Dark Horizons is here a day early! =D If you enjoy it, please don't forget to leave a review! Those are always really helpful. The links are below, but clickable ones are on my profile, and you can also get to the books from my website (in a few minutes, anyway). There are going to be print copies available soon as well, although they will be more expensive, since they're created as-ordered. Much thanks to Octoplods for the lovely coverart.

www dot amazon dot com/Dark-Horizons-Rae-D-Magdon-ebook/dp/B00IP1EQIS/

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. . .

Chapter Six:

I'm standing outside of Alex's apartment door again, but this time, I don't have the comforting warmth of takeout to ease the chill. I pull the collar of my jacket closed, but it doesn't help. My hands feel like blocks of ice, and my eyes are stinging. Maybe the cold is in my imagination.

Cragen forced me to go home. As soon as he figured out it was supposed to be my day off, he sent me out of the bullpen by pointing an imperious finger at the door. "Get out of here, Benson," he said to me. "You know the department can't pay you this much overtime." That was Cragen code for, 'Get some rest, you look like shit.' And with all the worry and confusion I feel, I probably do look like shit.

I have no idea what I'm going to say to Alex when she gets home. 'Sorry I pretended to rape you' just won't work in this situation. And did I even pretend to rape her? All I did was have sex with her. The rest was all in her head. Logically, I know I didn't do anything wrong. She consented to everything. Roleplaying isn't a prosecutable crime, and what we did was far from a real roleplay. But if I didn't do anything wrong, why do I feel so terrible?

Eventually, I take out my key. Alex gave it to me months ago. I was hesitant to use it at first until she told me how much she enjoyed coming home to dinner on the table. Now, I try to cook when I get home before her, and she does the same, although her culinary skills are pretty basic compared to mine. I sigh. No matter what I end up telling her, a nice dinner won't hurt.

When I open the door, I'm surprised to find the lights on. I'm confused at first, but then my chest seizes up. I have to force the air in. She's home early. Alex is almost never home early. On time, occasionally. Late, often. But never early. When she's sick, she goes to the office with a huge bottle of hand sanitizer, a can of lysol, and a purse full of tissues.

I know I can't hide in the front room forever. She probably heard the door open. She'll come looking for me if I can't find her. Sure enough, I hear her calling to me from the kitchen. "Olivia? Is that you?"

Hearing her voice fold around my name makes me shiver. I'm not sure whether it's with arousal or fear. Whatever it is, I shove it aside. I can't be turned on or afraid right now. I have to be calm. We need to try and talk about what we did, and figure out what the hell we're going to do about it. I have no idea what's going to happen, but I do know I can't just bury the memory. It keeps pushing to the front of my mind, and I don't know how to deal with it.

"I'm here," I call back to her. My voice breaks, and I hope she doesn't notice. I head back toward the kitchen, and I'm pleasantly surprised to find baked chicken and a nice salad sitting on the table. Not exactly a complicated meal, but for Alex, it's pretty impressive. She's already sitting down, and I notice she's drinking wine out of a plastic cup. Apparently, she was too lazy to get the right glasses.

"You weren't supposed to see me drinking this," she confesses when I take the other seat. "I guess I wanted to be relaxed when you got home, but I wanted you to stay sober."

I narrow my eyes a little. Maybe not lazy at all. Just clever. I would have noticed a wineglass, but not a regular cup. Even though I can sense an alcoholic a mile away, and I know Alex isn't one, the deception reminds me a little of my mother. It's the kind of trick I would have expected from her.

"Was there a reason you didn't want me drinking?" I ask. I have very strict rules about drinking. I never allow myself to have more than one serving of anything. It usually isn't enough to have an effect on me, but I remember what alcohol did to my mother. It might have damaged her even more than the rape, although I know that's why she started. Part of the reason I drink at all is because I want to prove to myself that I have enough self-control to do it responsibly. I don't want to be like her, and I don't want alcohol to have power over me. If I didn't drink, I'd always be afraid that one day, I'd start in a moment of despair.

Alex gives me a long look. "Several reasons, but not the ones you're afraid of. Olivia, I know you. I love you. I practically live with you. Do you really think I'm afraid you'll go on a bender and hurt me?"

