A Trip to Hogsmeade

"Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times"

Pink - Try

"What's the matter with you?"

Remus gave Sirius a curious look and slammed the Transfiguration textbook shut; he'd finally realized that there was no point trying to teach his friend anything in this state. Sirius kept staring out the window absentmindedly and he'd barely uttered a word since dinner.

"Sirius! Wake up!"

Several students in the Gryffindor common room looked their way when Remus raised his voice and Sirius finally turned to look at him.

"Huh?" he asked confusedly, as if he hadn't heard a single word. "What's up?"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"I was just going to ask you the same thing, you've been acting weird all night"

For a moment, Sirius just stared back at his friend, silently wondering whether he ought to tell him the truth or not. Naturally, it'd be really nice to share it with someone but James had finally opened up to him and he wasn't likely to do it again if he, Sirius, ran off and told Remus all about it the first chance he got.

"It's James, isn't it?"

Remus interrupted his thoughts and Sirius opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. Fearing that Remus might see the truth in his eyes, he looked away and pretended to be very interested in the quill lying on the desk in front of him.

"How did you know?" he finally muttered and Remus shrugged before replying:

"It's not that hard to guess. Besides, you weren't acting like this before you went to see him at lunch"

When Sirius didn't say anything to confirm Remus' theories he urged the matter further.

"Sirius, I'm one of your closest friends" he reminded him gently. "You know you can trust me with anyth..."

"It's not that simple!" Sirius interrupted him, holding out his hands in exasperation. "I do trust you but James is my best friend and now that he's finally told me something that's not 'I'm fine' I shouldn't just give it all away to you!"

Remus sighed heavily.

"Well, you've seen how well the whole 'I'm not talking to anyone about my feelings'-mantra has worked for James so far" he said. "I just thought you might be clever enough not to end up the same way"

Sirius stayed silent, cursing under his breath when thinking that his friend was right. Then he said, barely loud enough for Remus to hear:

"He blames himself... for what happened with his parents"

There was a short silence, in which Remus just stared right back at him. After almost a minute he started:

"Well, I've heard that feelings of guilt are quite common when one's grieving..."

"But this was really bad, Remus!" Sirius interrupted him, silently reminding himself to lower his voice so the entire common room wouldn't hear him. "He asked me what I thought dying was like since he wanted to know 'how much pain he'd caused'! And then he said that if he'd only paid more attention in Defence Against the Dark Arts..."

But Remus held up his hand to silence him.

"Calm down, Sirius..." he started but Sirius wouldn't even let him finish his sentence:

"No, now is not the time to 'calm down', Remus! I honestly feel like we have to do something about this, can't you talk to him?"

This wasn't something that Sirius had planned to ask his friend, but now that the idea literally just popped into his mind it didn't seem that bad. Of course, James would know that Sirius had told Remus what he'd said but if it made a difference it'd definitely be worth it. However, Remus looked doubtful.

"I don't know, what makes you think he'll listen?"

Sirius shrugged.

"It's worth a try, isn't it? If he hears from more than one person that he has no reason to feel guilty he might actually believe it!"

Remus was quiet for a short while but then sighed again and Sirius knew he'd won.

"Fine. But don't get your hopes up"

James

The following week seemed to pass by in a blur, where James tried his very best not to focus on anything but schoolwork. The main reason for this was that he knew that he'd get into trouble if he didn't, and another was that it was a great distraction whenever everything felt completely hopeless. The project in Potions where Lily was his partner would be finished in about a week and he was grateful, seeing as they still hadn't spoken a word to each other since the day when Gryffindor won against Ravenclaw.

Of course, there was one more thing that James simply couldn't stop caring about and that was quidditch. In a few weeks' time his team would play against Slytherin and even if most of the joy he'd felt when Miranda caught the Snitch was gone the next morning he longed to feel it again - it was the only time he'd actually managed to laugh. With that in mind, James was the first team captain who convinced his teammates to start practicing again only a week after their last game.

It was a cold November morning, winter was definitely on its way now. James wrapped his Gryffindor scarf around his neck whilst he left the quidditch pitch and headed up towards the school for breakfast, thinking how great this very practice session had been. The confidence that had come with winning against Ravenclaw obviously hadn't left any of the team's members and they all played surprisingly well.

