Shock and Embarrassment

"Here's you and me
And in between
We draw a line
But we can't see
Where it's been
We scratch our heads
And race against
The heart's content"

Brandi Carlile - Heart's Content

"You kissed? You and Evans kissed?"

"No!" James exclaimed, rolling his eyes at the look of shock on his best friend's face. "Of course not! I was probably just imagining but it felt as if we were about to..."

Sirius barked with laughter, throwing himself at the bed James' aunt had made for him earlier that same day, before he said:

"That's probably one of the craziest things I have ever heard! I mean, we are talking about the Lily Evans who declared, in front of the entire school back in fifth year, that she'd rather go out with the Giant Squid than with you, right?"

"There's no need to remind me of that, thank you" James muttered.

He hated thinking about that day. Before, he simply couldn't stand the thought of Lily humiliating him like that in front of everyone, but with time he'd also come to realize that he and his friends were the ones who really deserved what Severus Snape got... James and Sirius had been the worst sort of bullies and Lily had simply stood up for her friend, doing what she knew to be right.

Unlike James himself, she hadn't been a coward.

Sirius interrupted his thoughts:

"Well... I suppose there is something charming about this new, mature version of you"

James snorted.

"That's rubbish..."

"No it's not" Sirius sat up again to meet his friend's gaze and this time, he was obviously not just fooling around. "You've stopped bullying Snape and you've stopped pulling immature, though in my opinion also extremely funny, pranks on younger students and teachers. You've stopped acting as if nothing really bothers you..."

"If you're trying to make me feel good about myself..." James started but Sirius interrupted him, raising his voice slightly:

"You've stopped being one hundred per cent sure that you're the school's greatest quidditch player. Not that you aren't, 'cause you still are, obviously"

Sirius had added the last part while sending James an apologetic look, but the latter couldn't care less. Sure, quidditch was fun and it was a great hobby, but being Hogwarts' quidditch hero simply didn't seem that important anymore. There was more to life than that.

Sirius made a short pause before he finished:

"Of course Evans appreciates all that, it's always been the kind of stuff she lives for, hasn't it? Not to mention that you've actually come to realize that our grades will matter once we graduate. That's something I wish that I would have realized sooner. Considering the fact that my parents disowned me back in fifth year I could really need a decent job to pay for myself..."

"You know you can always borrow..."

"I know" Sirius said, nodding slightly. "But I don't want to. I want to show them that I can manage on my own, that I don't need them and their disgusting pureblood-obsession"

James hardly ever knew what to say whenever this subject was brought up. Usually, Sirius avoided talking about it and truth to be told, James was grateful. He suddenly realized that technically, he was not the only orphan in here. Sirius had lost his parents years ago, just in a different way. And he had no money, no family to turn to...

Suddenly, Sirius laughed again and James could tell that the short, very deep and serious moment was over.

"What's so funny?" he asked, lying down on his own bed next to Sirius'.

It took a while before Sirius had calmed down enough to express his thoughts out loud:

"Lily Potter" he said and James tried to ignore the warm feeling that spread through his body at his friend's words. "I guess I could learn how to live with that"

"Shut up" James muttered, turning off the lights only so Sirius wouldn't see the colour rising on his cheeks. "And good night"

Lily

"You know, your sister is even scarier than the last time I saw her"

Alice nodded towards Lily's bedroom door that Petunia had just slammed shut behind her, after shouting at her sister and her friend to keep their voices down since she was talking to Vernon on the phone. Lily rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.

"Tell me about it..."

She still remembered how rude Petunia had been to Alice last summer when she'd been staying at Spinner's End for a week. Petunia had kept calling Alice "Lily's freak friend" loud enough for everyone to hear and even though Alice promised Lily that she didn't really care, Lily had felt so ashamed she'd never asked Alice to come back after that.

However, Alice had sent her a letter a few days after Christmas, saying that she needed somewhere to stay while her parents were going to Ireland to visit some old friends. Lily hadn't been able to say no and honestly, she was happy to have a friend around. Ever since their fight in the muggle village on Christmas Eve, Petunia had been even nastier than usual. Lily's parents adored Alice and kept asking her all sorts of questions about Hogwarts and the wizarding world.

Besides, Lily really needed to discuss a certain James Potter with her best friend, even though she had no idea how to begin...

They'd almost kissed. She, Lily Evans, had almost kissed James Potter and she had no idea how it happened or how she felt about it. She knew that the mere thought of it scared her to death, though. What if he'd brag about it in front of all his friends and soon the entire school would know? Lily could never live with that...

