April: I did see everything! I did! The victim—the woman—dodged the first attacked and ran to the right. Then the girl in hippie clothes ran after her… And she hit her with that weapon! I saw it! I did! That… that clock! Um… the kinda statue-y clock? "The Thinker," I think? Well? Does the accuracy of my report not startle you? Tee hee!
Judge: I see… I only wish you had been so detailed from the beginning. Please begin the cross-examination.
Phoenix: Gladly! Miss May. What you've just said right now was quite… revealing.
April: Revealing? Oooh, you'd like that, wouldn't you. Naughty Mr. Lawyer…
Phoenix: You just said that this statue of "The Thinker" was a clock. But there's no way just by looking at it!
April: Urp!
Phoenix: Another person in much the same position as you recently called this a "clock," too… And he was found guilty… of murder!
Judy: Take that!
Judge: Order! Order!
Phoenix: Miss May. Can you explain how you know this was a clock?
April: Oooh… urp!
Edgeworth: Objection! The witness saw the murder with her own eyes! That's all that's important here! The defense is trying to confuse the issue with trivial concerns!
Judge: Yes… yes, of course. You will withdraw your questions, Mr. Wright.
Phoenix: Objection! But questions are all I have, Your Honor! And as you may recall, I've murderers with these questions before!
Phoenix (Thinking): Well, only once.
Judge: … … Objection sustained. You may continue to question the witness.
Nick: Whew! That was a close one.
Judy: That witness is hiding something, I know it!
April: Huh? What? So… what happens now?
Phoenix: What happens now is you answer my question! How did you know it was a clock?
April: What…! Th-that's… …Because… I heard it? Yes! I heard it say the time!
Phoenix: So, you've been to the law offices of Fey & Co.!
April: N-n-no! Hey, I didn't say that! Why would I go there! I heard it from my hotel room. Hee hee!
Edgeworth: The law offices of Fey & Co., where the murder took place, are very close to the hotel. She could easily have heard the clock!
Judge: Hmm. Well, Mr. Wright? Are you satisfied?
Phoenix (Thinking): I can't give up now. This is it!
Phoenix: I'm not satisfied, because the clock is missing its clockwork!
Judge: H-how could you possibly…?
Phoenix: Just have a look… As soon as you can!
The Judge was given the clock.
Judge: Hmm… Oh!
Phoenix: See anything interesting, Your Honor?
Judge: It is as the defense says! This clock is missing its clockwork! It's quite empty! Mr. Wright! Would you care to explain to the court the meaning of this?
Phoenix: It is as you can see. The "clock" was empty. It couldn't have rung! Therefore, this witness… is a big, fat lair!
April: F-fat!?
Phoenix: Well, Miss May?
Edgeworth (Chuckling): Quite a show you put on for us, Mr. Wright.
Phoenix (Thinking): He knew the clock was empty! Somehow… he knew!
Edgeworth: I'm afraid you've forgotten one thing, however. Indeed, the clock is empty, As you say… it can't ring. However, we must ask: when was the clockwork removed? If it was after the witness heard the clock, then there is no contradiction!
Judge: Hmm! That's true. That is a possibility. The clock might have been emptied after she heard it.
Edgeworth: And that is exactly what happened, Your Honor!
Judge: Well, Mr. Wright? Can you prove when the clockwork was removed?
Edgeworth: Ho hoh! Impossible of course…
Phoenix: I have proof.
Edgeworth: W-what!?
Phoenix: Wasn't it you who told me "proof is everything"? Well, I was listing. And now I'll show you the "proof" you like so much! Here take a look at this!
Judge: Hmm. That's a very cute cell phone.
April: Ooh hoo! You have a girlie phone!
Phoenix: W-wait! Wait! This isn't my phone! Listen! This is the defendant's cell phone, and it contains a recording… A recoding of a conversation she had with the victim on the day of the murder!
Nick: Alright Phoenix!
Judge: Order! Order!
Edgeworth: The defendant's cell phone!? Th-this wan't brought to my attention!
Nick: Perhaps Detective Gumshoe overlooked it!?
Edgeworth (Grumbling): The good Detective better remember he's up for evaluation soon…
Phoenix (Thinking): My heart goes out to you Edgeworth… Not!
Phoenix: Let's hear the conversation.
