Hey guys! I know it took a really long time for me to post this and I am oh so sorry, but it's worth the wait, I promise! I'm gonna be really busy the next couple weeks, but during the last two weeks of December I should have a lot of free time. I'm gonna try to post again before then, but if not, I will definitely post a lot during those two weeks and I'm gonna be writing a lot. Anyway, I hope you guys like the chapter. Be sure to review! Reviews are like sweet tea on a hot summer day! 4
Xox tris4eaton xoX
Tobias
I run my fingers over the engraved letters slowly. The giant plaque-like memorial stands before me, right in the middle of the Abnegation ruins. The plaque, more of a statue really, looks like it was donated straight from Candor: dark black marble with white lines running through it. But the engraving is painted grey, and there are flames around the title at the top: "In Remembrance of the Fallen." It's the perfect combination of Abnegation and Dauntless. I can feel tears threatening to spill as I read the names of people that I used to see everyday.
From the corner of my eye, I can see Tris staring at the monument, or at me - I can't really tell which. She then looks over at Cara who is planted in front of Will's name. Christina joins her and Tris looks away. The monument is double sided: one side lists all of the Abnegation that were lost and the other side lists those that were lost from all the other factions; the list of Abnegation is so long that it engulfs its own side plus one third of the other side. Tris begins to walk towards the monument and then disappears on the other side - the Abnegation side.
I follow her slowly, not wanting her to notice me. She stands in front of where her parents' names are engraved, a spot that I had visited just moments ago. Her fingers shake as they trace every letter. Tears fall freely down her cheeks and then she collapses on the ground. Sobs rack through her body and she presses her face to the concrete beneath her. Everyone around her has stopped what they were doing and are now staring at her, looks of pity plastered on their faces. Tanner is approaching her from a few yards away. I move quickly now, reaching her in only a few steps and pulling her from the ground. She collapses again and pulls me down with her. I pull her into my lap and she latches onto the collar of my shirt as she buries her face in my chest. I cradle her head in my hands and kiss the top of her hair.
I quickly glance around us: Tanner and Nita are both staring at us with contempt. I hide the smirk that is beginning to spread across my face in Tris's hair. Her tears are soaking my shirt and she begins to hyperventilate. I pull her away from me slightly and frame her face with my hands.
"Deep breaths," I tell her. "Slow, deep breaths."
There are streaks of black all down her cheeks and the rest of her makeup is now virtually nonexistent. She nods her head at me slowly and I see her visibly begin to calm herself.
"I.." she starts once she's reached her senses again.
"It's okay," I tell her as I look deep into her eyes.
"Tobias," she whispers, her lower lip trembling.
She places one hand on my shoulder, her other running down the side of my face. Her thumb grazes over my lips and she closes her eyes. She breathes heavily before she opens them again, and then her lips are on mine. Time stops as her arms wrap around my neck. Time stops as her teeth graze my lower lip. And then as quickly as it began, she pulled away and it ended.
She stares straight into my eyes, a look of sorrow mixed with remorse flashing through her eyes. She stares for another moment before she quickly scrambled to her feet. She brushed herself off and then she took off running. I should know better, but I take off after her anyway. Tanner takes off right behind me. She disappears sooner than I expected, but I know exactly where she's going. I stray from the path so Tanner can't follow me, and make my way back to Dauntless. She either thinks I won't look there because it's so obvious, or she wants me to find ber, but either way I hear her crying as I walk to our hidden spot by the chasm.
Her back is facing me, but I can tell that her knees are pulled to her chest by the way she's slightly rocking back and forth. Her hair is splayed across her back, her shoes thrown off to the side - I imagine she took them off as soon as she knew she was out of sight. She never was very graceful in that regard. I approach her slowly, trying not to make a sound. But just like I always know when she's around, she knows I'm here.
"You shouldn't be here," she says, her voice strained.
"Why not?" I shrug even though she can't see me.
"You should be at the memorial," she nods her head, "it's for you, too."