We'll win, James thought and couldn't help smiling to himself. We'll win and it'll definitely wipe the smile off Flint's face...

His thoughts were interrupted as he found his road blocked by none other than Remus, who held two pieces of toast with jam in his hand and offered them to James. He slowly accepted them, giving his friend a strange look.

"What's this about?" he burst out, thinking that he might as well get to the point straight away.

Remus had his hands in his pockets and gave James an innocent look before they started walking side by side, without really knowing where they were going. He shrugged slightly before replying:

"I just wanted to catch up with you, so I thought I might bring your breakfast out here instead"

He nodded towards the pieces of toast in James' hand and the latter nodded slightly, silently thinking that this couldn't be a good thing. Of course, he and Remus had spent time like this and talked alone before, but that his friend was so keen on doing it only a week after he'd accidentally spilled to Sirius what he felt about his parents' deaths was just too much of a coincidence.

"Talked to Sirius, have you?" James asked cooly, glaring at Remus whose eyes widened in surprise.

It was obvious that he hadn't expected his friend to figure that out so fast, and now it took him a few seconds to regain his ability to speak. This was enough for James to know that he'd guessed right and he looked away, snorting silently. He couldn't help feeling slightly betrayed and Remus seemed to realize this for he said:

"Don't be mad at him, he's just worried about you..."

"Really?" James interrupted him, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "That's a first"

By now, they'd almost reached the Black Lake. There was a short silence, in which they both enjoyed the view and watched as the Giant Squid appeared above the surface, half-hidden behind the morning fog that covered the lake almost like a blanket. Eventually, Remus broke the silence:

"He told me how you feel... about what happened. That you think it's your fault"

James looked right back at Remus, in an almost defiant sort of way. What was he going to respond to that? It was nothing but the truth.

"So?" he finally asked and Remus shook his head slowly.

"That's not true James and I think that somewhere deep inside, you know it"

As James opened his mouth to object Remus held up his hand to silence him and soon continued:

"However, I won't waste any time arguing with you about that. I was actually thinking that what you might really need is some distraction"

For a short moment, James felt a strange urge to laugh. Oh yes, if there was one thing he needed it was distraction. He needed distraction from thinking about what his aunt had written in her letter, that You-know-who was gaining strength and new followers. He needed distraction from his memories that were constantly haunting him and from the fact that he'd been stupid enough to tell Sirius the truth. He needed distraction from being Head Boy and sharing a living quarter with Lily Evans...

But how on earth was Remus going to give him that?

"Distraction?" he repeated and his friend nodded.

"There's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up and Sirius, Peter and I were all thinking of going. I want you to come with us"

Naturally, James already knew about this. Whenever a Hogsmeade weekend was coming up, it seemed to be the only thing people discussed for weeks and he'd even heard Lily say she'd go with her friends Alice and Amelia. However, James himself didn't feel like he was up to the whole thing. Hogsmeade, the village that used to be one of his favorite places on earth, was just another reminder of how things had once been. It held so many memories and he wasn't sure he could handle it.

But you want them to stop worrying about you, a little voice inside his head whispered. If you accompany them to Hogsmeade you'll show them that you're fine.

James couldn't oppose to that and after a moment's silence he met Remus gaze again and replied, to his friend's great surprise:

"Fine. Count me in"

Lily

"What do you think of this one?" Alice scrutinized her reflection in the big mirror hanging on the wall in the clothing shop, before giving Lily an annoyed glance. "Lily! You're not looking!"

"What?" Lily asked absentmindedly, glancing up from the book she was currently reading. "That looks great, Alice"

"How into this are you, really?"

Amelia appeared from behind the door leading into one of the fitting rooms and raised her eyebrows at Lily. The latter sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry but it's at least 150 degrees warm in here and I already have all the clothes I need..."

"Well, the more reason to be our moral support" Alice interrupted her whilst squeezing a pink, horrible looking sweatshirt over her head. "How do I look?"

Amelia and Lily cast a quick glance at one another and then they both burst out laughing.

"That is probably one of the most horrible looking shirts I've ever witnessed!" Amelia said but Alice opposed and it didn't take long before they'd both disappeared into the fitting rooms again.

