Chapter 6: Reason
B POV
Edward and I got a pretty good plan going for a project. He somehow managed to compare a cell to a football team. Some analogy about how a cell works in precision and with co-operation of different parts, just like a good team does. Each position has a certain job or task but they all work together for the betterment of one. It sounded original and unique to me so I agreed. We both divided the work evenly. I have to create the diagram while he has to write up the cell functions and how they compare to the workings of a football team.
I slid my binder into my backpack and stood up. Edward finished packing his stuff up. "Thanks Bella," he said. "Sorry about making you witness the way I scarfed down that food. Usually i get hungry after practice, but for some reason today I was famished." He wasn't lying, the guy had downed three cheesburgers, a tub of fries and two cokes within about ten minutes.
"Haha, don't worry about it. If you think you're bad you should see Charlie eat. He's like the human vaccuum."
"I bet, being the Chief of Police probably doesn't allow for much of a lunch break," he chuckles.
"I think it's more of an old habit from the Army." I state.
"Oh that would do the trick too."
"Well, thanks Edward." I say as I turn to walk away.
"Wait up a sec Bella. Sheesh what is it with you and trying to walk away from me?"
I stop and turn back to him. Of course I'm trying to walk away from him, I don't know how to feel around him and it scares me.
"Can I have your number? You know, in case I need help with anything. You saw how terribly I did earlier."
"Uh, yeah sure." I shrug.
"Cool," he pulls out his phone, which I'm surprised to see is just a small flip phone, nothing too expensive or flashy. "Ok, I'm ready." I recite my home number to him and he programs it in.
"That it?" I ask.
"Do you want mine? In case you have any questions or concerns about the diagram?" He asks with just an edge of hope to his voice.
"Oh, sure." I nod. I pull out my Blackberry Pearl and program his name as Bio Partner.
He must have been looking over the screen to see that I got the right number because the next thing he asks is, "Is that all I am to you? A bio partner?" He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.
"I don't know." I shrug, "Isn't that all I am to you?"
"Why would you think that?" he asks taking a step closer to me.
"That's what I am to most other guys." I put my head down and bite my lip.
"Well, I'm not most other guys," he teases.
I feel his hand caress my cheek as he pushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I look up and am caught in the gaze of his shockingly green eyes. There is so much depth to them, I get lost for a moment, then snap out of it as I replay the words he just said.
"I gotta go," I turn away and walk back to my truck.
"I'll call you Isabella," he shouts as I rip the door of my truck open and throw my bag hard enough to rattle the passenger door.
"Yeah right," I whisper to myself as I slam the door and flip the ignition. The car roars to life as tears of anger sting my eyes.
Fifteen minutes later I pull into the driveway. The tears have now begun to flood down my cheeks, leaving icy trails in their wake. I cut the engine and immediately wrap my arms around my chest and let my head hit the steering wheel.
The touch of his hand caressing my cheek, the words that he whispered to me echo in my head. The same words that when uttered months earlier had given me such joy and hope. All they leave me with now is the feeling of emptiness and loss. I hate those words, but most of all I hate the voice that tainted those words for me.
I'm not most other guys.
I punched my hand into the seat. I know Edward said those words not knowing what they meant to me. How could he have known that those words were uttered to me before? How could he know I fell for them before? How could he know that those words were the reason I had moved to Forks?
Those words forced me to leave everything I knew and loved in Phoenix. I was too cowardly to face them. Too cowardly to face him, those blue eyes that had deceived and beguiled me.
Drake Higgins was his name. He was the cutest, richest, coolest guy in school. He was a year older than me. All the girls flirted with him. All the guys were friends with him, and he chose me. He picked me to be his partner for a history project. I was the youngest one in the class, but I had one of the best grades.
"That's not why I picked you," he said, "I'm not most other guys Bell. I've liked you for a while. You're smart true, but you are also intriguing and pretty." These words made me melt, made me swoon. I fell, hard. He complimented me, sent me roses, took me on night drives and made me feel alive.
It wasn't until I tried waving to him in the hallway, or sitting with him at lunch did I notice that something was wrong. He would ignore me or ask me what I thought I was doing sitting there. He would come to my house later with flowers, or a stuffed animal, or even jewelry and tell me how sorry he was. How it was a joke and that it wouldn't happen again.
After one such apology he took me out for a drive. We ended up at the ridge, the place boys took girls to park. He turned on some soft music and pulled me into the back seat.
"I love you. You know that right Bella?" he whispered.
"Yeah," I kissed him, "I love you too."
"Then why won't you let me past second base? We've been dating for a couple months now, I think it's time for us to take things to the next level."
"I don't know," I whisper as he kisses my neck. "I just don't think I'd feel comfortable being with you in that way yet."
"Is this about you having love handles again?" He asks exasperated.
"Maybe. I just don't feel attractive." I shrug and look away.
