Hey everyone! I'm sorry it's taken a little while to get this update up...practically the whole chapter got deleted and I had to rewrite everything after the first paragraph...

Just to give everyone a heads up, I recently got a new job. It's gonna be about a month until I start, but once I do, I'll be working three jobs. I'm going to try to update at least once a week, but I can't make any promises.

Tris

I waited for the cafeteria to be almost completely empty before I started cleaning off all of the tables. Without all of the people in here laughing and talking, the music that comes through the speakers sounds so loud. I allow my hips to rock to the beat a little as I wipe down table after table, but then a thought occurs to me. Tobias didn't come down here today. Knowing Tobias, that can only mean that he went to work early. He gets up at the same time everyday, and he has the same routine everyday. Which means he could be watching me right now. I turn and look straight into the camera so that if he is watching, he knows that I know that he is. I don't know how far out it can see, but I'm sure it's far enough. I shake my head a little as I continue to wipe down the tables. I must be losing my mind. Stopping in the middle of what I'm doing to woder if my exboyfriend is looking at me on the cameras when he's supposed to be working. That's ridiculous.

"Muffin for your thoughts," Tanner says coming up behind me holding a chocolate muffin.

"I'm not sharing," I respond, "but I will take the muffin."

"Well fine then," he smirks as he hands it to me. "How does dinner tonight sound?"

"That sounds good," I smile.

"How bout you come over to my place, we'll have dinner, maybe a few drinks, relax a littls," he grins.

"That doesn't sound too horrible," I joke.

"Good. Well, I've got to get everyone started on lunch. Why don't you take the rest of the day off? See you at my place at 6?"

"That sounds perfect," I smile and walk out of the cafeteria.

As I wander down the paths, I can't help but feel stupid. I can feel my cheeks reddening as I think of how ridiculous I would sound if someone knew what I was thinking. I turn a corner and run straight into someone.

"Tris Prior?" The man asks before I can apologize.

"That's me," I reply casually.

"The Tris Prior that saved the city?"

"Um, well, uh, I mean, not single-handedly," I stutter.

Just as I'm recovering my ability to form proper sentences, the man has his hand around my throat and shoves me into the wall.

"My sister died in the attack on Abnegation. Obviously you knew that the attack was going to occur, otherwise you wouldn't have known what to do so easily. But you didn't stop it sooner. You waited until Abnegation was destroyed," he hisses, constantly squeezing my throat tighter.

I try to squirm and fight him, but his grip is too strong. It's getting harder and harder to breathe. He shoves me against the wall again and squeezes even tighter. Suddenly, the man is pulled away from me and I collapse to the ground, my vision fuzzy and my breathing shallow. I look up, trying to figure out who pulled that man off of me, but I can't really see them. I try to focus a bit harder and it's only then that I see the flames poking out of his shirt, wrapping around his neck: Tobias. As soon he is satisfied with the pulvarising that my attacker received, he turns to me and picks me up. He tries to ask if I'm okay, but I'm either too stubborn, too exhausted, or both, to respond.

"I'm fine," I finally say before turning and racing down the pathway.

I hear his feet pounding behind me as he runs after me, so I quicken my pace. I slam my apartment door closed behind me and slide down the back of the door as tears begin to fall down my face. I hear him pounding on the door, so I quiet my sobs to strangled tears.

"Tris, please," he pleads, "I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," I insist again, but my voice is tight and my breathing shallow.

"Prove it and I'll leave," he says, his voice sounding closer like his face is pressed against the door.

I stay silent as I struggle to get off the floor. I can hear him still pleading with me to open the door, his voice deep and thick. Hearing it makes something deep inside me ache with the pain of his absence. I turn the lock slowly and then I twist the knob at the same speed, before opening the door. He lifts his head from the door frame and I see the wet streaks that run down his face. His eyes are red, but brighter than ever as he stares into mine. As much as I want to, as much as I know I need to, I can't look away. I open the door a bit wider and he slides through the gap. I close and lock the door behind him, and when I turn around I see him memorizing every inch of space in the room. I walk over to the couch as casually as I can, but the lightheadedness that I feel takes over and I stumble down onto the cushions.

"Let me take a look at you," he mumbles as he kneels in front of me and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

I don't protest as he assesses my bruises and gently runs his hands over my cheekbones and forehead, I assume to check for any fractures. He tilts my head back a little to look at the marks that are undoubtedly making themselves visible on my neck. I wince as he tries to feel the base of my skull as gently as he can. He moves his hands to the back and top of my head slowly and I suspect that he may be doing more than just checking for injury, but I can't make myself tell him to stop.

"I think you'll be fine," he grimaces, looking into my eyes again. "But if you feel like there's anything wrong, I want you to find me and we'll get you to the infirmary."

"I'm fine, Tobias," I sigh as he sits down on the floor in front of me.

He opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"Don't."

He frowns slightly and looks around the room at anything but me. I see his eyes settle on the vase full of the flowers that he got me and he smiles so subtly that if I didn't know him so well I would have missed it.

"Thank you," I say, "for helping me, but I fine now and I have some things that I need to do."

He nods slowly and stands, hesitating before walking to the door.

"If you feel like something's wrong, you'll come find me?"

"Yes," I respond, guilt taking me over as soon as the words leave my lips.

For a split second, I go back in time. I'm promising him that I won't turn myself into Erudite, even though I intend to leave in just a few hours. This moment feels exactly the same, as I know that I will under no circumstances go to him. He nods his head slowly and his eyes look sad, as if he's reliving the very same moment, from his own point of view. He walks away without saying another word and closes the door behind him.