Lily sat on a chair and took a quick glance around the shop, watching as witches in all ages tried on different shirts, trousers and skirts almost as if their lives depended on it. She glanced at her watch and realized they'd already been in here for over an hour. When she'd agreed to accompany her friends to Hogsmeade to help them find some clothes this was not what she'd imagined...

"I'll go outside to get some air" Lily called and stood up, waiting for her friends' replies.

However, they were both in the middle of what seemed to be a very important discussion regarding a skirt and so Lily rolled her eyes and left anyway. Once they realized that she was missing they'd probably be able to figure out where she'd gone and they had each other.

It was cold outside the shop and Lily shivered, thinking that she wouldn't be too surprised if it started snowing any day now. She glanced up the main street, trying to catch a glimpse of someone she knew. However, most students seemed to be hiding inside the Three Broomsticks and Lily thought that she might as well go join them, seeing as Alice and Amelia wouldn't be done anytime soon. Or perhaps she could go to that book store where...

"James?"

The sight of him had interrupted her thoughts and as he turned around, looking just as surprised as she felt, Lily cursed herself for using his first name. Since when was he "James" to her?

For a moment the two of them were left staring at each other and then, just to have something to do, Lily sat down on a bench placed just beside the entrance to the shop she'd exited seconds earlier.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, silently hoping that the question sounded casual.

James had his hands in his pockets and shrugged slightly before replying:

"I'm on my way back to school, there's some homework I need to finish"

Lily nodded slightly. Actually, she shouldn't be shocked to find him wandering around on his own. These days, he barely seemed to stand Sirius and Remus for a longer while.

"And you?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice and spoke very fast when she explained:

"I'm here with Alice and Amelia" She nodded towards the shop behind her. "But they've been in there for hours trying on at least a hundred shirts each and I needed some air"

"I can keep you company until they're done"

He seemed just as surprised by his words as Lily herself did. For a moment, she couldn't bring herself to say anything and pressed her lips together. He hadn't sounded desperate, or even the slightest annoying, but the statement alone was enough to remind her of everything that had happened between them in the past. Obviously, James himself was thinking along the same lines and dropped her gaze quickly.

"I'm sorry" he said. "I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay" Lily interrupted him, knowing that that was the truth. "And thank you. If you want to join me, I'm not going to stop you"

She gave him a small smile which he returned before he slowly went to sit down next to her. It was a strange and yet comfortable feeling and for a moment they both just sat there in silence. Lily wrapped her Gryffindor scarf tighter around her neck and stole a quick glance at James. What she saw made her heart sink.

She remembered how truthfully happy he'd looked after the quidditch game and how the dark circles under his eyes magically seemed to have vanished when he joked around with Sirius and the others during the celebrations in the common room. Now, that was all gone and his pale face shined with exhaustion and worry. It hurt to know that that was what grief did to people. Was it ever going to stop?

"Did you know I accidentally set fire to my sister's pants once?"

Where did that come from? Lily had no idea, seeing as she hadn't thought about it for years. Truth to be told, she usually avoided thinking about Petunia since it only made her feel miserable. She smiled to herself, wondering why she'd never told Alice about this and why she told James Potter,of all people, now.

Perhaps she'd just come to realize that she'd do anything to get that look off his face. To make the old James re-appear, only for a second.

"No..." he finally said, clearing his throat before looking at her confusedly. "No, I didn't know that"

"I was nine years old so I didn't know that I was a witch back then" Lily told him, amazed by how the words just seemed to leave her mouth even though she hadn't planned for any of this. "Petunia was eleven and she had a friend over for dinner. Anyway, she kept telling me that I was a freak and when she stood up to get some more food... Well, let's just say she could never use those pants again"

To her great relief, James grinned.

"How on earth did you manage to do that?" he asked incredulously and sounded somewhat impressed.

Lily smirked back at him.

"I have no idea, I guess I just let my feelings get the best of me. Until the day I got my Hogwarts letter my mum and dad never spoke of it, they were both quite frightened by the whole thing. And Petunia still pretends like it never happened"

Lily didn't know how it happened, but for the next twenty minutes she found herself sitting there, sharing parts of her muggle everyday life with James Potter. And what surprised her the most was the fact that it was just so... easy, like they'd known each other forever. Was he really the person she'd screamed at so many times, saying she'd rather go out with the Giant Squid than with him? Was he really the person who'd bullied Severus for years and the person who Lily herself had sworn to hate for all eternity?

