Chapter Eighteen:

"Well, she was friendly," Elliot says as we step out through the revolving doors of the hospital and into the parking garage.

"Yeah, friendly." I match his stride instinctively, following the thin sidewalk and wrinkling my nose against the smell of exhaust and gasoline. Unfortunately, the cold weather persuaded everyone else to park as close to the elevator as possible, leaving us all the way at the top. "She didn't actually try to attack us this time. I guess calling security could be considered an improvement."

Elliot shrugs. "Knew we should have taken the subway. Would have been quicker than this." He's right, but I'm not complaining. At least the squad car has a heater to blow on my numb hands.

"So… what now? Alex isn't going to be happy when we tell her Linda Cavanuagh won't let us search her house." We finally reach the car, and Elliot unlocks the driver's side. I sigh and roll my eyes. "Why do I always have to ride bitch?"

"That's for motorcycles, Liv, not cars. And besides, the steering wheel's cold. Your hands must be freezing." As usual, he's read my mind. Reluctantly, I walk around to the passenger's side instead while he starts the car. "I think you should break the news to Cabot," he says once I close the door. "She'll take it better coming from you."

It's an innocent request, something no one else would have thought twice about, but I know better. He's been making little comments like that for the past several weeks, ever since the start of the Cavanaugh case. I narrow my eyes at him, hoping my uncertainty and fear hasn't shown through to my face yet. "What's that supposed to mean, Elliot? If you've got something to say to me, come out and say it."

He throws his right arm over the back of his seat, pretending to look through the rear window as he pulls out of the parking space, but I can tell he's really avoiding me. "It's nothing, Liv. Nothing important."

"It is important. Drop the bullshit."

"Fine." He shifts into drive and makes his way down through the winding levels of the garage. "Is she in love with you? Or is she just fucking you?"

I stare out the window at the line of parked cars. This time, I'm the one who doesn't want to look at him. "I thought you'd ask whether I was in love with her first." But he doesn't need to ask. He already knows. Has probably known for a while.

"So?" He stops in front of the tollbooth and fumbles on top of the dashboard for the parking ticket. I grab it instead and pass it over to him. Our eyes meet, and the pain I see in his eyes punches me right in the gut.

"She loves me," I tell him. And she's not the only one, but that's one subject we've silently agreed never to talk about.

"Enough to risk her career, apparently."

We pull out into the nearly-stopped traffic outside, and I stare back down at my lap. "Yeah."

"Look, I'm not bringing this up to make you uncomfortable," Elliot says. "You were the one who pushed it. I'm just…" His fingers go white around the steering wheel. "I'm worried about her, Liv. I look at her, and something's not right. This case…"

"It's fucking with her head," I say. "To be honest, it's fucking with mine, too." I flash back to the night before, remember the way Alex looked at me then. The unshakable focus and determination in her expression was almost frightening. "We need to fix this, El. I don't know if she can handle any more bad news."

"Yeah. Ben Tucker gives us a little hope with those videotapes, and Linda Cavanaugh snatches it away. Not that I blame her. If it was my kid in that hospital bed, I wouldn't want the cops going through my house, either."

"She should," I say. Elliot doesn't answer. I let my head fall back against the seat. "Sorry. I'm just on edge."

"Because of Alex?" I nod. This is the closest I've ever seen her to breaking, and I'm terrified of what will happen when she does. "Hey…" Elliot looks at me, and I turn my head just enough to meet his eyes again. "I'll tell her. Just be there for her afterward. We both know she's gonna need it."

. . .

"Did you tell her what we were looking for?" Alex asks. She's standing in the middle of the bullpen in full-on business mode even though it's late evening, too late for any of us to still be at work. Even the collar of Cragen's shirt is loose at this time of day, but her skirt doesn't have a single crease. Her eyes are exhausted, though, and she has the harried look of someone who's been running from place to place.

"When?" Elliot turns away from his desk, tucking a manila folder underneath his arm as he circles away from the filing cabinet. Sam's folder. We were looking through it together before Alex arrived, hoping to dig up some good news to give her along with the bad. Of course, there was nothing to find. "Before or after she started calling for security?"

Alex trails behind him, her jaw tilted up with determination. "Does it matter? Write her a note and slip it under the door. Leave a message on the answering machine."

I scoot back on my desk and rest my elbows further up along my knees. I'm grateful to Elliot for standing in the line of fire and giving me a chance to clean up the explosion later, but as much as I love Alex, I can't let her blame him for something that isn't his fault. "Do you really think she cares about helping us make our case, Alex?"

She whirls on me instead. "Make her care." I have to force myself not to flinch as she bites out the words.

"Well, we've still got this other victim… Ben Tucker," Cragen says. "What about him? He was the one who told you about the videos in the first place."

Alex shakes her head. "Never in a million years."

