Disclaimer: I do not own Danger Mouse or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall. I do own Dr. Moore and Agent 32.

Notes: The story is getting darker with this chapter. DM's past mentioned here is not canon. I blame it on where my mind is right now.

New warnings: Mentions of self-harm, attempted suicide, torture, death.

Still platonic.

I hope you enjoy.

(Linebreaks really hate me so I will use DMEP)

DMEP

When we last left our heroes, we saw Penfold had started his therapy, allowing him to take the first step on the road to recovery. Of course, he is not the only one who needs it.

"No need to be formal with me, Mr. Mouse, you may lie down if it makes you comfortable," Dr. Moore stated as he sat by the bed.

"In that case, I think I just may take you up on that offer," Danger Mouse responded. He reclined on his bed, pillow under his head. He linked his fingers together and rested his paws on his chest.

"Right then, where would you like to start?"

"I'm not exactly sure. I want to talk about last night, but I feel it might be better to go back to the past."

"Hmm..." He looked in the mouse's file. "I have enough information on that, but if you'd rather talk about it first, then please go ahead."

"Oh. If that's the case, then I will talk about last night. I'm sorry, my mind is in a bit of a muddle right now."

"It's quite alright. You're going through some difficult feelings which have stirred old ones. I know some of the story from Mr. Penfold's view, but could you please share yours? What happened?"

"As I recall, it was a quiet afternoon. I thought Penfold was just popping out to go down to the shops. When bidding him goodbye, I called try not to get too frightened, as a slight tease. He didn't respond. He told me this morning he knew I meant nothing by it, and that it made his decision harder. But, I still feel awful that those could've been my last words to him. Not be safe, Penfold or I shall see you soon then, shall I? or anything of the sort, but slightly teasing him. I was in the middle of a workout when I heard the phone ringing. I hurried to answer it, wondering just who it could be. You see, Colonel K uses the telecommunication system instead of the phone, it's to ensure we can always answer it in time. Very few know our phone number."

"I see. So, you answered the phone?"

"Yes, just in time. I heard Penfold asking if he had called Keep Fighting. Needless to say, that set off alarms in my mind. I know they are a suicide helpline. For a second, I debated telling him he had called our flat, but there was a feeling if I had, he would've hung up. That may have been the last I heard of him. The next time the phone would ring would be to say...to say that he...I'm sorry, I'm starting to get a bit emotional."

"There is no judgement here. If you feel like you need to cry, then just cry. It will help."

"Alright. So, because I knew that, I decided to play along with the lie. I had to find out why Penfold was calling them. It took all I had to not start telling him what he said was far from the truth. If I had, I would've blown my cover, and again...well... After I heard enough, I had him tell me where he was, told him to wait and not act on his thoughts. I hurried down to the garage and to the Thames before I was too late. The whole time, my heart was pounding harder and harder by the second. I had never felt such fright in my life, and there have been enough times I should've."

"What happened when you got there?"

"When I arrived, I saw Penfold standing by the edge of the river. He was ready to jump in, I just know it. I hurried to him, wrapped my arms around him and pleaded that he not do it. We spoke for a short while, cried and then I carried him home."

"Did you not have the car? Why did you carry him?"

"Because I had come so close to losing him, I couldn't let him go."

"It sounds like he means a great deal to you." Dr. Moore was writing more notes.

"He does. I love him. He's my best friend, the truest friend I ever had."

"You love him, you say?"

"Oh, not in a romantic sense. At least, I don't think it is. No, it's more of a platonic love. Like he's family."

"I see."

"I often tell him that I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like if he wasn't part of it. He knows he means a lot to me. I feel if I had told him much more then maybe he... It probably sounds silly."

"Not at all. That is a common mindset for those who either lost someone or almost lost someone to suicide. That if they had been told more times how important they were to the individual, they may not have done it. It doesn't quite work that way though. I'm sure you know that from your own experience."

"That's true."

"I understand you've gone to great lengths to keep him safe?"

"Of course. First thing this morning, I told him what had to be done. He's not entirely pleased with me about it. We had a bit of a quarrel earlier concerning it. I might seem like I am being paranoid, but I just want to make sure he is safe. Is that really so wrong?"

"Not at all. We'll be bringing this up in partner therapy so you two can continue discussing it."

"I locked away anything that could be a potential risk. I'm going to keep an eye on him all the time. We'll be sharing baths so I can be ensured he won't try drowning himself in the tub. There will be privacy when he uses the john, but I'll still be standing outside and we'll be talking just so I know he's alright. He'll be sleeping with me until he's no longer a hazard to himself."

"Hm." More scribing.

"Does it seem like I am going too far?"

"To some, it may. But, you've been through those feelings before, you know what to expect from it. It's only natural you want to make sure all precautions are taken."

"Having him sharing the bed with me will also bring me peace of mind. This has happened before."

"Him being suicidal?"

"No. Us sharing the bed so I can be rest assured he will still wake up in the morning."

"How did that happen?"

"I had one nasty nightmare that involved him being killed during a mission. It really shook me up. I would normally dismiss it as nonsense and go right back to sleep, but it got to me for some reason. So, I went to check on him, to make sure he was safe. I'll admit, I held him and cried when I saw my nightmare really had been just that. He suggested we share the bed so I would be able to sleep after that. Last night, I was the one to suggest he share the bed with me."

"You were really shaken by last night's events then."

"Rather."

"I see. Mr. Mouse, you mentioned you're worried your dark thoughts may make a comeback because of this. Why is that?"