I consider that for a second. No. I don't think Alex is afraid of me or what I might do. Alex trusts me. I'm just afraid that her trust is misplaced. It's my problem, not hers. I'm reading into things that aren't there, projecting my own insecurities on everything she says. I sigh. "You're right." I fold my hand around the glass of water beside my plate. "Let's just eat. Thank you for making dinner, by the way."

"It was no problem. I worked from home the second half of the day." That's another surprise. Alex hardly ever works from home, although she has made more of an effort to be around since our relationship started.

We eat in silence for a few minutes, and even though it's not awkward, it is a little tense. Without conversation, I keep thinking about my meeting with Huang. I don't mind, though. It's better than remember what happened this morning. I still feel pressure between my legs whenever I think about it, and that only makes my mental angst worse. I put down my salad fork and sigh. I'm tired of being the broken one. I don't have to be a trope. At least I can confront my problems.

"Are you okay? You know, after this morning? I probably should have asked you first."

Alex smiles. I can tell she's remembering. Apparently, she doesn't feel as conflicted as I do. "You know you don't have to ask. It would have ruined the fun. Besides, I have a safe word." That had been at my insistence. We've never done anything more serious than light bondage, but the job makes me cautious. I've seen too many mistakes that have turned ugly. In some ways, they're worse than the clear-cut violent crimes. Those are the cases everyone's afraid to talk about. They do just as much damage, but sometimes, the perp doesn't even realize what they've done. Alex tells me no a hundred times a day, at work and at home, but I'm still afraid of the one time she won't say it, or I won't listen.

When I don't respond, Alex continues talking. "Are you okay? This seems to be bothering you a lot more than it's bothering me."

She's right. She's always right. The problem is, I can't tell if I should be bothered by it or not. My instincts are telling me I didn't do anything wrong, and that I might even want to try it again. My head is telling me a completely different thing. I'm not sure about my heart. "I haven't figured that out yet. I'm not sure whether I'm upset because it's bothering me, or because I think it should be."

Alex shakes her head at me. "I thought so." She stands up and circles the table to collect my plate. To my surprise, I realize I've finished everything on it. I guess that stale donut from this morning wasn't enough to hold me over. "You know what, Olivia? You think too much. Let's just have a nice night in. Then you can take a few days to sort out whether you're okay with what we did or not. You know I want to be with you either way. This is something I want, but not something I expect from you. As long as you don't judge me and let me read my porn once in a while, we'll be fine. It's a need I can meet myself."

She drops a kiss on top of my head before she carries the dishes over to the dishwasher. I can't help it. I stare a little as she bends over, and try not to feel guilty. Her ass is perfect. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that it's one of the first things I noticed about her. Objectifying, maybe, but I do appreciate the whole package. I've never been able to break women down into body parts for more than a few seconds at a time.

While she polishes off the last of her wine and puts the cup in the top rack, I think about what she said. Maybe this decision isn't as high-stakes as I thought. She knows I won't judge her or leave her, and I'm pretty sure she won't leave me over this. I believe her when she says it's a need she can meet herself. Alex isn't in the habit of lying, however good she is at turning people around to her way of thinking. So I'll wait. See how I feel in a week. A month. It doesn't seem like Alex is going to push this with me. All the pressure I felt to figure things out and make a decision was all in my head.

Alex turns back around, and I stand up to meet her, opening my arms. "Thank you," I whisper as she slides into them. It's so comfortable holding her. She's a perfect fit. I copy her earlier gesture of affection and kiss her forehead, inhaling the sweet smell that always lingers in her hair.

"No. Thank you." She rests her head against my shoulder for a while, and I sway her back and forth, running my hand up and down the middle of her back. Our breathing starts to match up, and the tightness in my chest fades away.

"So… what do you want to do now? Cragen banished me from work-"

Alex rolls her eyes and pulls a few inches away. "I wouldn't call it banishment if it was supposed to be your day off, Olivia."

"Call it whatever you want, but if he says I'm back there before tomorrow afternoon, he's going to force me to use all those sick days I have piling up."