"Why not?" Elliot asks. I give him a warning look, trying to get him to back off, but he's determined to see this through. At this point, I can't tell whether he's still trying to help me, or whether he's genuinely angry at her. Probably both.

"You were sitting right across the table from him, Elliot. Based on that, do you think he is a good witness?"

"Make him a good witness."

"I can't make his priors disappear. Besides, that case would never get past a grand jury."

Elliot folds his arm over his chest. "So now you just take cases you can win?"

Alex isn't intimidated. She leans forward, glaring directly into his face. Her hands are trembling with anger, and I can see the strain along her neck and shoulders as she stares him down. "I take the cases I am handed by this squad. You don't like the evidence I've got? Find me some more. I can't do your job, too!"

"Can't do my what?" Elliot shouts in disbelief.

I start to push myself off my desk, but Cragen steps between them before I can. "Out of line, Alex."

I can see the exact moment that Alex's self-control snaps. Her fingers curl into fists, and the smooth lines of her face become sharp, jagged edges. Every inch of her body goes stiff, and I know that if I try to reach out and touch her, she'll rip away from my hand. "I am not out of line, and I don't work for you! You work for me, at my discretion. Your sole purposes in this process is to bring me a case I can prosecute, not one I have to fix!"

For the first time that I can remember, the bullpen is absolutely silent. Alex stands in place, the top of her chest heaving with quick, shallow breaths. Her lower lip falls, then trembles, and her eyes stare straight forward, past Cragen's shoulder at the wall behind him. I know that look. She isn't seeing anything. She's trapped somewhere in her own head.

"Fine," Cragen says. His voice is low and steady, but I can tell he's just as shocked by Alex's behavior as I am. "Then you tell us, Counselor. How can we put this man away? What would you like us to do?"

Alex's fists fall loosely at her sides, and her shoulders slump. When she speaks again, it's in a whisper. "Nothing. You've done all you can." She turns away and heads for the door, but this time, I force myself to move. I climb off my desk and follow her, not even bothering to look back at Elliot and Cragen. This isn't something they can help with.

"Alex, wait!" She stops half way down the hall when she hears my voice, and when she turns around, I see that her both of her cheeks are streaked with tears. She drops her head, hiding her face in the curtain of her hair and hoping I won't see them, but I jog to meet her and tilt her chin up. "Look, back there…"

"I don't want to hear it, Liv." She takes another step back. "I don't want to talk about it. I don't even want to think about it. All I want to do is fix this before it's too late."

"And how are you going to do that by yourself?"

"The same way I always do," she says. "This is my job, and I don't need your help."

"Come on, Alex." I close the distance between us again. "You say you're a good liar, but you've never been able to tell one to me."

Alex doesn't answer. She swipes away a fresh round of tears with the side of her hand and starts to turn away again. I reach out and catch her elbow, not pulling her back, but refusing to let her go. She freezes, torn between falling back into my arms and pulling away.

I make the decision for her. I fold my arms around her waist and tuck my chin over her shoulder, not caring who else might walk into the empty hallway and see us. She sags against me, and I place a soft kiss just behind her ear, rocking her from side to side. Her chest jerks with a few more sobs before she finally goes still. "You're right," she murmurs beside my cheek. "I haven't lied to you before… and I think I know how to fix this."

Those are the last words I'm expecting to hear. "What? How?"

She folds her hands over mine and gently pulls them away. "Ask me again on Friday. If the judge dismisses our case for lack of evidence, I'll get you a warrant for those tapes. You should be able to re-arrest Barnett before he runs if you move quickly enough."

"Don't we want the tapes anyway?"

Alex sighs. "There isn't much hope of proceeding without them, but let's wait and see. Sam's condition might buy us a few days if Petrovsky's feeling generous. If we don't find any other leads by then, I'll get you what you need."

I know it's a big risk for her, pestering the infamous Judge Petrovsky for a warrant on the word of a convicted child molester, but I smile anyway. She doesn't look broken anymore. Instead, she seems strangely at peace. "I know you will. You always do."

Alex smiles back at me and reaches out to stroke the side of my face. "Go home, Liv. My apartment," she adds before I can ask. "There should be some leftovers in the fridge. I'll meet you there in a few minutes."

. . .

AN: I've got a book recommendation for you! If you're at all into fantasy novels, you should hop on over to Amazon and check out Warrior: The Chronicles of Osota by my dear friend Michelle Magly. I've written stuff with her before, and this is her first solo project. There are lots of humorous moments, and it's got a strong plot too. If you decide to read it and enjoy the book, please leave a review as well! www dot amazon dot com / dp / B00M2HTYFQ/

Also, in upcoming news, Wolf's Eyes is coming out in a few weeks. =D It's the first sequel I've ever released, and after the success of The Second Sister, I'm SUPER pumped to continue my Amendyr series. Make sure to keep an eye out! You can follow me on Facebook, tumblr, and twitter for more news on that, on the other books I'm releasing in the next couple of months, and on all my fanfiction updates.