Author's note: Wow, I can't believe it's been this long since I updated... There have been so many things going on in my life lately and I just haven't managed to find the time, inspiration or will to write. Anyway, I woke up this morning and decided to put an end to it, so here's the new chapter! It actually made me feel really excited about Christmas, hehe. Can't wait!

Also, thank you for the reviews that I have received so far, they really keep me going! And thank you to each and every one of you who has added this story to your favorites and/or started following it. It all means more than you know.

This chapter is really long but I think you guys deserve it after all this wait. Hope you like it!

On Christmas Eve

"I've got a feeling,
this year's for me and you"

The Pogues - Fairytale of New York

On Christmas Eve, James woke up early to the sound of his aunt rummaging around in his bedroom. He pretended not to hear and refused to open his eyes, hoping that she might leave him alone soon enough. However, he soon realized that his plan would never work for she pulled the curtains aside and opened one of the windows to let in some fresh air. Judging from the alarm clock on his bedside table it was only seven AM. James groaned loudly and covered his head with his pillow.

"What are you doing?!" he muttered angrily but his aunt barely even noticed.

"It's time to get up!" she said cheerfully. "There's somewhere I have planned for the two of us to go today"

"Oh and we necessarily have to leave at seven o' clock in the morning?" James asked, somehow forcing himself into a sitting position. "What's the rush?"

His aunt sighed slightly, placing her hands on her hips like she usually did whenever it was clear to anyone that she had already made up her mind.

"Yes! It's Christmas Eve and we have loads of stuff to attend to later! Now hurry to get ready and I'll prepare some breakfast downstairs"

Before James had time to oppose she'd disappeared through his bedroom door, humming on something that sounded a lot like "Let it snow!". James remained in bed, enjoying the silence and taking a moment to catch up with his surroundings. It was snowing outside, just like it had ever since Gryffindor's game against Slytherin. Ever since the snowball fight with Sirius, Lily and the others... The white outside really matched the inside of his aunt's house. She'd spend the last couple of days decorating like there was no tomorrow and it seemed like she tried even harder than usual this year. James had a hunch it was to make him feel as comfortable as possible. After all, this was his first Christmas since his parents had died and for the very first time, he'd spent Christmas in this house without them.

James got ready and had breakfast in silence (his aunt seemed to realize that it was too early to actually talk about anything). He wondered which day Sirius would come over and stay, and found himself actually looking forward to his best friend's visit. At Hogwarts, it was easier to ignore his worst memories than it was back home, and Sirius was a big part of that.

Eventually, James thoughts wandered off to Lily. He knew that she loved the snow and that Christmas was one of her favorite holidays. What was she doing today?

Lily

Lily loved Christmas. She loved how the the teachers, even Mc Gonagall, seemed to lighten up and decided to give them less homework than usual. She loved the decorations in the Great Hall, the huge Christmas trees Hagrid always carried into the school and how beautiful the grounds looked when covered in white.

Just as much, she loved the sight of her own house at this time of the year. There was so much snow it was hard to get to the front door and in every window, all around the block, there were lights and candles. Inside, Lily and her mother had used plenty of decorations and all they missed now was the Christmas tree. And the food and sweets, of course.

This was the main reason why Lily was up so early on Christmas Eve. While her dad was out, hopefully buying the most perfect looking Christmas tree he could find, she was helping her mum prepare all the food. Petunia was still asleep. As it was, she'd been quite... civil to Lily ever since she got back from school a few days earlier. Maybe she had finally decided to grow up and stop being a baby about the fact that they were so different.

As if her mother could hear her daughter's thoughts she suddenly pointed out:

"You and Petunia seem to be getting along better than usual"

Lily snorted slightly.

"I don't know if you could call it 'getting along'. At least she doesn't look like she's going to murder me every time I walk into the room"

Her mother remained silent. This was odd, for she usually took Lily's side in this kind of arguments. Therefore, her next words were quite surprising:

"You shouldn't be so hard on her, Lily"

Lily stared at her mother in disbelief and even put the knife she'd used to slice the carrots down.

"I am being hard on her?" she finally managed to choke out. "How can you say that? I am the one who never wanted us to fight in the first place, remember?"