"Part of me wishes you would… but I know you won't. Since I have you for tonight, how about a movie?"

I grin at her. "A movie, or a 'movie'?"

She grazes her lips across the line of my jaw, and my arms tighten around her. "Well, if you want to skip right to the oral sex, I won't turn you down."

My brow furrows. I do want to be with her, but I'm not sure a blowjob is what I need right now while I'm still so confused. "Alex, I don't think…"

"I meant me, Liv. Since you went above and beyond to meet one of my needs already today, I thought we should do something you like. No fantasies. None of your unnecessary angst. Just your mouth on me."

I'm touched. I know she's doing this for me. She almost always prefers my hand or the cock. Having her ask for my mouth is a rare treat, even if it's partially for my benefit. "Are you sure?" I ask her, but my hands are already sliding down to her waist, searching for the tab of her zipper. I glance over her shoulder toward the bedroom and wonder whether we should even bother going there. The couch is closer.

One of her hands comes up to caress my cheek. Her smile is one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. "Of course. Just because it's not my first choice doesn't mean I don't love it. I'm not going to say no to ice cream, even if it's strawberry instead of mint chocolate chip."

I laugh, since I know there are at least two pints of mint chocolate chip in her freezer right now. "Are you sure you don't want to use vanilla for the sex-is-an-ice-cream-flavor metaphor?"

Alex shakes her head. "Nope. Too obvious." She takes my hand and draws me toward the couch. My heart soars. She does want this, even enough to choose the slightly less comfortable couch instead of the bed just because it's quicker.

Before she can lie down, I take my time undressing her. I undo each button of her blouse, pressing soft, gentle kisses to her lips each time I pop one open. Once it's open at the front, I smooth it off of her shoulders until the sleeves are caught at her elbow. Part of me is tempted to leave the blouse on like that and restrict her arm movement, but she's given me permission to be a little selfish tonight. I'm going to take her up on her offer and savor every inch of her bare skin.

Once her blouse is gone, I spend a little time teasing her through her undershirt. I run my hands up along her stomach, dipping below the hem to graze the bare skin of her abdomen before I cup her breasts through the material. My reward is a low, encouraging groan, and I run my thumbs in circles over her nipples until I can feel them poking through the fabric. I'm tempted to strip her to the waist and touch them without anything left between us, but I decide to take off her skirt first. I know exactly where the zipper is on this one without having to search, especially since I had been toying with it before. Soon, it falls down to her ankles.

I look down to check and see if she's still wearing her shoes, but her feet are bare except for her stockings. I take my time with those, kneeling in front of her so I can peel them down over her knees and past the firm muscles of her calves. Aside from her ass, her legs have always been another of my favorite parts. I can tell she runs just by looking at them.

Once the stockings are gone, I can't resist placing a soft kiss on the point of her pubic bone, grazing her underwear with my lips. My own inner muscles pulse a little when I notice that the fabric is a little darker between her legs. She's already wet for me. Somehow, that comes as a relief. Part of me has been afraid that she won't want to do this anymore now that she's revealed her darker fantasies. Her physical response sets me at ease.

I'm tempted to tear her underwear off and taste her right away, but I remember my resolve. I want her naked for me. I stand back up and pull her undershirt over her head, reaching behind her to unhook the clasp of her bra once it's off. It only takes me a second, and she sighs with relief after it's gone. I kiss down the slope of her chest, bending over so I can trail my lips over her neck, her collarbone, down to the tip of her right breast. She shivers as I pull the point of her nipple between my lips and lash my tongue over it, using just a hint of teeth. I tug a little harder. I know exactly how to make her body respond.

"Liv, please," she whispers from just above me. I can hear her voice trembling a little. "I-I need to lie down or I'm going to fall…"

I lower her onto the couch, keeping my arms beneath hers to make sure she doesn't fall. Once she's comfortable, I settle on top of her and begin my slow descent. I start with her lips, kissing them again and again. I take a few small breaks to kiss her chin, her cheeks, the soft place just behind her ear, but I always end up coming back to her soft, warm mouth. I love kissing Alex, and I could probably do it for days. She always tastes so good, even with traces of wine on her tongue.