(Cell phone call)
Maya: So you want me to hold on to "The Thinker" for you, then?
Mia: If you could. Ah… I should probably tell you, the clock isn't talking right now.
Maya: Huh? It's not working? That's lame!
Mia: I had to take the clockwork out, sorry.
[September 5th, 9:27AM]
Phoenix: Your Honor, I think this recording makes it clear that the clockwork was already gone… and this was the recorded in the morning, before the witness even arrived at her hotel!
April: Muh… muh… muh!?
Phoenix: Well, Miss May? Would you care to explain this to the court? Just how did you know that weapon was a clock!?
April: … W-well…! Well, isn't it o-obvious? I saw that clock before! Um… what store was it again? I-I go to so many! Oops! I forgot! *wink*
Judge: So the witness had seen it before. That would make sense. Does the defense have any objections, Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: Your Honor, the witness claims she had "seen it before." But this directly contradicts a piece of evidence already submitted to this court!
Judge: Really, how so, Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: It's simple. This clock was never in any store, ever!
April: W-whaaat!?
Phoenix: A friend of mine made that clock. Only two exist in the world. And the one that isn't here is in police custody!
April: I-impossible! Everything is sold in stores!
Phoenix: Miss May, I think it's high time you went shopping for a better excuse…?
April: Mmpf…
Judy: What's wrong? Excuses not on sale today?
April: Oooh? Oh ho ho. Mmmrrrrph! Ooooorrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh…hhh! What's it to you, porcupine-head!? Little bunny!? That stupid clock doesn't matter, okay!? She did it! And she should die for it! Die!
Judy: The only one who should die is you!
Judge: W-w-whoa! Let's not get ahead of ourselves. T-this is a court of law, and both the witness and the police officer will remain calm!
April: Hrrrgh… hrrrh… Hrrr… heh. Oh? Oh! Oh? Oh hoh ho! S-silly me! Did I, um, like… lose it? I guess I did. Tee hee! *wink*
Phoenix (Thinking): S-scary!
Judge: Miss May, let me ask this. Tell me, how did you know the weapon was a clock?
April: …
Judge: Hmm… oh dear. Does the defense have an opinion on this… behavior?
Phoenix (Thinking): Okay, this is it!
Phoenix: Yes, Your Honor. Allow me to explain how I see the truth of the matter. The witness had never held the clock in her hand! However, she had heard that it was a clock!
Judge: She "heard"…?
Phoenix: That is correct, Your Honor. There is no other way she could have known "The Thinker" was a clock! And I can show you the proof!
Judge: Well, this is interesting. Let's see it, then. Show me evidence proving that the witness had "heard" the murder weapon was a clock.
I pulled out the wiretap from the court recorded.
Phoenix: Your Honor! Have a look at this.
April: Ah! Oooh! Th-that!? Eh heh…
Phoenix: My partners found this in Miss May's room.
Judge: Mr. Wright! Please explain to the court what this is!
Phoenix: Miss April May? You were tapping the victim, Ms. Mia Fey's phone, were you not?
April: Oooh. Oooooh!
Edgeworth: Objection! Your Honor, this is irrelevant!
Judge: I'm not entirely sure that it is. Objection overruled. It troubles me that our witness was in possession of a wiretap.
Edgeworth: This is outrageous! Does the defense truly claim that the witness was tapping her phone?
Phoenix: Absolutely!
Edgeworth: Even it was the case, which is not; you still have to prove one thing! Did the victim ever say the weapon was a clock on the phone? Can you prove that? I THINK NOT!
Phoenix: Oh yeah? I THINK I CAN! It's simple!
Edgeworth: WHAAAAT!?
Phoenix: Here's my proof. Take a look at the defendant's cell phone. Let's listen to the conversation between the defendant and the victim.
[Cell phone]
Maya: Mia! What's up? You haven't called in a while.
Mia: Well, actually there's something I want you to hold on for me.
Maya: Again? What is it this time?
Mia: It's… a clock. It's made to look like that statue, "The Thinker." And it tells you the time!
[Cell phone ended]
Phoenix: Miss April May! You used a wiretap to listen to the conversation! That's how you knew "The Thinker" was a clock! Am I wrong!?
April: I… I…
Edgeworth: Objection! Your Honor, this is ridiculous!
