Author's note: First of all: words can never describe how grateful I am to all of you. I usually receive about 5 reviews per chapter but chapter 24 has gotten EIGHTEEN reviews so far! I am speechless. THANK YOU SO MUCH, it means more than you can ever guess!

I try to send replies to everyone and it makes me quite sad that I can't do that with the guest reviews, too :(

Here is the next chapter, which I hope you'll enjoy. And thanks again for your support!

The Celebration Party

"There's no wonder you're losing your mind,
the way you're wandering"

Eminem & Rihanna - The Monster

Having been brought up in a muggle family, Lily had watched tons of American teenage movies about parties, drinking and doing things you were bound to regret the next morning. She remembered the loud, pumping music, the blue and red cups and tons of girls and boys (who didn't even know each other) snogging like their lives depended on it. She also remembered feeling sorry for the people standing in the corners, pretending to be busy with their drinks even though they felt like complete outcasts. The "geeks". Right now, Lily felt just like one of them and she didn't like it one bit.

It was like someone had transformed the entire Gryffindor common room - if professor McGonagall came inside she probably wouldn't know where she was or even recognize her surroundings. The furniture had been moved so more students could gather in the middle of the room and someone had managed to make some space that had been turned into a dance floor. There were people everywhere; gryffindors, hufflepuffs and ravenclaws.

The music was loud and whoever picked it did not share Lily's taste - she hadn't recognized a single song so far. Somehow, there was also a lot of firewhiskey. If Lily had to guess she would say that Sirius had something to do with that; this whole party had been his idea in the first place. Either way, people seemed to enjoy themselves and since it was only 10 o' clock nobody had gotten embarrassingly drunk yet.

"Is it just me…" Alice began and Lily watched her as she took a look around the room for what felt like the hundredth time. "Or do you also feel a bit out of place?"

"Not at all" Lily replied sarcastically. "This is something I do on a daily basis, didn't you know that?"

Her good mood from a couple of hours earlier had vanished completely. Alice laughed.

"Well, maybe Amelia was right. Maybe we do need to relax a little. And you got to give it to Sirius; people really seem to have a good time! Honestly, Lily, what's the worst thing that could happen?"

"I am Head Girl!" Lily hissed, not wanting to remind anyone but Alice about the fact. "If McGonagall finds out that I was here and knew about all this, about all that alcohol…"

She nodded towards the table in front of the fireplace where there were at least ten bottles of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey.

"She'll kill me!"

"Well, James is here too, isn't he?" Alice interrupted her, looking towards the Marauders in the other end of the room. "He doesn't seem the slightest worried…"

"If you think that is a legitimate reason for me to relax…"

"Yes, maybe I do! If McGonagall finds out there's no reason why she would be more angry with you than with James…"

But Lily had stopped listening. She realized that it was pointless - Alice wouldn't understand. It wasn't just that McGonagall might be angry with her and James for knowing about this party - she would be disappointed, too. And Lily couldn't stand the thought of that. Ever since she was a little girl she had been the good one and she had always set a good example for other children (according to the grown ups, anyway). Of course she had made people angry every once in a while but disappointed… Disappointed was worse.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Amelia and Rebecca came to join them.

"Have you kept your promise?" Alice asked immediately and Amelia took a sip from her drink before furrowing.

"What promise?"

Lily and Alice grinned towards each other and answered in one mouth:

"Sirius"

"Oh" Amelia's face had suddenly turned bright red. "Well, not yet. He seems rather busy at the moment, don't you think?"

The four girls all let their gazes rest on James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. They were sitting on one of the couches, laughing and talking animatedly amongst each other.

"James seems fine" Rebecca suddenly said.

Alice turned to look at her.

"Why shouldn't he be? They won against Hufflepuff only a couple of hours ago!"

Rebecca stared at her.

"You're kidding, right? He's been like a living ghost during these past couple of months!"

"Well, look at him now" Amelia added. "Laughing like that with his friends, all is well…."

Lily couldn't put her finger to why but her friends' discussion annoyed her so much she felt like she had to intervene:

"Just because he laughs that doesn't mean his perfectly fine, Amelia" she snapped. "It just takes up too much energy to be sad all the time"

Somewhere along the way she had learned how to read him. She knew that James was still an expert at pretending. If he wanted people to think that nothing was wrong - well, than that's what he had them believe. But she didn't fall for it, not anymore. Lily was amazed by James' strength, though. Not all people could do what he did and come out of it alive. For how long could a person pretend before he or she was bound to break?