Only the prize I haven't claimed yet manages to tear me away from Alex's lips, but I take my time getting there. I pause at her breasts again, switching between them until her hips begin rocking up into mine. One of her knees hooks around my waist, pulling tight as she tries to grind against me. But I don't let her. I keep moving down, leaving a lazy, wandering trail of hot kisses and nips along the flat plane of her stomach. I pause at her navel, biting down until I coax a delighted hiss from between her teeth.

Finally, I settle between her legs. The fabric of her panties is soaked, and I ease them down over her hips. She lifts up to help me, and soon, they're somewhere beside the couch with the rest of her clothes. I lower myself back down and just look at her for a few seconds. I've always liked women. Liked how they looked, how they smelled, how they tasted. But Alex is something special. She's absolutely beautiful. Her outer lips are already a little puffy from my attention, blossoming open to reveal pink, shimmering inner folds. The firm point of her clit is swollen and red, and the hood is already pulled back over the sensitive tip. I want to take it between my lips and suck until she releases a flood of warmth all over my chin, but I don't want to waste my chance. I need to taste every inch of her before I'm finished.

I start slow, running the tip of my tongue between her outer lips once and stopping just short of her clit. She whimpers and tries to shift forward, hoping I'll go just a little higher, but I pull away. I scatter a few kisses across her inner thighs, biting down for a moment before I focus back between her legs. I lick her again, pausing to swirl around her entrance and gather up some of the sweetness there. She lets out a squeak of surprise and grips one of my shoulders with her hand, tightening her fingers to let me know that she wants more.

I indulge her, probably because I also want to indulge myself. I spend the next several minutes seeing how much wetness I can draw out of her. I circle, flicker, press inside. A river spills into my mouth, and her hips start rocking, trying to take me deeper. My tongue can only tease at penetration, but I still feel some of the clinging velvet, the heated silk my fingers and my cock are buried in so often. I curl my tongue forward, trying to find the swollen spot that grows along her front wall when she's close. I feel it, and I press against it with my tongue until my jaw burns with the effort.

Either I'm doing something very right, or Alex is extra sensitive to my attention, because she screams and both of her hands clutch at the back of my head, pulling me close as her hips buck wildly against my mouth. Salt and sweetness pour over my lips, and I try and take as much as I can, thrusting my tongue in and out of her. She gasps and shudders beneath me, and I stare up along her pulsing stomach, past the perfect swells of her breasts and up into her eyes. She's looking at me. She's seeing me.

Her orgasm ends quicker than usual, but I can tell it was a good one. She's a limp mess as she drapes herself over the arm of the couch. I spend the next minute cleaning her up, making sure to get every drop that escaped my mouth. A few more soft sounds break in her throat, and I decide I'm not finished with her. This time, I focus on her clit, pulling it between my lips and trapping the stiff point as I circle it with my tongue. Her hips practically levitate off the couch cushions, and her hands move down to the back of my neck, toying with the short strands of my hair. "Liv, please, Liv, oh God, Liv…"

My name. She's saying my name. She's really here in this moment with me. There are no doubts or confusion. She's enjoying this just as much as I do. As long as we can still share moments like this together, I don't care what else she wants from me. This is perfect.

I give her what I know she needs and slip two fingers inside her. I only have to hook them forward once. Her clit pulses in the seal of my lips, and wetness runs into my hand as she explodes for me again. I stay inside of her instead of thrusting, pulling and catching against all of her secret spots. She gives me everything she has, and I smile with satisfaction as she clutches down around me. This is exactly what I need. To remember that I can still make her happy without 'hurting' her. It makes everything else seem less frightening.

After a while, she starts pushing me away instead of pulling me closer. "Please, stop, too much… I'm finished," she pants, although she ripples with another hard aftershock as she says the words. I rest my wet cheek on her lower belly, cupping my hand protectively between her legs until the last of the pulses fade away. She smiles down at me, still breathing heavily, and I notice that her eyes are half-lidded. "That was amazing. Do you need anything?"

I smile and shake my head. "No. I'm fine." And this time, I actually believe it.