For a moment, she was lost in her own thoughts and remembered what it had been like at King's Cross when she was leaving for her very first year at Hogwarts. She'd been crying, begging her sister again and again not to be mad at her. But Petunia had refused to listen and had kept calling her a "freak" ever since...

"Yes, I do rememeber that" Lily's mother said calmly, interrupting her thoughts. "But try to look at it from Petunia's point of view. You're the one who left and she had no idea, really, where you went. She was left behind and all of a sudden she couldn't just rely on her sister to be there whenever she might need her. She was very alone, you know. Not to mention confused"

There was a long silence. Lily couldn't remember that her mother had ever said something like this before, at least not to her... It didn't take long before she started to feel guilty. Her mother was right. Petunia was left behind and Lily had never even considered that her older sister might have been truly hurt when she left for Hogwarts. How would she react, if the situation was reversed?

"I... I didn't think of it that way" she finally said, swallowing.

Her mother sighed and then gave her daughter a hug.

"I know you didn't, sweetheart. And of course it's not your fault that you had to go! Hogwarts is your home now and..."

"But this is my home too!"

"Of course it is! All I'm saying is that you're a natural part of that world and it makes your father and I so proud!"

At these words, Lily got tears in her eyes and she wasn't even sure why. Perhaps she was more emotional than usual this morning, just because Christmas was approaching...

"Thank you" she just said, giving her mother a weak smile.

Her mother laughed slightly, hugging her daughter once more.

"Now now, no sad faces on Christmas, Lily!"

She walked over to the stereo to put on some music and a few seconds later, "Fairytale of New York" was playing in the kitchen. It was one of Lily's favorite Christmas songs and she suddenly felt a lot happier. The snow was falling just outside the window and maybe, just maybe, this would become one of the best Christmases ever...

"How would you like to spend some time alone with Petunia today?"

Lily's mother sounded cheerful and she was now back to chopping some vegetables over by the sink. The smile vanished from Lily's face and it took a few seconds before she regained her ability to speak. Truth to be told, she was shocked.

"Uhm... I don't know if that's such a good idea" she finally mumbled. "Besides, I don't think she would like it"

"Oh come on, you are not twelve anymore!" Her mother rolled her eyes slightly. "I expect you both to be able to behave. Besides, there are some things that your father and I need to take care of..."

Lily recognized that secretive look on her mother's face all too well by now. It was there every Christmas and it always had something to do with the gifts their parents would buy Lily and Petunia. Lily tried to hide her amusement, even though this was one of the main reasons why she loved Christmas. She was still like a child in that way...

"Well..." she finally said. "What did you have in mind?"

Her mother opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted right as Petunia came down the stairs.

"Will you turn off that noise?" she snapped, nodding towards the stereo. "I'm trying to sleep!"

Her mother wasted no time to get straight to the point:

"Petunia, what would you say about spending some time alone with Lily today?"

Petunia looked like she'd just swallowed a lemon and stared at her mother as if she'd lost her mind.

"What? Why?"

"Your father and I need to fix some things for tomorrow..."

Just like Lily, Petunia seemed to realize that this had something to do with Christmas gifts but she did not seem as excited as Lily had felt. Maybe because she was two years older...

"And you're going to need the entire house for these... things?"

Her mother hesitated for a second and then, casting a quick glance at Lily, she said:

"Well... Yes"

Lily was starting to get annoyed with her sister. Was it really such a big deal? Couldn't they stand a few hours in each other's company without starting a fight? She was naive to think that Petunia had actually grown up this year...

"All right then, fine!" Petunia said and Lily could hardly believe her ears. "As long as it has nothing to do with... her kind"

She looked like she was going to be sick and Lily wasn't late to retort:

"Oh, don't worry. My kind doesn't want anything to do with you, either"

"Come on girls, it's Christmas Eve!" their mother exclaimed. "Can't you two at least try to get along?"

The two sisters kept glaring at each other but stopped the argument, for their mother's sake. She continued:

"There's a small village located about half an hour from here. You can take the car if you wish"

Lily didn't miss the pleased look on Petunia's face. She had gotten her driver's license only weeks earlier and it was obvious that she really enjoyed being able to do something that Lily couldn't. Driving a car, for instance.