There was a long silence.

"Well… " Amelia finally said. "I think it's great he has at least one less thing to worry about these days"

"What do you mean?" Alice asked curiously.

"Just that now that he doesn't spend all his time trying to make Lily go out with him…"

"Yeah, I noticed that, too!" Rebecca exclaimed. "He's stopped all that, hasn't he Lily?"

Lily didn't say anything. In fact, she was too afraid to trust her own voice. This was the part where she ought to feel pleased. Her friend had just stated that James Potter no longer had any interest in her. So why did she feel even more annoyed than she had minutes ago? Annoyed and… empty.

"Maybe we should talk about something else" Alice suggested.

Lily sent her a thankful look but Amelia seemed rather confused.

"Why? You should be happy he's finally decided to move on! Aren't you?"

Lily could feel how her three friends all looked at her, analyzing her every move and word and face expression. She couldn't look away from James as she replied, hoping she sounded more unbothered than she really felt:

"Of course I am"

Then, her eyes landed on the firewhiskey again. Only this time, the thought of it didn't disgust her. It was quite the opposite, really.

"I'll just… I'll go and see what the others are up to"

Without a word she left the scene, silently hoping her friends would be too into their discussion to notice that she had made her way towards the bottles of alcohol. They seemed so inviting at that moment.

You should be happy he's finally decided to move on.

Amelia's voice echoed inside Lily's head.

Happy. Happy. Happy.

Aren't you? Aren't you? Aren't you?

Had James really moved on? Was there no feelings for her left - none at all?

Without thinking, Lily grabbed a cup and poured herself some of the golden liquid.

"Whoa, take it easy with that" A seventh year she recognized from Charms class nodded towards her drink. "It's quite strong, you know"

It was a shame he didn't know that that was exactly what she needed. Lily gave him a fake smile before bringing the cup to her mouth.

"Cheers"

Alice

Meanwhile, Alice and Amelia were still standing in the corner, watching Lily pour herself a second drink. Alice felt worried.

"WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?!" she exclaimed and glared at Amelia.

"What do you mean?" she replied blankly.

"YOU KNOW BLOODY WELL WHAT I MEAN!"

She looked from Lily to James and some sort of realization fell upon Amelia's face.

"Oh" she said quietly. "That"

The two girls fell silent until Alice decided to speak up again:

"You know it's not true"

"Of course I do"

"You know he still likes her. We've all seen the way he looks at her when he thinks nobody notices…"

"Of course he does" Amelia replied calmly.

She sounded too calm. Alice stared at her.

"Then why would you say that? Why would you tell Lily he's moved on?!"

Amelia didn't reply immediately. She nodded towards Lily again.

"Look at her" she said to Alice. "She's upset"

They both watched as their friend took yet another sip from her cup of firewhiskey.

"Yeah. And soon she'll be drunk, too" Alice muttered under her breath, causing Amelia to shrug.

"Perhaps. But she'll learn a lesson from it. She will realize that this is what happens when you keep denying what you really feel. You end up in trouble"

Alice's eyes widened as she understood what her friend was really trying to say.

"You did it on purpose"

Amelia smiled, taking a small, barely visible, sip from her own drink.

"Of course I did"

James

James watched Sirius watch Amelia, who was standing in the corner talking to Alice. Of course, being his best friend, James had seen that look on Sirius' face before. The look that meant he was interested in a girl. But this was different - this was something more.

"Go talk to her" he said, still feeling guilty for not having been a very big part of Sirius' life lately.

He would do everything in his power to make it up to him and if that meant trying to get him together with Amelia Bones, then that was what James would have to do. Sirius took a big sip from his drink and James knew he thought the whole situation would be easier to handle if he wasn't completely sober. Maybe that was true, maybe not. It was hard to tell.

Truth to be told, James wasn't completely sober himself. He remembered how badly things had ended the last time he'd had alcohol (the fiasco with Amy Baker would probably haunt him forever) but right now none of that seemed to matter. Gryffindor had just won the quidditch game they had prepared for for weeks. If that was not worth celebrating, then what was?

"She wants you to talk to her" James urged and Sirius laughed humorlessly.

"Oh yeah? And how do you know that, if I may ask?"