Potter doesn't do that kind of things anymore, she reminded herself. He's changed.

But what if...?

"You said you got into a fight with her on Christmas Eve..." Alice said, interrupting Lily's thoughts.

They were sitting on the floor in Lily's bedroom, both holding cups of steaming hot tea. Lily took a long sip from hers before she nodded slightly.

"Yeah"

"What was the fight about? Other than Petunia being her usual, charming self, that is"

Lily laughed. It actually felt rather good to be able to joke about her and Petunia's twisted relationship. It made it less painful and easier to stand. She told Alice everything that had happened between her and her sister at the cafe and when she was done, Alice's mouth hung open in shock.

"But why did she just leave you there?! She was the one who started it!"

"I know, mum was furious with her by the time I got home" Lily replied bitterly. "She waited for hours, staring out the window every five minutes. And Petunia kept saying she had no idea where I was..."

"Hang on" Alice interrupted her friend, holding up her hand to silence her. "Hours? What do you mean, hours? Why didn't you just apparate straight home?"

There was a long, in Lily's opinion extremely uncomfortable, silence. She could swear that she looked almost as guilty as she felt. Now that she'd let something slip Alice wouldn't give up until she knew everything. And Lily would have to tell her about that stupid, almost kiss with...

"Lily..." Alice said warningly, staring intently at her friend. "What are you not telling me?"

There was a huge disadvantage about having known your best friend for so long. Alice could tell immediately if Lily was lying and therefore, there was no way she'd get away with this. Of course, that could be a good thing, too. But right now Lily merely felt embarrassed...

"I... I sort of ran into someone" she said quietly, staring down at the floor as if her life depended on it.

Alice stared at her.

"Someone from our world?"

As Lily nodded she asked:

"In a muggle village? Who?"

Lily mumbled something incoherent and Alice furrowed.

"I'm sorry? What was that?"

"I said it was James Potter!" Lily blurted out before she had time to stop herself. "He entered the cafe right after Petunia had left and then we sort of took a walk and as we were about to say goodbye we almost kissed and..."

"WHAT?!"

Alice had screamed so loud Lily was sure Petunia would storm in at any second, yelling some really inappropriate things to make them shut up. What she didn't know was that her sister had already hung up the phone and was now standing just outside the door, eavesdropping and listening to their every word.

Alice looked as if Lily had just told her she was pregnant - or worse. She opened her mouth, then closed it and then opened it again but no words came out. Eventually, Lily just groaned loudly.

"Say something. Anything!"

"I... I hadn't expected that" Alice finally managed to say, voice low. "Could you please just take it from the beginning? What was Potter doing in a muggle village on Christmas Eve, for instance?"

And Lily started telling her about everything that had happened. How James had seen that she was upset, comforted her and then told her that his parents were buried at the cemetary in that village. She left out the part where he'd started opening up to her and expressed some of his feelings, though. She didn't know why she even cared, but it felt personal. She wouldn't want him to tell Sirius about all her problems with Petunia.

Then, she told Alice that she'd seen James' aunt, how they'd taken a walk while she was doing some shopping and how they'd actually had a really nice time. When she reached the part with the goodbye and the almost-kiss her face was so hot she was sure Alice would have been able to fry eggs on it, had she wanted to.

"I... I just don't know what happened" she muttered under her breath, still careful not to look her best friend in the eye. "One second we were just standing there talking and the next, our faces were just so close and... Thank god there was this sound coming from somewhere, so we jumped apart before anything happened"

"Do you wish you had kissed him?"

Alice's question was so blunt, Lily had no idea what to say.

"What do you mean?"

Alice sighed.

"I mean, let's say you hadn't been interrupted by that sound and you'd kissed him. Does the thought bother you?"

"OF COURSE IT DOES!" Now it was Lily's time to raise her voice. "HE'S JAMES BLOODY POTTER FOR GOD'S SAKE! I CAN'T KISS HIM, I CAN'T LIKE HIM..."

"Why not?" Alice asked calmly and the shock and surprise had vanished from her face. "He seems to have let go of the past. Why can't you do that, too?"

Lily's mind was blank. Her best friend's question had left her so confused, lost and shocked that she simply couldn't speak. She had no idea how long they'd both been sitting there in silence when she finally admitted:

"Because I'm scared, Alice. Potter was always a toerag but at least he was a safe card! He was always so predictable, you always knew what he would say or do! Now he's just... not! I have no idea how he'll react to the things I say, what his intentions are when he acts in a certain way..."