"What do they have there?" Lily asked and her mother replied:

"Some shops and cafes where you can grab something to eat. I believe there will be a Christmas choir there, too! All I'm asking for is a few hours, then you can come back here if you want to"

There was a short silence during which their mother let her proposal sink in. Lily and Petunia looked at each other. It couldn't be that bad... Surprisingly enough, Petunia was the first one to speak up:

"Fine"

Lily knew there was no turning back now. If Petunia had agreed, that meant she had to, too. And after all, wasn't everything possible on Christmas?

"Okay" she finally said. "I just have to get ready"

James

As soon as James opened his eyes again he heard his aunt's voice:

"It is so nice that you can finally apparate. Saves us so much time"

But James did not reply. He only needed a moment to take in his new surroundings to realize where they were going. He hadn't been here as often as he should have. In fact, he had only been here once since the funeral... They walked through the small muggle village in silence, both obviously lost in their own thoughts. It was all just as beautiful as James remembered it. The houses, shops and cafes... Now all covered in white, thick snow. Almost like a Christmas card. It was still early and there was not a single person in sight.

They stopped just outside the graveyard's entrance and James' aunt put her hand on his arm.

"I know you have not been here in a while and I was thinking that maybe it would be a bit easier to get through tomorrow if you came here today. But of course, it's your choice"

James looked around, only so he would not have to meet her gaze. There were tombs everywhere, in all shapes and sizes. Some of them were covered in flowers or had candles standing to next to them, but most seemed... abandoned. Like the people buried under them were just forgotten, like no one even remembered that they had once been very much alive...

Knowing that his aunt waited for something, anything, he just said:

"It's okay. I'm okay"

Was that the truth? He didn't know yet. As they opened the iron gate and walked into the graveyard the feelings of guilt poured over him again. Why didn't he come here more often? Why was he so afraid of what it would do to him? Did he not care enough, did he not remember everything they had done for him when they were still alive? What if their tomb would be like many others around here, abandoned and forgotten?

Strangely enough, he still knew his way around and his heart started to pound faster when he knew, and could almost feel, that they were getting close.

Once he and his aunt reached the tomb they were looking for he was left standing in front of it, having no idea what to say or do. After all this time, it was still hard to accept that they were lying in the cold, hard ground... Buried. Dead. Gone.

His thoughts were interrupted as his aunt took our her wand and conjured some flowers and a candle with the help of it. Now, it was easier to make out the words on the tomb. Their names and the date when everything had changed... James closed his eyes. Just like during the quidditch game against Slytherin, he couldn't control it. The memories, all of different kinds, replaced it each other and played like a short movie in his head.

His dad taught him how to ride a broomstick. The whole family celebrated his mother's birthday in France. They teased him about Lily during dinner. They started exchanging worried looks because they realized that they were in danger. The screams. The killings...

"Do you want to be alone?

He'd almost forgotten that his aunt was still there, standing right next to him. He ignored her question by posing one himself, one he'd been wanting to ask for so long:

"Why wouldn't they let me help?"

It took a while before his aunt said anything.

"James..." she started but he interrupted her, hating how his voice trembled badly:

"No, why didn't they tell me what was going on? After all, it might have been the same people that attacked me in Hogsmeade..."

He drifted off, realizing that he had not talked to his aunt about this. Still, she did not seem shocked by his words and Mc Gonagall had probably written to her about it...

"I could have helped" He swallowed again and again as he read the names on the tomb in front of him.

"James, you must not feel guilty" his aunt said quietly. "They wouldn't have wanted that. They didn't share their problems with you because they thought you were too young..."

"I was 17, I was out of age!"

To James' great annoyance and surprise, his aunt smiled weakly.

"That does not mean that you're able to handle and deal with everything as an adult would have, James" she said. "You'll see that for yourself, one day"

There was another silence. James did not feel like pressing the matter further, not here. He suddenly remembered when his family had come here to visit his grandmother's grave. Of course, it had been quite sad but afterwards they had gone home, all three, and made hot chocolate. Now he had to go home without them. He was alone.

"I miss them"

He couldn't bring himself to look at his aunt's face. After all, he was still James Potter and James Potter had never been good at talking about his feelings. In fact, these past couple of months had made him realize that it was probably his biggest weakness.