"I think James is right" Remus filled in. "I mean, you two were on a date not too long ago! And she's looking this way far too often not to be interested in you"

Sirius drank some more.

"No" he said. "Maybe later. Not now"

James couldn't help rolling his eyes.

"Yes, Padfoot, now!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No! How about I make you a deal?"

Sirius looked rather smug now and James raised his eyebrows, pouring himself some firewhiskey from the bottle standing right in front of them. Someone turned up the volume and the music made it rather hard to hear what everyone was saying.

"A deal?" he repeated and Sirius nodded.

"I'll go talk to Amelia if you summon up the courage to ask Lily out"

This was not what he'd expected. He could see how Sirius, Remus and Peter all grinned from the corner of his eye even though he refused to meet anyone's gaze. Remus was the first one to speak up:

"We all saw what happened after the quidditch game…"

"That was… That was a friend congratulating a friend" James interrupted him, not sure if he believed in his own words. "Nothing else"

Lily would never mean anything by it. Right?

Sirius snorted loudly, his voice dripping with sarcasm when he said:

"Yeah, right…"

James made a move to stand up.

"You know what, if you're not careful I'll go tell Amelia how you feel right now…"

"If you do that I'll kill you…"

"Or you could ask her what Lily's up to…"

Remus' comment caused both James and Sirius to look up. He nodded towards Lily, who was sitting alone on one of the couches, taking a big sip right from a bottle of firewhiskey. James knew her well enough to know that she didn't usually drink like that. In fact, he had always been under the impression she hated alcohol and drunk people…

And right now she seemed to become one of them. Even from where he stood James could tell that Lily had had way too much already. He could see it on her eyes, there was something there that he didn't recognize. She wasn't there. He didn't think before he stood up.

"I'll be right back" he said, making his way towards her.

"I didn't realize you were so fond of drinking" James stated, sitting down next to Lily on the couch.

He felt a strong need to take the bottle from her but he stopped himself last minute. She probably wouldn't appreciate that and it would only make her drink more…

"I'm not" Lily replied shortly.

"Then why…"

She rolled her eyes demonstratively.

"This is a celebration, isn't it?"

James hesitated.

"Well, yeah, but…"

"Then let me celebrate, James" she interrupted him and at that moment he knew she was not herself. "I don't always have to be the stiff and boring one, you know"

"You're not boring, Lily"

"Yeah…" She gave him a fake smile and it was like nothing he had seen before. "You can tell me all about that tomorrow"

Another sip. How much could she handle? She would kill him if he started going on about it. But maybe he had to, if she continued like this…

"I'm so happy for you"

James stared at her. His first thought was that she meant the quidditch game. But then he got the feeling it was something else.

"Why?" he asked bluntly.

Lily seemed to think for a moment before she said:

"Well… We can all agree that you're not the same as you used to be and it's just so great that you've finally moved on and become this truly confident and mature person…"

"Moved on from what, exactly?"

What in Merlin's name was she talking about and why would she bring it up now? From James' own experience alcohol made you forget all about your problems, not making them seem worse…

Lily took her glass and stood up. She almost fell in the process and grabbed his shoulder for support.

"I'll see you later" she said and before James had time to reply, she had walked away from him.

Lily

She felt like everything and nothing made sense at the same time. The point was to escape from James, from his annoying questions, and it didn't really matter where she went from here. Why had she started going on about being happy for him? She had meant every word of it (well, at least she thought she did) but he didn't need to know that!

Why couldn't she just shut up when she was supposed to? It didn't take Lily too long to find Alice and Amelia and she wrapped her arms around them, wondering why she had never realized how brilliant they both were until this very moment.

"You know what? You're my best friends!" she said, losing her balance again.

Amelia giggled.

"How are you, Lily?"

"I am just fine, thank you!"

And the strangest part was that that was the truth. After all those drinks she was no longer stiff and boring Lily who could never relax - hell, she was probably the most relaxed person in this room. Her problems seemed to fade away. Who cared about Snape or the fact that her own sister despised her? And this Voldemort bloke, surely they would find a way to defeat him once and for all? How hard could it be? Everything would be just fine…

The world was blurry but it seemed more beautiful than before. Everything was so beautiful! If this was the reason why people drank then she could definitely see the appeal…

There was nothing to worry about. Lily felt like she could do anything. She wanted to do something completely reckless, something crazy and unexpected… Maybe go outside.

"Do you think the lake is too cold for a bath?"