"Well, what's wrong with that?" Alice interrupted her, raising her eyebrows questioningly. "Surely you don't want someone who's 100 per cent predictable? That's just boring!"

"Of course not, I just..."

"Then what's the problem?"

Somehow, Alice forced Lily to look up. Their gazes locked and the thoughts kept spinning through Lily's mind. What was the problem, really? Did there have to be one?

No, she told herself firmly. No, I don't even have to think about this because I do not fancy James Potter!

What happened was a mistake and it wouldn't repeat itself. Not ever.

Luckily, Lily did not have to answer Alice's question since her mother called from downstairs that dinner was ready. The two girls left the bedroom in silence, apparently both thinking that it would be best if they just dropped the matter for now. Alice still looked smug, though, as if she was enjoying some sort of private joke. Lily decided not to ask about it; it was probably less annoying not to know.

As they entered the kitchen the rest of the Evans family was already seated around the table. Lily's mother and father both beamed at them but Petunia didn't even look up, obviously pretending like she hadn't even noticed her sister and her friend.

"This looks really good, Mrs Evans" Alice said politely as they sat down and Lily's mum gave her a warm smile.

"Oh please, call me Sophie! And thank you dear, I hope you'll like it"

Dinner went by smoothly and surprisingly enough, Petunia remained silent and didn't say one mean thing to Lily or Alice. However, by the time they had dessert, she seemed unable to stop herself:

"Vernon is coming over tonight, mum. He'll be sleeping in my bedroom. And I really hope you can tell Lily and her oh so special friend to stop being so noisy next door. He doesn't need to know how weird and embarrassing those freaks are..."

"Petunia!" her father exclaimed angrily and Lily, who had had enough for one night, retorted:

"What I don't understand is why you and Vernon won't just get your own place. I assure you that none of us here would be sad to see you go!"

She could see from the corner of her eye how Alice tried to keep herself from laughing and Lily's mum said:

"Lily, there's no need to..."

"Yes there is, how else can I make her stop? She keeps bothering me for no good reason!"

Petunia glared at her sister as if her life depended on it and then, she said the words that Lily least expected to hear:

"Why don't you just move in with James Potter?"

Alice, who had chosen that exact moment to take a sip from her glass of water, started coughing violently and all Lily managed to say was:

"Wh... What did you just say?"

"Who's James Potter? I recognize that name from somewhere..."

Lily's dad furrowed, as if he was trying really hard to remember and his wife clapped her hands together before she exclaimed:

"I know! He's the one whose parents we read about in Lily's newspaper last summer! Oh, poor boy. But why would Lily move in with him, Petunia darling? She despises him!"

"NOBODY'S MOVING IN WITH POTTER!" Lily roared but no one seemed to listen.

Anyone could tell from the look on Petunia's face that she was having the time of her life and she looked at both her parents as she said, voice smooth:

"Lily was kissing him on Christmas Eve, when we were visiting that muggle village. That's why she came home so late, mum"

"You mean after you left me, taking the car with you!" Lily snarled at her sister, feeling like she had never hated her more. "And we didn't kiss! If you're going to eavesdrop you should at least do it properly!"

There was a long silence. Petunia was still smirking. Lily's parents both stared at their youngest daughter, seeming utterly confused and shocked at the same time. Alice kept looking down at her plate, probably wishing she could just apparate to leave this scene and never return. Lily herself felt sick and embarrassed to the bone. Of course, she was blushing again.

"Well..." Lily's father suddenly said, clearing his throat uncomfortably. "If this Potter bloke is of interest to you, your mother and I would very much like to meet him!"

This time, Alice couldn't help herself. She started giggling and Lily was fuming.

"Potter. Is. NOT. Of. Interest. To. Me" she hissed. "He's the same annoying, careless and bullying bastard he's always been and if we don't stop talking about it right now I swear Alice and I will go back to Hogwarts. Tonight"

She'd lied, accused James of things that he could no longer be held responsible for. But right now she had no choice.

Her parents both seemed to realize that she was serious and as they finished their dessert, not even Petunia dared to mention James Potter. By the time Lily and Alice returned to Lily's bedroom, Alice had started laughing again.

"Not a word" Lily said warningly. "This dinner never happened. Got it?"