"Jelly Belly," he croons the nickname he uses for me that I hate, "You know I think you're beautiful. Don't you?"
I shrug. What is holding me back? No other boy has taken any interest in me and said or done anything like Drake has. His sense of humor is terrible, but he always apologizes for hurting my feelings. I feel his hand slide further up my thigh as I contemplate where this is going. He can see that he's winning and takes advantage of that. His lips find mine as he reaches for the top button of my shirt.
"Come on baby, I promise you'll love it."
I nod slightly, giving him the inch he needs to make a mile. Within no time my shirt is off and I'm more naked in front of him then I've been in front of anyone since I was a little kid.
"There," he sighs, "Was that so bad?" I blush as he reaches around my back to unsnap my bra. His lips trail from my ear to my throat to my shoulders. The small piece of material is discarded to the floor of his father's Lexus and he backs off in order to look at my body.
"Wow," it comes out more as a scoff then a compliment. I move to cover my body with my hands and arms. "No. Don't." He grabs my hands and begins pushing me back slowly.
"Wait," I falter. "Drake I-" he covers my lips with his hand and rips his shirt over his head. His tan and muscled chest is illuminated in the glow of the city.
"There," he says, "Now we're even." He pulls a small packet out of his wallet and moves back above me and kisses me too persuasively. His hands are fumbling with my jeans.
Before I know it he's hovering over me, the rest of my clothing forgotten on the floor of the car.
"Ready?" he asks. I nod, not being able to find the one word that I know I have to say before he should go on, but he does anyway. He pushes into me, I grab his shoulders and squeeze my eyes waiting for the pain that I know is coming. It doesn't. It feels...uncomfortable?
"How's that?" he grunts.
Again a silent nod is the only thing he gets. He grinds into me, slowly at first, emitting small grunts with every thrust. Still no pain. Is it the angle or is he just that small? He speeds up his efforts as his grunts get louder. I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing at the ridiculousness. I'm having sex, for the first time, in the back of a Lexus, with a guy who has no idea what he's doing. He's practically jackrabbiting me. I can feel the car moving in response to his wild and uncoordinated act.
Less than two minutes later he lets out a sound that can only be described as a cross between a horse's neigh and a cat's meow and collapses on top of me. His breathing slows and he pulls back from the embrace of my arms. He averts his eyes and I follow him into the sitting position. He pulls his boxers up from around his ankles and retrieves his shorts and shirt.
"I'll um," he coughs to clear his throat, "I'll leave you to dress, just hop back up front when you're done."
With that he pulls his shorts on, opens the door and jumps out. I locate my clothes and dress quickly. I step out and look over to see that he's texting, a smirk is plastered on his face.
"Hop in," he directs me with no amusement in his voice. I slide into the passenger seat and glance over at him. He doesn't look at me. He starts the engine and puts the car in reverse. We drive back to my house in silence. When we arrive he's all of a sudden found his manners and walks me to my door.
"'Night," he bids. I move in for a kiss but he takes a step back. "I'll see you tomorrow Jelly Belly."
I nod and let myself in. He squeals his tires as he speeds away. I hold myself together long enough to give Renee an excuse to go to bed. I close the door to my room, turn around and slide down the door as tears overpower me. I wrap my arms around me as quiet sobs tear through me.
After that night Drake changed. He avoided me as always. I knew better than to sit with him at lunch by this point, but I needed to talk to him about what happened. My opportunity came when he was waiting out front of the school for something. I approached him from behind and tapped him on the shoulder.
He turned and flinched.
"Hey," I greeted him. "How's it going?"
"Fine," he said as he went to turn away from me.
"Drake," I said firmly. "We need to talk." He reluctantly turned around with his head down and a hand over his eyebrow scratching his forehead.
"What is it?" he asked as he mustered enough gumption to look me in the eye.
"What happened the other night?" I asked. "Because I thought things went well. Then you drop me off, bail on me, and then won't speak or look at me." He shakes his head and rolls his eyes just as a green El Camino pulls up behind him.
"DUDE!" Tim Mothman shouts, "Come on! Hotties are waiting!"
Drake looks at him and motions to him for one second. He turns back to me, gives me this stupid smirk and says, "Listen Jelly Belly. I don't think we should see each other anymore. I have a reputation to uphold and you just don't factor into that."
"DUDE!" Tim shouts again. "Is that the chick you won the bet on? Tell her she's owes me twenty bucks." I glare at him. He waves his hand as if trying to waft away a bad smell.
"Don't listen to him-" he starts.
"Is that all I was to you? A bet? A challenge you could take?" A blur of emotions scorch through me. Hurt, Insecurity, Mistrust, Stupidity, Anger. "You spineless dick." I spat.
"Woah!" He puts his hands up, "I'm not the one desperate enough to sleep with the first person who says a few nice things. Admit it, I did you a favor. You will never feel pleasure like that again in your entire life. No guy would dare sleep with you who's not trying to win a bet or on a dare." He rolls his eyes. "You should thank me you fat slut."