It certainly didn't feel like it now.

When James smiled and obviously forgot about all the things that were bothering him for a moment, Lily felt all warm inside. If this was what making someone happy was like, she could do it all day. When she told him about the time she'd climbed onto the roof and had to sit up there for hours, waiting for her parents to come home and get her down, James actually laughed. The whole thing caught Lily slightly off guard and for a moment she drifted off, eyeing him in silence.

"What?" James finally asked, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

Somehow, Lily regained her ability to speak and mumbled:

"It's just... It's been so long since I saw you laugh"

For a moment, Lily feared that she'd ruined the moment by saying the wrong thing but when James opened his mouth to reply she knew that he wasn't angry with her.

"It happens" he said calmly. "Not very often, though"

There was a short silence. Lily suddenly felt like there were so many things she wanted to say, and yet she had no idea where to begin. She knew that no matter what happened next, she'd always remember this. She'd never actually talked to James Potter before. In fact, she'd probably taken for granted that talking wasn't really his thing. But then again, he seemed to have changed...

"I'm sorry" she suddenly said, voice low. "For being so moody when you got back to the common room that night of the quidditch game"

The truth was, Lily still didn't know why she'd been acting the way she did. Perhaps James didn't even have anything to do with it? But then what was it that bothered her so much? To prove her point she added:

"I mean, if you and Amy Baker want to..."

"Nothing really happened" James interrupted her and Lily fell silent at once, meeting his gaze again. "It was a mistake"

She opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted as the door leading into the clothing shop burst open and Alice and Amelia came outside, both carrying several bags each.

"You know, you could at least tell us before you go somewhere. We thought you'd been kidnapped!" Alice exclaimed and Lily snorted.

"I told you I was going outside to get some air, but perhaps you didn't hear me since you were too busy being stuck in that horrible pink sweatshirt..."

Amelia giggled and Alice hit Lily on the arm playfully.

"It was not that bad! Actually, I think it..."

But she drifted off when she finally spotted James and seeing as she opened her mouth and then closed it again without saying anything, Lily thought that her friend wasn't very good at hiding her surprise. Alice looked from James to Lily and then back to James again before she said:

"James! What are you doing here?"

James stood up, obviously realizing that it was time for him to go, and replied casually:

"I'm on my way back to school"

Alice nodded slightly and Lily got the feeling that she was having some sort of inner debate with herself wondering whether she ought to question him any further. Luckily, she decided not to and James said:

"I should go. See you"

He gave Lily one last glance before he turned around and left. She tried to look unbothered even though she could feel her friends' curious gazes upon her. Amelia was the first one to speak up:

"I thought you hated him!"

Lily opened her mouth to say something, anything, but Alice reached her to it:

"What did you two talk about?"

"I... We..." Lily drifted off, not sure what to say.

"I shared some childhood memories and then grinned like an idiot when realizing that I could actually make him smile"? That surely wouldn't do... She swallowed.

"We caught up, that's all"

Lily started walking in the opposite direction of James and missed the confused look that Alice sent Amelia before mumbling:

"Caught up? Since when does Lily do that with James Potter?"

Amelia shook her head slowly.

"I have no idea"

James

James felt... weird when heading back towards the castle, like everything that had happened during the past half an hour was just a dream. Did he and Lily Evans really have a normal conversation without him asking her out like a desperate idiot, and without her informing him of how much she despised his lack of manners?

He couldn't help grinning to himself when thinking about all the stories she'd told him. He had no idea whether all of it was even true, but she'd known that it had made him feel better and that's what really mattered. She'd cared.

Just as James was about to turn left, and head towards carriages that always brought the students back to the castle, he heard something. The sound reminded him of a twig breaking and he turned around sharply, feeling his heart starting to beat somewhat faster than normal.

There was no one, or nothing, in sight and the only thing he could hear was his own, sharp breaths. Then, before he had time to react or even properly think, red light came soaring towards him at full speed.

James closed his eyes, waited and everything went black.

Author's note: Thank you so much for your reviews on the latest chapter, as you already know they mean so so much to me. I guess this is the first chapter with a real cliffhanger but I promise that there are more to come!

Please review and tell me what you think, and thanks for reading! :)