"So do I" His aunt smiled slightly. "Every single day, I run into something or someone that reminds me of your mother. I mean, just look at you!"

James furrowed slightly.

"Everybody always said I look like my dad"

His aunt nodded slightly.

"You do, but I would say you're more like your mother when it comes to your ways. The way you speak, the way you act... You're both smart, funny, talented..."

James did not feel like any of those things anymore, they were all parts of the old James Potter. The one that would never come back and the one that he, sometimes, missed quite terribly. Still, it was nice and comforting to hear his aunt say those things.

"I'll let you be alone for a while, okay? I'll wait by the entrance"

He could only bring himself to nod and watched from the corner of his eye how his aunt disappeared out of sight. Then, James kneeled in front of the tomb. Since he wasn't here that often he didn't know what to do or say. Should he talk to them? And if so, about what? He soon found that he was not able to, not a single word escaped his lips. Instead, he just sat there and he had no idea for how long. It was probably quite cold outside, but he did not even notice.

It was actually nice, not to mention comforting, to just sit there. Doing nothing, doing nothing at all... Just remembering.

Lily

Lily and Petunia were sitting opposite each other, by a table at a small cafe located in the village their mother had suggested they'd visit. Lily had to admit that the previous couple of hours could have been a lot worse. They had been in some of the small shops and even listened to the choir their mother had told them about. None of them had said much and of course, they had not actually talked to each other about any of the things they really needed to discuss. But at least there had not been any fights. Yet...

It was really cold outside and they had both felt like they needed something hot to drink. Lily took a small sip from her hot chocolate and wondered whether she ought to say something. Somehow, it was not as easy to just sit quiet when they had to face each other like this. She opened her mouth, ready to ask her sister if her cappucino tasted any good, when Petunia reached her to it:

"Well, this is nice" Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. "I can't believe that mum would actually make us do this. As if I care that much about not catching a glimpse of my gifts before tomorrow. It's pathetic, really"

Lily barely wanted to admit it to herself but her sister's words hurt. Somewhere deep inside, she had hoped that they would be able to sort things out this year. Last summer Petunia had told her that she was jealous of her younger sister and Lily had thought that, by being more appreciative, she could fix their relationship. But Petunia already seemed to have made up her mind and it was obvious that she'd rather be anywhere but here.

Lily pressed her lips together, thinking that she would at least show Petunia that things had changed. Now, she was not that sad little girl anymore. In fact, she was almost grown up and she could be angry, too. If Petunia thought that she could say whatever she liked without making Lily truly upset, then she was deadly wrong. Enough was enough.

"Well maybe if you actually tried a bit harder we would have a nice time" she said shortly and Petunia snorted.

"You sound just like mum"

"Yeah because unlike you, I actually listen to her!" Lily snarled, silently wondering from where she'd grabbed the courage to say any of this. "She gave me quite a lot to think about this morning when she told me that the real reason why you're so angry all the time, is that you feel betrayed by me!"

Petunia's eyes widened in surprise. It was difficult to tell whether it was because Lily had hit a weak spot or because she thought her sister's words were all nonsense.

"You don't know anything" she finally said. "Why would I feel betrayed by you? I don't care about you or your... sort! You're all freaks and I don't want people to think that I'm like you, that I'm odd..."

"You've never even give me a chance to explain anything about my sort!" Lily had raised her voice now but luckily, the cafe was almost empty. "You have no idea what my life is like and the worst part is that you don't even care! You're so selfish, Petunia! It's all about you, all the time! Unless one counts Vernon, of course..."

Petunia stood up so suddenly her chair almost fell over. Lily could see from the corner of her eye how an old couple seated nearby looked their way. Petunia's face was all pink and it had been years since Lily had seen her look this furious. Her hands were trembling by her sides and when she spoke, her words came out as a mere hiss:

"I won't sit here and listen to this. You can walk home"

Then, she stormed out of the cafe without another word. The slam of the door was all it took for Lily to break. She took a quick glance at her sister's abandoned, half finished cup of coffee. Why did it have to be so hard? She buried her face in her hands and decided that she'd keep the little pride she had left by not showing anyone that the argument had actually brought her to tears.