I flinch away like his hand is the thing that gave the blow. The lump in my throat magnifies and I choke.
"Oh are you going to cry?" He croons. "Maybe you should tell your boyfriend. Oh wait, you don't have one."
The anger in me intensifies. "You have a tiny dick." I shout. "I don't need to have experience to know that." I slap him across the face and walk expediently away.
School at Midland High School got worse after that. Drake made my life a living hell. He and his buddies stopped ignoring me in the hallways for sure. However instead of talking to me, they just snorted like pigs and pretended to cry. The girls who once never took notice of me would point and snicker to each other. 'Fat Slut' was written across my locker once or twice. I couldn't face it anymore. That's when I called my dad and asked to move in with him. I gave the excuse of Renee and Phil being newlyweds and wanting them to give them time and space to live their life.
I figured Forks was the safer option. A new chance. Someplace where people didn't know me or hate me. I figured boys here wouldn't take notice of me either. I guess I was wrong. Edward seemed to take notice.
I pry my arms apart, grab my backpack and slide out of the seat. I wipe away the last remaining tears and take a deep breath to calm myself as I trudge up the walkway. I enter the house, the smell of lasagna fills my nose. I hang my jacket up and set my bag down.
"Hey hun!" Charlie's voice calls to me from the living room. "Billy's here!"
"Hey Bells!" Billy calls. I walk into the living room to find not two people sitting in there, but three.
"Who's this?" I ask pointing to the teenager stretched out and snoring on the couch.
"Oh, shhh. That's Jacob. Billy's son." Charlie answers. "He's beat from football practice."
"Oh okay," I nod as I head into the kitchen. I hear Charlie excuse himself from the room and follow me.
"How was the date?" he asks curtly. I glare at him, "Oh sorry. How was the meeting?" He corrects.
"Fine, we got a lot done." I shrug. The lasagna has been eaten, all of it. I throw the foil away and start to load the dishwasher.
"That's good," Charlie nods. "Anything else happen?"
Other than me leaving quickly and crying all the way home because of something Edward unknowingly said to upset me? No, I thought.
"Not really," I shake my head.
"Well, you got a call." He gloats.
"Oh." Is all I can respond with, thinking it's Renee.
"Don't you want to know who it is?" He teases.
"I'm sure it's mom just checking to see how the first day went," I said as I began rinsing the lasagna pan off.
"Well, fine. You got two calls. Yes, mom did call. However, so did Edward Cullen."
The pan slips out of my hand and lands in the sink with a clatter. I look up at Charlie. He raises his eyebrows and makes them do a little wiggle dance. He used to do that when I was little to cheer me up. His eyebrows then contort into a face of concern, uh-oh.
"He wanted to know if you got home okay. He thought that maybe you were upset. Is there something you want to talk about?"
"No," I said as I continue rinsing the pan off and place it in the dishwasher.
"No?" he double checks.
"Nope." I repeat.
"Okay then," he exhales as he heads back into the living room but stops just before he turns the corner. He puts his hand on the wall and turns back, "You know you can talk to me Bella. I really do want to know what's going on in your life."
The lump in my throat becomes noticeable again.
"Yeah dad," I cough to clear the lump, "I know. I love you."
"Love you to baby girl." With that I hear him walk back to the living room and collapse into his
La-Z-Boy.
I collect myself as I finish doing the dishes and head back into the living room just as Billy wakes Jacob.
"Hey there Bella," he stretches and grins. "Long time no see. How have you been?" This cannot be the same kid that I used to team up on with his sisters. He was tall, his hair was buzzed and he was tall. How did he even fit on that couch?
"Yeah," I agree, "Last time I saw you we were making mudpies. I heard you're more into pigskin now."
"Yep," he says puffing his chest out, "I'm the Quarterback of the Rez team. Are you going to Friday's game?"
"I don't know. Hadn't really thought about it," I shrug. It's true, my mind had been otherwise occupied.
"Well you definitely should. But hey, it was nice seeing you again. I gotta get my dad home though." He grins as he side steps the coffee table and heads to the door. "See ya around?"
"Yeah," I agree, "I'll think about the game."
"Great! Bye!" And with that he pushes Billy out the door and down the wheelchair ramp Charlie had installed.
"Well, night," I bid Charlie, "See ya in the morning." He tells me goodnight as I climb the stairs. I pull my phone out. I have two messages from Renee.
Called at 6:30. Dad said u were on a date! Deets ASAP!
Hello! Just ur mom here! Call me when you get this.
I hit reply and type a quick message.
Nothing interesting. NOT a date, school project. I'll call you tomorrow. Luv ya.
I grabbed my favorite sweats, changed quickly and turned out the light. My eyes were too heavy to try and read. All that crying wiped me out. I climb into bed and nestle under my down comforter. It's times like these I wish I had a cat.