James

Before James knew it, Christmas break was almost over. The final night before they were taking the Hogwarts Express back to Hogwarts, James' aunt had cooked him and Sirius a really nice dinner and they were all enjoying it, laughing and talking about everything that had happened during the past couple of weeks. James had forbidden Sirius to tell his aunt about Lily, though. He knew he would never hear the end of it and frankly, he was pretty sure it was best to pretend like it was just a dream.

It was not like Lily cared about any of it, anyway. To her, it was probably like it had never happened. But James simply couldn't forget, no matter how much he wanted to.

Surprisingly enough, he was really pleased with how this break had turned out. He'd been afraid it would all be extremely painful, nothing but a constant reminder of everything he'd lost. But Sirius' visit had really made things easier, for both of them. Somehow, he was a distraction and it was easier for James to just live in the present and actually enjoy life as much as possible. Of course, Christmas itself had been very different from what it used to be but he still managed and felt immensly proud of himself for not breaking down once.

Maybe, just maybe, he could get through all this.

"I can't believe you two are starting your last term at Hogwarts tomorrow" James' aunt said, while loading some more food onto Sirius' plate (she always said he looked like he could use some more). "It feels like you were eleven only yesterday"

"Ah, but we're just as charming now, don't you think?" Sirius asked, grinning widely. "All the girls' absolute favorites..."

He turned to look at James who, knowing that his friend was referring to Lily, gave him a murderous glare. Of course there was nothing Sirius enjoyed more than bringing Lily up in James' aunt's presence, only because he knew how much James didn't want him to. It was all typical Sirius behaviour.

"Really?" James' aunt turned to look at her nephew with raised eyebrows. "Is he talking about any girl in particular?"

"No" James replied quickly, very keen on changing the subject as soon as possible. "So what are you doing tomorrow after we've gone back to school? Are you heading straight back to work?"

For a second, James' aunt dropped his gaze and he could tell from the look on her face that there was something bothering her. He waited, hoping that he would not have to force it out of her. If there was one thing he could not take these days, it was secrets. He'd come to realize that it was far better to know the truth right away, no matter how much it hurt.

"Actually I'm meeting up with a lawyer at the Ministry..." she finally admitted. "To talk about the house in Godric's Hollow"

That was not what James had expected and for a short while he didn't know what to say. Sirius glanced at him nervously, obviously realizing what house his best friend's aunt was talking about. Godric's Hollow was the wizarding village where James had lived with his parents. It's where their manor was located and he hadn't been there since that day...

"What about it?" he finally managed to ask, trying to look unbothered but probably failing quite miserably.

Had she planned to tell him about any of this if he hadn't asked?

His aunt pressed her lips together and he had a feeling that whatever she was about to tell him, she didn't like it one bit herself. She sighed heavily.

"It's been completely untouched since last summer, abandoned. All things are still there and we... well, you, need to decide what to do with it. You know that your parents left it to you in their will but we need to confirm the details. If you're selling, we need to remove all the things and get it ready. And if you're not then... well, we're going to have to go back there soon, anyway. A big place like that can't be left forever"

Of course, James had known all this somewhere in the back of his mind all along. There just hadn't been that much time to think about it. He had had enough to deal with anyway; with school and the fact that he sometimes still had to fight to get through the days. The mere thought of going through the will and confirm details, figuring out what he wanted to do with the place where he'd grown up or going back there...

"I can't go there" He wasn't sure his aunt had even heard him but he silently hoped so, for he did not feel like repeating himself. "Not now, at least"

"You don't have to" his aunt said softly. "I'll go now and you can wait a couple of months. But eventually..."

"I know" James interrupted her shortly, suddenly not feeling even the slightest hungry anymore. "I need to decide what I want, got it"

"I'll help you if you want, mate" Sirius said encouragingly and for a while there, James had almost forgotten that he was in the room. "I can go there with you"

Right now, going back was unthinkable, whether he had Sirius by his side or not. James could only bring himself to nod slightly and his aunt seemed to know what he was feeling.

"Don't think about that now, James" she said, gently placing her hand on his arm. "You'll have weeks to get used to the thought and meanwhile, I'll take care of everything"

But James knew that she was only trying to distract him from the actual truth; that he was running out of time. The house needed to be taken care of and nobody else cared that James himself was not emotionally ready to deal with any of it. Now, this was just another thing he'd spend hours worrying and thinking about. Along with the fact that there was someone, or some people, who had attacked him in Hogsmeade and probably still wanted him hurt or worse.

Great, James thought to himself as he helped Sirius doing the dishes later that night. Just great.