James

Some time later, James left the graveyard and merely nodded his thanks to his aunt when he met up with her by the entrance. He could not find the right words to describe what this meant and yet he was sure that she already knew. She understood.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked.

When James nodded she added:

"If it's fine by you, I would like to take a quick look into some of the shops..."

But she was interrupted by a really enthusiastic scream, coming from somewhere behind them:

"Merlin's beard! It's been a while, hasn't it?"

James jumped at the sound of the voice and as he and his aunt both turned around they watched as a short, white haired and fat wizard wearing a red cloak that seemed to be made out of velvet, hurried towards them.

"Oh no..." James' aunt muttered under her breath and before he had time to ask what she meant, she gave the wizard a rather forced smile and said:

"Mr Jones! What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I am singing in the choir standing over there, you see!"

Mr Jones nodded towards a group of muggles standing by the end of the street, singing some Christmas carol that James did not recognize. The village really did seem to have come to life whilst he was at the graveyard...

"Really?" James' aunt replied, apparently trying her best to look interested. "How nice! This is my nephew James! And James, this is my old professor in Herbology, Mr Jones"

"Please call me Adam" Mr Jones said and shook James' hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you James! I'm telling you, your aunt was one of my best students back in the days..."

It didn't take long before James realized why his aunt had seemed so bothered to run into this man in the first place; he just wouldn't stop talking no matter how much you tried to make him. Perhaps he was a very lonely man who just needed company, but after a while James simply stopped listening. He tried to make time go faster by taking a look around, wondering what was inside all those shops and cafes...

"James, why don't you go to that cafe and buy us something to eat?"

Judging from the look on his aunt's face she knew just how bored he was and no matter how much James wanted to save her from Mr Jones, he could not bring himself to oppose. Right now, paying a visit to a muggle cafe seemed like a great idea. At least compared to standing here, listening to Mr Jones going on and on about something he read in The Daily Prophet the other day...

After having said goodbye to his aunt and Mr Jones James made his way across the street. The cafe he was heading for looked quite cozy from outside, with Christmas decorations and many lights inside. It didn't seem very crowded, either, and he liked the thought of that. He opened the door, wondering how he would be able to pay with the muggle money without seeming completely lost when...

"Evans?"

Lily

Lily quickly wiped the tears off her face, not even bothering to try and hide her surprise.

"Potter?" she asked, voice full of disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

But James barely seemed to have heard her question, for he did not reply. Instead, without hesitation, he sat down opposite her and judging from the look on his face he was really upset to find her like this. She would not get away without telling him what had happened...

"You've been crying" he stated and once again Lily used her sleeve to remove the last traces of tears from her eyes.

"It's nothing, really" she lied, voice thick. "I'm fine"

"That's not nothing, Lils" He shook his head slowly. "That's bad"

He'd used the nickname that her dad and some of her friends used, but Lily didn't mind. In fact, she found herself almost liking it. It felt... safe, somehow. Comforting. Then, thinking that she might actually feel better if she got it all out, she told him everything that had happened between her and Petunia earlier. When she was done there was a short silence before James finally asked:

"She left with the car?"

"I'm not sure, but I think so" Lily said quietly. "Anyway, I can't handle seeing her right now... It's always been like this, you know? We used to be best friends when we were little and now it's just... Now it's all ruined"

It was one thing that she told James about their last fight, but he did not even have to ask before she also started telling him about her and Petunia's relationship in general. She wasn't sure why; she barely even discussed it with Alice or any of her other closest friends. It had always just seemed... personal. Until now. For it was nice talking to James. He didn't interrupt her and she actually felt like he got it. Last time they'd talked like this was in Hogsmeade and back then she was the one who'd been trying to make him laugh. Now, he was the one who made her calm down and it meant everything.

Eventually, Lily's hot chocolate had gone cold and she realized that she must have been talking for quite long. She cleared her throat and nodded towards the counter behind them.

"Don't you want anything?"

James, who had been so into her story, barely seemed to realize what she was talking about at first. Then, he nodded slowly.

"Yeah... Yeah I guess"

He ordered some hot chocolate, too, and Lily couldn't help laughing when he examined the muggle money in silence. Clearly, he had no idea what to do with them.