"Because of how quickly I declared that if Penfold had succeeded in drowning himself, I would've followed him."

"His death would've resulted in you doing that as well?"

"No question."

"Why exactly is that?"

"To me, a life without Penfold in it is one I find not worth living."

"Then, he really does mean a lot to you. Mr. Mouse, I see here that it was a death that first led to your own ideations."

"Yes. It was a senior agent when I had first started as a trainee."

"Would you be willing to share what happened?"

"I have to anyway. We were on a mission, one of the most dangerous a trainee would ever be assigned to. In fact, I have been the only trainee agent in the history of the agency to have gone on such a mission. Not even my parents did so."

"Oh, I see. Yes, they are both agents too. Carry on, Mr. Mouse."

"I messed up and almost compromised the mission. I got a bit too eager, started getting ahead of myself. We were caught. Agent 32, the one I was accompanying, kept telling them to leave me alone, that I was just some child who got caught up in things but had nothing to do with him. I wanted to protest that I was actually a trainee agent, but he wouldn't allow me to get a word in edgewise. By then..." He shook his head, tightening the grip of his paws. "They decided the best punishment for me, for some dumb child who got caught up in everything, was to watch a secret agent be tortured to death. I knew what they really had in mind. They wanted me to blow my cover and admit I was working with him. Before he was taken away, Agent 32 told me to stay quiet, no matter what they did to him. It was brutal. I really would rather not describe it."

"Then, for your sake, don't."

"I was so close to breaking and screaming I was with him. But, at that moment, some back-up arrived. It was too late. Though they managed to apprehend those ruthless criminals, it was too late for Agent 32. I was told not to blame myself. He told me that himself with his dying breath. I felt like I really was responsible for it. If I had said something sooner, he would not have been subjected to that. Other agents tried telling me we both would've been killed if I had said anything, and I would always respond I wished I had been. I was some immature rookie who thought he knew everything, and in the end, it got Agent 32 killed." He squeezed his eye shut. "By that point, I was fargone. I couldn't focus on my duties, I was declared Unfit for Duty. I deserved that, I knew it. I...I actually..."

"How severe did it get before then?"

"I had started harming myself. I kept it hidden from everyone else, so they never suspected it. A doctor said I was going through grief, not knowing the full story, so he didn't do anything. It got worse and then, one day, I just decided...it would be better if I was gone. I attempted, but was found before it was too late."

"Who found you?"

"Agent 57."

"The agent currently with Mr. Penfold?"

"Yes. He was another trainee at the time, we were room-mates. When I regained consciousness in the hospital, he yelled at me for letting myself fall so far and begged to let him help me. I agreed, I owed him that much. Just like how Penfold reacted to my precautions, I was the same with Agent 57. But, I soon realised why he went so far. Those thoughts would often return. Instead of turning to a razor, I went to him and told him everything I was feeling. He helped me through it. Since then, we've had a strong bond built on trust. If there was anybody else I would leave Penfold alone with, it would always be him."

"Have you told Mr. Penfold any of this?"

"He knows I was suicidal in the past, but not all of this."

"Maybe you should consider sharing your experience with him. Help him know for certain that he is not alone in this. You're both fighting through a difficult time, make sure he knows you're with him every step of the way. Tell him again and again."

"I will. Would it be appropriate to share what I just told you though?"

"Yes. You'll be sharing your experience with him, not to make him feel worse, but to let him know you've been there, done that and have come through. The fact that you stayed on as a secret agent, even after that, shows you were able to work through it all."

"It took a long time, but yes."

"Our time is almost up. Is there anything else you'd like to say?"

"I haven't talked about my own attempt for years. I have to admit it opened up a can of worms in my mind."

"That is understandable. But, I think you'll find that talking about it instead of repressing it is the only way to really find peace with it. Alright, time for this session is over. Do you feel up for having partner therapy now? Or should it wait until tomorrow?"

"I feel like the sooner we do it, the better. I'll just be needing a few minutes. Can I please have some time to recover before then?"

"Feel free to take a few minutes. I'll meet you in the lounge room." He rose to his feet and made his way out of the room.

Danger Mouse inhaled deeply before sighing out a quiet sob. He never thought he would be reliving those memories again.

DMEP

Penfold and Agent 57 looked up at the gerbil and were surprised to see him alone. "Where's DM?" Penfold asked.

"Our session got a bit too intense, so he needs a minute to calm down before we begin partner therapy."

"Should I go check on him?"

"If you want to, but it might be better to give him a minute first."

Agent 57 frowned. He had a feeling he knew what had been brought up. He knew he couldn't ask the gerbil though; doctor and patient confidentiality would keep him from saying anything. "Go to him, Penfold. I think he really needs you right now."

"Right." Penfold got to his feet and hurried to Danger Mouse's bedroom.

DMEP

It seems there is more to this for Danger Mouse than what we already know. Now, it seems the tables are turned, and Penfold will be needing to help him. Can he? What does Agent 57 feel about all of this? Find out next time.

DMEP

After-notes: I told you, didn't I? I did warn you things were getting darker. My mind is in a dark place, but none of what happened is actually reflecting my own issues. Because I don't know a lot about Agent 57, aside from him being an agent and master of disguise, I decided to make him part of DM's past. Reason being they really do have that fondness and firm trust between each other.

Next chapter will have DM sharing his past with Penfold.

Thank you for reading. You don't have to review, but if you do decide to say something, please don't flame. Constructive criticism is fine however.