Lily

Lily and Alice arrived at the Hogwarts Express early. While waiting for their friends to join them, they discussed what had happened at Lily's during dinner a couple of nights earlier.

"I can't believe Petunia said all that in front of your parents!" Alice exclaimed, shaking her head in disbelief.

"I can" Lily replied bitterly. "In fact, it's a very Petunia-sort of thing to do"

At least Lily was grateful that her parents seemed to have taken her warning seriously; they hadn't brought James up once during the rest of their daughter's stay. The bare thought of her parents thinking that she and James had some sort of thing going on between them was embarrassing, not to mention absurd.

Before the girls knew it, the train started moving and they were on their way back to Hogwarts. Another ten minutes passed and there were still no sight of the three girls Lily and Alice were usually accompanied by.

"Perhaps they've found somewhere else to sit" Alice suggested, shrugging slightly.

At that moment, the door leading into their compartment burst open, revealing no other than Sirius Black who wore a wide grin on his handsome face. Lily's heart skipped a beat when she noticed that James, Remus and Peter were just behind him.

"Well, this seems to be our lucky day!"

Without waiting for an invitation Sirius walked right into their compartment, heaving his trunk onto one of the shelves before he sat down beside Lily, acting as if this was all something he did on a regular basis. Remus looked uncertain, but as Lily gave him a small smile he followed his friend's lead. James and Peter were both still standing in the doorway and the former kept glaring at Sirius as if his life depended on it.

"I thought you four always rode in the same compartment, you know the one you always chase other students out of should they even think of sitting there?"

Alice's voice was full of fake sweetness and Sirius gave her a triumphant smile in return.

"We do, dear Alice, and I'm glad to hear that people still know and respect that"

Alice opened her mouth, probably about to say that she didn't "respect" the Marauders' way of thinking they owned the Hogwarts Express one bit, but Sirius beat her to it:

"Still, one tends to get bored if things are always the same. I like changes, don't you Prongs?"

He turned to look at James who merely muttered something under his breath and, realizing the battle was lost, sat down as well. Peter did the same. There was a short silence, which Lily expected Sirius to break at any second. Before, James seemed to have been one of those persons who could never stand silence but now, he seemed perfectly fine with it. Surprisingly enough, it was Remus who cleared his throat loudly.

"So... How was your Christmas Lily?"

He sounded genuiely interested and it made Lily realize that she hadn't had time to catch up with her friend lately. Honestly, she'd had too many other things on her mind such as her duties as Head Girl, preparations for their NEWT exams and... well, Potter.

"It was fine, Remus" she replied gently. "How about yours?"

"It was great" he said. "Sirius was staying at my place so we spent it together"

"How romantic"

The words left Lily's mouth before she could stop herself and Alice giggled. Even James smiled at the look of horror on his best friend's face and it made Lily feel very pleased. Managing to make him smile these days was like winning the lottery; it hardly ever happened but when it did it was worth every single second you'd spent trying.

And she still didn't understand why she felt that way.

"Very funny, Evans" Sirius said, playfully hitting Peter on the arm as even he seemed to have found the situation rather amusing. "It might surprise you that not all of us can afford long strolls in cozy muggle villages on Christmas Eve..."

Sirius suddenly drifted off and gulped, casting a quick glance at James who now looked as if he could attack his friend any second. Alice looked just as surprised as Lily felt and she could have sworn that they were both thinking the same thing:

Black knows.

Well, of course he did. If Lily had told Alice, then why wouldn't James tell Sirius? Because Sirius is an idiot, Lily told herself right away. He obviously can't keep his mouth shut, even when he really ought to.

Remus interrupted her thoughts by furrowing.

"Long strolls in cozy muggle villages?" he repeated. "What are you talking about? Is that what you usually do on Christmas, Lily?"

"I... No... Well... Petunia and I... My sister, that is... We..."

Lily found herself rambling without really making a point. James looked as if he wanted to disappear and she didn't blame him. Why did he have to tell Sirius and what, exactly, had he told him? Surely not about the almost-kiss that she wasn't even sure happened...

"I'm sorry, Lily, but you're not making any sense" Remus said, laughing. "And why do you seem so nervous all of a sudden?"

"I'm not nervous"

"Then what are you?"

She suddenly got an idea and looked at her watch.

"Late" she said. "We have to prepare the prefect meeting, remember?"

She turned to look at James who, for the first time since they'd entered the compartment, met her gaze. He nodded slightly before standing up, obviously happy to get away. Before any of their friends could say anything, the two of them had exited the compartment and started walking down the train corridor.