"Here..." she said, gently taking one of the bills from his hand. "That's a five... There you go, there's your change"

As she handed him the coins she found that he was actually staring at her, but not in a way she'd ever seen before. This was new and for some silly reason it made her really nervous... She knew she was blushing but still dared to meet his gaze, asking:

"What?"

"Nothing"

James looked away quickly and they both ignored the awkward moment as they returned to their seats. Lily, who did not want to seem weak or selfish by just talking about her own problems, asked:

"So... What is the great James Potter doing in a muggle village on Christmas Eve?"

James

Lily's question wiped the smile off James' face in seconds. Somehow, being here with her had made him forget why he was here in the first place. Now it all came back...

"My parents are buried here"

Her eyes widened slightly and he could tell that that was not what she'd expected.

"Oh... In the graveyard?" she asked and he nodded.

"It's one of the few wizarding graveyards in Britain that is located in a muggle village. Many wizards and witches used to live here, you know"

Lily seemed to hang on to his every word and when he was done, she seemed quite surprised.

"No..." she mumbled. "No, I didn't know that"

"Yeah..."

James knew it sounded as if he was quoting some boring history book but right now, he didn't even care. All he wanted was to change the subject. However, Lily spoke up first:

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snoop. I know I can be a bit forward sometimes..."

"It's fine"

Lily fell silent at his words but he could tell from the look in her eyes that she was not ready to drop the subject just yet. There was something she wanted to know and what Lily Evans wanted, she usually got in one way or another.

"Do you come here often?"

At her words James started to feel guilty again. He was sick of the feeling and it seemed to be haunting him every other minute these days... He saw no point of lying.

"No... And I don't know why 'cause I really should have"

Lily shrugged slightly.

"Well, how could you? We've had tons of homework and assignments in school and on top of that Mc Gonagall would never let you out of her sight" she stated.

She said it like it was obvious to anyone, like James had no reason whatsoever to feel guilty. At her words, he found himself feeling just a little bit better because he knew that she was right. School had been taking up all of his time and since this was his seventh year it was only natural that it was his biggest priority. Well, at least it should be.

"You know..." Lily started, interrupting his thoughts. "If you ever want to talk, about anything, I'm here"

Once again, she seemed so sure. James stared at her blankly, all sorts of questions and thoughts running through his mind. First, why would she, Lily Evans who had always gotten furious with him for all sorts of reasons, offer him that? And second...

"You're sort of the first person who's ever given me the opportunity to choose" he finally said. "Everybody else just takes for granted that I'll speak to them and that makes me even less willing to"

Lily nodded slowly.

"That makes sense"

They both remained silent for a short while. Then, without really knowing how it happened, James started telling her things he'd never told anyone before. He started by making a comparison he hoped that Lily could relate to, even though her grades had always been outstanding...

"You know when you have a test in school, some questions are always easy and some are a lot trickier? You get through some of the really easy questions and you think you'll pass without problem. But then you come across one that you really can't answer, no matter what you do or how much you try to just think"

Lily nodded again, smiling slightly.

"I hate those tricky questions"

James nodded back, feeling like it was quite easy now that he'd actually gotten started. He soon continued:

"That's what it's like. Before, all days were bad and then I always knew what to expect. But now, there are days when I actually feel fine and I never know for how long it's going to last before it's starting to get bad again. It's like I always have to live in fear of waking up one day, realizing that I'm back right where I started. It's happened so many times already"

Lily heard him out before she said, voice low and yet confident sounding:

"I think the bad days will always be there. But maybe, eventually, they won't come as often and maybe you'll get better at handling them. There is no cheating, no safer and quicker way out. That's just the way it is when life decides to treat us badly"

James sighed tiredly.

"I just want them gone now, it would be a lot easier to focus. I wouldn't drive Mc Gonagall mad, for instance"

Lily smiled, taking a sip from her second cup of hot chocolate. In here, amongst all the lights and candles, her hair really did look bright red. Like fire. James had always thought it was beautiful and now, more than ever before.

"You'll have to let it take its time" Lily said. "And let's face it: anyone who expects you to be fine right away is an idiot"

James really appreciated her honesty, it made every word seem true. When the next words left his mouth, he knew he'd put more trust in her than anyone else. It was one of his biggest secrets:

"And still I'm just... I'm so afraid to forget"

Telling her this was the right thing to do, even though he had no idea why. That's just the way it was and there was nothing he could do about it.