*~~*~~*~~One of the only page breaks I'll ever do ~~*~~*~~*

I try not to wince as I cover the bruises on my neck with foundation. I know that if anyone sees them, they'll demand to know what happened and I just can't tell anyone about it until I'm ready to. I finish the rest of my makeup and I do my hair before slipping into the simple black dress that Christina convinced me to wear. I put the heels on, fastening the straps around my ankles and I take one last look in the mirror. I slip out the door and walk down the narrow hallway. I can hear the voices of many people outside the curtain and my stomach churns.

"Are you ready, Tris?" I hear Johanna ask from behind.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I try to smile.

I wait a few more moments, waiting for my cue, and then I hear it.

"Please welcome Tris Prior!"

I step out onto the stage, slipping past the curtain. I look out at the many faces before me and I think back to the last time I was on this stage: my Choosing Ceremony. Some things may have changed since then, but I can still feel my palms beginning to sweat as I replay the events of that day in my mind. My eyes meet Tobias's where he sits with Zeke and Uriah and Christina and Shauna. Tanner sits a couple rows in front of them with some people from the kitchen. Nita sits across the room, by herself. Her hair is dyed to look exactly like mine. People of every other faction, or old faction I should say, sit intermingled with each other. The leaders of the city sit in the very front row.

After what seems like an eternity, I force myself to the podium that sits in the middle of the stage. I look around again and regret it immediately since every eye in the room is on me. I take a deep breath, wipe my palms on the skirt of my dress and repeat in my head what Tobias told me: "Be brave, Tris."

"Hello, everyone," I say slowly. "Thank you all for being here today. When Johanna asked me to speak at this ceremony, I originally was determined that there would be no way I would do it. But, she managed to talk me into it."

She smiles at me and I hear everyone chuckle.

"At first, I wasn't sure what I was going to say to everyone," I fidget. "Many of you know what happened, from the beginning to the end. But at the same time, many of you don't."

There are hundreds of whispers that surround me, along with some shocked faces. Those that clearly know very little about the situation look taken aback at the opportunity to hear it first-hand.

"That was brought to my attention just a few days ago," I continue. "While walking to my apartment, I was attacked."

Gasps and hushed voices fill the . My eyes momentarily meet Tobias's; they're wide and full of emotion. Zeke, Uriah and Christina glance at him to gauge his reaction, and then turn to look at me when they see the lack of surprise in his expression.

"I was slammed against a wall, being held by my throat, while a man told me that I should have stopped the attack against Abnegation sooner. He said that I obviously knew about it in advance, and he was right. I knew about the attack on Abnegation. I knew that something horrible was going to happen. I wasn't sure what, exactly, but I knew. Four told me about it. He knew, as well. And while he knew longer than I did, neither of us had any idea that it would happen so soon. We wanted to warn Abnegation. But it happened before we had figured out a plan. The man that attacked me might be here tonight. If you are, it's okay. I understand your anger and your pain."

I'm forced to pause as grief and anguish pour over me.

"I know that anger and pain very well," I continue after a moment. "I lost both of my parents that day. And I was forced to shoot one of my best friends, Will, a Dauntless that was under the simulation. He tried to kill me, and he didn't even know it. He didn't know who I was. He didn't hear me when I called out to him and begged him to stop, begged him to hear me. He didn't hear me."

I look out and see the tears in Christina's eyes. And in Cara's eyes. And even in Tobias's.

"I almost had to kill Four," I laugh before I can stop it. "I turned the gun on myself," I nod after that, skipping over the rest of my sentence. "I won't go into every single detail. The reason that I'm standing on this stage today is to honor those that fought with me, that fought for all of us, to honor those that aren't here with us today. Natalie and Andrew Prior, Will, Marlene, Lynn, Tori, and so many, so many others. We're here to honor the injured: Uriah, Shauna, Four. Those that struggled emotionally and mentally: Caleb, Christina, Zeke, Cara. There are so many people in these categories that I cannot begin to name them all. But we are here today to honor them and to make sure that something like this never happens again. We're here to protect our city and everyone in it. I went into a lab filled with death serum. I took my brother's place and I went in knowing what the consequences would be.

"I shouldn't be standing on this stage today, but I am. I should have died in that lab, I went into that lab prepared to die. And I did that not to be some hero. I didn't want people to honor me. And I still don't. I did what I needed to do in order to protect the people that I love and the people of this city. Those people, those people outside the wall, they were perhaps a greater enemy than Jeanine. They didn't want to kill you. They wanted to take your lives. They wanted to take away everything that makes you who you are. Everything that is special to you, every memory you have. They would be gone. I kept that from happening. But to do that, I had to do to them what they were going to do to all of you. I took away their memories. I took away who they are. I spent months in a hospital and the people that took care of me had no idea who I was or what I had done. They saved my life, and I took theirs away. The wounds that I suffered, the holes in my body from bullets and glass cannot compare to the holes that were left in their lives. Even as we speak, they are being taught the things that we want them to know. They're being taught like children.

"There was nothing honorable about what I did. I chose to speak at this ceremony to say that. To make sure that we all remember the real heroes of this city. And to make sure that we do that, I would like to announce that immediately following this speech, a memorial of all those that were lost will be revealed amongst the ruins of Abnegation. Thank you all for coming today. And please, please, never forget."

I step away from the podium and disappear behind the curtain. Several moments of silence follow, and then I hear the roar of applause.