"Well, then I could argue that you should be there, too," I say as I sit down beside her.
I reach out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, but she jerks away.
"Tobias," she huffs and swats may my hand.
"Tris," I reply, the strain in my voice suprising myself.
"Look," she looks at me for the first time, "I'm fine now. It hit me harder than I thought it would, but I'm okay now. I shouldn't have kissed you."
Her words cut through me the way they did when she'd said that I tried to hit her. I can feel my throat closing and my once racing pulse has faded to a very faint throb in my ears.
"I should find Caleb," she says as she stands up. "You should probably find Nita. I'm sure she's pissed."
She starts to walk away and at first I'm frozen. I can't move or think or breathe. I'm just stuck. But then something snaps.
"No!" I yell, jumping up and reaching her in one step. "We are going to talk about this," I can feel my gritted teeth as I grab her shoulders.
"There's nothing to talk about, Tobias, I'm fine." She tries to pull away.
"No," I tighten my grasp enough to keep her still, but not enough to hurt her. "We're gonna talk about us."
"There's nothing to talk about there, either," she rolls her eys. "You cheated."
"No, I did not," I protest. "You haven't even let me explain what happened that night, Tris."
"What's there to explain? I came home and you were in bed with her, no explanation is needed for that."
"I don't even remember how I got there," I yell.
"Oh, so you were drunk? After you said you wouldn't drink anymore? That's some great explanation there," she hisses.
"I wasn't drunk," I let go of her. "They did something to me."
"What are you talking about?" She rolls her eyes again as she puts her hands on her hips.
"My mother and Nita," I mumble. "I met with them that day. They wanted to talk to me about something, so I met with them in my mom's old office. We had lunch, or dinner, I don't even remember, as they talked to me about their plan. As I was sitting there, something started feeling really wrong..."
"What, like how you met with your mother and Nita and weren't gonna tell me about it?"
"No," I cut my eye at her, "more like how they drugged me. I knew what was happening but there wasn't anything I could do. And then it all went black. When I woke up, I heard your voice. I felt someone beside me and I thought it was you, but then I looked to the doorway and you were over there. And then I looked beside me..." My voice gets lost.
For the first time in a while, tears are falling down my cheeks. It looks like her eyes are watering too, but I can't tell if it's just because of all the water in mine.
"I don't know what happened," I finally find my voice again. "I don't remember. But I can promise you...I swear, I didn't want her there. I didn't want any of what might have happened to happen. I don't even know how they got me back home."
"So, what," she scoffs, "they drugged you?"
"Yes," my voice cracks.
"I'm not stupid Tobias," she crosses her arms. "I know that something was going on before I came back."
"Nothing was going on," I protest. "She's crazy, Tris! Have you not seen that she dyed her hair to look like yours? She's trying to be more like you because she is trying to get me to participate in this stupid plot that she's been scheming up with my mother. She doesn't really care about trying to get with me, she just wants to use me."
I can see the wheels turning inside her mind. I know that she noticed Nita's hair. Tris is very observant and she certainly isn't stupid.
"What about the tattoo?" She asks.
"What tattoo?"
"The one that Nita has. The 4."
"Alright, listen," I sigh. "I know that we have a lot to talk about, Tris. But please just come home so we can talk about it in private."
"What, you think people can hear us?" Her eyes widen.
"No," I shake my head. "Not currently. But we might not be the only ones that know about this place, especially with how many people now have access to Dauntless. I'd rather the entire city not know our business."
"No." She raised an eyebrow.
"No?" I ask, unsure of what she's declining.
"I won't go to the place that you call home," she pauses for what seems like an eternity. "But you can come to the place that I've been calling home."
And just like that she walks away from me and towards her apartment. I run a couple feet to catch up and then I walk beside her silently. As we walk, our hands keep brushing against each other and all I want to do is take her tiny little hand in mine. But I don't. After a few minutes, we're standing outside her front door. She slowly unlocks it and then holds it open and let's me inside, closing and locking it behind me.