"You won't" Lily said, shaking her head fiercly. "You won't forget something that will always mean that much to you. I promise"

He was really surprised to find that she put her hand over his.

"You won't be sad forever, James"

Why was it that when she said it, there was a small part of him that actually believed it? He swallowed again and again before he managed to look right into her eyes. They really were green.

Lily

"You must be Lily! I've heard so much about you!"

Lily could feel her face getting as red as her hair when James' aunt gave both her and her nephew a certain look she didn't know what to make of. Had she become an expert at blushing today? James said:

"Uhm... Lily's sister has left with their car"

"Oh dear" James' aunt said, furrowing slightly. "But you know how to apparate, don't you?"

"Oh yes, that will be no problem"

They all fell silent. Then, James cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"So... He left then? Mr Jones?"

Lily had no idea who this Mr Jones was but watched as James' aunt nodded.

"Said he had promised his wife to buy a Christmas tree or something. But you two might want to take a walk while I look in some shops?"

She looked particularly at James who didn't seem to know what to say. Before he had time to, however, his aunt had taken off and he and Lily were left standing next to each other on the crowded street. After a really long pause Lily found herself asking:

"So... Should we walk?"

James nodded.

"Sure"

Lily really had to give her mother credit for suggesting that her daughters would go here today. The village was one of the most beautiful ones Lily had ever visited and it was nice to see so many people outside, even though it was Christmas Eve. Most of them seemed to know each other and talked and laughed together. She wanted to be part of something like that some day.

"It's beautiful here" she breathed.

"I know" James said.

After a while Lily asked:

"So... Will Sirius come and visit you during the holidays?"

"Yeah. He's staying with Remus now but they're going to visit some relatives in January"

"It must be hard" Lily said quietly, realizing that this was probably the first time she had ever cared for Sirius Black's feelings. "You know, feeling like you have no real place to call 'home'. Always move around, never stay... To feel unwelcome by your own family"

James nodded slowly.

"He pretends like he's fine though, says that he doesn't care about his family. But I can tell that he does, he just doesn't want to seem weak"

As they walked through the village it went on like this. They talked about Alice and Frank and discussed whether they would get married some time in the future. James expressed his hatred towards professor Binns' lessons ("Come on, not even you can think that rubbish is interesting!") and Lily told him of Slughorn's pathetic dinners for his "special students". They laughed, and not just once but so many times that Lily lost count.

"I never thanked you" James suddenly said and Lily looked up at him, surprised.

"For what?"

"For telling Mc Gonagall that I'd done a good job at the last prefect meeting" He seemed slightly uncomfortable to say something like this about himself. "I don't know why you did it but..."

"Because it was true" Lily said firmly.

Before she knew it they were back outside the graveyard, which meant they'd reached the center of the village. When she looked at her watch she realized they'd been out walking for over an hour. What would her parents say when she got home?

"This was nice"

Lily smiled at his words.

"Yeah" she said, really meaning it. "Will you be okay?"

"Sure. I'll just go and find my aunt and we'll probably apparate home together"

"Right"

None of them said anything. Out of nowhere, Lily suddenly realized how close they were standing. She could feel his warm breath on her face and as she looked up into his eyes she silently wondered why it always so impossible to tell what he was thinking.

"Goodbye James" she said quietly, without taking her eyes off him.

None of them moved.

"Goodbye Lily"

Why was nobody moving? And why couldn't she?!

Suddenly, there was a loud sound as someone obviously dropped something heavy on the street right behind them. The tension broke. James suddenly avoided her gaze and they both took a step back.

"Uhm... I'll see you" he just said, his voice sounding a bit more strangled than usual.

"Yeah..." she replied, silently hoping she sounded more nonchalant than she felt. "Yeah you will"

She took another step back and turned around to leave. As she walked across the street she could feel her heart pounding so fast and so loud the sound was in her ears. She'd forgotten all about her fight with Petunia. And if she wasn't mistaken, which she usually wasn't, she'd just been really close to kissing James Potter.

Author's note: So there it is! Please leave a review and tell me what you think and I promise that, in return, I'll try to update quicker next time! :)