"Sirius is an idiot" James stated, hurrying to keep up with her. "And just so you know, I only told him that I ran into you. Nothing else..."

"It's fine" Lily interrupted him, feeling like she'd rather just forget about the embarrassing situation as soon as possible. "It's no big deal. I was just shocked, that's all"

James seemed relieved and she wondered whether he was afraid she might be angry with him. But she couldn't. Not when she was, in fact, grateful.

James

As he and Lily headed towards the prefects' compartment in silence, there were so many things James wanted to say and ask. First of all, had Lily felt like they'd been about to kiss, too? And if that was the case, then why? She would never like him like that... For some strange reason he found himself wanting to apologize, even if all this wasn't his fault any more than hers...

"I just... I needed some time alone with you to be able to thank you properly"

Her voice made him jump and without really thinking, he stopped dead in his tracks. Lily had turned around and was now standing right opposite him in the empty train corridor. For a short while, the only sounds came from the train's engine and the students sitting in the compartments located closest by.

"For what happened at Christmas" Lily looked nervous now and spoke very fast. "You were there for me when no one else was and I... I think I really needed to talk to someone about Petunia. She makes me feel like a wreck most of the time"

"You shouldn't let her treat you that way"

This was the part where Lily would normally snort at him, tell him to mind his own business and then walk away. But this time she didn't, and James wondered whether she wanted him to continue or not. He decided to take a chance, now that he had her full attention.

"Whatever she says, no matter how much it hurts you, you have to stand up for yourself. If you don't, there will come a time when you actually start to believe in the things she says"

He wondered if he'd gone too far. Still, he couldn't help himself. James couldn't stand the thought of someone hurting something as beautiful, pure and innocent as Lily Evans and he knew that he would never be able to just stand by and watch as it happened. If he had been there, Petunia would have been the one who was left in tears...

Lily pressed her lips together and then looked down, almost as if she was afraid to meet his gaze.

"You make it sound so easy" she mumbled, voice low. "But it's not. Not when it comes to the people you..."

"The people you care about" James filled in and she fell silent.

"Yes. Exactly"

He knew all this far too well. As a matter of fact, the girl standing in front of him right now was the very reason why he could put words to any of it. Lily had, perhaps without knowing it, hurt him so many times through the years that he'd lost count. He had always been very good at pretending like he didn't care whenever Sirius and the others were around, but Lily's insults had been like knives cutting through his every bone.

At first, he'd been too confident about himself to dwell on it but it didn't take long before he'd started lying awake at night, thinking that she might be right. What if he, James, was in fact all the things that Lily had ever accused him of being? The bare thought of hurting her back, by neglecting her the way she'd always neglected him, was absurd.

James simply cared too much, and that was his greatest weakness.

He'd cared enough to let Lily's words circle through his head all summer, affecting his every act and decision. "You're an arrogant, stupid bully who could never care for anyone but yourself, Potter!" Was that why they'd died? If James had been different, if he'd been more like Lily had always wanted him to be, would his parents still be alive?

He didn't know for how long they stood there. But somewhere in the middle of it all, a thought hit James so hard it felt like someone kicked him right in the stommach.

Why did he put himself up to all this? Why did he let her come close, when all she would ever do was push him away? Somehow, he'd managed to survive these last seven months and somehow, he'd starting feeling a bit more alive during the way. If he confided in Lily like this, if they became friends and she later decided to let him down, he might soon be back where he started...

"We should go, or we won't have time to prepare the meeting"

James was surprised to hear his own voice sound so harsh and apparently, Lily did, too. For a split second, he could have sworn there was hurt in her eyes. Then, her mask fell back into place and she said:

"Of course. Let's go"

They walked in silence and James refused to even look at her, suddenly feeling almost afraid. He couldn't go through all that again, not even for her. The last seven months had been the worst of his life and there had been many days when he hadn't even managed to get out of bed. He wouldn't survive again, and that's why he needed to stay away from her.

He needed to stay away from the very thing that could hurt him the most.

And so, during the actual prefect meeting, Lily and James didn't speak a word to each other. They arrived at Hogwarts with their separate groups of friends and headed right for their own, separate bedrooms in their shared living quarter.

What none of them knew was that they were both lying awake for hours after midnight, constantly wondering about the thoughts spinning through the other person's mind.

Author's note: At least I got this chapter up faster than the previous one, I'm proud of myself hehe. Feel free to review and all that, it makes writing a whole lot funnier.