Phoenix: Your Honor, look at the witness's face! Does she seem amused to you!? The defense demands an answer!
April: La… laaa… lrrrgf!
Judge: Witness, answer the question. Did you tap her phone?
April: …
Judge: Miss May!
April: Shut up, all of you! What gives you the right to talk to ME like that! You… you LAWYER!
…
April: I-it's no fair! All of you gaining up on me like that… Oh, so I'm the bad girl, is that it? Is that it!? Uh… uh… uwaaaaaaah!
Phoenix (Thinking): That did it! The court's see the real Miss April May now! Now to deal the final blow!
Phoenix: Why did you tap her phone?
April: …
Phoenix: Answer the question!
April: Do I have to? Isn't this a murder trial? Isn't tippity-tapping er… irrelevant?
Phoenix (Thinking): Gah! She's saying exactly what Edgeworth wants her to say.
Phoenix: Miss May. You were tapping the victim's phone! I hardly call that "irrelevant"!
Judge: While the court does not condone the defense's tone of speech, he has a point. Well, Miss May? Do you have an explanation for the court? Can you prove had nothing to do with this murder, even though you tapped her phone?
Phoenix (Thinking): Hah! I'd like to see her pull THAT off!
April: Mr. Lawyer, I saw that evil, evil grin! You were probably thinking "I'd like to see her pull THAT off," weren't you!
Phoenix (Thinking): Damn… she's good!
April: Well you're not the first man who's thought that! And of course I can, and will!
Phoenix: You can't be serious! No way!
April: Way, I say! Way! Oh, and I assure you I'm serious, Mr. Lawyer! Hmph! Okay? So, the killing happened around 9:00 at night? Why, that's when I was getting room service from that sweet bellboy.
Phoenix: R-room service!?
April: Ice coffee, I believe it was? Ice coffee? You know? Like normal coffee, but COLD. If you don't drink it quick, the ice melts and then you have regular cold coffee.
Phoenix: I-ice coffee…!?
April: Think I'm making this up? Ask the bellboy! *wink*
Edgeworth: Ergo, the witness was not on the scene at the time of the murder!
Phoenix: !
Nick and Judy: What!?
Judge: So, where does that leave us?
Edgeworth: It is my great displeasure to inform you, that the witness appears to have been tapping the victim's telephone. However! That is a separate crime, with no bearing on the current whatsoever! Her testimony stands! She saw the defendant, Maya Fey, commit murder!
Phoenix (Thinking): No! They're going to let her just walk away! There's no way I can win unless I tie Miss May to the murder somehow…
Judge: Well, does the defense have anything to say?
Phoenix: Um, well…
Phoenix (Thinking): Come on think of something!
Nick: Phoenix! Call the bellboy as a witness. If Miss May is telling the truth, then maybe the bellboy could tell us what he saw!
Judy: It's your only chance!
Phoenix: Okay! Your Honor, the defense would like to call the hotel bellboy as a witness! There's something suspicious there, and I'm going to get to the bottom of this!
April: I think you've sunken quite low already.
Edgeworth: Objection! I object on calling the bellboy!
Judy: Why? What's your reason?
Edgeworth: Because I hold that the wiretapping had nothing to do with the killing!
Nick: That's crazy! Your Honor, there has to be a reason on why she tapped the victim's phone. No one just goes and taps peoples' phones without a reason!
Edgeworth: Very well… If you agree on one condition, I'll consent to calling the witness.
Phoenix: Condition…?
Edgeworth: If Miss April May's alibi is not call into question after you examine the bellboy… Then you will recognize that Miss April May was not the killer, thus she is innocent! Therefore you must accept the verdict of "guilty" for Ms. Maya Fay! That is my condition.
Phoenix (Thinking): What!? I'd better find something suspicious in that bellboy's testimony… Otherwise Maya will be declared "guilty" on the spot!
Phoenix: What do we do?
Judy: We have no choice. We have to help Maya one way or another.
Nick: We've got find something, but I know you can do it Mr. Wright. We'll be with you every step of the way.
Phoenix: Okay! We accept your condition!
Edgeworth: Hmph. Fools… You all have fallen right into my trap!
Judge: Very well! The court calls the hotel bellboy to the stand!