She missed the glance her friends sent each other.

"You're a lot of things right now, Lily…" Alice began. "But I'm afraid 'fine' is not one of them"

Then, out of nowhere, Sirius turned up with his friends.

Sirius Black.

Wasn't he the funniest and most creative person Lily had ever met? She couldn't understand why she had spent all that time yelling at him for pulling pranks when he was just trying to make people laugh! Shouldn't he receive some sort of reward for that? He really should. Come to think of it, all four Marauders were rather great. How come she'd never seen it before? Lily couldn't stop herself:

"SIRIUS!" she yelled across the common room, causing people to stare.

Who the hell cared anyway?

"SIRIUS! HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW AMAZING YOU ARE?"

"LILY! LILY MY HERO!"

Sirius was everything but sober and now he looked delighted to see Lily even though they had never really been friends. He ran towards her and grabbed her hands so they could dance. Dancing… Lily had always hated dancing but now it seemed fine. Perfectly fine. Hilarious, even. Without really knowing why she started laughing and it was impossible to stop.

After a while Sirius turned to face Amelia:

"Amelia, my love" he said, pretending to bow. "I have something to show you!"

Somewhere in the background Lily heard Alice ask James:

"Am I the only one who suddenly feels completely sober?"

Amelia crossed her arms with a playful look on her face.

"I'm not going anywhere with you" she told Sirius but Lily yelled:

"OH YES YOU ARE! REMEMBER WHAT YOU PROMISED! YOU PROMISED…"

"No, you're not the only one" James muttered to Alice.

Lily looked out the window. The lake seemed even more appealing now.

"I need some air" she stated.

"I'll take you"

She stared at James. Why would he be doing that? He had moved on, forgotten all about his silly little crush on her… Lily stopped laughing and the smile on her face faded. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea. But she really wanted that air, though…

"Great" Alice said, nodding from James to Lily. "That's perfect. You take Lily outside. She can't go alone in this state"

Sirius had grabbed Amelia's hand and was starting to pull her away from the crowd. Before they left the common room Amelia called:

"Don't you try anything just because she's drunk, Potter!"

James snorted.

"Very funny" he said sarcastically.

James

Only minutes after Sirius and Amelia, James and Lily exited through the portrait of the Fat Lady. They were walking through the empty corridors in silence until Lily stopped dead in her tracks right outside an old broom cupboard on the fourth floor that James had never noticed before. He was about to ask her if she didn't want to go outside but figured that it was a rather good thing if they didn't. It would be freezing out there, anyway.

"You know..." she began. "I've been thinking"

James stopped, too.

"About what?"

Lily was about to fall again. Only this time, she seemed to realize that it was better to just sit down on the floor and lean against the wall behind her. James followed her lead and it took a long while before Lily spoke up:

"Fear"

The moonlight shining in through the windows lit up her face. Until now James had never really noticed just how pale her skin was - white, even. Her eyes were closed and he couldn't help wishing she would stay like that only for a little while, so he could look at her without having to convince himself that it was better to stop. She was so beautiful.

"What about it?"

James was surprised his voice carried. Was this the alcohol speaking or did Lily actually mean something by it? She opened her eyes again and the green was striking.

"Fear…" she repeated quietly, but it was easy to hear her now that nobody else was around. "Fear comes so easy. And it's not that hard to accept, really"

She drifted off. When she continued her voice was perfectly clear and she had a serious look on her face.

"… Except when it's fear of yourself"

Lily looked James right in the eyes and he couldn't bring himself to look away or even blink.

"Have you ever been afraid of yourself, James?"

The alcohol he'd had to drink did the thinking for him. He had been afraid of himself for all the times he'd regretted things he did and things he didn't do. This last year he'd discovered new sides of himself, sides he didn't even know existed. It was a miracle he'd gotten through it alive. He had changed and he had no idea what the consequences would be. Not yet. He was afraid of that.

"I think we all have" he finally said.

Lily nodded slightly.

"I'm afraid of myself right now" she admitted.

"Why?"

She pressed her lips together, almost as if she was fighting to not let the truth come out. Eventually, though, she gave up:

"Because I no longer know what I want… Or why" She laughed hollowly. "You know, it's funny that I used to be so sure that you… We… Anyway, I'm not anymore"

James was suddenly worrying he might fall right into her eyes if he let the green consume him for any longer.

