. And we got a bit of an Everlark moment.
As a reminder, Gale is very different here than in canon because he's more aware of what's going on. If you want to see what forced him to change, I suggest checking out Forgotten.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed/commented on the last chapter!
Let me know what you think!
Thanks for reading!