"Now I'm just…"

She was whispering now. He couldn't remember that he'd sat down so close to her. He could count every single freckle on her nose, every eyelash had he wanted to. James wanted more (needed it, even) so what was the point of fighting? Right as that thought crossed his mind Lily closed her eyes again, leaning her face towards his. Her lips were only millimeters away when the door leading into that old broom cupboard burst open.

Sirius

He had always thought she was beautiful but now, maybe thanks to the firewhiskey, every feeling and emotion was heightened. He hadn't known where to take her, all he knew was that they needed some place private where no one would come and bother them. An old broom cupboard would have to do - for now.

Amelia had her arms around his neck and judging from her kisses she seemed to be just as into this as Sirius himself was. She tasted of strawberries and vanilla and her long hair was so soft, so nice to touch…

It was not until he started unbuttoning her shirt that she pulled away slightly.

"I'm not doing it in a broom cupboard" she said and Sirius knew she wouldn't budge.

Come to think of it, maybe that wasn't the best place for their first time together. And what if someone came in?

"Okay, fine" he said. "Let's go somewhere else then"

Amelia gave him a smile that, according to Sirius, was to die for.

"Okay" she said. "Let's do that"

James

James and Lily jumped apart, almost as if they'd just gotten burned. When James saw Sirius and Amelia standing there he felt like throwing them both out the window, or at least hit them in the face for ruining such a perfect moment.

It had been so close.

Sirius and Amelia were holding hands and the latter was giggling hysterically.

"Are we interrupting something here?" she asked in a voice James didn't recognize.

He glared at Sirius as if his life depended on it but Sirius was obviously too drunk to notice. He just kept looking from James to Lily, grinning from ear to ear.

"We should give them some privacy love" he said to Amelia who nodded eagerly.

"You're right… Besides, we could use some privacy, too"

Then, they both just walked away and everything that had been so obvious seconds ago was gone. Lily seemed to have sobered up ever so slightly and stood up. She nodded in the direction Sirius and Amelia had gone.

"That's disgusting" she stated. "Were they actually doing it in a broom cupboard?"

"I guess" Truthfully, James couldn't care less at the moment. "Are you feeling better now? You don't feel sick or anything…?"

Lily smiled at him.

"You're sweet. But I'd really rather just go to bed. Goodnight"

She made a move to leave but James gently grabbed ahold of her arm.

"Do you really think I'm leaving you like this?" he asked incredulously.

She might not be as drunk as she had been an hour ago but she was definitely not herself yet, either. Lily furrowed.

"But what about the party?" she asked. "You probably want to continue celebrating"

Not without you.

"It's okay" James forced himself to give her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm done partying for tonight"

Lily seemed to hesitate for a moment before she sighed slightly.

"Well… Let's go then"

As soon as they were back in the Heads' common room Lily lay down on one of the couches. She closed her eyes and James half expected her to fall asleep right away.

"You know…" she suddenly mumbled, voice barely audible now.

James watched her closely. He was prepared to take in every detail, all of it, now that she didn't notice. Her perfect shaped face. Her collarbones visible just below the ivory white skin, flawless skin. Her hands and that bracelet she'd worn for as long as he could remember.

Lily opened her eyes again.

"… It is a shame I never realized how great it was to have you be in love with me. I miss that"

Only seconds later she seemed to have fallen asleep. James stood up, grabbed a quilt from an armchair and gently placed it on top of her. It felt rather weird leaving her down here in the common room but what else could he do? He sat down again and carefully pulled a strand of her hair behind her ear. She looked so peaceful.

"I will always be in love with you" His words seemed so poisonous and forbidden. "And there's nothing you can do that will ever change that"

He prepared to leave but when seeing her lying there it proved impossible. She seemed so fragile and even though there was no danger in sight James felt a strange need to protect her. He didn't know why, only that it was the right thing to do.

And so he lay down on the couch opposite hers, summoned another quilt and turned off the lights with the help of his wand. Today's events played over and over again in his head. He saw it all. Heard it all. Felt it all. Pure happiness. They'd won the game. Lily had been the first to throw herself at him.

"I knew you could do it"

Did she miss his pathetic tires at flirting and his constant need to ask her out? Why would she do that?

It was getting late and the alcohol made James even more sleepy. As soon as he'd closed his eyes he fell asleep, knowing he hadn't been this confused and yet certain in his entire life.

Author's note: Reviews are always appreciated!